Jannes

A nice puzzle

I just finished the LP course a few days ago. I have been thinking about this moment for quite a while as I started this course more then 2 years ago. Not that I get all the missing answers here but maybe some advice from more experienced folks who are already living their LP. I am 25 now and I live in germany. I have got inattentive adhd which made many things very difficult for me like concentration, dealing with emotions and social problems which indirectly also made other things difficult like finding study partners or getting help with emotional distress difficult. So basically I was always an emotional mess/ overtaxed/ semi depressed while getting nothing done and not understanding what was wrong with me. As a result I had difficulties answering many questions in the life purpose course because I experienced relatively little concrete success so far because I couldnt really take part in life as much. I feel like I have got as close to it as what would be possible with my blockades but I feel like the very thing that is my LP is something I cant see right now. I take meds now and it seems like many things are clearing up rapidly but and I do make quite the transformation. I feel more capable but not necessarily upgraded. The stars become less interesting and I see more immediate tasks ahead. I become a lot more concrete instead of abstract. Thats the best way I can describe it. I seem to manifest myself in reality. I was always very reflected and stuff but was like a wave without its own will it can force onto the world. I develop a sense of self now. It sounds pretty unconscious I know and I made the point myself that adhd (at least the inattentive type that I experience) makes you more conscious. But in taking my meds I can deal with reality at least. If I got emotional support/ grounding maybe I could do it without meds but currently I can only do it this way. So this situation is quite confusing atm. In terms of my career so far: teaching: I am in 10th semester of studying math and philosophy for middle school but only have enough points to complete like 4 semesters (you need 10 semesters in total) because of the emotional distress I was always in. I could probably do better with the meds now so it really isnt hopeless. I decided to study teaching though because I did some internship to see what I like and teaching was okay for a moment and I couldnt deal with the pain of being in a situation of uncertainty so I did the best thing I found at the moment which wasn't the most conscious choice. Also there is a bit of buffer as with this graduation I can do other things as well. Teaching isnt directly my Life Purpose I am pretty sure about that. But I would earn a lot of money per hour, can do it part time, have a lot of holidays and a class in school gives you many direct information to observe which can inspire you. A school class is basically a mirror of society, all the kids are just mini versions of what's to come. So that can help me understand society and psychology more which would deepen whatever I create with my LP. I already thought a little and am also teaching 5 hours per week atm and it's an okay job. So it wouldnt be my LP but it would have a good base to comfortable pursue my real LP. acting: Over the last two years I have been doing a lot of acting as a hobby which is a lot of fun but it took a lot of time and I am also thinking about doing this as a career path. It would give me a relatively unstable base though and it would probably just miss my LP. Learning to act itself is incredible fun but it can also be emotionally challenging which I might not be capable to do. My Life Purpose is generally a bit unclear to me. Being a critical thinker is very much part of my authentic self and I have also got a very creative mind because of my adhd. On their own or even combined they dont really give me a life purpose that I find meaningful. For example I always think critically but I dont see where this practically leads to. And I often come up with new start up ideas because as I love the creative process but when it isnt connected to something meaningful I loose interest in it. The closest I could with these two is working on series like Rick&Morty which comes close to feeling like a LP. But I think there is a last component, a last value that is blocked from my mind. Besides these top two values I also care about empathy, goodness, authenticity, but not enough about any of them to make a LP in combination with the two about them I think. I sometimes look in my past to where the last puzzle piece might be. I developed a very profound even mystical happiness as a kid as I think that I had mystical experiences in kindergarden. I really vibed with Jesus in that time as well. I felt like it would virtually be impossible to break my spirit because I was connected to something unbreakable. I even felt like I needed to go through some real shit, to be lost, to come out of it and from that place be authentically able to help other people. I had a feeling of calling back then. Well I am not quite back to my inner garden of roses yet. I did about 20 trips of psychedelics and never realized a mystical experience because I was in too much shit mentally I think. (interestingly never had a really bad trip either though) I formulated my LP rather vague. I couldnt find any formulation that deeply inspired because as I said I think there is some authentic part of me missing. Taking my reflection about my past and moments of reflection I feel like it has to do with healing, bliss, profound love, existential (healing), spirituality. But I cant completely make out if these things interest me because I feel like I have a lack of them (negative motivation) or if it is authentic. To make my LP more concrete I could reformulate it like this for example (but I am not sure about it): - giving people blissful spiritual experiences to make them more loving and conscious. - finding existential beauty and meaning in fucked up situations to make people more hopeful So with all of this I have no clear direction of where to go and I found out new things about myself/ unblock blockades and this is probably going on for months and years to come. All ways would help me move forwards. If I study to become a teacher that would be an acceptable path which would allow me to do lots of other stuff (LP) I am interested in as well but then I could never study to become a serious actor because I would be too old at this point. I would need to become more clear about myself and my values to see what I value most. A side thought is also to experiment with start ups (for money) as I have lots of ideas for them. Right now I am thinking of continue studying while giving myself time to process and I can on the side apply to acting schools. Chances of getting accepted are pretty low anyways and if I get accepted that would be a sign that I am quite talented. Design ohne Titel.pdf

I got an Audio Book from Peter Ralston and I could not listen to more then 30 minutes of it as I know Ralstons original voice and that just didnt seem right. Same with Alan Watts. It would be the same for your book I think.

https://lichess.org/de/training/DBEI3

I would have my disagreements with the message at some points but good on you for trying yourself out in front of the camera, you have a very calm voice and dont shy away to speak to the camera. Its nice to listen to you talk.

