Jannes

I am not familiar with that sort of terminology. Are you saying that having certain natural skills/ attributes can come with the cost of clumsiness and similar things? I have very small toes especially my small toe is proportionally even smaller to average. My doctor said it's definitely outside the norm. What is histamine related?

Things have improved a bit. When I am very social in my free time I become more confident in my teaching so that's great. I slipped up slightly yesterday. I became angry at a student and my anger almost broke out uncontrolled. My face became kind of solidified for a second and I needed to catch myself. The student didn't really notice it just two student across saw the situation and quietly died from laughter. I quietly laughed as well because I was so surprised by myself.

For 4 weeks now I work 5 hours a week at a middle school and teach students philosophy from grade 5 to 8. From my own experience I know that this is the toughest time to be a teacher. I never taught other classes before or was leading a camp or anything so this is cold water for me and I got some pretty though classes as well. The way many other teacher get their class under control is by extreme discipline. In most classes they can't even drink in class. For me this is absurd, I want to treat them like humans. I became louder and louder and felt like I was screaming and the other students still just asked me why I was so quiet and honestly told me that they dont understand that they should be more quit if I am not more strictly. I am usually a very appreciative and calm person and when I would become more strict I fear that I would loose these feats and become just another horror teacher. But on the other hand, if I am not more strict the class is bad for my students as well. The ones that want to do the work can't do it when its too loud, so its a lot more loving on my end to be more strict. But it becomes very primal. I listened to two old female teacher in the classroom talking how when lion cubs misbehave they get bitten in the ear. And that you naturally integrate the strictness through your life support instincts. It's so weird. I went in there with a bit of a feeling that this is civilization, but it's more like a place where civilization takes place.

@Spence94 Thanks for sharing! I read your comment right when you wrote it. I just didn't respond yet for some reason.

@undeather Thanks a lot for your comment. I always thought intuitively that these traumatic/ emotional issues are the reason for my cognitive problems but it didn't make logical sense to me.

If that's the case I may find that on a brain scan and I would be happy to find out how I am "neuro-atypical".

True, but compared to my folks I was always a special case in that regard.

To see if any parts of my brain are less developed, damaged, etc. If I understand my problem better I can potentially heal/ work on it or even at worst I clearly know where my restrictions are so I can better navigate myself through life.

The total and its individual parts: Hegel: "The total is more than the total of all individual parts." A painting is not the total of all individual strokes. In the paintings there are no strokes, the painting is its own quality where the strokes go under and loose their individuality. When we look at the strokes themselves the painting looses its being. Now the universe might be something like that. It might be looked at a total but then all the individual parts loose their individuality. But when we look at all the individual parts, the total of the universe looses its meaning. A cell is a total of molecules. An organism is a total of cells. A polulation is a total of organism. ... the universe is a total of ... We have a set point in that hierarchy. To understand the world or the universe we might have to change ourselves because we need to be higher on the hierarchy but a perfect understanding would mean that we would loose all of our individuality.

The perfect world of ideas: First scribbled approach In our everyday life we always condemn things as good or bad, as stupid or intelligent, as more or less adequate. I recently had to read about the mechanism of trauma and had a debate with my parents about if trauma is basically a perfect mechanism or if it has flaws. In my opinion the trauma mechanism is absolutely perfect. When a psychological overwhelming experience takes place our psyche makes defense mechanisms so our psyche won't take damage/ so that we can take action. The negative experience is getting pressed into the unconscious. When the danger is over the experience comes back up to be resolved. Thats a perfect mechanism imo. In my parents opinion trauma is bad because it stops us from archieving our goals and it is something that needs to be confronted. Of course I didn't disagree with this statement with my previous statement it's simply a different lense of looking at something. One in a personal kind of way and one in an objective distanced kind of way and these different ways of looking at something give or take away meaning from something. In this distanced objective way of looking at trauma I could only see perfection, in the personal kind of way I could only see helpful or flaws. One is wrapped around the content of what is happening, the other around the idea behind it. "You fucking asshole", the content of that can of course be judged, but the mechanisms behind it might be perfectly reasonable. Maybe the person saying that needed to express their frustration in such a crude way, to relieve their psyche for a moment. When we judge something we basically judge its limitations. We say, why aren't you less limited? Can it be possible that there is a perfect world when we see things as bad? Yes because us seeing things as bad is part of also just a perfectly adjusted mechanism with an intelligent function.

There are so many scenes in the Witcher series which underline what I think true masculinity is. Both Geralt and actually Jaskier bring different aspects of masculinity in there. This scenes shows what true strength is. "Having power but choosing not to use it unless it's absolutely necessary." I like Jaskier for his strength in his vision and mind. Despite the lack of love and morality all around him his own intuition of what the world could and should be like is strong enough to not be destroyed. He even takes on life risks in pursuing that.

