Jannes

His suits look very stylish, thats a detail I value very much. I could imagine his usual ability to capture people with his speech gets multiplied in an in person event with a crowd.

Why do you think its fake?

Sounds good! This can sound quite offensive and outdated to women who live in more developed countries. A women can choose to live a household life but she can choose to be career focused as well. Excluding this potential of a women is offensive. Might be different in India idk. Damn can relate somewhat, watching straight porn just hurt at some point - like what is there to discover anymore.. Have you had a (long) relationship in your life?

Holidays are over so I had to teach my 5 graders math today again. I got some kind of assistent for Tuesday, I am not sure what her job is but she assists in all kind of classes it seems. It was a lot quieter today with her and a lot less stressful. She didnt do anything just her presence did that. I could really see myself working in such an environment. Its really not that stressful and I wouldnt even need to work full time, get lots of holidays and the work is okay fun. A very solid base to pursue my LP from. I am good at actually teaching yet though. Well I am at the beginning of my studies anyway. The thought of acting always comes up though. Actors seem to be freed in some regard which I love.. Open stage, performance acting also seems super cool. I just value excellence a lot so it's hard to pass acting studies. I also had my weekly adhd self help group session today. I regularly experience in this session typical adhd interpersonal behavior which is quite complicated but to keep my thoughts short it might result from an ability to be easily distracted and the ability to hyper focus (for small seconds) on certain body language things like the length of eye contact because that is perceived as important. (I actually found a few people with adhd with eye contact alone. Just that you sometimes hold eye contact just a little longer gives it away.) A person in this group especially mirrors my own behavior quite well and I seem to heal from that as I finally find understanding. I tried with so much force to behave more normally in the past with little success. My adhd behavior unintentionally created a lot of problems and I put so much blame on myself. Now I feel like it is okay, I am okay, I am not at fault. I found love for a version of myself from 3 years ago which wasn't so damaged. This personal emotional drama is all connected to LP. If you get personal problems solved you are freed up for LP stuff. If my emotional problems were all solved the LP course would have likely be way more fruitful for me - so I have no problem talking about these issues here.

I am breaking my 10mg Medikinet tablets into 1/8, 1/6, 1/4, 1/3 pieces depending on how I feel. I dont have a clear plan though, so it's not meant as advice.

From a regular persons POV that can kind of seem surreal - they have enough money to buy everything they could possibly want and could live a super rewarding life with that money but instead they keep on grinding. But a regular person never was in a billionaires shoes, never got a proper taste of power, wasn't exposed to the environment and people a billionaire is everyday, hasn't made the same subtle changes in their lense of looking at reality which justifies their extreme wealth as normal, isnt in their trance. And I mean it's also very counterintuitive to give up wealth and power, I feel like billionaires who spent large amounts of their wealth aren't praised enough. It takes massive amounts of development to do that. Also only a select few make it as a billionaire. People who dont have a grind mentality wouldnt have made it in the first place. It took and still takes time for me to realize that billionaires will keep on grinding to expand their wealth. But that realization is key for every member of society to collectively pressure the wealthy for wealth distribution.

Yes you are right he likely downplayed the situation but I dont think that "he kicked a dog for fun" is the truth either.

It's unfair to not tell the whole story. If at the end you still think he should be shamed for it thats fair but tell the whole story. From your half story it sounds like he just wanted to kick the dog for fun. I think there are different degrees of anxiety, other mental illnesses could be at play and no situation is completely comparable to the other - It could have been a very unlucky situation, where the worst possible reality that could have happened happened by chance. He could have had a really bad day not ruining it by doing paper work in another parallel reality for example. I dont think that excuses the situation but it makes it more reasonable and the person more human like. That he feels sorry for what he has done, did other posts writing about being ashamed for voting for trump seems to suggest that he has conscientiousness. Thats my take on it you can disagree of course.

This is real self actualization at play here, I love it. Let gettoefl be your north star! Well except maybe dont offer them that you can look after their house (and dog).

Thats not the whole story. He had an anxiety attack for example. Here is the whole story:

I could develop a poison in secret that would hurt all of humanity and on the surface dont get any karma backlash. Thats hard to swallow. But I think in the bigger picture it does hurt oneself in ways that aren't directly obvious. To your example first - well your response is a bit of a karma backlash already. You probably tend to distance yourself from them because of it, so thats bad for them I assume. How you do one thing is how you do everything else, when they do this sort of thing it probably means that they also behave in unconscious behavior in other areas of life where karma backlash is inescapable. And it's kinda true that it hurts them spiritually. The unconscious state they put themself in hurts themselves too because they are so far away from anything holy.

Good ol JP teaching us about the importance of abstinence.

I have such a friend. "I will fuck everything."

Men and women are a little different and I think some men if they had all the sexual possibilities in the world would take full advantage of it - I remember a JP clip where he speaks about a story of a very attractive guy on tinder who had sex with a thousand girls or so.. But men are emotional beings too. When they are extremely attractive they sometimes dont get emotional support because sadness is of course a best overcome with sex (lol). In a Healthy Gamer clip a very attractive guy said that he sometimes has sex with a women just so that she is willing to talk to him about emotions.

What the fuck!?

I know that a good chunk of what I write in this journal is complete BS and I am fine with that even though the goal always is to be truthful. It's about experimenting with thoughts and a journey. If I pressured myself to be correct all the time I wouldnt have fun doing this journal.

Looking back at it this comment it didnt make much sense. Theoretically it seemed like I might have had a point but in actuality I pretty much dont see any metaphysical beauty in this picture, I just see non metaphysical non beauty. It tells me something very important about the state of my mind though: My mind is lost in concepts. I put them over my direct experience.

Agreed. You can't talk things out with your neighbors anymore so you need to defend yourself on equal grounds.

This is so funny. She seems like quite the personality.

Can relate. On meds I also had less problems socializing but all the social shit I went through I processed made me angry as well and I got colder, not hugging much any more and so forth. I also realized that I didn't make bad social decisions they were all good, I just lacked a little self-righteousness.

Oh interesting, what was his medication before quitting? Yes people with inattentive adhd can mirror the energy of the other person, which makes them more calm.

Damn I didnt read the thread concentrated. I can relate to this so much. On the other hand it could be a helpful phase to get your material meets met IF you can get out of it and find yourself afterwards.

Catching the devil You cant ultimately grasp the devil because you are it. You are the devil. And all you are doing is deviling. Trying to grasp what the devil is itself deviling. Like a finger that tries to point to itself. But it can only point away from itself.

I haven't done therapy either. But I know there are just some things that help and where therapist might help you with: If you have people who put you at ease for example or a body double who helps with studying or even finding your LP so you develop a hyper focus on that and get shit done.

I did have the same fear and have the same fear going forward. I did take medikinet and it did change my personality quite a lot. Now that I didnt take it for quite a while my old personality came back quite a lot. But not completely. It helped me to work through experiences which were very emotionally charged in that I was just able to regulate the emotions that were connected to the experiences and then let these experiences go. It felt pretty unlovely though, it all happened unconsciously. I would have rather worked through that consciously. Like I feel changed without an experience that caused the change. In general I feel a little healthier and more practical but it's the way I got here that doesnt sit right with me. Have you tried therapy? At least in Germany medication are usually only described after "natural" healing methods are tried out.