Mixcoatl

I mean, yes. I agree. But that is not precisely the answer I'm looking for. We all agree that every form appears without subject or without owner. I wanna know why when a song occurs, there's also a feeling and where it occurs. Is it the same as the song? Is it in the air? Is it in a body?

I am a very neurotic person, haha. And I always want to have the definitive answer to questions. In that attempt, I start to create explanations over explanations but the problem is that I get distracted from what I truly experienced with substances.

I'm planning a solo retreat in a cabin in the forest without drugs. I think this is one of the best methods

No judgement of the things that arise in the present moment help me a lot to have a significant approach to God but it's way more difficult. I'll take into consideration the advice.

But why I can find a chair?

I think there must be a sentient being around for the emotion to be raised but yes, it was not localized. I kind of believe that the emotion is just when a music-sentient-being system appears, emotions arise. Maybe all these things are mixed up in one homogeneous experience

I certainly felt emotional due to the song. But I couldn't find where this emotion was occurring. It didn't feel in the brain, nor in my body. It was more like the emotion was just occurring. I tried to find where it was happening and my first insight was that the music and the emotion were stick together. I felt that more real than feeling it in my brain.

There are rules at every level. Almighty power is paradoxical.

I believe in some science, that's how it works. I try not to believe in spiritual teachers or groups but sometimes I fail.

Neil DeGrasse: “We have to objectify science by removing the bias of human senses and human experience.” Also Neil DeGrasse: “We haven’t been able to understand what consciousness is.” I have the intuition that you will never understand consciousness if you take it away from the equation.

Accurate

This dark period is kinda never ending. Sometimes it is frustrating. That's exactly the reason why I keep on following this path. Maybe soon I will see the light.

This is the third time I’ve tried to read Spinoza’s "Ethics, Demonstrated in Geometrical Order". I’m drawn to it because of the way he constructs logical demonstrations of God. I enjoy philosophy, but every time I come back to this book, I end up feeling frustrated by how difficult it is to follow. In contrast, I find the arguments for God (especially the one proposed by Gura) in recent Actualized.org videos much easier to understand. Leo’s way of explaining things feels very clear and accessible. His language is more spontaneous, and he mixes in emotional expression, which makes the ideas easier to connect with. The real issue for me is that I often feel pressured to read philosophy books so I can jsutify my way of thinking during conversations. This way of thinking is simple, made out of insights that I have had during my life, but I feel people can think is not legitimate if it is not supported by authors. how can I stop giving a fuck about what others think about it?

A few yrs ago I came to the logical conclusion that there cannot exist anything that is unknown by a consciousness. Later, I confirmed this with experience and psychedelics but there are things that I'm not yet aware of. actualized.org are always mentioning that consciousness = nothing. I haven't realized that thing yet but I also don't want to blindly believe it. Rupert Spira says something like: "Consciousness is sneaky and impossible to grasp." Probably one have to accept first that it is impossible to understand these kind of things.

I'm astonished by the number of substances you've tested.

As I have been working with substances like LSD and bufo, one of the main challenges I continually encounter is how easy it is to construct belief systems and mistake them for truth. I spend a significant amount of time watching videos from various teachers and thinkers such as idealist philosophers and scientists, which has been valuable, as without them I might feel somewhat lost or disconnected. However, this is also where the problem arises. Each time I return from a bufo experience, I find myself trying to interpret what I experienced through the lens of what I’ve heard from these guides. In doing so, I sometimes attempt to convince myself that I’ve realized more than I actually have. At this point, there are certain insights from my experiences that feel undeniably true, while others, especially those described by some teachers, remain uncertain to me. Despite this, I notice a tendency in myself to want to believe them anyway. Because of this, I’m beginning to feel that it may be more beneficial to step back from external sources of guidance for a while and focus instead on forming my own understanding of truth based on direct experience. I’m not sure if this is the best approach for my development, because before listening to teachers, I couldn’t understand what was happening during my LSD experiences.

I was about to say the same. Some people (including myself, at times) feel a sense of comfort when they notice that others share and support the same ideas. I'm currently working on it.

Correct me if I'm wrong but... Can't understand why scientific mind denies first person experiences and testimonials as evidence when science occurs inside first person experience!! Peer review is first person experience, seeing a cell through a microscope is first person experience. Today I watched a video of Curt Jaimungal interviewing Neil DeGrasse Tyson and this guy says something like "I don't care about testimonials because it's the lowest source of evidence..." He says science develops instruments to minimize the subjectivity of the human senses to make science objective like building microscopes in one side and building telescopes in the other side, but it is funny for me because human senses are involved all the time. If not, who is watching through that telescope?

I used to think that way until I realized there are many different kinds of intelligence. One of them is emotional intelligence. The people you mention is actually very intelligent but the source of their depression is their inability to fit in a regular world.

Telescopes are experience indeed 😂

I've always found this forum to be a good place where I feel confident asking for guidance. Thanks to all of you guys, It is much clearer to me now.

I just want to know if it's possible to use the plug method for bufo alvarius flakes instead of smoking it.

There’s this plague online lately: “gurus” selling courses that teach you… guess what… how to sell a course to get rich. It’s like a scam inside a scam wrapped in motivational music and fake promises. And yeah, I fell for it. It’s embarrassing as hell to admit it. I was desperate, already in debt, looking for a way out. And these people hunt specifically for folks in that exact state. They know who to target. They’re predators. I paid for the course. Lost money I didn’t even have. Now I’m deeper in debt, my projects are frozen, and the guilt is sitting on my chest like a wet brick. Not just because of the money, but because I feel stupid for not seeing through it. Has anyone else been through this? Or am I the only fool who got sucked into a well-edited cloud of nothing?

Thanks for the response, bro. The truth is that all these things are hard for me to integrate. The little I’ve been able to integrate from my experience with Bufo has been so mind-blowing that I can’t even digest it — I can’t even believe it when I’m sober. It scares me a bit to reach higher levels of consciousness.

I’ve been working with 5-MeO-DMT (Bufo) for the past two years, slowly deepening my connection with it. But my last trip was on a whole different level. For the first time, I experienced what I can only describe as my own death. Not a symbolic one. I was gone. There was no body, no thought, no "me". Only eternity — endless presence. Stillness. Infinity. I had touched something similar before through meditation, or so I thought. But now I realize this was the real thing. And yet… even in the midst of that absolute dissolution, something strange happened. I remembered I was human. I had memories — vivid ones — of my family, my life, my name. But they didn’t feel real. They felt like images, floating within that eternal field. Like echoes inside a dream that I was finally waking up from. And that’s where my question begins: If I truly dissolved, If I truly died, If I truly became the Absolute... Why did memory remain? Why was there still a thread tying me to my human identity? Is there a level beyond — one where even memory disappears? Where there’s nothing left but pure Being, without a trace of narrative? And my second question: Why do I come back to this same story? Why this human narrative again? What is sustaining this return to the illusion of continuity? Is this identity just a habit of consciousness… or is there more to it? Is my body kept somewhere while I'm "tripping"? Much love.