Good. I would add liquid food like shakes (self made with "banana, peanut butter, banana, dried dates" for example). And for carbs it's very individual for how much satiety you get for the amount of calories. Some people get more satiety from rice then from whole grain pasta, for other people it's the other way around. So experiment and choose crab sources which you can eat a lot of.

If you live minimalistic you can definitely effort living in a bigger city and you dont need to work full time. You could also join some kind of organization/ club you are interested in. Getting a girlfriends through the friends route is much easier.

@StarStruck "Its right that you are wrong about being right!"

There are many aspects which contribute to intelligence. If you nail all of them that's very rare and something really special comes out of that. I think for Leo its his genetic potential (probably high iq), his independent thinking which shaped his thoughts over the decades, his interest in truth which made him a lot less biased, psychedelics, his environment (relatively safe I think and little socializing).

Yeah that's what I need at the moment. Deep meaningful relationships come after I am done with the shallow stuff.

I like the idea of polyamorous and open relationships a lot and wanted to try these out at some point. But I never was in a relationship because I have problems with opening up to other people. A friend of mine recently opened her relationship and I could join the "gang". I kind of dislike the idea because I am emotionally really fragile so I feel like I need someone to ground me in my first relationship who is always there for me and where some mistakes can be forgiven. Yet on the other hand when I start with a polyamorous relationship then I might lay a completely different foundation of relationships from the start. I could learn from the start what makes a good relationship and what not because I am at the heart of competition. Just like you can only learn game in field and build character in the boxing ring because that's where it gets to the core. And I could also learn to live in a polyamorous way from the start. The transition from monogamous to polyamorous could be hard. I have got plenty of charm and am very good looking so I dont think I would get easily outcompeted if that's something something to bother about. I need some advice from some experienced folks here.

Your ego didn't create your ego. And for that reason you also can't control it. Ultimately there is nothing wrong with bad/ selfish acts that you do because you have an ego forced upon you that you can't take off and which is to strong for you to have any chance of beating. There is nothing you can do to escape that situation. So ultimately there is no reason to feel bad about yourself. What a mindfuck!

It's used for long term therapy so it can work to make long time improvements. But you dont change your behavior by taking it once. I really do get superpowers very frequently from it but I take very little of it with me the next day and for long term behavior change you have to do it a lot I think. It's not addictive and I never experienced withdrawals but your behavior does change when micro dosed. I become very reckless and insanely honest on it so I can make dumb decisions for my life. Also when you feel very sad and anxious it can actually increase when microdosing. When it's medium sad and anxiousness it mostly goes away. Thats how it is for me at least. It's great for reflecting and figuring out where the sources of unhappiness in your life come from. But it can also confuse you when you dont integrate your trips because you rotate between very different perspectives. And also when you push yourself a lot through this substance you can do things far outside your comfort zone which challenges you a lot. I fell into the trap that I was ashamed of my social anxiety then took the substance, had insane charisma and wanted to give other people the impression that that is me and became more socially anxious when I didn't took it because I couldn't replicate that charisma. I now tell everyone when I am high which might change things. All in all for me it's a tool that opens a lot of doors and has incredible potential but it's not an instant or reliable fix and you need to be willing to work on your problems sober. That work can simply be empowered with microdosing.

@halfknots When I am a little sad I like to microdose to feel the sadness more consciously. It allows me to just sit there in the dark, embracing all my sadness. I embrace it so much that it actually feels good in a way. After around an hour of being sad I start feeling better again just like a child.

@OBEler I think there are areas of application for different levels of consciousness. High consciousness is not always better. A super high conscious person won't perform better in a boxing match than a normal consciousness fighter probably because to get into that aggression you can't have high consciousness for example because the fight looses its importance and you might become to empathetic towards your opponent. I would make the claim that this can be an analogy to trading. To make good trading decisions low consciousness matters like fear, pragmatism and other low consciousness perspectives are important.

Holy shit it actually works! But Safari is a lot better on apple devices devices. Do you know alternatives for Safari?

I think that blocks specific websites. I don't need that, I need to block the ability to watch videos in this preview or a browser in which the preview is counted by my blocker.

My blocker doesnt support duckduckgo as a browser unfortunately so it can't block YouTube. But very interestingly when I use duckduckgo as my search engine (in safari) and I click on a video to watch in preview it's a target of my YouTube blocker which is perfect. The problem is that I can very easily just change my search engine back to the google one so this is not ideal yet.

There are people with certain diseases who need to eat animal products to survive. Leo is an example of that. If you have fitness goals getting enough high quality protein can be difficult, as you would need to eat very specific foods as a vegan to get to that amount which would include lots of legumes which can make you fart a lot and its also very inconvenient. Vegan protein powders can potentially contain lots of heavy metals so that might not be an option either. Doesnt mean you need to eat meat though, a bit of high protein dairy products can also do the trick.