Jannes

Reality is made out of weirdness: Reality is made out of weirdness. A scratch, warmth, spit in your mouth, whatever sensation (although the smaller and more subtle ones are suited better for this realization) it may be, when you inspect it subtly and very closely and not give it names it becomes mysterious and weird and loses all its normalness. Everything around is simply seems to be normal, but it's actually very mysterious and weird. As if you take things out of reality when you inspect them long enough.

I know I know.. Restricting a restricted diet even more sounds very dangerous. It's also the diet that most ex-vegans on YouTube say they followed. But there are good and bad ways in executing this diet and given that everybody here likes to share his own unique take on diets I thought I share this very unique diet as I also have personal experience with it. What is a raw vegan diet? -Its vegan (duh) -It includes only raw food. Raw food is defined as food that isn't heated more then 42 Degrees as going above that the heat kills the living enzymes. So all that is left is fruits and salad? These foods can certainly be included but they shouldnt make up the bulk of the diet, otherwise you are just going to starve yourself to death. You can include nuts (sprouted), seeds (sprouted) and grains, pseudo-grains, lentils, peas and beans also all in sprouted form as most of them loose their toxicity when they are sprouted. Avocado and Olives have a special place in this diet. Tempeh and soy joghurt are also allowed because they have living bacteria. There is even raw vegan protein powder. You should of course supplement vitamin B12 and Omega3 at least. (98% raw vegan is still raw vegan) So it's not really about being limited in your food choices. You are rather limited in your meal choices because not being able to heat things up makes cooking really hard. Some things you can do is muesli (sprouting grains and then drying them), smoothies and smoothie bowls, crackers (dried grains and seeds) with avocado or raw nut butter, salads (with a focus on avocados or olives for calories or a raw high calorie salat dressing), raw vegan trail mix (out of dried sprouted grains, nuts, sunflower seeds..). For my personal experience. I did this diet for about a year. My diet consisted mostly of 500g sprouted buckwheat (raw mass) and 200g sprouted lentils (raw mass). Also some nuts, fruits and raw veggies. I made two giant meals out of it which was absolute madness as it killed my gut. I also trained in the gym at the time and managed to put on some muscle mass. Even though I get stomach pain just thinking about the time there were still some upsides to the diet. For one I was always very awake. When you eat cooked food you always feel a bit dizzy and tired after it. It's so normal that we don't even think about it anymore. But with the raw vegan diet I never felt tired after a meal. I could eat 2000 calories of sprouted buckwheat and I could feel my stomach working but I didn't feel tired in the slightest. I also had pretty good skin at the time. For people who can work with lots of raw fiber and plan their diet a bit smarter (smaller meals with more frequency and a bit less sprouts for nuts or avocados) this diet can certainly work.

Science. Also I felt very awake after eating raw vegan food while on cooked food I always felt tired. I only noticed that when I switched to raw food. I dont think it's just placebo or the type of food as Michael thinks. So that is a potential big benefit.

There is a traumatic scene from kindergarden which I remember in some detail and which just got recontextualized. For the backstory: My father consistently brought me too late to kindergarden so all the other kids already built playing groups. That combined with my introverted and soft personality made it pretty much impossible for me to socialize with the other kids. And as a looner I got picked on quite a lot. I tried acting funny and dumb to make people like me but they bullied me even harder for this. And I let it happen. I laughed and giggled when kids through sand at me. I would have done everything to socialize with the other kids. My parents gave me the horrible advice that I shouldn't fight back in kindergarden and that I should tell the educators if something goes wrong. But the educators didn't really give a shit of who got bullied. They told me that it was my fault that I got bullied because I giggled and laughed all the time when it happened. I tried my absolute hardest to stay adamant but I couldn't help myself from laughing. The same day there was this very clear scene where one of the kids in kindergarden attacked me and with the words of the educator in mind I tried my absolute hardest to raise my fist but my body wouldn't let me. I fell in deep chaotic laughter like the joker. When I reviewed this moment I always told myself that it was just not my personality to be aggressive but actually it was the deep fear of cutting social connections up for good and that I would stay alone and die. I think the reason this came up is because through pick up I learned how to attract other people and so I gained a lot of social confidence. This allows myself to reintegrate these masculine parts of my personality because what stopped myself from integrating them is the fear that I would not be able to attract other people into my life.

That this body is still alive is pretty incredible, thought it was fake at first lmao. When it comes to your practical life, maybe growing as old as 80 is a good goal. Look at Arnold Schwarzenegger in Age 76 still lifting and being super fit. You can still live good and be active in old age when you take care of yourself. But yeah when me body gives up I probably only find deep satisfaction in the spiritual domain.

