Jannes

A job which had some natural rest baked into it would be great.

Took I walk just now which helped a lot. My emotions control me I can choose to take a walk to balance my emotions everytime I need to.

Today I felt like dog shit. All this help helped me in a lot of ways but it also made me aware of my current struggles. I wanted to write a though letter to an ex friend whom I have parted ways with in a painful way and I was waiting basically more then a year now for the moment where I get emotionally clear and strong enough to explain everything. While I was still somewhat sleeping in the morning I kind of had the lines in my head but when I woke up and wanted to write them down it became to much. I made some progress but didnt come where I wanted to. Also I still dont how what the f I want to make an income in this world and this became very obvious.

The help that I got shouldnt be understated, it makes me believe there is good in the world and brought me alive in significant ways.

I smiled at a seemingly becoming new friend yesterday. It was all authentic (at least I couldnt see where it wasnt authentic and I see a lot) but it felt mostly painful. What the hell. Maybe its because opening up at all brings up lots of damage to the conscious field.

A few days ago was a trip. I became so comfortable alone I didnt want to go out like I did regularely at thursdays. I was in my own space, unbothered and sensitive but also more like myself and refreshed. I felt all the human inauthenticity so strongly. I forced myself to go out like I usually do at thursdays. Met a friend from university randomly. We worked together a couple of times so he kind of got a sense of who I was ... I think he read my body language, my sense of self worth pretty well. I didnt really expect it but seemingly out of a random impulse of kindness he was emotionally extremely generous to me and supported me throughout the whole evening. I reached some peak insights about myself: Talking with others when there are problems is extremely important for me. There were a few events in my life where this communication didnt work out because I was emotionally (trauma) triggered and lost it and this caused a deep sene of disconnection, of feeling like I fit in and am okay. I also wondered if my flirtly side had left me for good. It didnt, as soon as I feel more okay with myself this part of myself becomes alive. I feel like I am in a bad situation with my friend. Like I cant pay him back. And honestly I dont even know if I would want him as a friend really. He felt that I was lost and supported me. I think he knows about these mechanics as well though. Do people treat each other this casually? I feel so alien. I have had plenty of opportunities with girls where I withhold because it didnt feel authentic and in the end I gave way more then what other people gave.

On the other hand, maybe you only start searching when you lost it. Remind me of this as an analogy: “But I’ll tell you what hermits realize. If you go off into a far, far forest and get very quiet, you’ll come to understand that you’re connected with everything.” — Alan Watts

Destroying pointers to god I just contemplated environementalism a bit and suddenly had a profound insight. By polluting and destroying the environement we loose very important pointers to god! Of course, God is everywhere - but there are certain things, like stars in the night sky, a beautiful sunset, or an exotic animal, that especially evoke a sense of God for the human mind. But when the sky is clouded with smog, when animals go extinct, and when we destroy the natural beauty of the world, we lose these pointers. And when we lose them, people may feel less connected to God - and as a result, might even act more godlessly. It’s like we’re creating a bubble that separates us more and more from god. And the more ungodly this bubble becomes, the more intelligence and inner clarity it takes to still see God through all the mess. And that’s just the environmental part. It makes me wonder what other areas of life have been corrupted or distorted in a way that also cuts us off from God.

Could you take his DNA and clone him?

What would be absolutely game changing for open source AI robotics would be a "central nervous system" like AI. The central nervous system manifests in humans in all kinds of unconscious ways: When you gain weight or put on a backpack for example your central nervous system adjusts in real time, calculating new balance standards and creating new strategies to move optimally. If you loose one of your legs and use a stick for balance your whole body learns to use new strategies. You can get your tongue can in half and then move each part seperately! Well AI is way more adjustable then a human body of course. You can change legs, arms, make it a spider, make it a drone, make it a dog. What would be cool especially for private people who want to built their own robots if you could have this central nervous system AI which will adjust in real time to the new body that it has gotten. If you got a very powerful central nervous system AI you could make almost anything work. Just put the central nervous system AI in the center and slap some machinery on it and the central nervous system will carry. That would be a strong answer to industrial designed robots. There are already a few projects working on this. ...

The future is very unclear. We could potentially have an AI utopia where AI does most of the work and we all have nice living standards. But that is nothing that big companies will give away for free. It has to be fought for in some way. I feel like to get somewhat of a sense of how things will turn out it is important to get a perspective of how powerful the players aka big companies vs average citizen are because unchecked power gets abused. So its about comparing your chatgpt and Tesla bot with Open Source AI and bots. This robot can be mostly 3d printed and costs about 5k to make: // What I find interesting is that the humanoid robots are very cool and a strong representation of power but in reality they arent really needed. For most simple repedetive tasts simple robots are actually better because they are cheaper. Deep Seek from china is fully open source and seems to be the strongest open source language model there is so far:

I signed up to a remote viewing course introduction a few years ago once and had a multi hour chat with a person. It sounded a bit like a fantasy. Cant tell if it was fake or not from that but I am leaning more in the direction of fantasy.

