Jannes

This would fit better in the Off-Topic section

mmkay

I have just taken a long walk to a big grave yard and back. Unfortunately the grave yard was already closed, I like reading text from tombstones. This was great. Just like I was avoiding going to the gym, I noticed how I was avoiding going out and being by myself. I think there the main reason for it is that when I get a lot done through conscious work because of body doubling then this subtracts from the energy I usually put into myself. So when I both want to get things done and spent by myself, I have to increase my workload steadily over time. Also body doubling in a way opens the door for socializing and distraction.

Parking some here as supply. I have never watched streamers, so this feel a little weird I have to say. Like the person provides a certain virtual closeness but doesnt even know me. Well it works, but its weird. I should really find a new source for body doubling.

For those of us who are really cheap.

Here we go again.

Oh I misread about FlowClub. I thought it was 50% off, so 20 dollars a month with student discount, but its only for the first month! This is hard to justify, even with how good it is, there have to be cheaper options out there..

A part of the day to day experience of a producer...

Its like they put their whole body, everything they have built up on the line just to stay in touch with their values. This takes a lot of courage. Its really inspiring when the a value gets a full chance to manifest itself in the world.

Made this for breakfast and now I feel sick.

Aaaaww I like them too.

South park has evolved a lot though. This clip is not really modern South Park but back how it was in its old days.

I have no idea if this backfires because its so low or if this is exactly whats needed. But when they go so low and get away with it, they at least remove fear for other creators to critique trump.

I almost didnt go outside today. I feel like I have got a lot of self care done though. Bought some chickpeas and syrup, then I can do some healthy cookie dough. When I was vegan, that was my favourite recipe next to smoothie bowls. My big mixer broke and its hard to do in my small one but maybe its a worthy investment.

https://www.actualized.org/insights/depiction-of-infinity-03 hmm...

I would probably do a lot of research on how this money would benefit mankind the most. I dont need 200 millions myself. But I say this now.. cant imagine how much it would corrupt me if I had it in my hands.

We should maybe put this into the Off-Topic section..

Indulging in abstraction It can be something like this, ocean waves, a ceramic place... it all gives inexhaustable material for growing metaphysical intuition.

What a way to break the vibe but I hadnt finished my throughts on wrestling. ___________ Wrestling is a conscious celebration of maximized catharsis. // I quite pleased with this articulation so far. In a way thinking about wrestling helps me to be more open to different kinds of love as wrestling is a very unique kind of love. Wrestling itself might be a bit or even very stupid, but scripting these matches takes a ton of creative intelligence, you cant just make this up. This match kept the tension all the way through, you couldnt anticipate the ending. Its like a deceptive snake, a honest hero and an arrogant and cocky bull fight it out and all of these character archetypes manifest themselves in the fight, yet it naturally and maybe with a little plot will balances itself out in such a way that the hero barely wins. Thats what I feel is an important element in writing -- look the reason everyone exists is because everyone finds some kind of success. Its almost never the case that there are clear winner and loosers.

This reflection was such an act of kindness to myself. You know when you had a conversation with somebody and really felt like they cared and wanted to help you and you feel a subtle sense of sensitive warmth which afterglows a little? This is how this just feels to me in a very sublte way.

What is also difficult for me is setting boundaries. If you avoid confrontation to keep the vibe I experienced time and time again that this doesnt ultimately sent the message. I am bad at confrontation, its the opposite of what I am natural as a mediator.

What I find interesting about this is that I opened my consciousness to a situation which is outside its reach. I dont know what feels authentic to me right now so I have the chance to align myself in a bigger picture. This is real growth territory. Although now that I think about it, I think I am just looking for sex with a person with whom the vibe is right. And its not like these situations arent happening, I have a few very real faces in my head where this vibe is happening. I might not archieve this level of opening up to more sacred vibes often because I am unclear about what I want and waste my energy on things that arent authentic to me.

My whole relationship to sex is very layered and polluted. On the one hand I am 'actively on the hunt' on the other hand when it is presented to me I get sensitive, objectified, etc. I cant really make sense of the whole picture but I can point out a few dynamics and bad actors (in my mind) which might pollute my authentic voice in this matter. 1) I have difficulties transitioning from good vibe with a girl to something sexual. -> This could result in emotional avoidance because I might fear that I embaress myself. 2) I have an ego for lay count. -> I might go against what feels good for me to get my egos needs met. 3) I think with my dick -> When you think with your dick you can go against what feels good to you authentically 4) I have some sexual blockades because I experienced much sex which didnt feel that good before -> maybe I recognize that I would like to be more openly sexual but these blockades unconsciously prevent me from it.