Jannes

Also if I get student loans again which is unlikely but if they see a giant money transfer, I dont know what to tell them haha.

Thinking about the remote viewing courses right now. From the provider I have right now they range in price from 650 to 1450 Euros which is much cheaper then all other providers. There are basically two options I can add or leave out, 1) a space where I can measure and train my remote viewing abilities, 2) 92 video instructions (there is an instruction book which covers everything as well, but the video instruction might make it easier). I can leave both out, take both or only take one of them and that will result in prices in that range. If that shit actually works, OF COURSE I would take the most expensive course. All I want is to find out if this works or not first though. These additions however make learning the skill easier, so being like I first proof to myself that this works and when I see that it works I buy these extras afterwards doesnt really work. Also reaching 75% accuracy and getting paid for it afterwards is maybe the best proof and at this point I dont really need any of the instructions. I think its appropriate to do some more research first, if I am not able to do that, I wouldnt have the stamina to learn remote viewing anyway.

Thats how you combine blue.

Its uncomfortable coming down from binging two hours, its a sudden breakoff from strong stimulation. Music helps. Liked the show, I thought it was only one season though but it definitely didnt have a final ending, it ended with a interium status where all the cards of the current players were layed out.

Okay now I want to watch the end of the Ahsoka series.

I noticed I have a hard time feeling emotions towards women. That used to be different.

Nature is king when it comes to creating colors that match.

Now I dont even really want to watch the series what the hell.

I want to write a play with the main role being a 'chemist'. Well he is not really mixing chemicals but moreso emotions, intentions, the main driver of people. And when he mixes this and looks for a 'chemical reaction' a short section of a theatre play is being played. This tells plenty of stories, as a lot of truths can be revealed truth that and it can have a spiritual note as well, for example when the 'chemist' is delighted to find a 'chemical reaction' he hasnt found yet. I thought the main plot could involve someone looking for this chemist. Plenty of 'chemical experiments' could be before that to give the audience an idea how this idea works. So when he maybe experiments a little himself, which could create some hilarious dull plays, then maybe finds a rather complex chemical reaction that the chemist finds beautiful and then they maybe really want to push it and want to find the most complex chemical reaction ever or so. I dont know maybe you could play a little with awakening there. Obviously the professional chemist is god and the guy wanting to be entertained by him is a psychonaut and spiritual seeker. I dont know how I would literally make the connection between the chemist and the play he creates happen. I want the chemist to be a down to earth guy and not some depiction of god and I want the play to be down to earth. But that doesnt really work. I could kind of give the people in the play chemist outfits or something.. yeak I need another solution for that.

Leaving my house felt SOOO DIFFICULT. I think I depleted my dopamine cells or something as this felt unreal, spent about 2-3 hours until I finally did it. During my inner fight I actually did some spiritual work, actual spiritual work. Going out must have felt really scary that I would rather do spiritual work then go out. I just had kind of a leap in consciousness. I often look in the mirror to check if I still look young and beautiful and I catched myself doing that and stopped me in my tracks as the more I do that the more suffering I create with that as beauty doesn't last. On my couch I wanted to check out what the essence of my previous fantasy about the good life was. As I consciously wanted to scan it I noticed that I couldn't fully activate that image in my mind. Any conscious attempts failed. So I realized that I could only get it when I allowed myself to slip into the fantasy again, but that would mean that I needed to sacrifice observing it consciously. So only through the lowering of consciousness was this possible to experience. And then I noticed how I, in that moment was just choosing if I wanted to indulge in that fantasy or stay conscious. So I asked myself what I really want and this echoed some sort of art, but I didn't really know. But knowing what I really want is the base for all the other decisions so what did I really have .. ? That's beautiful work, you can just lay on your back and work through your mind with truth as your compass. But you really need to have your shit handled to do something like this.

And again, body doubling just works. I motivated myself to do body doubling by allowing myself to watch the end of the Ahsoka series afterwards, but the weather is like picture perfect outside, now I dont know what to do. I think its important to have an honest relationship to yourself but then I would loose this chance. Well I couldnt have expected that the weather would turn out like this, so I am not breaking my primise to myself really, rather I made a guess promise to myself with the limited information that was available to me in that time. Its kind of scary how much the Ahsoka series sucks me in though. Thats why I put my PC and all my consoles away.

@Majed Sex is such a deep driver of our minds that we should always be extra careful that we are not fooling ourselves. Like I can say that I am over pick up, then find success and find out, no I was actually just scared as shit to go out but I love it. Have you had success? If you got a taste of success and were like, 'nah that isnt really for me' that reduces the chances that you are fooling yourself a lot.

Goddamit Focusmate seemingly increased their prices. For unlimited sessions its 10 dollars a month for a monthly description or 7 dollars a month if you pay for the whole year. I mean thats doable but still annoying, I was counting on having this provider be a very small expense.

I am a sucker for style and I think its just so cool how they gave Hera Syndulla great style which matched green skin. Its really flattering for the eye, good style is just such a must. It motivates me to work on my own style. It looks much better then Elphaba Thropp in Wicked, although in Wicked it was part of her outsider plot that she couldnt find anything stylish because of her green skin.

