Jannes

Yeah I get that but you still want your "I“ to be motivated to become awake although that is exactly what is killing it. When you are in the matrix and you want to get out you still have to play the rules of the matrix otherwise you can’t do anything. But yeah in self inquiry for example the thing that you explained becomes apparent. When I ask „Who am I“ I already imply that there is an I that is asking the question. So how do you ask the question without implying that “you“ are asking the question. Of course “you“ don’t ask the question but if you knew that then you would already be awake and you wouldn’t need to do self inquiry. If you still have your relative identity then there is simply no way of asking the question without implying that a somebody that you identify yourself with is asking the question. But I think paradoxically when you realize that you can’t identify yourself with the wrong me you can actually start to look because you aren’t distracted with these mind games anymore. At least that’s how it went for me. I don’t try to go infinitely more meta by always asking „… who is that?, is that?, is that?, is that?, … , who asked the question who am I?, who am I?“ So you just can’t escape the matrix. And then you just watch more.

Hej thanks, I probably just got close to liberation of the ego because there was definitely still an I that then identified as being a super peaceful Jesus like person reacting to others. You explained that the way the ego wants to come back well I think. There is this urgent feeling that the Identity and the filter have to come back. It feels threatening to the ego to not have a goal and to not judge certain things. The ego just wants to get back to work and goes protesting when it is denied that work. It really feels like the ego says „My work is unfinished, when I don’t get back to work there will be disasters consequences.“ And it does everything to stress you out so you buy into it again. It’s so ridiculous.

@Loba thanks for the advice ??

Hello Psychonauts, I have a reoccurring problem on my magic truffles trips. My thoughts are always really creative and figurative. I have phobia when it comes to spiders and snakes and because phobia is a possible reason for a bad trip I spent time watching some nature documentaries, bought a plastic figure of a spider and snake etc. to fight my phobia. I lost most of my phobia when it comes to snakes but pretty much none at all for spiders at this moment. Because of this reason I don’t do high doses of magic truffles at the moment even though I feel that I need them for a breakthrough. And on my latest trip something else happened. I imagined a lot of spiders which makes sense because I looked at a lot of spider pictures in the past days but I also got the tendency to want to imagine the most disgusting things I could possibly come up with. Here is the example. Please only read it if you can take some nasty stuff // So I saw a giant spider. Like on a microscope. I always wanted to know what happens if you squeeze a spider. In my trip I imagined it being like squeezing a pimple with the insides of a spider being like white pus but a lot thicker. (I know that makes no sense) And I imagined slamming all of this nasty stuff of this giant spider into my mouth. Like a turkey who is getting force fed. And I imagined how it would feel with other nasty substances. // I found these thoughts very disgusting of course but I didnt try to control them I just let them happen. I don’t think I am done with this tendency because I didnt found the motivation on why I want to think these thoughts. I know that as a baby my father overfed me. As soon as I made a sound my father came to spoon feed and I blew up like a ballon. As soon as I started walking I got rid of that extra fat and stayed lean for my entire life. I always found force feeding extremely disgusting and always tried to eat normal portions. Would you say that this is a traumatic experience that I have to live through again ? What tipps would you give me to overcome it ?

Your are right. Its absurd but it so feels like spiders have some personal problem with me. Now that I see that my phobia seems smaller thanks.

@Michal__ thanks for sharing your experience ?? . It’s not something you like to share so it feels good to know you are not the only one with weird fantasies of that kind. How long did it take you until the fantasies turned from disturbing to funny ?

That’s why I try to do it as safe as possible. There are risks with everything. And if she doesn’t take psychedelics the risk for many meaningless years and extra suffering is strongly increased.

