Jannes

It hit a little weaker then the first time I heard it.

This whole accidently flirting thing had a bit of this dynamic: I was emotionally at unease and because of my poor impulse controll I looked for emotional support around me. Some people, some girls gave it to me but also got emotionally attatched from it. I never made the conscious choice that I want something from them and felt inner conflict for taking love and not giving something in return. Luckily this ciycle is kind of broken..

On my way on reading through the journal from the very start. This strikes me as worthed to highlight:

I am thinking a lot about my age. Every day even. With 26 years old I am still young but I am slowly loosing opportunities for romantic partners in their peak beauty. I can still have somebody who is like 20 years old, but if I grow much older then people this age will just be too immature for me. You need a lot of time to get over something, not sure if one romance is enough for me. I dont want to feel like I have missed so much. Well I definitely did but when I am working on it, I can feel better right away.

Although I am not sure if I am avoiding doing remote viewing instead. Both would be great things to do though, so even if I 'distract' myself, it wouldnt be the end of the world.