Jannes

Just had an interesting idea. That women have a vagina and are physically weaker then men is kind of a bad combination, because the vagina is more prone to abuse then the dick, because the vagina is used for birth. So what if women we genetically engineered women to be as or stronger then men physically. Then they would have the more abusable sex organ but also the muscle to defend themselves. So rape would probably be less of a thing because it would make less sense.

Btw. Sam has adhd right!? It seems so obvious, he always notices shit first, can only be productive when he does something he is really interested in, is creative ...

Just binge watched the whole thing. It says stereotypes arent real and its true that both groups managed to power through and did similiar things, but I still see clear differences even in a situation where they are forced to take the same roles. The men had more ingenuity (built a boat, under water net, trapping the canine) The men took more risks The men built more The men got more survival stuff done The women had better moral The women had less conflict The women cared more about vibes and beauty (look at their place) The women cared more about balance

Whenever I wake up my thoughts are why I havent slept with two girls in my social circle who were open to it. They would have opened the door to the f*boy lifestyle. Now these doors are half closed. But idk if I would have enjoyed that even.

Men I just feel flatened despite taking medication. A lot of uni stuff. I need to get used to that level of effort.

Just listened to typical hollow male drinking music. I always feel a sense of cringe and shame/ outsiderness when I listen to it. But also, I kinda changed teams recently so I am more open to it.

"Look up contact improv workshops in your area. That should help you become more comfortable with touching strangers " ______________

HAH and I have a hard time learning it because of rejection sensitivity. Sensitivity in general. Well maybe thats an excuse. Somewhere I already got tipps for hugging seminars and physical game.

I can talk to women though. I cant physically escalate. Thats my blind spot.

Yeah, I dont actually know how to escalate things, even though I have girl being interested in me/ chase me. And I say that I just want an actual relationsip. This lack of ability is a bit of a blind spot which can and probably is filled with self deception. Although I really dont feel like sleeping with some, but even that can be part of self deception. I need to meditate and game on that to sandvich that self deception.

Will take medication today again. Want to isolate how sleeping long affects my productivity.

I see time and time again that women/ people dont follow rules, they follow their feelings. And I just cant get in because I dont.

I had weird ass dreams today. Reunited with many people of the old theatre club and .. kissed a girl there finally. Although I am not sure if she kissed me first. No she kissed me first and I said something like I was about to kiss you as well. I had feelings for her back then but she had a boyfriend so I stopped myself. Oh men.

The Dino should get a customizeable chain. And maybe extra reinforcements on the teeth. That would humanize it to some degree.

Now this is interesting, I do experience myself having troubles focusing without some sort of input. I also heard someone else with adhd have that difficulty and resolving it with traffic noise. I NEED to try this

Raw Consciousness is so beautiful. Its the only beautiful thing. In relationships we experience it for a while. I wonder why we run away from consciousness otherwise though. Like my mind wants to numb and distract itself. Whats the deal? How can't I know any better?

Interestingly my imagination continued a lot in this meditation. And also some parts of my soul, aka deep emotional wounds started to heal. The vibe was a bit like this.

Its so weird actually being on top of my game and not having things to do urgently. Actual free time. I could fall into video games but better invest it into meditaton.

Just did an hour long meditation where I starred at a black point on a piece of paper. I helped me to work through quite a lot of thoughts and relaxed me. No special state of consciousness though. Although a bit. When I closed my eyes and let my thoughts run, I had some creative visions which seemed qualitatively different from my usual creative thoughts. Some kind of outfit, some kind of cristal-hearted-redness mixed with all sort of weirdness. They literally seemed higher/ more holy. Very hard to put into words.

Just cut my beard and only left the mustache and under lipp beard. It looks way cleaner in comparison. I dont know what I was thinking with this 2mm beard before. I never shaved it off completly for years so I never had a comparison. There is a deeper lesson that I sometimes need to change my usual patterns to see the other side... maybe I should do a hookup is what this lesson seems to suggest to me...

I have had a bunch of thoughts recently which I wanted to write down but then I didnt get to it and now I forgot them lol Well I think one was that I recently got really horny. My ex f+ posted some status on whatsapp which seemed pretty intimate. She can kind of convey that in pictures. Its so weird, on the one hand I like that, on the other our f+ relationship was hell, I never truly liked being around her. Its pretty confusing. Maybe I need to rewire my experience with intimacy with another partner.