Cathal

Just a story about skyrocketing to heaven and plummeting into hell. The story is basically about why you should be very critical towards the systems you are getting involved in and questioning the way you assume the people you adopt as authority figures because of there status in soceity know what best for you is what is actually best for you (going to psychiatry, getting evaluated, pharmacueticals, psychology) As in really explore and think for yourself are these societal systematic mental health systems actually going to help me change myself? There are so many options for you it's really crazy, the real question tho is more like what are your belief systems regarding what you can and cannot do for yourself

@Gianna never heard of that term, yeah i remember it like it happened a moment ago it's i was shedding a both within a body and all that was left was a very intense feeling of limitless love but it felt like i couldn't contain and was just endless and racing in expansion and i was losing my fucking mind. but hey at least it gave me my first real clue of what i was looking for

like imagine you lay down on a bed, get up, lay down, get up for hours on end without even caring because it feels so intense/good, mania is the worst/best time of your life, you can see in both those ways haha

If you want to conceptualize life purpose beyond the sense it is just the activity you take in that is not based on any attachments or you could say the desire of truth - as in you know what is right and wrong intuitively beyond concepts. If your purpose was truly to raise the consciousness of humanity like you said you wouldn't give a shit about the means or the utilitarian purposes you must fulfill, if you care about the utilitarian aspect it's always, in every scenario an attachment to some'thing' in consciousness and not based on observing as in you're getting identified with things Just confront yourself and try to stabilize yourself in what your heart wants and stop avoiding feelings that feel bad along the path otherwise if you fall down every time you take a step youll get fuck all done

emotional attachments to what you think is right or wrong dogmatize it

You never truly found your life purpose then, If you found your life purpose what your colleagues do or don't do would make no difference and just from what I see I really think you need to see more clearly why you are experiencing those emotions because you are essentially gaslighting yourself because of your belief what you identified to be a life purpose It is just a projection of thoughts and that's why it's so illusionary and making you suicidal - your emotional attachment to a thing with no substance to it/foundation in reality

this guy does daily meditations: https://www.youtube.com/c/MonkLife https://discord.com/invite/hdq3B6kDnk

@Illusory Self letting go is a consequence of surrendering to the what is - what presents itself, whatever you feel just is and it's not something you do. it's like the struggle in not struggling with things and that's the whole effort, a radical way of allowing everything as it is, not wanting to avert from negativity from avoidance or craving to be in some other state of being but yeah there's a lot of confusion in it in the sense you may ask well what the fuck am I to do now? you cannot let go of those states of consciousness as this is wanting to get rid of things and is not letting go- apathy, depression, loneliness, unworthiness because they are merely consequences of things you actually have to let go of which are being held together by belief systems -those are buried within and it's up to you to learn the methods and take the effort to confront them. as in for example: you feel unworthy of a partner and rationalized it in your past as 'i am' unworthy - through identifying with that feeling you basically encapuslate yourself inside of that reality because you really believe you are unworthy so you don't see the point in taking action for your desires to fulfill your needs which leads to apathy, loneliness, depression etc so the question is how do you confront this belief system? well, being able to observe this all emotional shit happening inside of your body, being accepting and allowing of it/non judgmental and simply understanding - whilse pursuing your desires to have a partner will lead to your personality structure transforming and you actually feeling different and nothing else you can do besides facing these fears will bypass the feeling of being stuck here. so letting go is really once you surrender yourself to your own inner turmoil without wanting to change it as it arises and not getting identified with them, you can allow them to dissolve. with very complex traumas that usually come from childhood it's more complicated and requires a helping hand and guidance imo also in that book, he really gives a beautiful explanation of the pleasure we get out of not letting go which is very very important to see within yourself, as in you get a kind of enjoyment of being a victim or whatever, and how we bullshit ourselves quite a bit and so on, great book

@Fearless_Bum how do you FEEL? man i know what you mean, my memory is really fucked up. it's because i was dissociated for several years and it's like checking the archives on a windows 98 pc when i try to go into those memories it's just of concern when you say it's better to sit and be quiet. i think if you begin to live like that, it will put you in a crevasse that you won't see happening so be careful - perhaps it's time for something sponteanous that is out of your daily pattern?

getting emotional needs met have been my biggest struggle and still is but the times they are met i feel very very present and capable, having at least a couple people around who you are absolutely authentic with - and spotaenous activity, doing things outside of your patterened behaviour, regularly. it could be as simple as taking a new route to just yolo flying across the world for a weekend taking up the things you need to do to fulfill your vision

Would this video help you at all? It's about processing ur emotions by visualizing, as long as you have a willing intent I think it might help express something out of you edit: I was thinking if you visualized yourself being very compassionate towards them what emotions would come, I would imagine a lot of resistance and like yeah lets not do this kinds of things

How about oatmeal, cocao powder with nut butter and banana/fruit? that shit is really filling, cheap and makes me feel good But just in general I think just add a couple spoons of some kind of oil whatever your dinner plate is, I like to mix up potato/rice with beans and carrots and a few other veg and with spices or sauces

I really keep seeing too many variations in this word purpose and I'm beginning to even wonder what the fuck it means. If I asked you what is your 'purpose in life' what would you answer? Because I don't mean to ask the definition but what is your purpose in life, why tf do you wake up, what is your vision in this lifetime?

