Cathal

@Spence94 Hahah yes! the silence... the stillness, that is what we are always trying to find, always, every moment of the day but usually in a really dysfunctional way or in the limitations of what we believe we can and can't do. Shining a light on what is causing our inherently still lake to feel disrupted, fragmented, unsettled, unstable is the intuition, radical honesty is stepping towards things that seem like they will cause us deep pain and letting go is the amazing feeling of confidence and love when we face it and follow through <3 hehe @John PaulYup I learned that the hard way

Your intuition is the most dangerous thing to your survival. Your intuition is the most dangerous thing to whatever positonality you are in right now, it is the biggest threat to your social situation, your relational situation, your family situation, your job situation, what you believe about yourself, what you believe your purpose is and all that shit you have in your head Your intuition is literally the inner guru, it is highest form of intelligence within you. It is literally the lighthouse of God guiding you in your storm half sinking ship trying to return you the state of harmony/nonduality/stillness/childlike innocence The moment you realize how absolutely terrifying it is to trust yourself but you do it anyway is when you stop projecting your intuitive authority that is inherently inside of yourself to explore and think about how reality works for yourself - this is the end of validation seeking, and becoming a man who knows what he wants (or woman<3) and for those seeking life-purpose, your intuition is literally the calling to your life purpose and IT TAKES TIME for it blossom and unfold and have deeper realizations for why you are here, but it's so important to really begin to trust your gut feeling as much as you can for that blossoming to come, how many of you think you have found your purpose but have some backround doubts? , i don't exactly know how the life-purpose program works here but it's not difficult to realize truly what you as God wants for the world - what have you came here to give? give. give. give. give. Because your intuition as a child was guiding you until you got socialized and I bet if you REALLLLLLLY reflect back on your life SO many times you had this feeling that 'this is wrong' but you look around at everyone doing it and you naturally DISTRUST your own intuition, and so begins the creation of attachments and a seperate self that is being created to adapt to whatever everyone else in your environment is doing - all your 'self' is merely a product of your environment and most of you guys reading this have realized this is not you, and now you are working on detaching yourself from that - some of us have really dysfunctional and traumatized self but the intuition is returning to your essence/enlightenment/a non-dual state/harmony You stop adopting other people's paths in the mind and realize your intuition is the light under your feet right now showing you the path Of course if you're really far far gone into the mind, it's good to look for guidance, but it's so fucking limiting. It really is, and I bet a lot of the time you guys feel so unsatisfied and limited by things, like you had made such amazing inner progress but you seem stuck looking to go further. That is the calling for striving, and the intuition can emerge if you can listen. It literally is like your antidote to attachments to a self. your medicine to your seperateness, if you learn how to listen (entering a massive bumpy terrifying road) you begin to see the massive surge of love for yourself, the coke-like confidence emerge, everything you have been looking for, it is actual transformation. It is an inner bond unlike anything you will ever find, it IS THE connection you seek most of the time in other people. You don't worry about failing, you can always rely on yourself and fall back on yourself instead of this need to find a mommy and daddy, this is SELF LOVE. You do the right thing and build this trust in yourself to do what is right, and you stop being tortured by the fear you will do something wrong and revert to the emotional patterns that trap you --- that you will be rejected in society, you will be ridiculed, you will be unwanted, you will be left out, no one will like you, the fear of not being normal - it all begins to dissipate the more and more you trust in taking action through intuition https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ScljRnoebQ0 Anyways I would be curious if any of you guys have thoughts about it or whatever, hope it sparked some thought for you

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I ended up with someone demanding I take care of them and it felt like taking care of a child (post trip) and I was just confused and never met someone like this - of course while on the trip it was sitting and guidance and that went great but I have been told I have no empathy and I caused them sadness and a lot of pain to someone because I wasn't going to tell someone how to live their life and explained how to think for yourself and figure things out and I can't save you from your suffering - I will help with integration but not saving - and this is just a tool to understand yourself bla bla bla, I donno. It doesn't make so much sense to me and i'm reflecting on it thinking about if it's just not a good idea to trip especially with girls i meet where this expectations of a romantic connection - my thoughts were prior to it that it would be something I wish someone had shown me, a person with some experience and understanding to make sense of a trip - because when I did it by myself alone, I had no understanding and I just fought against it and had so many bad trips till I could make more sense of it what do you think about doing psychedelics with people? I have only done it this time for the first time and it wasn't enjoyable or at least I thought there was so much potential to explore but yeah, it just felt like I was with a child and I didn't want to push anything or go deep into things