A few weeks ago I visited my parents. A took a long walk with my mom and we talked about different topics and I accidentally told her about a magic truffle experience I had. I didn’t want to tell my mom that I do psychedelics because I thought she might worry about me but she actually seemed a bit interested. I told her honestly that I did them more then once and that they are and will be an important part of my personal developement. I told her about my experiences (that were often eye opening and helped with realising painful memories or social fears but not that deep that I had insights into the nature of reality yet) and about studies where patients who faced their death could overcome that fear and were okay with it. I also told her about the possible risk factors but that they can mostly get eliminated in a safe setting, good intentions, maturity, low doses… She was more open to it then I expected and didn’t condemn me or anything. A week or so later she texted me that a coworker of her was interested in it and if I might sent her a link to where I bought the magic truffles from ?. Maybe 2 weeks later now we met our grandparents. My grandpa isn’t doing so good and after we left his fear of dying came up in a conversation. I mentioned that psychedelic could help if he were open to the experience. My mom responded that she had big fears of death as well and that I might help her guide through a psychedelic experience so that she as well loses her fear of death. Because my mom mostly isn’t a really brave person I realized that I probably didn’t emphasize enough how deep stuff like this can go because it seemed that my mom saw the lost of her fear of death as something that would come from a relatively non mindfuck experience and the opposite is ofc the case. Then I told her that if she wanted to loose her fear of death completely she would probably have to go through extremely deep experiences and that she probably isn’t ready for it. I added that with smaller experiences her fear of death could probably get reduced (I thought so although I didn’t really know. I said it so she doesn’t lose all her interest in psychedelics). She was still pretty straight forward and told me that she still was interested in psychedelic experiences even if she could only reduce her fear of death. You never totally know how a person reacts to psychedelics but I would think my mom can handle small doses because she doesn’t tend to have any kind of psychological panic attacks or strong fears and has a relatively constant okay mood. I also think psychedelics would be an incredible tool for my mom to develope herself and free herself from painful memories (that probably weren’t traumatic -> overwhelming when confronted but strong enough to stay attached). But I don’t know how I should introduce her best to psychedelics. Of course I have to go in further detail what the risks are but if I tell her that she might face her death directly and so on in Leo style I think she would never touch psychedelics. But I also wouldn’t tell her bs. My thought is that I introduce her only to small doses in the 1-5g range where very strong experiences are very unlikely if you don’t have any strong intentions for breakthrough. What do you guys think about this approach in general and do you think it’s safe because I just don’t want anything to happen to her ?

@Nahm yeah maybe I can get my mom to meditate. I figured that would be important too.

@Manusia okay thanks for the advice

@Nahm okay thanks for your advice.

I introduced psychedelics to my mom yes but she hasn’t taken anything yet.

I think bad trips are very valuable. But there is a different between bad trips that are a bit bad and bad trips that are completely traumatic. You can read plenty of trip reports from people who had them and it’s just to much hell to integrate. I just want to avoid these because I feel responsible for my mom in a way because I introduced psychedelics to her.

Yes that’s true it’s my projection. I build that belief structure from deep trip reports from Leo and people from the forum. It also makes sense to me that many insights are blocked from a lot of ego and getting through to them might not be that pleasant. I don’t know better because I never had a breakthrough yet. Should you try to drop all belief systems and be completely open to the experience when going into a trip or what would you suggest ?

Sure that is true but you should at least get a feeling of how psychedelics fell and what they can do to you. If you don’t do that then the risk of a bad trip is high.

2. What exactly do you mean by abusing things like 5meo ?

You can’t rush the process. Without any smaller work before as preparation you are only getting freaked out resist everything and are unable to integrate any deep experiences and probably never touch psychedelics again.

Thanks for your opinion. Do you think there really are people mature enough for big awakenings ? I don’t think anybody is ready for that although I haven’t had any insights yet. I think people who are mature enough to use these substances maturely are also mature enough to handle small doses for self reflection and personal development.

I tested them myself many times and they are good. I bought them online. Magic truffles are legal but magic mushrooms are illegal in Germany (and maybe (EU).