@ShardMare I think it's good you are feeling the way you do, you are feeling and experiencing what all of those people also experienced but once you build patterns and crevasses from belief systems that 'this is the way life is' or 'i have to do this' then you're fucked more or less. Rebel more, do not adjust yourself to that lifestyle

@at_anchor You can't change the behaviour of people or animals, you just try to understand them as they are. Judging them like this is not understanding - you just still believe they are doing something bad/evil/inherently wrong so you cannot escape your attachment to it, you can't forgive people even if you wanted to

@Preety_India Maybe it could all fall together for you @Jacob MorresDoesn't sound hippie at all, sounds like you have a keen eye for things that feel right and wrong. I have found that I got into a lot of ruts of a kind of depressive nihilistic world view by thinking I'll never be able to make the change I want to see in the world, but now I see it as not so much worldy transformation rather than inner transformation - since one follows the other, sure you can do start with worldly transformation but what a mess you'd end up as (trust me) Empathy is a cu** to master

@Preety_India can I ask what that is for you?

i like his way of explaining things, very logical and direct. thanks

that's a fucked up life do you have any plans for how or where you'd like to go in life, what place you'd like to move to? do you wanna share that for input? you might also find the self-actualization sub also useful for that i would just say that financial independence while it is really a drag should a priority. once you secure yourself that way then you might find yourself in a better situation to process through and understand more and more these deep traumas you're carrying - which is really the feeling of life being sucked out of you

@DocWatts Reframing the things I am conditioned to value as in what I actually get out of them. Also I never really lived a 'human life' or participated in anything growing up and am pretty unsocialized and find it hard to understand what the fuck is going on most of the time, trying to balance that with my tendency to do everything in black and white has been hard. I dunno, staying aligned with truth despite the feelings that come up. Some parts of me are like running windows 98 and I really have to upgrade them bitchez

@Ryan_047 nope, i was anxious too and went out on a total whim and turned out to be life changing so i'd recommend applying, you have nothing to lose

@ShardMare yes those things help you to 'feel good' but i've found to truly understand why you suffer will bring you far fruition than relief. as in WHY do you suffer, why do we humans suffer so much? the fundamentals of life, how reality functions etc a question i would ask myself is - what have I avoided feeling in the past? what have i tried so hard not to feel and why was i doing that, what was i running away from inside of me, has it ever left? i know you are seeking relief right now from the pain of numbness but you have to go beyond the seeking to see with more clarity what is exactly creating this state for yourself

@PurpleTree like everything you can think of really, we mostly worked on the fact i have no idea how to live a human life because im pretty unsocialized without a family lol. she is a very developed person who can see things extremely clearly so it was really a blast, i still attend her meetings because i just enjoy talking to her and always learn something new

@at_anchor You want to forgive them to be free of the pain, but are you willing to let go of resentment and stop being a victim? Until you understand that being a victim is giving away your power to let go of the pain, you will never let them go. I would just say try to just understand them. Why do they do what they do? Don't try to figure it out, but really just understand them. Don't judge them for what they did, just try to understand almost like you're observing an animals, without judgment you just see what they did to you is a reflection of how they feel and if it at some point you begin to develop compassion for them when you realize the pain they go through, you might find forgiving them through compassion the way to set yourself free Never forget what happened but don't bind yourself to it - Be honest with your seeking to beat them, to one up, to get revenge, to win, to hurt them back, to destroy them - you are being driven by this seeking and it may feel really good but it won't set you free

@Raptorsin7 Yeah more or less, I tried quite a very different things but ultimately nothing had given me the actual feeling of realese than recognizing the innocence of the people who hurt me through recognizing that i was hurting myself by not understanding myself - my innocence. Makes no difference what Hitler like people have been in your life, if you cannot see the innocence within them you haven't recognizied your innocence. Until then no matter how intense my intention was it didn't give me what I wanted. The innocence is prior to a duality, prior to something being wrong or right. And you have to actually realize that beyond thought