MatteO22

Cuz we’re all insecure af

Beutiful! Way to go!

What a talent that’s fantastic. I know people who are into spirituality and sell calendars and paintings with This stuff, usually there’s some sort of a healing quality to them. this one feels like a third eye activation.

That’s okay. Oddly enough I can relate to all this, I’ve felt the same way. But dating didn’t cure this. Dating just swiftly made me realise that the reason I felt like a little boy was because I had unresolved trauma in the relationship with my mother, and partially my father even though my dad affected me in different areas. Dating can very well though bring up all those painful emotions you might have repressed in the relationship with your mom (feeling like you’re not good enough, failure, unlovable, rejected). So that’s great and it seems to be happening for you. Just be patient and kind to yourself, and take care of yourself emotionally no matter the outcome.

I’m not saying no one should ever try to sleep with someone when they’re at their place, I’m saying that a statement ‘if you’re at her place with her alone she wants to fuck you’ is delusional and somewhat dangerous if it lands on the wrong ears.

Consent is reading the situation and leaning in and seeing her reaction, and allowing her to reject the offer of the kiss, non verbally. the date often sets up expectations for the upcoming dynamic in the relationship.

Dude please check yourself, it feels like you’re about to be me-tooed and Not for invalid reasons. You might benefit from sprinkling some sensitivity into your posts and such. No that’s up to you to figure out don’t make it her problem. If you do this you heavily risk infantilising the girl which isn’t good for anyone.

This sounds mildly rapey. I know of several situations where this didn’t apply in the least .

I’m not sure if you’re trying to be helpful or educational, regardless there seems to be a misperception. If we are attracted to certain dynamics by becoming aware we allow such patterns to heal and be resolved over time. The agent as you speak is just the magnetic pull inside your body, that is either a result of trauma or an expression of wholeness. We do not choose who we are attracted to yet with growth we can determine how lost and helpless we will be in those patterns. With more awareness and patience, we can make choices that allow those patterns to be untangled. To answer your question ‘where’s the agent’... Agent Smith has left long ago he went after Neo and I haven’t seen him since.

It’s only unconscious until it’s not, we are almost often attracted to what’s familiar to us from our emotional imprinting growing up, as such there is much more growth and value to be gained in healing this than your statements seem to lead on. We love based on how safe we feel to give and receive love, it isn’t necessarily some caveman survival genetics driving this. That would be overly deterministic.

The only thing that is harsh about attraction is that we base our value on how attractive we are to other people, most of whom are probably not even good for us and so their lack of attraction for us is a grace. It’s a social game that feeds insecurity and you play it only until you don’t. In its purest sense attraction is a preference and preferences we are all entitled to. What we imagine that our preferences mean is another story.

Thanks for speaking out like that, I’m not a woman but I appreciate the necessity and courage of what you’re doing. Youre 100% spot on, thank you.

In all seriousness now, there is difference between personal preference and a judgement. Personal preference is a reflection of your personality, judgement is a trauma response designed to get you away from things that threaten you. big difference, quite key and core. We all have preferences and need them in order to navigate our life. Judgements is only what happens when we feel unsafe to truly embrace our preference fearlessly. judgement is about other people, preference is about and for us.

This is so funny. Imagine if after all judgements are dropped and enlightenment is reached we shall all engage in goat fucking. ’before enlightenment, chop wood carry water. After enlightenment, chop wood and fuck a goat.’ Same same. Woman and goat are one, it’s one of the deepest Buddhist teachings. no attachments, only goats.

Congratulations on your relationship! Maybe the fear of losing it is a proof of how deeply you care. I don’t think you need to transcend that, I think what you need to do is acknowledge it fully like ‘wow I’m scared shitless of losing her, may that liberate me from a fear or ultimately losing all that I’ve ever gained.’ When we lose it hurts, and that’s okay, it reminds us of all the gifts we’ve received. The important part is remembering and realising that when we lose, it is equally a gift to become greater versions of ourselves, and be at our best as opposed to just being our best in moments when we’ve gained what we wanted.

@StarStruck when my mom’s dad passed away a lot what she felt was relief, because my grandfather was a pretty much a dysfunctional abusive asshole his entire life who made it rather a punishing experience for others to exist in his presence. when I attended the funeral it wasn’t to be a bystander to the insane family dynamic filled with trans generational trauma; it wasn’t to be another participant in codependency and abuse, but it was to celebrate the space that was created by his passing away. While he was an abuser, the soul after death tends to look back and with complete clarity realise all the harm and denial they perpetuated while being alive, and emanate the feeling of ‘I’m so sorry for everything’. That is what I felt, almost as if he came to me telepathically apologising for everything. If you wish to honour your grandparent’s death, may it be through the words of ‘thank you for playing an essential role in healing and liberating a lineage of pain and abuse, that I was born into. After setting this intention, whether you do attend the funeral or not, you can make sure that you’re coming from a purity of heart. If you attend or not, is ultimately only important depending on which alternative helps you process all that you carry emotionally; and may the healing you commit to be the greatest act of respect to all your ancestors who came before you. You can set an intention such as ‘May the choice that supports my greatest healing be embraced as a way of healing lineages of ancestry that I was born to clear out.’ And then you just can’t go wrong

