Jannes

@Someone here If you can do weed you can do edibles. Edibles can be a really strong psychedelic. But with psychedelics in general you should be psychologically stable, have your survival situation managed and so forth, thats up to you to judge if you are ready.

Tomorrow morning I have my 3/4 appointment for my adhd diagnosis. And in one week I have my last one. This could not make a big difference or a huge difference depending if I get a diagnosis and if so if I get theraphy and or pills which work. Its definitely a variable in my mind which would be nice to uncover. I have to bring a paper to the adhd specialist tommorow and I feel like I havent completly answered in 'favor' of adhd everywhere. I was just honest which is good of course, but some things depent on me actually having adhd for my ego and for getting student loans again. Well changing anything now would be obvious, I wrote with ink like a month ago, it would be visible that there was something edited later.

Men I really havent left my room today, despite the weather being great. I always feel bad when that happens, like I have a basic need to get out even once. The morning routine archieved at least that. Just took a nap, I kind of dont want to go to my favourite social spot which just opened again, it was just so much already yesterday, I havent really built the capacity to go out that much. With this social spot I am going out 3 times a week minimum.

It would affect the whole net of my old club if I started anything and my old club was unconsciously kind of my tribe to me, so it has emotionally quite a big grip on me and maybe I am avoiding it for that reason. That the leader of my club wouldnt answer me back after I basically told him anything, I would at least have some grounding to work with.. Well I would get feedback but I would need to get back in touch with the club first was what he hinted at. I dont want to get back in touch if nobody is giving me real talk first and the leader of the club realistically seemed like the only person who I could do that with, most other people there are too guilty themselves or too networked to be honest. The leader of the club as well, but I thought he was more mature about it.

Okay so there is one girl in the network of the old club I have a much better feeling for then for the rest. But I really dont know her well. And she is kind of in rivalry with another girl which I dont find cool. Okay so when I would make a choice I would make a choice against other people which I am afraid of as well.

I was kind of expecting to get an insight from that reflection into the core of my problems and how I would finally solve them. Well I didnt. The only step that would suddenly make a drastic difference would be to get back in touch with my old club, tanking that their treatment felt unfair to me and write a girl there to built something, a relationship or something of that sort. I have so much status in that group I could do that. There are a few candidates but for most of them I got kind of a bad feeling in one way or another. And it would be questionable if I could even really fall in love with the club again or if I would trap myself again. Generally I need to make new positive experiences to heal the past ones. And if they are to heal my deeper wounds it needs to be a deep connection. So I should be very selective who I let into my personal space and generally coming from a place of abundance is helpful.

What I find interesting that Leo explains so much explicitly. I had many of these insights myself but I wouldnt articulate them. Leo really does things differently with this explicit approach.

Spent 4 hours today to clean my apartment. I am not satisfied yet, but it does look a lot cleaner. Besides being more comfortable inviting people over, you also feel more comfortable in your place. Although idk.. this hardcore cleanness also takes some comfort away somehow.

Yeah, same problem here.

Want to clean my whole room and music just aint gonna do it for me.

Missed that ome I think.

I noticed a pattern of mine yesterday. When I meet new people I often just follow my instincts, so to many girls I just look interested at a new face. After a bit of that many girls built interest back and only then do I become conscious of the situation. I often inspect the girl more closely if she is even my type and so on. I dont know if this is normal or if it would be normal to built anything after I already found somebody interesting. I kind of look for answers why my behaviour often caused confusion and heartbreak. It could also be that I am simply very derisable but refuse to take my spot as a 'high value male' so I am an opportunity.

I overslept today and broke my working out in the morning routine for good. It did have some benefits, but just doing a long walk had even more benefits. The benefits came from just going outside, breaking my trance. I dont think a routine is something you can and want to maintain really. And in terms of benefits from working out, sure there are quite a lot of benefits but jogging and the gym just suck, I need to do things which I actually enjoy. I have a "chair" on my working desk which is just a block so it forces me to work in natural postures. Thats one example of how I can just "work out" by just existing basically.

Socializing went pretty well yesterday. I did so much self reflection that I thought, I may be too much into my head but that wasnt the case. Actually I may have been in a better state ever, even though I was still scared to go. Today my favourite social spot ever opens again after summer break. I should be excited, but that amount of socializing yesterday was quite a lot.

@PurpleTree Sad that Michael left the forum, he would likely have some answers. Well you are stuck with auto immune disease for the rest of your life, so wouldnt it be worthed to try out everything under the sun? I read that sugars and refined carbs are almost always the enemy, you could cut those out as a start.

Pretty good foods, but not a complete diet. You need veggies, fruits, fats, proteins. Eating until your full doesnt mean you will eat excess calories. The winning combination of foods that will fill you up the most by having the least calories are proteins + fiber. You already lost weight in the psych yard, did you try to eat less there or were the foods just more filling for the amount of calories? https://www.eatthis.com/what-100-calories-looks-like/ Yeah but willpower is a limited resource. Nobody wants to be overweight, if it were that easy to loose weight overweight people wouldnt exist. If you do a hardcore diet you will only crash.

What was your diet before? If you ate crap, all you gotta do is clean up your diet and eat until your full. Make your healthy meals taste good, restriction mostly backfires. Find cardio that you enjoy, if you like jogging go for that. Some people love to ride their bike.

This is somewhere in Leos Blog. I took a lot of understanding out of what this GIF conveys.

I cant get remote viewing out of my head, I dont really think about alternatives. As I said I must find out if its bullshit or not fast, the only problem is that it can take time to learn. Maybe I need to connect to other remote viewers to get a better feeling if its real or not. What I have seen so far makes it likely that it exists, nothing smells fishy, only the question remains why doesnt everybody know about it.. ?

This looks really cool, a hoodie but with a collar, so you dont look like a dumbass. Found this AI generated picture in blue. Kind of destroys the vibe even though the color is beautiful.

Okay this is really off topic. Most clothes in blue strike me either as boring (plain blue has nothing to it even though the color is nice), conformist (your typical suit or professional wear is blue) or childish. (babyblue) I like blue as a color but its hard to integrate if you want your outfit too like a little more vintage or artistic. I collected a few examples where people made it work, feel free to add to this list.

Or on extremely pale skin. I have seen it work which was so cool, a whole black outfit with a bright orange coat. That was so cool. Aura Sing from Star Wars, she can also wear orange as an example. Yeah everybody has his own color palatte which I actually find really cool because that way its unique and everybody looks a little different. I like your style. It looks chill, well put together, you look like you smell good but it also doesnt look overly conformist. Not sure about the belt, I dont think its a perfect match but I also wouldnt say its a mismatch. Certain blues and greens can work very well together.

Thats exactly my experience. When you dont have a social circle as a base then its hard to normally talk to strangers because you dont have that sense of basic belonging. You need some regular socializing which isnt on pick up level just to not be akward. But also the herd can make you complacent. I dont think about pick up when I am in a group.

Maybe my social struggles make it more likely that I tend to go for the PUA route. But random sex isnt even all that satisfying to me so there isnt much of a reason to do it. The problem is sometimes I just so horny and I dont want to feel restricted from this opportunity. I was think that when I seriously commit to a relationship that it will probably hold a lifetime because thats just what I am really good at. Maybe I am also overestimating myself idk.