Mixcoatl

I have left away my pipe full of medicine a few times because of the same thing. I feel scared, my hands start to shake and I am unable to do it. When I dare to smoke I feel a lot of fear. Last time I told to myself "I don't have the need to do this". But after I cross that difficult part, I feel the most absolute peace I've ever felt.

If you want to reach enlightenment, you're wrong because “it's your ego that is desiring it.” If you don't want to reach enlightenment, you're wrong because “spirituality should be the main goal of every human being.” If you talk about how high your DMT doses are, "you have a huge ego.” But apparently, you can't be enlightened unless you've had hundreds of psychedelic trips. If you seek guidance, you're wrong because “it's a personal path.” If you don't seek guidance, you're wrong because “you could misapply or misunderstand spirituality.” If you use peyote without a ceremony, you're wrong because “spirituality is sacred.” If you try to participate in a ceremony, you might be told you don't belong there or be expected to pay hundreds of dollars to ordinary people presenting themselves as spiritual authorities. I'm honestly pissed off by these contradictions. Not because I think spirituality is meaningless, but because I'm tired of people constantly pointing fingers and presenting their own interpretation as if they were the unquestionable authority on what spirituality is supposed to be.

He says he is the only absolutely awakened. "No one in actualized.org forum is enlightened". His dream is "people realizes God" but at the same time, anything that doesn't fit in his way "is stupid".

Because I feel I need help from people. But rather than getting help, I get judgement.

It's not that easy to develop your own insights without the help of others. I didn't know what ego really is until a few years ago, by searching for help. But at the same time it's difficult to find help without being judged and pointed on how wrong one is.

I trust science but since trust is required, it means a lower source of knowledge.

I'm serious about my spiritual path, and I have a very inquisitive nature when it comes to the self, reality, consciousness, etc. But I really feel kinda stuck. I've been doing psychedelics for more than 10 years, and I've been using them regularly for more than 4 years. This includes 5-MeO-DMT, LSD, and others. I've had many very strong experiences with 5-MeO that I consider awakenings. Here's the thing: I've experienced many of the things people commonly report from their trips — depersonalization, ego death, the mind-like nature of reality, absolute calm and peace, complete fusion and oneness with my environment, the absence of time, omnipresence, love and acceptance of reality as it is, etc. All of these things are real to me because I've actually experienced them. But I still haven't been able to reach some of the other experiences people report. Many people have talked about things like time travel, becoming super-intelligent alien minds, experiencing God's mind, and so on. This is difficult for me because I don't want to blindly believe in these experiences. If anything, I'd like to experience them myself rather than simply accepting them as beliefs and falling into dogma. I don't know whether it's a matter of higher doses, different substances, more meditation, or something else entirely. At the same time, it's difficult to find proper guidance. I've been following Gura's work for a long time, and I really appreciate a lot of what he's done. However, it sometimes feels weird to me that he says he wants to help people awaken, while at the same time he — and many other people on this path — tend to treat others as "newbies" or inexperienced, so to speak. Not to mention that I feel pretty alone on this path. 99.9% of the people I interact with don't really care about these things at all. I'm planning a Bufo Alvarius experience with a lot of preparation — fasting, a calm mindset, a proper environment, a high dose, etc. — in the hope of reaching the next level. But honestly, I don't know if it's going to work. Has anyone else been in a similar situation? Have you reached a point where you felt like you had experienced a lot of what psychedelics can show you, but still felt that there was something further to explore? How did you approach that without simply taking other people's claims on faith?

"I have reached a new level of awakening"... Gura on many of his videos. It's not the same a mushroom trip and an LSD trip. I don't think I have experienced god's mind. Altough I have experienced oneness with my surroundings, I have never experienced my friend's mind in a trip.

I think the third one is non true in quantum physics. That's why new kinds of logic had to be developed. I agree that the first one is the most stable law: It's a squared triangle possible? By the way, some people say that God has absolute power. I don't know. I think God can't break the most fundamental laws of logic. A squared triangle is absolutely impossible.

It just happens when I am sitting on my couch and I suddenly remember that outrageous experience with bufo alvarius. The best thing is that I get amazed for that and I think: "it's real". 😱😱 I'm having these flashbacks more constantly since I quit weed.