Watching just 3 episodes of the Ahsoka series completly fried my brain. Okay that is an overstatement, I had moments in my life where my brain was fried even more, but it still wasnt cool. I was packing my groceries in half time the speed and I couldnt do it any faster because I was so out of touch with reality. That I have to be careful with stimuli is and always was true. Got me thinking about the potential benefits of doing yoga courses though. Like at the moment meditation seems to though for me, but Yoga courses could really do the trick. It would be a good habit in itself but one that improves many areas of my life as well, the emotional processing is worth gold for everything I do and probably nessacary for high concentration tasks like remote viewing. My attention is quite something, really strong but very hard to bend. Maybe that should be one of the leading questions of how I can conduct a good life, "Does this help me in clearing my attention or not?" as my attention is the key for everything else that will follow.

I love the world between worlds in Star Wars. I wonder what the source of the inspiration for creating such a place was. "This mystical realm connects all of time and space, creating a conduit between the living and the dead. Those who control this plane would possess mastery over all of existence, but gaining access has proved an unexpected challenge." ―Darth Sidious

Just binged 3 episodes of the Ahsoka series. Only 3 more to go. Its interesting, I didnt really have that much of a binging habit before, but this was right after a 75min 1 on 1 body doubling session which was pretty sucessful, so maybe a mix of ego backlash and a bit of a habit change maybe.. So I decided to switch degrees for good and have to do some organizing around that..

Heard that from god consciousness you can ask god questions. I havent reached that state yet. Planning on doing so when the time is right.. But I would already be interested to hear what its like because I am digging deep into remote viewing and the whole process of how one derives information in this process is mysterious to me, you basically ask from a place of not knowing and no thought about an object and get direct information about it. And I thought maybe its like a 'nerfed' version of asking the godhead from god consciousness.

This time I noticed how my mind thought about remote viewing more. I mentioned that it already kind of distracts me, this possibility.. now that I got a little more in touch with and entertain the idea just a bit more I notice how significant this is for my mind. I could live a life of so much freedom, spending my time with contemplation, health, acting, relationships, voluntarying work. I could only think about this, when I have my finances secured in some way and if I also felt useful in the way I make money. I think there is some value in writing this fantasy down though, as maybe at some point I reach this possibilty and will be overwhelmed not knowing what to do with all this freedom as right now I can think from the comfort of not having freedom. I would wake up early to go for a jog, jog to my local gym to do some yoga. Afterwards I shover at the gym making a comfortable walk back home thinking about the day. I make myself a super healthy smoothie bowl. Then I go for my first remote viewing contract. Maybe I do some more meditation afterwards or chill with some music. After I refreshed I do my second remote viewing contract of the day. Then I go to my theatre club. I have my second family in this theatre there and we practice for a new play. Back home I make myself some lunch and relax to some chill music or podcast. In the evening I spent time with my partner. This is one possible day, on an alternative day I could also do volunteering work instead of theatre for example, or I could have a performance, or I could work on a project, on spirituality, or I could spent more time on my own or with my partner.. But these seem to be the right pillars for me: slowing down, spirituality, theatre, health, relationships, time for myself, giving back To make this work whats really important is a certain degree of restriction of freedom. Like a schedule for the theatre, a schedule for volunteering work, a schedule for my yoga class where I go to etc. On top of that I would like to work on my projects then, but pure freedom everyday would be madness.

I am three episodes into the Ahsoka Series on Disney+. I really enjoy it, it seems more serious then what I would have expected. The acting is also pretty good, there is a bit of this artificial warrior energy at some points but despite that its pretty good, they especially catch interpersonal situations with pure body language without explicitly talking about them. What is also interesting how much my mind works through stuff when my attention is fully absorbed into something. I think its actually a good idea to FULLY distract myself sometimes, when all I do is listen to soft music sometimes, it might not fully be enough.

Froth 1 on 1 body doubling session started.

I kind of had that romantic idea of myself for years now of waking up early and going jogging first thing in the morning. Thats it. The rest of the day can be whatever, but it likely wont be whatever, because I already had such a great start.

When body doubling works so great maybe guided meditation or guided yoga where I actually do the thing with other people works well for me. I go to the gym and they offer a few yoga courses a day..

My friend wrote back saying he misses the vibe of the festival, is in the cinema and afterwards at a social spot. It kind of sounded like an invitation which overwhelmed me even further. I was hesitant for more two hours or so until finally sending the message I already wrote which entailed asking if I know any of the people who he is with at the social spot, leaning into the opportunity a bit but also expressing the feeling that this is a bit of an unknown territory for me. Then I felt like I needed to meditate, didnt get anywhere after an hour, then got just a little closer to a relaxed state. That could be for a ton of reasons though. I really feel like a scared b*tch, not gonna lie. But also on this one possibility actually lies a way bigger fish, as I lean into this possibility more I unconsciously stirr up my relationship to the old club, distancing myself, calling them a bunch of idiots. This is why I was so scared of leaving the club, it gave me some kind of social connecion. I think I sometimes overrate my own social confidence. Well it can be very high in certain situations, but it is highly nerfed by traumatic experiences which arent yet healed. Healing them = Gigachad.

It worked again magically. This is insane.