Thats all I tried the whole time. Near the end of the trip I floated in space without fear or love or any strong emotion. Not sure if the trip ended or if I managed to get through.

Sounds like a tragic choice because both choices of not doing it and doing it are really risky. I would talk to other doctors, maybe some vax is less stressful to the body, especially to your heart than other. Also maybe make some tests which covid variants you had to get a clearer picture of where you stand in terms of immunity which might help. Also are you otherwise healthy? Healthy nutrition and cardio helps with heart health if that's your main concern.

Do you even need vax when you recovered 10-15 times from covid? I honestly dont know, I am not into that subject. Maybe you just gotta work on your immune system.

You can't understand feelings through math just like you can't understand math with feelings. Doesnt make either one of them incorrect though.

I think masculinity plays a necessary yet subordinate role. Just like a masculine superhero movie needs hot girls who cheer the superhero up, otherwise the superheroness is literally invisible, barbie also needs ken (haven't watched the movie).

@Vrubel Do you have to work hard to get pussy?

My biggest 5meo trip was like 12-14mg plugged. My hands were shaking out of fear and I just managed to stay in a relaxed position while focusing on deep breaths. If it was a bit stronger I think I would have lost it like this guy.

There are many intelligent philosopher or other people with interesting perspectives that I would like to talk to. But given that I am intellectually and personally not yet grounded I think it would be overwhelming for me and I dont think I would take away as much. So right now my pick would be Jesus for the vibe or maybe Socrates for an interesting conversation.

Nightgame Day08: Chatted to the girl I got the number from from Nightgame06. I didn’t quite know what I wanted from her. She sounded like she wasn’t in for just sex and I didn’t really want a relationship. So now about 5 days later I texted her, also saying that I have a club phase right now and trying to built confidence to kinda show her what I am about right now. Made out a date for yesterday. She told me that she was super tired from work and that we can meet somewhere around the weekend. Tuesday is a bad day for clubbing in Berlin. Almost all clubs were either closed or were only open till 2pm. Well almost every, the bad Club I went to at my second Nightgame was open so I took that to see if it’s better within the week as part of what was bad about it at the weekend was that it was to full. The security guy checked me, even touched grabbed my dick (wtf) and told his cosecurity guy to really check my stuff. Don’t know what made me look so dangerous lol. I was sober and didn’t take any psylocibin this time. I can’t recall all events because I took a shitton of action this time but there were some notable parts. One important part is to find a talking partner that comforts you. After a few approaches I found a girl which did that job for me. She had a boyfriend but we had a very good casual conversation. Then there was a moment of silence so I asked for her name which I forgot to do and gave her a handshake. She put very little pressure in the handshake and I feared that I made her uncomfortable and ended the conversation there. She gave some nice motivating words about challenges I am facing right now so she seemed pretty invested in the conversation and I was very upset that I didn’t milk that opportunity of a comforting Chat more. I talked to a few girls in pairs of two. I kinda started a nice little chat but didn’t know where to go from there and went to the dance floor, saying that we might meet later. I should have stayed longer in there. Saw a guy outside talking with one of the girls I talked in a group of two with. She had her butt pressed against the wall and you could really see how hot she was. That’s when a little ape in me shined through. It sometimes takes some time for me to realize the harsh survival situation I am in but that moment brought it to the surface. I saw the guy sitting with these two girls at a couch and that ape in me came through so I sat next to the girl on the side. The guy didn’t seem to be to happy about it. The girl asked me my name again as she forgot. I wanted to start a chat but I was so exhausted at this point from all the approaches I couldn’t get anything done. Stayed there for about a minute in silence and the girl also didn’t show interest in me so I just made the beta move and left wishing them a good evening. The guy made a ?? sign from the front indicating that he was probably confused that I didn’t take the situation. After that another guy approached the girl I was sitting next to. I probably made it clear that there is potential. Later saw him and another guy leaving with these two girls. I could have had her if I still had energy. But what I notice is that I try to avoid failure. Even if I stayed with them longer without saying much and then getting rejected because of my low energy, that would have been a valueable lesson for me. I thought that part of game is to avoid failure which is why I left to not experience failure but this seems to be the wrong approach. I am a little bumbed out from the little results I am getting. After my first Nightgame where I approached very little and made out with 2 and got smiles and stuff I thought that after a few nights I would get laid for sure but my results seem to be declining even though I make way more approaches. And it’s not the psylocibin I got softer in general. I think the main reasons are first that I got humbled a little. I have so much status in my theatre that I think every random girl wants me which I now experienced isn’t the case automatically. And second I need a good wing desperately. I had a random wing the first night and that built me up a ton. In my forth night where I had tons of success it was largely because of the girl that pushed me. Maybe I can find club friends over some sort of app.