Thanks for sharing this. I cannot even imagine what you're saying! I guess the possibilities are infinite and go beyond human comprehension. But at the same time I'm happy you're wearing that human avatar right now and when it has to happen again, it will happen. It's hard to explain my highest trips so far. But I will try as it is related with the main thread. Once I was sitting and thinking about what God could be. Suddenly, I remembered that one experience that happened when I was a "figure" (it wasn't exactly that), but this thing appeared in the nothing and across the eternity and across every piece of space I could imagine. I remembered that it was the truest thing that happened to me ever! In that moment I comprehended that only God can realize God, but at the same time I have the memory of it and it came so vivid that in that moment I was so sure about God. Another trip I had, I became a sort of fractals in the void, but those fractals were nothing... but I was still there, alone in the everything, completely full of peace, the most absolute peace I have ever felt. Today I had a normal human life with work and stress, a lot of thoughts in my brain that I forgot about all of this. I don't really know if those experiences are really awakenings but, so far, they are out of what I could brand as normal. But I am sure these things are true as I have experienced them.

I live with enough money for food, rent, and gas. So I have plenty of time to party, develop my mind, relax and do art. That's perfect for me... But not for girls. They always eventually end up telling me: "you don't have life goals, you don't know what you want in life" because for most of them, having life goals equals to pursuing money and businesses. I feel frustrated, so I decided to give up on dating. What do you guys and girls think of that?

@Yimpa when I am doing my everyday stuff, I doubt anything I have experienced with bufo, LSD, etc. I try to find explanations why there cannot be a single being here in my room. Then I take my time to contemplate, sitting on my couch and I suddenly have this memory of what happened with 5-meo and I remember how vivid and true was it. How I am the only thing that exists. It's just glimpses. I don't feel the same during my everyday normal life.

Bakery, painting and music. I'm going towards that direction, but in the meantime, I'm invisible for women to make a relationship. Good point. I appreciate it. I recognize that I am feeding that vicious circle. I wish women didn't expect men to be the providers nowadays. Share your yt channel

Certainly. Bc for most of them, developing my art is not a real goal. For most of them, having real goals in life is having money. It indirectly is. I'm not denying I wanna have more money, but it has to come after my art, not before.

Sex is not my priority anymore. I want a relationship

Of course I have a job. And of course I have a lot of ambitions: making my art, development of my mind. Aren't those things an ambition? Why always people think ambitions=money?

When glimpses are not occurring I tend to deny my experiences as well.

If it's just a belief, you shouldn't share it.

Totally agree. Better to keep those insights for you. 5-meo insights are things that I can barely integrate to myself, no need to try to explain to others. Kinda useless.

Unless I am Rupert Spira or Ekhart Tolle, they think I'm crazy. I stopped trying to share my psychedelic experiences since people get scared and see me like a weird man. I also don't have good speaking skills which makes the task very difficult.

It is weird how in sober state I doubt a lot about what I've experienced with bufo alvarius but every time I smoke it again I come to this manifestation of God. In the past months I have been trying to convince myself when I am sober that everything is God without accepting that there is no need to do it when I already experienced it, more precise: When the experience of Everything has happened already. When I smoke bufo is not that I see God, I could describe it more like: only God can recognize itself and only God can know God and the experience happens to it. Then I come back from the trip but I, Mixcoatl, remember the experience that I try to deny with my logic. Today I smoked weed and I had the realization again but more like a flashback, remembering the experience and it was much easier for me to accept that God exists, something that usually doesn't happen. One day I was sitting at my terrace just starring at my dog and suddenly I had the same flaskback of being everything and in that precise moment I had no doubt of what was happening. Gura says in one of his videos that he is constantly aware that "this is God". I can't do it yet and honestly I don't think I need to pursue it, but it's confusing the feeling of denying something that I remember already happened.

After years of thinking about what is the ultimate substance of the universe, I finally had this insight that everything necessarily has to be nothing... And it was thanks to the quantum field theory that suggests that fields are the most fundamental or simplest structure of existence which is crazy because if it is so, they must "remain in the nothing". You can't even imagine a "something" substance that is fundamental unless it remains in the nothing, unless it is nothing. If this ultimate substance (let's say X) is something, it is forced to be made out of anything more fundamental, therefore, X cannot be a fundamental substance. It applies for strings, space, fields or even consciousness. Anything that you can think is the more fundamental thing. For me, nothing is the most fundamental "thing". I love this insight but at the same time it feeds my nihilism and my sadness.

Thank you, really!! I'm trying to grasp what you mean but I think I'm going to the right direction.

If God exists, that guy is the only one that can be solipsistic. I am not.