Mixcoatl

It is weird how in sober state I doubt a lot about what I've experienced with bufo alvarius but every time I smoke it again I come to this manifestation of God. In the past months I have been trying to convince myself when I am sober that everything is God without accepting that there is no need to do it when I already experienced it, more precise: When the experience of Everything has happened already. When I smoke bufo is not that I see God, I could describe it more like: only God can recognize itself and only God can know God and the experience happens to it. Then I come back from the trip but I, Mixcoatl, remember the experience that I try to deny with my logic. Today I smoked weed and I had the realization again but more like a flashback, remembering the experience and it was much easier for me to accept that God exists, something that usually doesn't happen. One day I was sitting at my terrace just starring at my dog and suddenly I had the same flaskback of being everything and in that precise moment I had no doubt of what was happening. Gura says in one of his videos that he is constantly aware that "this is God". I can't do it yet and honestly I don't think I need to pursue it, but it's confusing the feeling of denying something that I remember already happened.

Huicholes in my country use to eat peyote for five years everyday in order to understand the medicine and become marakames (a kind of shaman). But they are respected just because they follow ancient rituals from their ancestors. Psychedelics have shown me things that were unimaginable from sober state or methods like meditation. I agree that once you have had the insight, it's the best thing to integrate it to life. However, I'm very curious about psychedelics and I don't have any problem to keep on doing them as they have shown me a lot of things of myself. "If you can't notice it sober then you can't notice it sober". You're just eliminating the possibility that one day I can reach that state as sober that I've only reached with bufo alvarius so far.

Science is true in the relative! And it works inside its domain. Science is not even untrue outside of this domain, it's useless and meaningless. Leo has already a video series about science and he explains these topics with a very holistic perspective. You should check it, it's very entertaining.

As I understand, you can recognize God with your current mind because it is infinite in some dimensions (try to find the limit of your imagination, you can't) I think that's God. That's why there are some techniques that could approach you to recognize God. Your mind is already God as your imagination is infinite but as the Cantor theory says, there are always larger infinites. I already said that it's about being bc you have to be your mind to recognize the infiniteness of your imagination. You don't have to know it, you just have to be. You smoke bufo and you become a larger mind, you just have to be that mind to recognize it.

Existence is the only thing that can exist. Existence is. Everything ok so far... Then you're saying that when you see what's behind the curtains of existence, is there nothing? Like there's nothing beyond existence? When I'm high, all the sounds are contingent and appear in the silence, it's crystal clear. I think you mean that.

After years of thinking about what is the ultimate substance of the universe, I finally had this insight that everything necessarily has to be nothing... And it was thanks to the quantum field theory that suggests that fields are the most fundamental or simplest structure of existence which is crazy because if it is so, they must "remain in the nothing". You can't even imagine a "something" substance that is fundamental unless it remains in the nothing, unless it is nothing. If this ultimate substance (let's say X) is something, it is forced to be made out of anything more fundamental, therefore, X cannot be a fundamental substance. It applies for strings, space, fields or even consciousness. Anything that you can think is the more fundamental thing. For me, nothing is the most fundamental "thing". I love this insight but at the same time it feeds my nihilism and my sadness.

Yes. You changed the subject.

When I am on a deep sleep, nothing appears but I know it happened when I wake up. I know I was there.

Yes, that's right. My brain is the character that is asking the question. My guess is: if there isn't difference between physical death and psychological death, what if that day they picked up my body and delivered it to my family and they performed my funeral, later in that dream? Creepy!!

It's not about knowing. It's about being. Knowing needs an outer set. Being needs only the initial set to be.

Today I went to eat tacos for lunch and these guys at the restaurant played a very melancholic emotional song on the speakers that I instantly felt the emotion. I started to feel kind of sad, so I tried to find out where this emotion was occurring. Since I was at University I was very skeptical of the reductionist explanation of all qualia that happens to humans, therefore, the explanation of science that says that emotions are chemistry inside of the brain is related but not convincing for me at all. Going back to the experiment at the restaurant, I noticed that the feeling was the song as if they both were stick together but at the same time, the feeling was "in the air". This is just a small insight I had. I wanna know if you have had a similar insights regarding emotions and how I can do a good enquiry to realize the nature of emotions.

From my understanding, non existence is somehow the prerequisite for all of existence. There can't be a substance without the nothing. You can't reach the ultimate substance without thinking in the nothing. I think that's why many say everything = nothing. Physicists say "strings aren't made out of anything... Fields aren't made out of anything... These things are fundamental, there is nothing beyond that". Mystics say "reality is void... Reality is nothing" nothing is somehow necessary for existence. Limits always contradict themselves. Set theory paradoxes, for instance.

Though I have had great insights with 5meo, like oneness and ego annihilation, I still don't feel that I have had an awakening. I am patient but persistent. I hope one day I can have such realizations.

One night I had a dream that someone shot me in my chest with a gun. I felt the bullet getting into my chest, I felt the pain, I felt the distress of my death and suddenly I woke up. Today is the day that I am still asking to myself If I really died that night.

Oh, I see!! This phrase you just have thrown makes me feel closer to the answer. The emotion is just arising in me, not precisely in my brain or body. Maybe that's why I can't locate it. I think you nailed it. The emotion is not necessarily stick together to the song as I could think. It is just appearing in The Field. I have a certainty: The emotion is happening, and that's already too much!!

Yes, definitely there must be a brain and some ears and some music in the game for the emotion to arise. Many will say "it is not located, perceptions occur without owner...". But that is not convincing. The damn song and my ears appear located. This is not happening to my cousin in Atlanta.

I mean, yes. I agree. But that is not precisely the answer I'm looking for. We all agree that every form appears without subject or without owner. I wanna know why when a song occurs, there's also a feeling and where it occurs. Is it the same as the song? Is it in the air? Is it in a body?

I am a very neurotic person, haha. And I always want to have the definitive answer to questions. In that attempt, I start to create explanations over explanations but the problem is that I get distracted from what I truly experienced with substances.

I'm planning a solo retreat in a cabin in the forest without drugs. I think this is one of the best methods

No judgement of the things that arise in the present moment help me a lot to have a significant approach to God but it's way more difficult. I'll take into consideration the advice.

But why I can find a chair?

I think there must be a sentient being around for the emotion to be raised but yes, it was not localized. I kind of believe that the emotion is just when a music-sentient-being system appears, emotions arise. Maybe all these things are mixed up in one homogeneous experience

I certainly felt emotional due to the song. But I couldn't find where this emotion was occurring. It didn't feel in the brain, nor in my body. It was more like the emotion was just occurring. I tried to find where it was happening and my first insight was that the music and the emotion were stick together. I felt that more real than feeling it in my brain.

There are rules at every level. Almighty power is paradoxical.

I believe in some science, that's how it works. I try not to believe in spiritual teachers or groups but sometimes I fail.