Jannes

There are some big frictions within myself which I wasnt entirely conscious of. That one I knew: I hate hypocritical "moral" people. I especially need to hate it because I easily fall into the trap of using morality as a defense mechanism because I am often in weak social situations so without that thick hate wall of hate as a defense mechanism I would fall into dellusion. That one is way more hidden: I am often a bit fake to other people. I act and tell myself thart I am interested in other people but I am really not. I need to lie to others and myself about it otherwise I would be utterly lonely. I sometimes signal that I need emotional support. When I get it I often loose all interest and drop these people. Ouch thats painful to admit. But my brain just works like that, most non-adhd people become unstimulating very fast, my mind switches emotions quickly and my mind is bad at long term planning (building friendship out of reason), its all about the moment. I very much want to be more authentic to other people and more confident in my own way, the reasons for why I couldnt do it were hidden from my consciousness. If I can actually bond with other adhd friends then these problems could be solved. At least the few bonding moments with adhd people in my self help group gave me a glimpse of that vision. The next steps are clear. Lets get to know some adhd folks.

Trump looks like an altruistic INFP and Obama like an incompetent baby ffs. I looked at some other paintings of her to get a feeling for her work. None of her pictures depict anyone as strong, most portrays show the inner struggle, fragility, their longing and neurosis in my interpretation. With the exception of a picture of herself. https://www.sarahaboardman.com/collections/40403

Well I think the technical skill is nessecary to be able to express creative ideas, but the heart of art is creativity and catching important parts of reality and expressing them through the art piece. Like a mathematician needs to be able to draw numbers and signs but thats not at the heart of math at all.

They are on a very high technical level but thats not what art is about.

Purposefully not validating Trumps ego is a very interesting strategy indeed. I think Trump would have wanted to look more masculine and powerful. Here is the picture of Barack btw. It also doesnt look empowering to me as well. The artists name is Sarah Boardman.

With every decision you take which puts you into a different survival position you can feel your bias adapting.

Yesterday I had my last day working as a temporary math teacher for a fith grade class. It was quite an emotional experience. I dont think I ever experienced so much love before. As soon as I reminded them of that fact so many students expressed that they dont want to leave in such a sweet way. Even though my technical teaching skills sucked it was always very important for me to built an authentic connection maybe that was why. I always thought that the technical skills were something I could be got at but maybe not so much the social part but it is switched now although I think that I can learn the technical skills as well, its all about preparation. I also wonder if I would be as nice if I had more self confidence. Maybe if I had more self confidence I would be become arrogant which could ruin it all. Probably not but if so probably not completly, hard to tell.

I almost didn’t go to the self help group today, as it wasn’t that helpful the last times. But I spent the last days a lot by myself and my emotions were all over the place so it was a good way to get in touch socially. Well the session itself wasn’t that good it really was all about the one girl. Although not quite at one point people talked about which friends they had and many had friend groups of completely neudivergent people as they couldn’t hang out with other people. That’s so interesting as I never formed friendships with adhd people so that might be something to figure out for myself if that works. After the session we had an after talk outside which was really good. Another guy told me about sometimes accidentally flirting in some context and I finally opened up saying I have similiar issues and that I was scared talking about it in the group. He said that it’s a bit of a self love kind of thing. (searching for love in flirting) Interestingly another person independently of that said that I was lacking that as well. I certainly lack social self love (that part of myself) but I do think I have high self love for myself besides that. But it was such an opening and connecting talk, something I only experience on rare occasion my whole experience of reality flipped quickly. Key points: I starve for connection. Key questions: To which extend are my social problems caused by a lack of self love? I felt like bloated ballon, so empty before and then I just got a rush of life energy. From that point I see the world differently. Interestingly acting becomes more attainable and working as a teacher more boring. Becoming a teacher seems to be more of a survival mode decision, acting not so much/ something that seems interesting only if other criteria are met.

If you sell later with gains would that still support the company?

Put 100 dollars into it to invest in my education. Lets see how it goes.

No, thats why I am asking.

Do you know in which frequency Joe posts and what his usual reaction to it is?

That would be akward as heck and bad for Leos reputation.

Well maybe its foreseeable that some spiritual topics could be abused more then others. If such a calculated frame is set from the beginning damage could potentially be controlled. But its a question of if there are such spiritual topics which can be abused less idk.

Yeah Tesla imports into germany halfed because of it. I think its great that the people have this political instrument in choosing what to buy and what not to pressure companies.

The test gives you insights into the workings of your mind. Whenever I thought a lot like "I will click as soon as I see green, as soon as I see green.." I was slower then when I didnt. And when I tried hard my reaction was often slower. Sometimes my mind thought "I am trying so little right now, my next reaction will be bad" and then I got a record. When I was very aware in a way of not ego trying hard, just aware I was better then when I was half asleep though.

The prefire click-trick is old now. Haha this thread is accidently a good way to expose lyers.

Love to see it. You are very skilled. Haha today it inspired me to drive around a skate park on my way with a bike.

You can make a lot of prefires in a row to get a better average as well.

Trumps polocies will effect the whole world, other counries to a lesser degree perhaps. But in terms of war it could even be worse. USA doesnt have much to fear because it is that strong but other smaller countries do. But the world is still somewhat in tact, maybe its a good idea to leave when its clearer to see how things will play out. I think for some people in the US like students or scientist who get their funding cut, or trans people its a good idea.

I think its an ego, macho, stage red, liking to feel powerful kind of thing which you grow out of at stage green.

Somehow I can imagine that pretty well.

Now dont make the mistake of reading the comments a third time!

Pistol squats arent easy. If you cant do like 20 in a row then doing 5 every waking hour on every day seems like overtraining. Whats your goal with it? I get like an afterglow the whole day when I exercised in the morning, I dont have to do it all day.