Maybe reality is harder then it seems because you havent exposed yourself to it enough. When I had my first job earning a bit of money on the side I felt pretty euphoric "I can do this, I can take care of myself on my own!"

Today at the self help group I met the dude I had somewhat of a connection with but which ended a little weird. Well the weirdness of last time had subsided mostly. And when he talked about issues today I resonated so deeply with them. He has borderline, adhd is hyperintelligent and lives mostly in his head and has learned a little to accept some of his emotions but they are mostly way too strong which is why he surpressed most of them. For example he talks about not being able to get some peace and reading a book because this low pressure environement forces emotions out which are too strong too handle. Exactly my problem. As soon as I try to study or do anything a lot of strong negative emotions come up which I cant take. A girl talked about Complex post-traumatic stress disorder in some context. This is basically when its not a single event which caused the regular symptoms of PTSD but many different ones and which often were chronical. Well when you experienced bad things and didnt find ways to deal with them you will be a little fucked up. I dont know if I have Complex post-traumatic stress disorder but I am sure that just all of the negative social experiences I collected in my life are hurting me now. However what I also experienced is that when I expose myself and even if its not perfect at all I usually get better. I experienced so much stage red agression towards me, when I place myself in a stage green environement, even if people arent perfect or hypocritical they are adults which are much more evolved. Even in school I was just unlucky to be forced into the stage red circle but there were already stage green people (girls) helping me out a lot. People arent perfect but its very unlikely that in stage green environements I will face the same sort of shit again. I can be a little bolder!

I maintained the lifestyle from a week ago where I was a little sick till today where I spent almost the entire day contemplating with chatgpt and being on the forum. And it didnt really affect my confidence that much because I didnt feel that bad about it but I did feel a little soft. In a way it got me out of my routine and day to day thoughts this contemplative world without direct survival pressure. I was very happy the last couple days. When I start living on my own I can eally get used to it. Felt a little soft and dizzy getting out of my comfort today. I made a few important insights the last couple of days though. In contemplation with chatgpt it seems that I am hyper empathic and sensitive to other peoples emotions when I formed a connection. I feel super responsible for their state and have troubles distinguishing my own state from theirs. That may not be a bad thing in general, in my perspective it speaks for a higher state of consciousness, but its a little disfunctional atm. If I would have my own emotional needs better met then maybe I could be more open but learning to make distinctions between their state and my own seems important - but very inauthentic. But that also teaches me that certain social jobs might not be good for me. Social jobs where you go to dark and depressing places with people might not be managable for me because I could be too compassionate. Maybe jobs where its also about helping and coaching people and even managing difficult situations but not too dark. Maybe if I could become healthier myself I could be strong enough for that also. So teacher in a sense could work but commanding children and restricting them in their freedom so much seems very inauthentic. There are private more hippie schools though, maybe that could be more of my place. I am very passionate about helping people overcome problems - but there are only certain mediums and then certain jobs which actually help me. Thats where the real difficulty lies. There is a difference between complementing and coaching a person or standing up against bullies and painting a piece of art which could help trigger something in people to overcome their problems. I seem to be more on the ladder that my solution to the problem is not something that manifests out there but more in the form of imagination, idealism.. I would like to put all of the inner work I have done into something beatiful which would inspire people as that object that I would create imply the inner work I put into it so it communicates and resonates with people through this translation. I am very often misunderstood. Many people dont know that I have this side because almost all of it is internalized. And putting this out there into the collective feels painful. Its not natural to me.

I am in love with open source projects. Open source projects are some of the best non-bullshit things that humans have done.

Creating open source AI or supporting those who do might be one of the most impactful things one can do for humanity right now because this is where the structure will be created which will create a future where either some tech billionares are in control or everybody has so much control with AI that governence is forced to become egalatarian. This actually feels pretty motivating. I am not really into tech though.

We are animals, we arent like brains in a tank, these little signs in body language matter a great deal in how we make sense and feel about the world. Very tactical move.

Depending on the structures given by geographics and current technological progress societies naturally develop into different roles. For example hunter-gatherer were very egalitarian, not because they were developed but because sharing, living in small groups where everybody needed to share and everybody was productive naturally created much equality. In oil or mineral rich countries there is often a small elite with slave like workers because workers shouldnt be so powerful to overpower the elite. In countries with little oil and minerals average citizens are often much wealthier because thats what makes them productive. With unfavourable structures countries can take centuries of blood and revolution to develop the same realities which hunter-gatherer got naturally. So it seems to be of upmost importance to work on the root and create structures which will organically create societies one wants to live in. Well most geographical realities arent in our control and many inventions also not. I wonder about how AI will play into that. If all the oligarchs own AI, will that naturally create a distopian world where the rich dominate? So on the other hand might working on Open Source AI be one of the most impactful things you can do right now, as when normal citizen have AI then everybody would be kind of equal? What do you think?

