Jannes

Not sure about what to do next with my current housework. I have got about 6-7 pages where I explain the history of how family evolved through specific events and how social work looked at it. Now I have to crank in how social work looks at families today. I have got current positions from modern studies at hand and prepared, so I want to put that in to safe time. I have also got a whole study analyzed of the experience gay families have in schools. Maybe like this, I use the book I got recommened to reflect the current positions of social workers of gay families and maybe correct or add to that the scientific consensus which I prepared. And then do the study for what reason .. ? Hmm I need a better plan. Maybe I can work out what I already do have and then built around that. But its so condense the scientific consensus, I feel ike its better to use it to proof something.

Although I am busy with university stuff anyways, not that it makes a huge difference. I feel like on medication though I am more goal oriented in that regard .. which isnt that bad ..

Ma date just wrote me yesterday that she is busy this week but more flexible afterwards. I think she wants my full attention when we spent a date together which is understandable, but I kind of want to get the date earlier so I can now earlier if its time to move on or not. I feel like I am not totally free atm. If I was I would maybe start something else.

Took an hour or so off. Hmm I dont know what to do with free time lol. I will fall into a bit of a purposeless hole I feel like when I am done with this.

Headspace music is top notch, I have got to say.

I think my new Lassi recipe is becoming a staple.

Big Task 1/3 done.. Wohoo !!

I am letting my sides grow a little. I am getting more accustomed to more then my super thin 5mm sides. Maybe I cutting a transition again, havent done that in a long time, mostly because a straight cut takes way less time.

I managed to nap with medication today. Not sure if I should be worried, that kind of indicates that their effect isnt as strong anymore. On the other hand a nap is nice. I can substitute a bit with coffeine the coming days if I need to.

Yesterday I saw a few more angry looking men with short hair and in red joggers then usual. That event might have brough some of them into the sunlight.

I loved myself at impro today because of the medication boost. (The good one, not the elvanse shit) A friend of mine said that I was completly normal though. Idk about that .. maybe he says it because he feels threatened ... that would be my likely explanation but that would be the first time he would lie to me like that but that I am actually just normal also doesnt seem likely to me. Hrmpf..

Hmm Mango Soy Joghurt with Protein milk make for somewhat of a Lassi.

I am so tired. Am half done with one project. I am actually kind of motivated to do more but I think I need some rest.

Maybe I should run to places and that let it go when I am there..

I am functional but not really happy on adhd medication. I feel like I am constantly on the run.

She just ate a banana, I cant ...

I have giant dark circles around my eyes, people will probably tell me I look worked up.

God she is hot. Wearing just a white shirt with underwear. And my camera doesnt reveal when I look into the rv lounge.. which was originally inended to reduce akwardness which is a tiny bit creepy but in this scenario makes it a lot more creepy. Hmm I wonder if she ever gets the feeling that she is uninteresting when I seem to look away all the time. I am the only other person in the launge who has a turned on camera. At least that makes me uncreepy. I wish there was an obligation to turn on your camera.

I am still thinking about the old theatre club like every single day. And it makes me feel hurt and angry every time. Gosh I feel like I need a romance to wash it all away.

Got an artist in my RV group right now. Cant tell if she is feeling herself or if she is pretending to feel herself. Mmmh what a negative tone of mine..

Cutting hair from the middle of my head looks good though, an improvement for sure. The big thing is the pony, which is hard to style ofc. Lol even 10 years back I had a bad pony. I wanted a kind of cool look which looked like I didnt put much effort in. Well I succeeded in the second part. Going to the hairdresser will be a treat. I need to find a new one though and tell them that I need inspiration for cutting my own hair which I dont know how it will be perceived...

I started to tune into Headspace for a change, they got nice beats to focus to, better then my chill music. Although that right now could be a little better.

Oh men, the medication pushes me so much, its very bad for sleep and recovering. Could get much sleep tonight, I woke up after 4 hours and with medication it wont get better.

In a district in germany a far right party has probably won and will govern that district which is historic as it didnt happen since 1945 I think. Fuck me. In the podcast that covered it the women had such a put on or maybe put on sad/ suffering voice.

I am in a bit of a crisis. Because I see myself now everyday in the RV group I become awfull aware of my bad haircut. Yes its actually a bad haircut damnit. I need to get to the hairdresser again and learn some skills. I just thought myself that I need to cut the hair in the middle of the head otherwise those hairs will just fall randomly to the sides, I dont need them for a pony.