Jannes

I was dreaming/ half dreaming that I was in my room and heard my sister run around the floor playing. I said to myself „that can't be fight" so the voice disappeared. Then I admitted, „well what if it is true” and so I opened my mind to that possibility and so I heard her voice again.

I "let myself go" a little bit and regularely buy brown lentil soup and baked beans. The ingredients list is minimal. The flavour and convenience is so much better though. Put half the lentil Soup in a glass bowl, smash an egg in it, microwave for 5 minutes and you have a solid meal. Ofc cooking it fresh would be better but I know I wouldnt do it as often then. Is it a big deal? How well regulated are cans nowadays?

I am kind of empty and open for love. Interesting.

AH! Just want to bump this up because it doesnt get bumped up if someone simply votes. The results seem pretty interesting, but I would like to see more votes.

And neurodivergence is also very important to consider

Being in the library doesnt solve my problem fundamentally. I still have a hard time working through my emotions and I am not really productive. Although inner progress isnt always that easy to detect right away.

I am now at the library of my university. I got a lot better when I had a place to work through my emotions on Discord and this may be even better. I think the whole social dynamic, especially with that girl with whom I missed the chance kind of works through me. Especially because it is likely that she is now aware of the story of my old theatre club, so this continues the plot which I dont want - but I am attatched to it.

Had a RV session with my coach today. He gave me the tip, that I should view longer till I go into my head. I already got that tip before, its probably my biggest hurdle. He also gave me the tipp to try out some different approaches. He now gave me the exercise to write down a feature of a the target which I can then view and either say its correct or not. That can help to relieve the mind if it always thinks it has to come up with something, as some sort of construct is already created.

For some reason I thought about high school this morning. It was a very bad time, so many missed opportunities. I had a time where I ate nothing but sprouts because I deluded myself into some kind of health bubble. I had so little energie at times but I just didn't listen to those symptoms of my body. I wonder how that affected my development as I had a very monotone diet for about a year, so I could have damaged some things. All the way till high school my experience was just sad from bullying. One year before high school I made huge progress as many of the bullies were gone. My heart was full of passion and love but the friends I had didn't want to open up to other people and kind of blocked me from making more experiences. In retrospect of course I had ways to get around that. Anyway something in me just broke at this point and I completely isolated myself. I wanted to enter a bubble of sovereignty where I could completely understand the world. I wanted to jump into the Water where Mewtwo jumped in. I knew there was this place somewhere. I think I tried to connect back spiritually. Well and with my limited knowledge I ended up doing this crazy diet to detox and listening to binaural beats to open my third eye. I collected myself a bit after high school but then Corona hit. Then I got into my old theatre club where I had some happy glimpses but that story also fell apart. The struggle has been so long, maybe that's why I can't really articulate what happens when I make social process, because I can't really believe that real change is possible after all this time.

I enjoy laying on the floor and doing nothing.

A few months ago we had this opportunity to chat alone after impro. I once used the opportunity and then back to back didnt take the second opportunity because I didnt know how I would end the conversation if it came to it. .. That is so typical that in the last moment I suddenly change me mind. She is changing her home multiple hours away.

After impro today a girl in our group told us that she would go on a date with someone. I previously indirectly rejected her but still that triggered me somehow. So I spoke about my last experience on friday to get on an even playing field I thought to myself. But really it was really unequal BECAUSE I rejected her before. I am just not grounded enough in that. And as a result I am in a way pretty brutal.

An error isnt seen as something bad in Starlink, its reinterpreted as an opportunity to learn. Thats special to this companies philosophy. What I mean is that this could explain why he just said Oops sorry, when Grok admired Hitler at the beginning. It is possible that it wasnt racism but just his approach. I think many of his companies advance humankind a lot. We need electric cars for example and Tesla accelerated that transition. THAT is racist

I find it fascinating how messed up charismatic people can be. But thats because charisma is part of survival. Before you go out you overcome fear and develop charisma to get social support. Some people seem so boring, I feel like they would need help to not drown in their insufferable boredem, but oftentimes they are the healthiest ones because evidently they never really got pushed. Making very strong generalizations of course.

I really freaked up the last time at my social spot I feel like. When I sat next to that girl all her friends left us two alone. And generally it seemed like a lot of people were in on it that I could take her. Well I stopped at some point because I just couldnt find something to talk about with her. I once sat next to her, said nothing and that was it. Thats where all your imaginations about a person crumble, you ACTUALLY need to talk to her 1 on 1 without expectation and IF something nice happens like attraction thats good but you cant expect that. Thats why overthinking about someone is stupid, because your thoughts are never reality.

When you think about someone practically, what they practically could be in your life you are going in the wrong direction. The right direction would be the question if you want to "eat a cake, kick a ball, lay there in silence" with them RIGHT NOW and organically a solid structure will follow from that. Although the practical aspect isnt wrong either, who nows where passion leads you .. Maybe I differ there a bit from Alan Watts.

Pretty sexy style .. but the amount of time it would take to think about your appearence .. not so sexy ...

Wanted to enjoy some me time today and am currently binging Rick & Morty but it sucks, I am bored. Would rather do something.

And I feel really alive, holy shit.

Men I have some masochistic tendencies it seems like .. I wanted to epilate parts of my inner thigh for a cleaner look. I bought some creme which reduces the pain but I was sceptical that it would have side effects so I wanted to see if I can push through it raw. It was very painful but accepting that kinda put me into a drunk state where I could face pain and just in a way accepted it. I ended up epilating my whole ass. Wanted that anyway but shyed away from it because of pain. I will have a smooth but for the next month and WILL enjoy touching myself.

To be fair failure is seen as part of the creation process by Elon Musks. Rocket blew up "great we learned something new."

My experience is this: when I havent used the site for some time, maybe an hour or so, it loads very slow the first time. Afterwards its very fast.

Musk recently finally disconnected the internet of russian troops through his satelite there which gave ukranians a big advantage and they made territory gains. If Musk isnt influenced as much by dark side forces anymore maybe he comes to his senses more. I would like to think that at least. How is Musks social media looking besides that post? Any notable vibechange?

Much thanks!!

Went out again today. The energy just continues to be that good. I really stumbled upon a key there.