Jannes

Thanks, that's a piece of the puzzle I didnt know I needed.

So I didnt have a hookup with a girl but it was very similar to a hookup in that I got really close to the girl, we intensely chatted for hours on end, I slept at her place, we snuggled multiple times, we just didnt have sex. She was a little fucked up from drugs she took earlier in the evening and also sad she had bad experiences with hookups. Now it feels so weird. On the one hand we got really close and I feel a deep connection there on the other hand we got close way to fast and I dont feel a basic connection. The world feels upside down.

No, I just want to learn from the situation more and I dont know how it would turn out if I met her again but I guess I just have to find out.

I have mixed feelings I thought I could clarify in this thread. I dont know I am still confused. I am pretty certain that I dont have deep feelings its just when you open yourself pretty deeply to someone even if its just an evening that stays a little with you. I might visit her again, she made very clear that I am welcomed if I want to visit again.

Yes I wanted sex but that I didnt get it doesnt mean I left with nothing. We had a good talk, I warmed up socially and even talked about problems in my mind. I didnt feel like a hero coming home but I felt pretty fulfilled actually. I disagree with your point that men fundamentally see women as sexual objects. Yes sex is a prime motivation for men to get a women and yes there is quite a lot of manipulation going on of men pretending too feel emotions for women when they just want to fuck - but there are other beautiful things then sex when connecting with a women damnit.

Okay.

We are all emotionally driven, even people who identify as really rational. It can be more direct or more underlying though.

And I am not a rational mind i have a rational mind. What do you want to say?

But you are (partly) an emotional being..

Thats okay but you literally put your worldview above mine. If I understood wrong you can clarify.

Okay Chad.

I see your point but I am in a relatively unique situation and I dont want to brag at all but I often had problems finding girls who would just vibe with me or help me as many I met wanted a romantic or sexual connection I wasn't emotionally ready for as I was a complete emotional mess the couple of years. So in a weird twist I benefit a bit from getting "exploited". I chat with her to the degree that it feels good to me.

Oh wow, didnt think of that. Thanks.

I dont think it's possible to correct the title. If it is explain me how to do it.

I thought about friendship. I am not primarily thinking about a relationship with her, we just live to far away.

Yeah... All true. My relationship with my mother is pretty okay, I dont know if I should rely on her emotional support as an adult though, if thats what you mean. Yes maybe she was filling a void as well.

WTF NO! I started some sexy things and asked for consent which I didnt get so I stopped. Be civil.

Yes but when I was in the club I felt very socially awkward. I needed to warm up. It was a blessing talking to her as she got close very fast to me with body contact and stuff. I liked the atmosphere as I warmed up socially a lot and enjoyed her company but it also confused me a little. I asked if she was up to sex pretty early and she said she wasn't which was cool to me as we vibed but it confused my mind why she got and stayed so close to me.

I am writing with her and I have mixed feelings.

No I dont think I really like this person. We vibed and there is a bit of an emotional dependence almost, like I needed some deep hugs that I got from her. If we got to know each other more, maybe something long term is possible but I dont think it's likely. You mean sex?

No we literally got super close without really getting to know one another beforehand.

Can you explain your point further?

Thanks for the reply there is a lot to cover. Combining my LP with making money is pretty difficult atm because it would make my LP more stressful and I am still in the process of finding it. There are like 5 different things with potential I am just dipping my toe into, so I really dont know what it's going to be in the end. I am also in the process of healing and finding myself from all the years without meds and help so taking time some time for myself and letting things clear up naturally seems wiser then jumping straight into the hustle. In terms of making money: 1) Teaching would be purely for that. It would take me some time to finish my studies but it would be a good option then. 2) Doing some sort of start up would be an option as well but I DONT have experience in that field at all and it would be pretty risky because of it. And because a startup wouldnt even be my LP I dont think it's the best option for me right now. 3) Earning money through my LP is a distant dream EXCEPT if I study to become an actor. But I dont know if becoming an actor really is my LP I think it just misses it. I want to have something to show for before I promote myself. Ideally I would like to do it freely because I love it and not because I have a massive audience which gives me confirmation. 4) Also connecting with people, doing behind the scenes or social media work isnt really something I am good at, I think it would drain me more then studying. I could maybe start doing YouTube stuff though thats an idea.

Likely yes. I have conflicting feelings. On the one hand I feel a deep emotional connection on the other she feels a bit like a stranger to me. Usually you become not strangers to each other and then a deeper connection can take place. Here the order is changed. We live in different cities anyway so I am pretty sure I dont want a relationship anyway but maybe a good friendship. But it's the same deal, it also feels a little weird for that.

Damn I feel that. What's your personality type in the 16 personalities test btw. ? How did you come to that conclusion though? For myself I am pretty certain about many of my strengths. Because of all the problems adhd caused me I sunk deep into philosophy looking for answers. I was always reflected but I dont know to which extend the problems forced me to instead of me being naturally interested in it. So thats something I haven't figured out about myself which could pretty strongly change my set of values.