We can't really read into their body language as well cause we are a different species. But I still find it fascinating how much more animals are communicating actively with their bodies while we can be a lot more in our head. Animals might be a lot smarter in that aspect. I like to watch trained dogs training wild dogs as an analogy for untoxic masculinity.

I heard that in the 80s there were hippie groups who at the end of the day spinned the wheel to determine who sleeps with who. Thats what I imagine she means by it.

So when I feel a lot of social fear and do psychedelics my fear increases. If I want to let go of that fear is it beneficial to continue microcoding so actually exposing myself to that increased amount of fear because I face it or could I program anxiety into my mind? Dont want to do anything counterproductive.

Nightgame Day07: Woke up at 9 o clock today, sleeping for like 6 hours. Ate breakfast, got tired and slept another 6 hours or so. Game is so tiresome. I was okay after that though. There is this club in Berlin that I found on my first night when I thought it is a gay club. Turns out is isn’t, it’s just a very stage green place. Kinky, sex positive, inclusive to all gender, LGBTQ supportive. I found that club very interesting, first because it’s sex positive and second because the stage green environement is one where I might thrive better with my softer temper. But the rules for coming in are rather strict. They seem to have a pretty high standard for sexisness. If you aren’t dressed sexy you can’t come in. It was already around 19 o clock and all the stores closed at 20 o clock in my city so I had to buy something fast. I was going for tight swim trunks first but the sports shop already closed. So I went to a dessou shop with erotic clothes for girls. I explained the workers my situation and they got me a pink tanga and some sort of erotic net for boobs. I found it hilarious for the moment but after I drove for about an hour in the train for the club I got a little scared. I felt sexy in that tanga though ngl. I arrived at around 11 o clock. Ate some psylocibin truffles and then waited in line. Got pretty strong fear again. I was still kinda in sleepy mood, it felt like morning to me but I already waited in line for the club so that felt a bit surreal. The fear subsided after around an hour and I got into a very chill and peaceful mood. Still waited line. I took my clothes off right before the club. Standing in public with nothing but a pink tanga is certainly a dare even if other people also had sexy outfits around me. I didn’t get in though the guy at the door said that I shouldn’t stand in public with pink string tanga ??. Appearently the door policy is that you should wear crazy clothes like that but you should have a rather civil look at the front so the club doesn’t get a bad reputation or smth. Kind of confusing I have sent an email asking them or something. It’s not like my outfit was illegal to wear in public. I was kind of bumbed out from that and it was already 2 o clock so I already lost 4 hours at most clubs. I went to my standard club cause the entrance was cheap. Danced a little, scanned the club. I got more professional at it. I sat next to a guy starting a chat and it went good. I was interested in the girl in the group though be she seemed uninterested. Approached two girls and had a little chat with them. The girl was relatively physical. I had my arm at a bad angle so I couldn’t really touch her shoulder as first body contact. Well I was warming up anyway. I asked her where she lived. She told me and asked why I wanted to know that. I felt like I couldn’t give her a straight answer, so I said just asking. (Not great of course but I didn’t know how to respond to it at all). When she asked me where I will stay I said I will drive home tomorrow if I don’t find a stay tonight. She then stood up getting herself up by touching my knee and talked to a friend. That was a pull–push she did on me lol. I chatted a bit with her friend but their vibe was off. I already forgot that she just got up by touching my knee and thought she wanted to get rid of me and I didn’t want to stay to simp so I stood up casually. When I walked to the dance floor she and her friends went in front of me crossing my way jostling me very slightly. That couldn’t have been an accident but I still needed to approach her on the dance floor. Found her after some time but I just didn’t know what to do. She didn’t open up to me directly so I didn’t know what to do and I wasn’t in the right state for bold action. So I kinda let that one slide. Danced a little more, talked to some other people. Found a group outside with two hot girls. Greeted everybody in the group with a handshake. The guy gave me a really tough handshake. I didn’t chase the girl on my side anymore for the chance that this was meant as a warning. I was just not in the mood for aggression. I would have been at home at the stage green place. Talked to two girls at my left after that. I kind of had a little anxiety in my eyes for a second and the girl told me if I wanted to get girls I shouldn’t act as gay. She said I am way to nice. I was certainly not in a masculine mood but I she didn’t get in my head at all and I actually continued a nice conversation. I wasn’t though but also not a whimp. So it’s not really that I was weak in my state, just super super chill. Had a conversation with a Ukranian women after that. She couldn’t really speak German or English but was really passionate to tell me about her situation and I listened for about 15min to this very hard to comprehend talk. She got pretty touchy and I thought that was just her nature she was in her mid thirties after all. It was a little much for me after 15min so I went for a hug to verabschiede myself. She went for a kiss first I think. She excused herself for taking my time and all and I went for a second hug. I think she thought that the only reason that I listened to all of this talk was because I wanted to bang her. Danced a little more, nothing really happened. Found that one girl again and she gave me eye contact as she moved across. I was not in a approach mood so I thought of strategies to get me into a playful mood. There were these light sticks and I collected them across the club. I felt very much at home at the club. Saw a girl that I saw another time at this club so I had a good opener and I think she also looked at me sometimes also but I talked myself out of it that I wasn’t in the right mood to make shit happen today. Haha I got a little regretful that I burned all the numbers I got from Nightgame4 by asking all of them for sex immediately. ? The big goal is to get into the kinky club. If I buy clothes today they might get to me on Sunday.