Integrating Hunter-gatherer perspective into utopian vision: From the video in the blog I have been thinking a lot about the hunter gatherer lifestyle. I thought their lifestyle must be shitty as its so undeveloped but to my surprise it might even be better then how most of us live today. I chatted with chatgpt 4o a lot to get a better picture. Here how a typical day of a hunter gather would look like: Sure! Here are some quick facts about a typical day in the life of a hunter-gatherer: ⏰ Work time: ~3–6 hours/day (hunting, gathering, tool-making) 🍇 Main food source: Mostly gathered plants, not meat 👣 Movement: Frequent walking, tracking, light physical activity 🧑‍🤝‍🧑 Social life: Strong group interaction, storytelling, laughter 🧘 Rest & play: Lots of downtime, music, dancing, games 🌅 Natural rhythm: Daily life aligned with daylight, weather, and seasons 🔁 Flexibility: No strict routines, varied tasks, communal decision-making I also asked chatgpt 4o about how their happiness compares to other developed countries right now: 🧭 What studies and anthropologists have found: High life satisfaction despite material simplicity → e.g. the !Kung, Hadza, Pirahã and others consistently report feeling content, socially fulfilled, and unburdened. Low stress: Few time pressures, no debt, no bosses. Strong social bonds: Constant connection with small, trusted groups. Lots of leisure: Up to 70% of the day spent in rest, play, or socializing. No status anxiety: Little to no competition over wealth or position. Deep sense of purpose: Roles are clear, skills meaningful, nature deeply embedded in worldview. Btw. it seems like no one would be depressed because they wouldnt have enough work. Maybe people need a bit of work but that work needs to be a main part of life is a collective fantasy. These tribes filled most of their day with all kind of fun activities. Of course hunter gatherer lack modern medicine and couldnt defend earth from asteroids but in most aspects their lifestyle realistically speaking was superior to ours today! The circumstances of the hunter gatherer life also naturally created very socialist systems because: no one owned anything, everything was shared, everyone provided value to the group, everyone was socially visible, you were dependent on the group, if you acted out the group could abandon you and the tribes often valued you for what you provide and not who you are. Unfortunately we cant just go back to nature with an AI assisted medicine drone as a companion easily because earth would only provide for about 10-20 million hunter gatherer. BUT through analyzing what made these hunter gatherer so happy one could create related system which organically create the same socialists structure but which can also provide for billions of people. With AI survival will be managed and we can basically terraform the world as we like. Why not create an artificial hunter gatherer utopia. Instead of hunting and gathering the food, there could be artificial challenges made by humans (and AI) to get the food. For example all kinds of quests, puzzles, challenges. Huge amounts of innovation could be put into creating the most satsfying challenges. And to ensure that its well made, everybody has deciding power on what is being created. I see it as a two party system party 1) living in the hunter gatherer utopia, party 2) the world where all the structure is made and where some part of modern life in terms of techonological advancement, medicine are continued and improved. Everybody can always choose which side he wants to play in. Well humans will never be as intelligent as nature so that might be a limitation in the creative process. I dont think my idea is realitic though. I am not adressig how such a world could come to be and how corruption wouldnt prevent it. I am still learning about how all of that works to find ways. Its still an important fixed point one could orient oneself towards. Here is a first prototype (it can be made much more beautifully, maybe I will post ideas I am more happy with later) // I am such a hippie, what the hell.

I also find it extremely fascinating. I did some ammteure acting myself so this acting arose naturally but its not like I found some final answers. I dont think actors really deconstruct their old identity because they immediately take on a new one, so they are just shape shifters which makes their identity itself more fluid but maybe as an adaptation they more easily grasp onto things.

This is all very hard to talk about because we arent conscious of the whole mechanisms at play. At least I am not and I can feel it. So I just make an answer which brings me to the edge of my consciousness. After doing a lot of shadow work the questioning of wether one "is good or not", or wether "intentions or outcome carry more weight" loose significance because they are games that we collectively play in society because morality is fundamental to society and we also play these games with ourselves then as well. But when one tries to justify to themselves that they are good when they really arent their evilish way will manifest unconsciously anyways which is even worse. So you cant be good. You can just integrate more of your shadow which will paradoxically make you better. For me it was very hard to deconstruct my good guy ego. One of the emotionally hardest things in my life. And I am still not there yet at all but I made good progress.

Tried that, but then I slipped back into thinking I am good like the devil I am. How does one deeply integrate the acknowledgment that one is evil.

You arent conscious enough to see your true intentions. Your true intentions arent what you tell yourself what they are. You behave in devilish ways unconsciously. The more conscious you become of this the less the devil directs you. "air out the devil so he doesnt work in the dark" Idk about outcome. Reality is too complex to make simple connection of "this caused that" and its impossible to tell basically if what you did will turn out into something good or bad. I believe in the energy conversation act though, when you did something truthful, that will remain and manifest itself in this way somehow, how exactly nobody knows.