Not following my survival instincs feels so good. Letting her go, not holding onto it. But of course its anti survival. Letting the war on survival go, aka embracing death, feels like bliss.

It feels like I am fucking up so badly atm. I have got this girl in my social circle and she seems very interested in me. I also thought about it, but I am not fully emotionally interested and sexually only kind of. We are cool, there is trust, but there isnt really the vibe and chemistry. I would probably run through open doors with her, if I escalated but I am just not sure if I actually want it. She stroked over my arm yesterday when whe chatted and I just didnt really feel good about it. She will probably look for someone else now .. that seemed to be in the air when I arrived yesterday. And that will kind of hurt because I am partially invested. Maybe I can talk with a friend about it.

That would be a helpful game. An "open source democracy starter pack". Oftentimes when a regime is taken over, its not that easy to put a new, non corrupt government into power. Its all just chaos. If you had a blueprint to follow to get the building blocks for making a democracy, that could transform many countries. It would maybe even motivate protests earlier, because they know that they could get into the building of a democracy at the end of a regime change and not fall into deeper chaos.

Denmark is lterally the least corrupt country on earth with a CPI of 90!! (US is at 69 in 2023) And the second happiest country on earth with a score of 7.58 of 10. Not sure if that is a blessing or a curse with dealing with the US atm.

Maybe. Is that just one example or the rule?

I "let myself go" a little bit and regularely buy brown lentil soup and baked beans. The ingredients list is minimal. The flavour and convenience is so much better though. Put half the lentil Soup in a glass bowl, smash an egg in it, microwave for 5 minutes and you have a solid meal. Ofc cooking it fresh would be better but I know I wouldnt do it as often then. Is it a big deal? How well regulated are cans nowadays?

China is authoritarian too .. well not as corrupt as Russia though. Well idk, very possible that you are right, I cant really tell as I havent contemplated this dynamic deeply enough.

1) Thats a good point 2) The US alone sends most of the weapons. So I think Russia will see the chance to get more territory. The US will get back on track in a few years. 3) Why? China and Russia are cool with each other from what I know.

The peace price committee didnt give Trump the peace price, it was the bullshit decision of one women. The thread of Russia exists though and without the US support Ukraine cant defend itself. Russia also has nukes and seems to be more desperate so thats a dangerous situation. So Europe has to keep being friends with the US as long as possible. That Europe still pays for Russian oil is pathetic, I can agree on that.

Of course they oppose Trump and Putin. Europe is dependet on the US for survival though.

That was a surprisingly nice coaching. Got a new technique for getting out of my head while coaching He also offered to give me more frequent coachings when I need it, next coaching will be in about 2 - 3 weeks .. My focus seems to be good (which is interesting), I am not viewing long enough before getting into the interpretation though which is the big thing. And my interpretation also isnt on point.

At a festival I met a guy who had the appearence of a pirate. He would always push himself through the crowd and then do coke in the middle of everyone. Then he would do simple sexual dance moves like moving his hips back and forth. Basically offering coke and dick. It was the most absurd game I have ever seen. But for him in particular I could see how it could work. He had this wild appearence, some girls may like it, it was BDSM built into it. In fact I noticed that he got lots of attention and girls actually made short chit chat if they would want to take the offer. When he left the crowd I wondered if I could pull it off so I made the same sexual dance moves like him and everyone starred at me, so I left fast. You gotta find YOUR niche indeed.

Tomorrow I have another training session with my RV trainer. I dont like him. In the last email he gave me the wrong name. Not sure if that was intended. Complete red flag wtf, if I told that anybody. Well I dont really care how well we get along personally, I just need RV to work and for that the basis is still intact. It becomes increasingly hard to explain to myself that RV is real though. Whats saving me a bit is that it does seem like I am making some progress.

Whoohoo my new Body Doubling Launge actually works which is great.

I think thats hard to answer scientifically because the "pure introverts" will only be a small part of that group. Isolated or empathetic people will strongy correlate with many other unhealthy traits. Friends help immensely with material survival which is important to keep in mind as well. I think even if you are a strong introvert you need some kind of human connection, maybe less but still some of it.

Yeah .. it takes a lot of consciousness though to face the suffering head on and look for its cause. The cause is oftentimes deeply burried. Very easy to numb yourself beforehand. Oh yeah thats true. I think the number one predictor of longevity is actually having a good social life.

I sorta stagnated at this stage of development. I knew that eating healthy was a good thing and I felt great about archieving that. But I had a long way to go, I had tons of social, career and spiritual problems I was afraid of. Because they overwhelmed me so much I rather stuck to what I had success with before and chased the last 10% of health.

Do you have adhd?

Nice disclaimer. Maybe make a disclaimer for the disclaimer, that the disclaimer will be long but is important.

Yeah but its hunderds to thousands little "karmas" compared to a big one.