@puporing yup! i definitely need to really question my assumptions about people, they almost seem to form in the backround and are incredibly subtle.. reminds me of the video 'assumptions is the mother of all fuck ups' leo made - self-deception, or seeing what i wanted to see which i guess deep down was just me wanting another like minded person. fuck haha

@Terell Kirby yeah we did and it seemed like a good idea but all of this shit came pouring out and i guess i wasn't able to see it until the point of taking the lsd, that really made her express what she was always feeling and i couldn't see through the mask

@Random witch I think in the very deep root it's the inability to be honest with ourselves, truly being honest with ourselves roots deep pain and things most of our lives we've been avoiding, definitely brutal confrontational honesty towards how you feel and why you are really doing what you are doing is the best way to build that trust in your life and return to your own innocence and yes you are right, when you don't feel accepted the urge to create a character that fits in comes about... at least for me most of the suffering i have been through is the games i have created to meet my needs of being accepted and belonged - i was a fucking chameleon everywhere i went

nice <3 yeah, i think the journey of really understanding yourself truly you can just accepted yourself and truly just BE yourself, be your wounds, be what you are, express yourself as you are- naturally you attract the people who are right for you, although loneliness is a very difficult journey you could reframe it as an emotion trying to communicate you need to find the right people for you and it wants the best for you

they are not conditioned psychological problems you have you have biological evolutionary needs that if you neglect will seriously hinder your ability to go further with spirituality, the more you neglect the needier you become, you can't really escape it - the question is finding people who you can enjoy each others company without attaching yourself to each other in unhealthy ways, those women are god too you resisting or wanting to escape it is actually the conditioning you're dealing with, you trying to change what is to what you want - now there is suffering

@Tim R i think that the core attachments of a self is trauma i meant

I took a about 50ug of lsd and I haven't meditated in a while (while on psychdelics), it completely hit me that now is forever and this present is really a window into eternity, enlightenment. hurr durr But what is this sense of time, this sense of I must BE somewhere, I MUST go somewhere, and why? Is it TRAUMA? that attaches us that fragments consciousness creating the illusion of time, the more trauma the more suffering the more sense of time, that this moment feels like forever, you just want to go somewhere else, you want to go back or forwards, because in this now there is suffering, yet there is confusion around suffering from a lack of understanding about why i'm suffering - truly, the depths of what I have been avoiding my whole life I would be a fool to say I understand fully, that humility is embedded in me, but that is it, it must be, trauma The entire structure of a seperate self is the attachment to trauma, and the ego is all of the games it plays around confronting the pain of trauma itself, the lies, the self-deciept, the avoidance, the neglect, the subtle bullshit fairy tailes, the procrastination... it's all perfectly avoiding what we perceive to be a threat/wrong Like Rumi said, it isn't to find enlightenment but removing the obstacles, stilling the noise of your mind, so your awareness can realize FOR ITSELF it is forever - but with no lsd the more karma the more mind blowing lsd than can be, the less karma it's like taking a footstep in to a familiar place

@Tim R yes actually, thanks for pointing that out, i think i'm using too broadly, i suppose i meant literally any case of making something out of something that just is and becoming attached, but generally i think the very core of a self is founded off of trauma or some deep pain even though that pain may not be realized as a pain when it's happening - conditioning you know what do you mean by the attachment doesn't come through trauma?

Looking for something that is very simple in language, thanks if you reply kiss

that's a good example, i mean, it's about listentining and understanding yourself and what you need emotionally, when you listen deeply and reflect on your life it may be because you are lacking something fundamental to your human needs, intimacy, relationships and so on so much suffering comes about, it feels needless and creates a lot of need to distract ourselves but with understanding your emotional needs and how you may have some dysfunctional way of getting needs met, much of the noise is reduced and the actual grasp and craving to avoid this now seemingly disappears

but i'm saying, is the cessation of a felt-perception of 'there is a feeling of i am somewhere in time' truly enlightenment? it must be if attachment is creating suffering and suffering is creating a seeker that must 'go somewhere' and then the feeling of time is 'created' (of course it must be, for you to 'do' stuff up until now and evolve biologically) - you feel this seeker within you trying to go somewhere, and most of the time you are that seeker, 'doing' things, indulging in pleasures/escapes, somehow deep down craving something more than this moment, but the end of the seeker is to exhaust seeking, which is devotion and to truly be willing to give up all attachments to what binds you to a seperate self (which is mainly the pleasures you get actually, like in the letting go book) and yes if the experience of being eternity itself/cessation of feeling time is enlightenment, it's the absence of a seperate self who is only felt by attachments that are probably mostly unconscious/not from this particular lifetime

