Jannes

I did it. Its interesting, each time I have such a long break that its so fresh that I have a new idea each for training each time. This time I did stop at the top for lateral raises but at like 45 degrees, so I stayed in the 45 to 90 degrees area where the tension is the whole time. That seemed to work really well. But training just feels pretty boring. But it feels healthy, like my body and mind feel better now.

I just finished the LP course a few days ago. I have been thinking about this moment for quite a while as I started this course more then 2 years ago. Not that I get all the missing answers here but maybe some advice from more experienced folks who are already living their LP. I am 25 now and I live in germany. I have got inattentive adhd which made many things very difficult for me like concentration, dealing with emotions and social problems which indirectly also made other things difficult like finding study partners or getting help with emotional distress difficult. So basically I was always an emotional mess/ overtaxed/ semi depressed while getting nothing done and not understanding what was wrong with me. As a result I had difficulties answering many questions in the life purpose course because I experienced relatively little concrete success so far because I couldnt really take part in life as much. I feel like I have got as close to it as what would be possible with my blockades but I feel like the very thing that is my LP is something I cant see right now. I take meds now and it seems like many things are clearing up rapidly but and I do make quite the transformation. I feel more capable but not necessarily upgraded. The stars become less interesting and I see more immediate tasks ahead. I become a lot more concrete instead of abstract. Thats the best way I can describe it. I seem to manifest myself in reality. I was always very reflected and stuff but was like a wave without its own will it can force onto the world. I develop a sense of self now. It sounds pretty unconscious I know and I made the point myself that adhd (at least the inattentive type that I experience) makes you more conscious. But in taking my meds I can deal with reality at least. If I got emotional support/ grounding maybe I could do it without meds but currently I can only do it this way. So this situation is quite confusing atm. In terms of my career so far: teaching: I am in 10th semester of studying math and philosophy for middle school but only have enough points to complete like 4 semesters (you need 10 semesters in total) because of the emotional distress I was always in. I could probably do better with the meds now so it really isnt hopeless. I decided to study teaching though because I did some internship to see what I like and teaching was okay for a moment and I couldnt deal with the pain of being in a situation of uncertainty so I did the best thing I found at the moment which wasn't the most conscious choice. Also there is a bit of buffer as with this graduation I can do other things as well. Teaching isnt directly my Life Purpose I am pretty sure about that. But I would earn a lot of money per hour, can do it part time, have a lot of holidays and a class in school gives you many direct information to observe which can inspire you. A school class is basically a mirror of society, all the kids are just mini versions of what's to come. So that can help me understand society and psychology more which would deepen whatever I create with my LP. I already thought a little and am also teaching 5 hours per week atm and it's an okay job. So it wouldnt be my LP but it would have a good base to comfortable pursue my real LP. acting: Over the last two years I have been doing a lot of acting as a hobby which is a lot of fun but it took a lot of time and I am also thinking about doing this as a career path. It would give me a relatively unstable base though and it would probably just miss my LP. Learning to act itself is incredible fun but it can also be emotionally challenging which I might not be capable to do. My Life Purpose is generally a bit unclear to me. Being a critical thinker is very much part of my authentic self and I have also got a very creative mind because of my adhd. On their own or even combined they dont really give me a life purpose that I find meaningful. For example I always think critically but I dont see where this practically leads to. And I often come up with new start up ideas because as I love the creative process but when it isnt connected to something meaningful I loose interest in it. The closest I could with these two is working on series like Rick&Morty which comes close to feeling like a LP. But I think there is a last component, a last value that is blocked from my mind. Besides these top two values I also care about empathy, goodness, authenticity, but not enough about any of them to make a LP in combination with the two about them I think. I sometimes look in my past to where the last puzzle piece might be. I developed a very profound even mystical happiness as a kid as I think that I had mystical experiences in kindergarden. I really vibed with Jesus in that time as well. I felt like it would virtually be impossible to break my spirit because I was connected to something unbreakable. I even felt like I needed to go through some real shit, to be lost, to come out of it and from that place be authentically able to help other people. I had a feeling of calling back then. Well I am not quite back to my inner garden of roses yet. I did about 20 trips of psychedelics and never realized a mystical experience because I was in too much shit mentally I think. (interestingly never had a really bad trip either though) I formulated my LP rather vague. I couldnt find any formulation that deeply inspired because as I said I think there is some authentic part of me missing. Taking my reflection about my past and moments of reflection I feel like it has to do with healing, bliss, profound love, existential (healing), spirituality. But I cant completely make out if these things interest me because I feel like I have a lack of them (negative motivation) or if it is authentic. To make my LP more concrete I could reformulate it like this for example (but I am not sure about it): - giving people blissful spiritual experiences to make them more loving and conscious. - finding existential beauty and meaning in fucked up situations to make people more hopeful So with all of this I have no clear direction of where to go and I found out new things about myself/ unblock blockades and this is probably going on for months and years to come. All ways would help me move forwards. If I study to become a teacher that would be an acceptable path which would allow me to do lots of other stuff (LP) I am interested in as well but then I could never study to become a serious actor because I would be too old at this point. I would need to become more clear about myself and my values to see what I value most. A side thought is also to experiment with start ups (for money) as I have lots of ideas for them. Right now I am thinking of continue studying while giving myself time to process and I can on the side apply to acting schools. Chances of getting accepted are pretty low anyways and if I get accepted that would be a sign that I am quite talented. Design ohne Titel.pdf

I am running circles from going to the gym. I took a break for about 3 weeks for some reason. I often went to the gym to feel somewhat productive after not accomplishing anything. But now that I do thanks to body doubling and the added exhausting I feel less motivated to go. But this is the moment now!