Hi there. I’m truly sorry about your struggles. If you wish to receive some words of wisdom, the only thing that’s going to work is sitting with the trauma and discomfort of it all without a need to turn away. If you perceive yourself to be ugly, it is because you have felt that others in your life have turned away from you. As a result and adaptation we start turning away from ourselves as a way of matching the behaviour that has imprinted us on the inside. So feel the pain, feel the shame, and dare not to turn away. Embrace yourself and break the cycle of shame by being the first person that dares to witness you fully, no matter how ashamed you’ve come to be of your own beauty.

I certainly wouldn’t degrade him by calling him weak or pathetic but I would make sure that you focus on what you need and want not necessarily what he seems to want out of a relationship with you It sounds like he has given his power away to you. Don’t hold onto it, give it back and choose yourself by being clear and direct about what it truly is that you want and need.

I’ve been reading the forum for a while and I feel a need to express myself regarding this. The idea that woman is a selector and men should be trying to be selected is rooted in a patriarchal belief that exists to perpetuate codependency and obliterate emotional boundaries for men and women equally. If you imply that a man needs to ‘prove himself’ to be selected by a woman we are perpetuating a belief of ‘I am not good enough just as I am’. Essentially your post suggests that men are less worthy of unconditional love which is a huge problem. We societally treat men (just as much as women) with a series of conditions that ultimately determine their value. We objectify men and then tell them their worth based on how useful or worthy they are in the eyes of society/women/parents/patriarchy. This in and of itself creates wounding and perpetuates emotional abandonment towards men that tends to be seen as the norm. This happens to us guys since an early age and is then perpetuated to the dating stage. It is one of the reasons why men struggle with vulnerability and emotions - because such things receive messages as not being valued. the truth is every man has infinite intrinsic value and worth, it is just a matter of how much of it is suppressed by wounding and conditioning, not how ‘selected and chosen’ they can be. If I have infinite value and worth, I am very much a selector, not someone trying to be selected. It is I who chooses my partner, not someone jumping through loops to be valued and seen for what has always been unconditionally mine. On the other hand women being the selector at the expense of being more proactive also creates a similar problem. One way of looking at it is that this creates a fear of intimacy - why? Let’s just go back to your statement ‘in a healthy relationship man is more committed than the woman’. That is a rather interesting version of ‘healthy’ you’ve got there. If the man is more committed than the woman you’re automatically suggesting that Lack of commitment is something to be celebrated in a woman. Lack of commitment stems from fear of intimacy. Fear of intimacy stems from unresolved emotional pain. Unresolved emotional pain is the barrier that creates an unsafety around the fulfilment of our emotional needs. Without complete commitment, a woman cannot be fulfilled in the relationship - because her needs will be unmet. Just as man’s would be. In a healthy partnership, both individuals are equally the choosers, and they simply choose each other day after day. Anything BUT that is a cop-out. You also imply that woman is to be in her feminine energy and man to be masculine. what if it isn’t the distinction between genders being feminine and masculine, but it is more of a question ‘how balanced is my feminine with my own masculine’ that both genders need to ask themselves. If I’m a man, healing my feminine wounding is just as much as important as embracing my masculine qualities - because if I try to be masculine at the expense of my feminine I will commit an act of self abandonment. I will make choices that are misaligned with my intuition, and disregard the sensitivity and intuitions of others. In essence I will be a cruel, potentially abusive and abrasive man. If I were a woman who embraced her feminine without fully stepping up within my masculine energy I will be perpetually waiting to be rescued, create scenarios of victimisation, I won’t be able to set effective boundaries and probably will be unable to make proper career decisions. a person who only embraces their feminine energy eventually commits to a passive life of victim hood: such feminine energy is imbalanced and toxic, and will be healed by embracing the polarity of the masculine (not by dating a masculine guy). We all have the ability to embrace feminine and masculine as an inside job. To try to be in one more than the other is unhealthy and codependent. We can thank our partners for bringing out in us more of our embodied divine masculine or feminine qualities, but we cannot get lost in the trap of ‘since I’m a feminine woman I need a masculine man to pursue me’ - why ? Because if such a man is so focused and wired towards pursuing, they will be completely unable to receive you as a partner because pursuing and receiving or truly being Present with someone are very different things.