Hi, I had an interesting dream last night and I don’t really know what to make out of it. Maybe you have some thought on it. I dreamed that I am at my parents home in my old room in my bed. I can hear my parents loudly arguing over something and I get the notion that they don’t really want to be together but that’s all when it comes to my surroundings. I notice that without really trying I can very easily separate myself from my thoughts. So I do that and let my thought chatter in the background continue. Now I also start with the question „who am I?“ because I figure its a good opportunity to start a self inquiry. I also want to become conscious of the fact that I am not my body. It’s a bit more difficult and I loose my focus more easily. I improve my focus and while I become better at that I forget my thoughts in the background. Then I have some kind of mystical experience. I needed a few attempts for it where I could really hold my focus at being conscious that I am aware of my body and the question „who am I“ which was penetrating simutaniously (while my thoughts are easily ignored as sth outside of me.) On second or third try I had some kind of experience and it went like this. I am completely focused. I hear some kind of strong cave wind with a powerful feel to it. Then I can of get an “infinity feeling“ mixed with fast changing images (picture below) or sth like that (I can’t describe it in more detail. This dream is fresh and I remember all the details but I lost this as soon as I woke up). I also get a feeling of “this is going to be intense and I won’t be able to stop it“ and I said to myself f*ck it and surrendered to it. After that infinity feeling I immediately changed my point of view to my parents garden. I didn’t have any kind of form and I slowly moved in the air through through a tree and everything was just so beautiful. I just went through the leaves of the tree without interacting with them as if I was an physical object going through light or vice versa. Then I slowly moved down (you could describe the movement with a drone in slow video mode) and went through the grass and the grass also was extremely beautiful. It didn’t change but it just was so different. (I took a low dose of m.mushrooms a few days before in nature and I have to say in my dream it even looked a lot more beautiful even though I really enjoyed the mushroom trip) I could still think in this experience and I thought. „I do enjoy this experience but I am here to have some spiritual insight and to become enlightened and so I asked myself again who am I and my experience faded away pretty quick and I woke up first out of my experience in my dream but then I also woke up pretty fast out of my dream. I didn’t had any strong emotions when I woke up nor in my dream which I find interesting because you would guess you have strong emotions in an experience like this.

I recently started self inquiry for spiritual awakening. Leo said that awakening can take roughly 1000 hours maybe even more. I recently started to increase my self inquiry session from 1 to 3 hours daily and I feel strange headaches and confusion. I can kind of guess what I have to go through and I already feel how my ego is really good at talking me out of this path especially because I still have doubts that this path will really get me enlightened etc. I already talked to some of the people on the forum who say they got enlightened or had enlightened experiences and that really motivated me. If you are also on the journey of spiritual awakening I would love to hear your experience because I really want to get my ego excited: Have you ever had an enlightenment experience ? If so how long did it take you ? How does your self inquiry routine looks like ? Are you enlightened ? If so how long did it take you ?

I am not doing enlightenment work to win a trophy. I honestly just want to be happy, love authentically, help others and want to free myself from worry and suffering. But still there are of course parts of me that chase enlightenment for social status or something else. But I think there is nothing wrong with that if that’s second priority. Why not pump a lot of incentives into ones ego of how great enlightenment is while one hasn’t dissolved it yet ? I mean if you think about it before enlightenment you can only be selfish, even trying to be unselfish is selfish. Also why is renunciation important or what do you mean with renunciation exactly ?

@SamC 22

Yeah you are right. There actually is a zen dojo close to me that I just found. Hopefully they have an enlightened master.

I watched maybe about 40 hours about Enlightenment Theorie. A lot from Leo but also from different sources. My thought process was that this is enough to not fall into traps when doing self inquiry for enlightenment and anything extra doesn’t give you much because theorie is always false anyway so why should I waste my time with extra theorie when the actual insights can only come from direct experience so from exercises. But then in a recent video Leo said that any spiritual seeker should read at least 16 books about nonduality. So what now ? Is this really necessary ? If it’s needed I would do it but self inquiry sucks and the Theorie also isn’t that interesting to me so when I could leave this out I would have more time and motivation for self inquiry.