Watched a few of those videos and I feel drained. Its always like this. With a hit song as well. I wonder if it has something to do with adhd that there is less limit on my emotions. It can be used in some cases like in acting though.

In most cases it implies that you eat certain foods that arent good for your gut health and mind. Like you just feel bad when you eat too much wheat. I must admit that I dont know how it would be for carnivores who get their whole calories from meat. I see. Yeah the fiber can become a little much at times with legumes and stuff. You can adapt to it over time but there are limits to it.

When you get to little and only take a shit every 3 days its also terrible for the brain. You would need to elobarate again how you did the diet otherwise I am not convinced it wasnt for some other reason.

Your brain is connected to your gut, a healthy gut supported by fiber can definitely have a big impact on your mind. Also eating healthy makes you feel good of course.

I feel like wrestling is one of the funniest things to examine metaphysically. I feel like wrestlers are people for whom regular fighting sports just dont give enough satisfaction, like punching someone in the face still isnt satisfying enough. So they make a whole art about celebrating 'punching someone in the face' in the most powerful and artistic way possible.

In terms of working through shadow stuff, I have little shame about being interested in porn, but for raw presentations of power I feel intense shame and cringe that I get one up when I indulge in it.

I just thought about what has really changed since I came to my first articulation, because it seems like its still somewhat similiar. Purely for LP: I seemed to heal a lot which helped to narrow down my LP. I accepted that teaching isnt for me. What hasnt changed is that I still cant let go completly from acting or the theatre. But in a way thats also process as even if I might not work professionally there, I might have to accept that I will integrate it as a part of my life. Small theatre groups are everywhere.

Again I seem to come to a similiar conclusion: But maybe its not about just healing, I think I had a bias towards it because I needed healing myself. But coming in contact with the existential is beautiful in its own way although a side effect can be healing. I think I am very good at finding truth/ an authentic voice and I am naturally very creative and abstract thinking. This renewed articulation seems more true to me now as it comes less from a sense of lack. > Conveying existential truths in abstract artistical ways to make people more conscious.

I did an internship with people with handycap years ago. What I realized there, was that I could be pretty emphatic but the goal of this place was simply to help these people go about their day so they dont suffer to much and have some enjoyment. But that was it. And its really not like this is nothing. But it wasnt for me.. In the same way I am not sure if I want to be a social worker helping people just go about their day. If I can I would rather want to guide them towards something higher, help them heal in a deeper way, or create something extremely beautiful.

Acting just doesnt leave me. And the theatre itself also not, it just gives so many possibilites to express in an over the top adhd style. Well I dont have to become a professional actor to have it in my life, but when I do it with non-professionals you just dont come to the same quality. At least the impro theatre group I am in is so far away from actually doing acting, like none of them try or might even think that it is possible to make things seem authentic.

So I have had another informational talk for changing my degrees today. Turn out when I take education as my prime degree over philosophie in my doubles bachelor degree then I can make my bachelors degree about a certain other field I like. But while I was doing this talk I constantly thought to myself that I would rather either be a real psychologist or an artist, like I just want to create something. But if I want an easy degree that gives me some options this bachelor would be it. And I can practice at home learning animation if I really want to. But then again, acting just seems so cool. But it might interfere with my emotional well-being and spirituality. But I constantly mix acting with the club which I was in which was bad for my mental health. Maybe in another club it would be different.

On average I think this would improve the section a ton. I personally would feel much more comfortable posting in this section then and I imagine others members feel the same. But there are probably some cases where this wouldnt be good. For example when you are an artist, maybe you want guests to view your art as well. Thats why having the option to turn it public or not would be good, or maybe two sections, one private one public could work as well. But thats just my opinion, we could make a poll!

I would like the Self-actualization-journals-section to be reworked. For threads you need: 1) Ability to turn members commenting in the journal on and off, bonus if you can invite certain people to be allowed to comment in the journal (Sometimes its also unclear if you are allowed to comment in someones journal or not. This way there wouldnt be any confusion) 2) Ability to make the journal invisible to guests

https://www.actualized.org/insights/actualized-quotes-272 I dont understand this quote -- maybe this dumb follow up question can help: Then how did Santa Claus never manifest? Millions of kids each year spent a ton of imaginative power into Santa Claus and yet Santa Claus doesnt seem to manifest.

Yeah @Flowerfaeiry comes to mind. But Its been a while since I saw one of them online. So you are one of the few or only active female mod right now.

Congrats! I also enjoy it that we have a female mod in charge now. I know we are above repressing women, but its nice to also see the "proof in the pudding".

I enjoyed that documentary. Didnt know that crocs were smart.

Just a detail, but I have to say that Hunter Bidens style is really on point. All the colors match perfectly. I wonder if he has a stylist or something, or if its because he needs to look presentable as the son of the president.

Seminar done, in the end it became quite interesting. Traditional morality from Kant and Mill got slandered which was great. Unfortunately the girl I liked much was at work. I got into a weird situation. Yesterday a girl invited me to go to the baker in lunch break as we talked a lot. We worked together well and got along fine but I wasnt interested in her. Today I asked if goes to the baker again and she said that yeah but that she needs to learn. I didnt want to come off as needy so I went to another spot instead. I came back earlier and had a talk with another girl in the seminar and I changed my seat to talk to her more. This kind of created a bit of a subtle underlying vibe as 'seeing girls as replaceable'. In this case it was just by chance but I did notice how my unconscious ego tried to get something out of that dynamic.. If you learn to talk to a lot of girls because you worked yourself towards it, you will be tempted to abuse your position. If you never learned that, there is no power you could abuse.

Authenticity is in fashion right now.

This seminar sucks a little right now, but generally I have to say, I am WAY WAY more emotionally stable and healthy then just a few months back.