Jannes

When I ask myself "Who am I" I do experience a sense of "I". "I" feels a certain familiar way. But sure when I put concentrated awareness onto it, it looses its substance but only when I do that.

Direct experience.

An experience.

I think I need both more experience in remote viewing and direct experience of asking the godhead to make any comparison, this speculation is pretty pointless.

I am jumping in circles from doing online body doubling again. 1 on 1 is kind of scary, but thats also why it is so effective probably. Anyway I just started my third 1 on 1 session, hope to get important stuff done.

From god consciousness!?

Perfect. Well I dont know shit but intuitively this makes sense.

My friend who invited me to the festival just asked how I am doing. Damnit I cant find the quote, somewhere here I wrote that I sometimes push people back who come to close to me. The difference between taking the quote from the past and writing my feeling down about it is that the later is more of a reaction and could have less interprative value, but maybe more actual value. Anyway this overwhelms be a bit. Guess I just write back while I breath slowly.

Yesterday I slightly screwed up. I wanted to leave at some point but I always dont know how to, like who should I hug or give a fist bump or what, its too much grey area. So I stayed as usual. At the end I was alone with 3 other guys and that openly talked about chilling a bit outside and I was kind of integrated but also not completly, my social battery was low and I was looking for any sign that they wouldnt want me in. So because I left so late it was pretty obvious that I rejected their offer to chill, one guy even asked me if I didnt have any time or if I am uninderested to chill with them.

Realistically I probably dont need to cut every week but I learn much faster with higher frequency and because my haircut is still mostly in tact after a week its also easier to not mess up.

Second haircut ever completed. Not only did it already feel much easier, I also understod much more what was happening, how the way I cut affected my haircut and so on.

My neighboors are doing some construction work. It makes me constantly irritable holy f*ck.

Socializing wasnt fun today. My fear was relatively small and subsided fast but I just really wasnt in the mood, all this intense socializing the previous days still need recovery.

Its time to go to my weekly social spot now. I dont want to and I am kind of scared but I am going anyway, this is important.

Elon Musk is a role model of mine in a very narrow way. No I dont like his fascist tendencies, his big ego and narcissism. What I deeply appreciate about him though is that he has so much talent and genius despite being very bad with words publicly. I sometimes struggle with great good articulation on the forum, my writing ability isnt all that great and it takes me a lot of time to write a few lines sometimes, especially if I am not 100% emotionally there. The problem is that your ability to articulate yourself is almost always on the forefront, just great articulation alone can carry you a lot. So I like to see someone who isnt good at articulation still succeed. That being said I sometimes have my moments where my articulation is actually very strong, especially in deep one on one conversations but thats relatively rare.

I took this very serious this morning and asked chatgpt for advice. It is about staying conscious about these emotions, not avoiding them, but leaning into them while relaxing and breathing slowly. I managed to really process quite a lot to the point that most of this unconscious emotionally charged mess was gone and with some light music and a chill attitude I got some things done today completly without body doubling. Maybe because of the remote viewing exercises I probably do soon I realized the importance of getting into a relaxed and concentrated state.

My horniness also increased.

I kind of had that romantical thought of myself that my confidence wouldnt increase from the hookup as my 'soul simply starved for depth'. But I notice that my confidence indeed increased. Well that it didnt explode might be a sign of high development. But that it increased to a significant degree means that I didnt fully integrate that I had all these options before. Well there is a undefined path from potential and actually making it happen.

All good reminders perhaps, but were there really any you havent heard of?

The forum user "Jehovah increases" always posts the same style of music. This melancholic, beautful but also painful music. I am often in the mood for exactly this music, the previous months and years even more so.

I could only sleep for about 6 hours today even though I was so tired. Not sure why. Also feeling very emotional -- when I say emotional I mostly mean moody and with unprocessed negative emotions coming up. Its interesting to look at this fresh after a break. But I should really ask myself, where are these emotions coming from? How do I process them?

Sometimes you think you know something but you actually dont. Didnt know you could do all these things with your beard, but my barber always made my beard look better then I could so thats why. Shaving and cleaning a beard looks satisfying.

Also my ego is catching up a bit from what happened at the festival. Its not like it didnt push my ego at all, I was just too tired to process it. I kind of miss her even though I dont think we really match. I dont think hookups are healthy for my psyche but also I dont know how the other option of finding love work for me now because I am in a higher position of status. When you dont have many options any girl that makes herself available to you, you will feel emotions for because you dont have other options and the girl wants love at least as security. It is love from dependence. And unconsciously I kind of thought about love that way. So I am closer to loving freely, but will I even find somebody then?

Just went grocerie shopping and I am very slow doing my tasks, really need to get some more sleep. Interestlingly that short remote viewing session brought me into a very different state of consciousness. Its almost like a spiritual exercise in itself.