@OBEler haha i know it all too well

@Trickyp the amount of suffering someone causes themselves by wanting revenge or 'justice' is really crazy. i mean, really nuts. because the thing is, it's just ignorance, there is a seperate you attaching itself to a story of being a victim and IT IS TRUE that another being creates great pain onto you, but the suffering you create for yourself by attaching yourself to this story of being the victim of an abuser is really a lifetime of torturing yourself when you are a victim, you give your power away. you don't want to be responsible to deal with that pain, and that is just reality, a rock falls on your leg but you don't carry the pain by blaming the rock forever, you process and resolve trauma by truly feeling it. these stories of being a victim, is because great effort went into trying to exclude something in reality, the what is, the sound of a river, the pain of being attacked by your parents, the neglect of being unwanted, there is a great pain that can be felt and processed, but when ignored avoided and externalized onto some seperate person then great suffering happens inside of you --- resolving these things aren't easy, but when you use understanding to resolve things, there you can introduce genuine compassion for yourself and you can understand more and more why other humans project there suffering onto other humans, and more and more compassion can be found, more and more depth of compassion creates more healing within yourself, it works like that it's almost like it's teaching us that suffering is what creates compassion and with that compassion the healing for those pains

if someone is attached to being a victim of some kind of abuse then fundamentally either of those make no sense or will have no effect in reality

@Illusory Self you should probably try to switch to a plant based milk and protein but the only thing that worked for me was accutane, although even now several years later i am convinced it has fucked my body up in many ways but still it worked miracously, acne really made me depressed as fuck because random people called me ugly ahah. it was cystic though, perhaps too intense medicine for your case

dont worry man this society is built off of distracting ourselves from reality, but that's when we must think for ourselves truly, question the shit out of everything, is this good for me? is this bad for me? this feels good, but later I will suffer ---- you know? truuuuuuuuly listen to what the present moment experience is trying to communicate to you, like truly listen. with your ears perked up, your heart open, your willingness to understand, what is it about your life that is creating this feeling?

@sleep when you have always made life about yourself, it fucking sucks. what will really bring you up more and more out of that deep seperateness and depression and boredom, wanting more and more to create a better life for yourself is some kind of experience with other people where the power of authentic unconditional giving is presented and you take it - that experience, whenever it happens will guide you towards where you want to go you are looking for yourself, but you are too blinded by the mind of an 'i' that goes from place to place seeking that fulfillment, at some point you enter the depression of well.. you've went from thing to thing to thing to thing starting from that toy as a child you had until now, unconsciously you have engrained nothing is really making you happy so now this depression kicks in and it goes deep my friend

ooooooh well sice you're on a bus how about sending the homies some love this was my first guided meditation

it's just a question of attachment really neglecting material things and pursuing spirituality full on doesn't seem to work neglecting spirituality and pursuing material things full on doesn't seem to work what really works in reality, what makes you feel free? it is how attached you are to what you are doing

@Preety_India Well i'll just say what i have realized because i also had to learn what that means and generally abandon my own needs and all those things, it comes from being emotionally invalidated over and over and the character i'm stuck in is of unworthiness, fragility, low self worth, self-deafeting, self-pity kinds of behaviours But what I realized was, if I really reflect on things I begin to see, there's nothing wrong with any of it, there's no one to blame (including myself) for feeling the way I do and it was by really beginning to understand myself instead of being a victim I just understand I am just a product of my environment, my seperate 'I' self/character is just a byproduct of a larger ecosystem of social conditioning. If you get what I am saying, what is left to do? To realize compassion, to bring sweetness to yourself and just understand how you feel, to realize the innocence within yourself and others in your environment. Then you can create solutions, instead of pity, and then the real test of true-self-love comes about is are you willing to truly go about life making tough changes, taking risks, facing your fears, resocializing, meeting like-minded people, trying to create a financial situation for yourself, building the life you need for yourself to reach your higher levels of potential which will = more potential to give to others? because that's self-love self love is not anything but that. doing what you know is right, and using your witnessing understanding and not your dysfunctional emotional core, which means things may feel very jaw clenching and difficult but deep in your heart you know it's the right thing to do

@Preety_India Do you think it's a question of integrity, that you know there's things you should do for yourself but you just can't seem to do them consistently because of how you feel emotionally? or it's you literally don't know what is good for you? because both i know, although the method you could say is to adopt your own understanding as the guiding light within yourself and create solutions for yourself, you will feel far more grounded, secure, warm inside knowing you can take care of yourself rather than giving that authority away to someone else