Jannes

Even medications couldnt bring me to do a whole lot.

I cant get myself to do the university work, its so shitty. You kind of have to make it enjoyable for yourself I think, otherwise well .. you just aint gonna do it. But I dont know what I can do to make it more enjoyable for me... well maybe that should be my contemplation now.

I found heaven, its finland

I need a new setup for body doubling though. I want one where I dont look directly into the camera if I want to see other people. I look like I stare (which I do) but I feel like it would make people uncomfortable so I dont do it as often but that robs me from getting the full effect. There is only so much I can do with my old iPad 6 though

Oh thats great to hear! I am always in a group so I dont have a partner but I tried 1 on 1 before and I found it can be very effective.

My old theatre club has only 1 more event on its website. I heard from different people a few months ago that it was gonna go down and now winter is coming (its super cold there) so the timing fits right. Damn Well I dont actually know whats up I can just guess so who knows

I just realized how long I blocked the regular forum ... like a few weeks. Reading what Leo had to say was kind of a basic grounding thing to do every day. Well I made the experience before that the forum graps a lot of attention from me, so maybe I should keep locking it (except for the journal section) going forward.

Nice, did it help you?

Faking smiles. I feel like everyone kind of developed a signature fake smile in their life which tries to come across as authentic as possible by copying the form of a spontanious smiling/ laughter reaction. Most smiles are a mix.

I am fascinated by the ways people can finesse themselves out of a really bad position. I want to find the common patterns accross different activities from sport, fighting, debating, economy, dating, whatever .. so post freely if you have examples.

Superior in self hatred 🫣

Nice quote Connects well to a thought I had about the question of this thread. You can save a bad position by doing a paradigm change and seeing in which way you actually are in a superior position. Obi Wan was superior on a mental level to Darth Maul. If you are getting attacked and demonized but you have the facts on your side you are superior on that front.

Whoa, I filled 100 pages with my journal, thats a lot.

And its such a long time that I listened to Alan Watts holy shit!?!? Thought about it at the spot today when the music and lights were just right.

One of the best social flows I had was when I had this university project with this one girl. Need something like this again. Although she put a lot into it, in a relationship with someone this wont necessarily be the case.

My Discord body doubling lounge will be critical tomorrow. Cant do without it.

Eheheheh, the view of the leader of my old theatre club was that he was so morally superior especially in things like dating which is why he felt like his place was something special. Well and I wanted to hear a big apology ofc that wasnt going to happen... But it was my best shot at the time. https://www.actualized.org/insights/actualized-quotes-730

I was in such a low party mood today after taking elvanse. I just shouldnt take it on days I go out...

Saw one girl at the social spot who saw me at the social spot when there was the clash. And she seemed visibly unnerved. And I saw a few other indicators as well. I was sitting in fear for a few hours always sourrounded by people I know. I saw too scared to go because outside there is a big crowd and there I feel vulnerable. Table tennis finished relatively early so I was in luck that I could go with a few people. Maybe 100m outside just around a corner a group of people including which seemed like a good friend of HER and also the dude who got me out of the place sat outside. And they noticed me. Lucky me that I was in a group but men this is scary. He (the dude who got me out) also kinda starred (straight) when he walked past me which seemed kind of scary. Well I would also be somewhat protected on a bike but thats not a good defense. Its also good that he saw that I noticed him so he knows I am aware. This is just too much ... I could do something other that day like go to the gym.

The table tennis itself was kind of boring today. I won a lot of points from the first serve which many couldnt return. And then smashed the ball lots of times at the third ball. Maybe I need a worse racket lol, one that still gives me a learning experience but allows for longer rallies and doesnt smash my opponents to pieces.

There were a bunch of situations in my life where I ran away the moment someone wanted to connect with me or a situation arose where connection was possible. I need to make a list. Fitting that I remember this now.

Damn, I basically just got asked out for a date. I asked her how her workspace is looking for a job and she told me she could explain it to me on a coffee.

I feel like what happened in spiral dynamics stage blue and green is that they each aligned ones psyche with the collective but on a different level. At stage blue its more cognitive and forceful. The mind coming from stage red is still too wild for any other method. At stage green the common good of the collective is not that much protected by rules but by emotions/ empathy and so on, people feeling obligated to act in such and such a way because they I wonder if neuroscientists could find parallels here.

Lol Thats the story of my phase where I overly focused on "healthy" "clean" eating. I was holding on to that because other challenges didnt seem managable.

A part of mine was actually clinging to the fantastical thinking of which tt equipment to buy emotionally!! When in distress I could think about if I want long pipes or inverted rubbers on my backhand and how different they would feel and what I would be with each. A warm, comforting, stimulating thinking process. Now I just freakin bought them.