It works for sure for me. When I dont have fear I am magnetic, when I have a lot of fear I still take action and am very sweet. My question is rather if it gives me long lasting confidence.

It's either a bad look for PUAs or coincidence I think. Bad look because you can't really manipulate on psychedelics (which seems to be the game of some PUAs: manipulation instead of honest game) at least that's how it is for me. It only increases if I have really strong fear. Small fear or mid fear often get negated its only when I have ver strong fear when microdoses increase that. Well it still gets me to do action so that's a plus.

Thanks! Somehow I think I had these realizations at some point but mush have forgot along the way. You could take a microdose of a microdose .

I saw in a recent video of Leo, idk know which it is possibly what is maturity? that general basic income will make people self actualize because lower needs will be almost guaranteed to be met and so the human psyche will then focus on self actualization. Now I see this video from Leo seems to directly contradict this: (1:25:10 to 1:34:50) What's the meta thing going on here? How I see it: Difficult survival situation will make people strongly animalistically driven yet shuts them down for higher/ spiritual dimensions of life. Easy survival situations will make people strive for very high goals but takes away the animalistic drive/ will make people spoiled so they aren't motivated enough to do hard work. So I think it's a balance and there are trade offs. Questions that arise to me are "Is society ready for general basic income?" so in other words, can society run on the drive of self actualization or does society need more of an animalistic drive? Also what's the best crosser to keep both an incentive for the animalistic drive if that is needed but also that people start actualize.

