MatteO22

I think there’s a big difference between recognising that chasing sex as a means of gaining satisfaction and pleasure may not always be aligned with wholeness and coming from a healed place, and slut-shaming. Slut shaming isn’t usually even about how much sex someone is having, it’s a manifestation of jealousy and righteousness. Taylor-Swift was a national scape goat for slut shaming in the public eye (or at least so I’ve heard) and she didn’t even sleep around if I remember that correctly, I just wanna use that example to make a point, btw if that information regarding Taylor isn’t accurate it would still apply as I’m sure there are many many women fitting that archetype. Perpetual sleeping around is usually some form of escapism it’s just a fact, it doesn’t have to condemn or shame anyone. Saying ‘I sleep around as a way of coping with my parental neglect and fear of commitment’ is self-aware and much healthier than saying ‘I sleep around and if you even imagine anything dysfunctional about it you’re slut shaming’. Btw both men and women who chase sex are most likely engaging in some form of escapism. That doesn’t make them bad or defective, it’s a statement of awareness. It also doesn’t make the one who is stating it judgemental or critical, it makes them truthful. Can people slut shame ? For sure, but is ultimately sleeping around healthy and sustainable ? Nope. Not really. Is me saying this slut shaming ? Nope.

That’s so cool !!!

I have a really good story to prove your point about this: my father at certain points (only in about one or two instances) did end up in therapy. But it was only after I didn’t put up with anything from him or my mother, it was after I set absolute and firm boundaries that I made sure won’t be touched and crossed. My mothers ‘devotion’ (which has no redeemable quality) did nothing, what so ever.

A-Fucking-Men. Hallelujah the truth has been spoken.

I think you’re right. I think that just going out and meeting women and trying to have sexual and intimate relationships is wonderful and needed at a certain point. and yet, the pick up culture is much more than that, it’s the endless objectification of women (and men equally) it’s degrading love as ‘oneitus’, it’s promoting toxic masculinity, it’s oversexualization of women and men. It’s the ideas that you have to be mean or manipulative towards women in order for them to like you, it’s the men who’re like ‘hah emotional sensitivity is so gay I just wanna slay sum puss bruh’. THIS is the toxic part of pick up that ruins the interaction between the sexes and makes it harmful and dysfunctional.

I feel like this creates a lot of problems in the dating section. I can’t seem to understand why it isn’t general consensus here that most of the pickup culture is extremely toxic and fails both men and women in emotional fulfilment. Leo still somewhat promotes pick up advice, and I’m like... why. I remember that stage of my journey. Lasted a few months and moved beyond it very quickly by integrating my unhealed emotions. Why do we need to keep beating a dead horse ya know ?

Listen Leo doesn’t act like a saint and I’m sure some of his comments on the forum could probably still benefit from being cleaned up and softened with sensitivity, but If you are trying to reform a psychopath or a narcissist with unconditional love, it’s much more about you and your unhealed shadow, than about helping them. My mother married a narcissist, my father. Even after I confronted both of them about all the trauma they had put me through, even after it was crystal clear that my father was the toxic problem of the family gaslighting and abusing everyone, she did not leave him, with the same rhetoric as yours - I will heal him with my unconditional love. and that created more abuse, more pain, and more codependency in the family than anything else. My mothers need to prove to herself how loving she was (which really isn’t love) by staying in an abusive relationship, was a bigger problem than my fathers narcissism. People who feel like they have to ‘love the pain out of the psychopaths’ are delusional and do more harm than good by enabling and tolerating abuse around them.

Cuz we’re all insecure af

Beutiful! Way to go!

Is daddy angry ? Is he gonna punish us? Daddy please ! We’ve been filthy bad, don’t be too harsh on us.

What a talent that’s fantastic. I know people who are into spirituality and sell calendars and paintings with This stuff, usually there’s some sort of a healing quality to them. this one feels like a third eye activation.

???

Genius tattoo, going on my bucket list!

That’s okay. Oddly enough I can relate to all this, I’ve felt the same way. But dating didn’t cure this. Dating just swiftly made me realise that the reason I felt like a little boy was because I had unresolved trauma in the relationship with my mother, and partially my father even though my dad affected me in different areas. Dating can very well though bring up all those painful emotions you might have repressed in the relationship with your mom (feeling like you’re not good enough, failure, unlovable, rejected). So that’s great and it seems to be happening for you. Just be patient and kind to yourself, and take care of yourself emotionally no matter the outcome.

I’m not saying no one should ever try to sleep with someone when they’re at their place, I’m saying that a statement ‘if you’re at her place with her alone she wants to fuck you’ is delusional and somewhat dangerous if it lands on the wrong ears.

Consent is reading the situation and leaning in and seeing her reaction, and allowing her to reject the offer of the kiss, non verbally. the date often sets up expectations for the upcoming dynamic in the relationship.

Dude please check yourself, it feels like you’re about to be me-tooed and Not for invalid reasons. You might benefit from sprinkling some sensitivity into your posts and such. No that’s up to you to figure out don’t make it her problem. If you do this you heavily risk infantilising the girl which isn’t good for anyone.

This sounds mildly rapey. I know of several situations where this didn’t apply in the least .

I’m not sure if you’re trying to be helpful or educational, regardless there seems to be a misperception. If we are attracted to certain dynamics by becoming aware we allow such patterns to heal and be resolved over time. The agent as you speak is just the magnetic pull inside your body, that is either a result of trauma or an expression of wholeness. We do not choose who we are attracted to yet with growth we can determine how lost and helpless we will be in those patterns. With more awareness and patience, we can make choices that allow those patterns to be untangled. To answer your question ‘where’s the agent’... Agent Smith has left long ago he went after Neo and I haven’t seen him since.

It’s only unconscious until it’s not, we are almost often attracted to what’s familiar to us from our emotional imprinting growing up, as such there is much more growth and value to be gained in healing this than your statements seem to lead on. We love based on how safe we feel to give and receive love, it isn’t necessarily some caveman survival genetics driving this. That would be overly deterministic.

The only thing that is harsh about attraction is that we base our value on how attractive we are to other people, most of whom are probably not even good for us and so their lack of attraction for us is a grace. It’s a social game that feeds insecurity and you play it only until you don’t. In its purest sense attraction is a preference and preferences we are all entitled to. What we imagine that our preferences mean is another story.

Thanks for speaking out like that, I’m not a woman but I appreciate the necessity and courage of what you’re doing. Youre 100% spot on, thank you.

In all seriousness now, there is difference between personal preference and a judgement. Personal preference is a reflection of your personality, judgement is a trauma response designed to get you away from things that threaten you. big difference, quite key and core. We all have preferences and need them in order to navigate our life. Judgements is only what happens when we feel unsafe to truly embrace our preference fearlessly. judgement is about other people, preference is about and for us.

This is so funny. Imagine if after all judgements are dropped and enlightenment is reached we shall all engage in goat fucking. ’before enlightenment, chop wood carry water. After enlightenment, chop wood and fuck a goat.’ Same same. Woman and goat are one, it’s one of the deepest Buddhist teachings. no attachments, only goats.

@ivankiss it’s not how life unfolds until you choose to respond differently. Just because you have judgements about things (as we all do) doesn’t mean you have to project judgemental attitude towards others, because a moment of judgement is a moment of internal healing that requires for you to pay attention to yourself, it’s not a moment to go tell others how much you judge them in hopes they won’t care and will somehow accept you with your judgements regardless.