Nightgame Day06 ( The most fascinating thing was not the night itself but the inner talk before that. A felt a lot of movement the days before and it manifested in new empowering thoughts about myself. For one there was one person that was a complete tyrant to me. I new his motivation though and so even though I felt deep anger for him I repressed and pushed it away, justifying the situation. I have a problem standing up for myself. I don’t think it’s really because I repress anger itself but because I have deep ass childhood trauma when it comes to not feeling accepted. And that’s why I often don’t stand up for myself because when I do I risk rejection and possible belonging and so I let a lot of people walk over me. But the last Nightgame Days improved my confidence in connecting with other people and after I stayed up all night not getting shit done because of my monkey mind I finally accepted that I just couldn’t forgive that guy. I knew why he was doing what he was doing, I knew that he didn’t just want to attack me for no reason and I knew that some of it were my fault and that I caused a lot of suffering but I tried my fucking best and I suffered to the bone in an attempt to not emotionally hurt anybody I just wasn’t strong enough. I don’t deserve that tyranny, I can’t forgive him. Even though I was mostly friendly, even hugged him I paddle back. I can’t forgive him, I just can’t. And I felt a lot more at ease after that. I managed to process a deep wounding crush. I always try to impress other people so hard. It’s like I don’t think I can ask somebody out before first demonstrating a backflip to them. I reject so much positive feedback because I can’t believe it to be true. But what if I was already good enough and that I don’t need to do any fancy techniques, just be myself? ) So I was super tired. Only slept for 4 hours at home and maybe one at the train. But I already skipped a day I didn’t want to step another one for sure. So I drank 160mg of caffeine to get going. I looked for a new club. Took me two full hours of running in circles to finally arrive at one club that I selected because there was only a small half open door opening the club. I actually felt confident or at least more confident then before for once. I was first a bit shocked at the club. Everyone was dressed in black or shirtless or in punk style. I wore a black shirt with pink flamingos on it. I looked fine and gay as fuck. Cool look but it didn’t fit the dress code at all and I didn’t had backup options. I could have gone shirtless but I figured I don’t know the club well enough, maybe it triggers people to start a fight but more importantly I don’t think it is particularly great to approach women half naked. So I wore it but open. The club and music was okay. I felt more confident in my dancing. Somehow I always felt a little ashamed of my dancing before, this time I danced with more confidence. I looked around the club. It had two dance floors many chill areas and some dark places where you could potentially make out. There were a guy and girl sitting on a couch with an empty couch across them. I sat down and started a chat. The chat went pretty casually but the girl asked me within the first two minutes for my phone number. She looked good. She made clear pretty directly that she wanted something from me. She said that she broke up with her boyfriend two weeks ago and that they were together for 4 years and when I said that I was going to drive home tomorrow morning if I didn’t find a stay she stayed that I could come with them to the hotel. I was a little overrun by it, first because I didn’t yet checked the relationship situation she had with the guy (they are friends) and second because it was so directly without much built up and I needed more time to process the situation. She just said I know good guys when I see them. The talk was okay I was simply to tired to make anything good out of it. I learned that I should also talk to other member of the group so I tried to split like 50 50 and talked with the guy also. He was pretty chatty and I kind of lost the connection with the girl. She already gave so much, giving the guy so much attention must have felt like a rejection for her. The guy was pretty chill. He said that he knows people really well and is very sure that I am a good guy who probably has issues getting exploited. And also said that if anyone wants to harm her he will find them and break their bones but if I want something good for her he would even help me get with her. Somehow I had a hard time believing the situation, it just went way to quickly. I tried to get back at her but then we started dancing we were kind of in our own world each and the rejection had enough time to set I felt like. I walked with them some more. Tried to start a conversation again to get the vibe back which was really hard after the vibe got so low and I think the found my attempts a bit funny. She had a sister with her and I started a little chat. I trusted myself to get a good chat going because I know my abilities but it was only generic. The problem wasn’t even really my confidence it was simply the sleepiness. I didn’t feel like I was really wanted in the group anymore, at least from her. At the bar she went to a different place to sit there. I interpreted it as uninterest, maybe in hindsight it was also a shittest to look if I am actually interested. I felt like this whole situation got a little cringe and out of hand. Maybe it was possible to get something out of it but I didn’t feel good anymore and I feel like part of inner game is to be not so attatched to anything and I could also just look for other opportunities also so I went to a different dance floor. I found out for myself that I am often in my own world when dancing but actually the trick is to connect very deeply with the beat. It’s kind of meditative and refreshing and therefore empowering. Around an hour later I found them leaving. I gave the girl a bit of a warm, sad, tired look. She said we probably won’t see each other again. Gave her a hug. We waited a little for the guy in silence. He gave me a very strong handshake. Looked to the girl with an even stronger warm, sad, tired look and she came to me and gave me another hug. Me: maybe we can party another time. She: Yeah! There was a bit of derp love floating in the air. Left the club shortly after that as well. I contemplated on if I should try to get to the hotel with the girl. I did not want to buy a stay there however and I wouldn’t ask to get in the same room with her cause I learned asking for sex is creepy as fuck and we didn’t built up sexual tension yet at all. If I want something with her I think it’s best to text her the next day or a day after that. Best reasoning for the moment. Time to get some sleep, might add something later! Thinking what I can do with that number. I think I struggled because I didn't know what I actually want from the girl. 2 weeks after a 4 year relationship is to close and she seemed to want a relationship from me which I am not ready for, I want to learn game.

@mmKay @Leo Gura thanks you guys, means a lot to me! You have a journal mmKay? 2 nights a week sounds plenty if you do it consistently. edit: Oh you have one, giving it a read right now.

In my eyes the end goal of game is to be as authentic as you can possibly be. The problem is that people fear being their authentic self because they fear that their authentic self is being rejected. Psychedelic put me in a state where I am naturally more authentic because I have less of a personal grip on my behavior and I am at a higher state of self love and acceptance which allows for more action because I could catch myself more easily with that added self love. So this improved behavior is good by itself but I can also take the feedback which I definitely got conscious of and integrate it which makes me learn that its okay to be my authentic self and that my authentic self is magnetic. I even think that if you would say that you are scared as fuck, completely authentically and with a lot of self love that that would be proper game.