Vzdoh

@Johnny Galt yeah, he is scared of massage as well in like official massage places. So i am thinking to give him one. And next time make it all about his pleasure, not mine. He really did everything always for me. Time to reciprocate ❤️

@hamedsf don't think YouTube videos will help ?

@Marcel @aurum I was actually thinking about couples therapy, so I can go together with him and the therapist I know is specialising on addictions (he works a lot) and speaks German, so I think she will be perfect for him. But I will give him a month or two and then mention it that maybe some external help is a good idea ?

@aurum yeah, I was and told him about what I have in mind. But he really made an effort and apologised and was super upset. It was obvious he didn't want to lose me. And I decided to give him last chance to recover.

@Leo Gura for some reason he feels uneasy with oral. He didn't explain much as to why. Probably same thing - afraid to ejaculate. But I will keep trying. Never actually met a guy before who wouldn't enjoy oral ???

@Adamq8 oh we do use condoms of course! And I did tell him that I won't keep the baby in case I fall pregnant without him agreeing to it. It didn't really work.

@Gesundheit2 yeah, he begged me to reconsider and was devastated that I was thinking to walk out on him and so he made changes. Committed to spending more time together. Even took my request to be more physically affectionate to heart and now constantly touches me when we r together. But yeah, sex for him is associated with life long drama, so I am wondering what I can do to help him resolve this.

@Marcel I am accepting of hus trauma and not complaining that much. I am just concerned he is not enjoying himself. Also, he kinda not as keen on having sex overall, again I think because of this trauma than anything else or because he doesn't want me. When we r together and fooling around, its quite satisfying, and passionate, and physical just the way I like it. But I see he is trying to keep control at all times, not relaxed and at times it affects his erection too. And I like to be fucked hard ???? So what u guys suggest? Of course, I am not going to pressure him about it or declare he is not good enough for me. And don't think its easily and quickly resolvable. But I am thinking to suggest therapy in a few months perhaps ?

@Raptorsin7 we talked. He said he will work on it. But if it was like this for 20y, I doubt he can do it on his own. We r having sex, and I don't have complaints in the satisfaction department. I am multi orgasmic. And he tries very hard to please me. Problem is he is not enjoying as much as he could!

@Leo Gura well, I don't have kids and want to keep that option open just in case I want them in the future. Any less radical stuff?

Hypergamy is obviously present in my filtering dating strategy. No way to deny it! However, i tend to think of it as more related to my own personality rather than to overall social economic hypergamy. What I mean here is that I myself am an achiever in life, in fact, I was deep strong orange sometime ago and of course by going through that stage and making a mark on the world, I kinda expect my man to be equally successful. At the least! And of course, all of us always want a better option among options available to us, so I want someone better and more successful than me. But as I mentioned on this forum many many many times and men here completely skipped that part of course, because they are looking for signs to prove red pill ideology for themselves, I mentioned that this hypergamy part is ONLY the INITIAL criterium. This means if a guy happens to pass that criterium, I start looking for traits not related to hypergamy at all! Things like emotional and physical availability, integrated feminine side, decent EQ level, personal growth/awareness journey, care for others around, generosity of soul, kindness, humor, positive attitude to life, self-love, and etc. These are very important criteria for me, I won't choose a man who is the top in hypergamy terms, but lacks in all or some aspects of the other soft criteria. In fact, I drop men that lack those qualities, because where I live there is a decent supply of successful and wealthy men for me to be picky. So in summary, I agree that some aspects of hypergamy exist for women as to how they make their mating choices, but when a woman lives in a society where money is not a major issue and she has financial means to look for other softer qualities in a man, she will certainly do that. Maybe hypergamy in its purest form exists only in socio-economic circumstances where women are much weaker financially and hypergamy is therefore on top of their list and almost single most important criterium, like former CIS countries or poorer Asia Pac countries. So here I agree with the author of the post, that red pill philosophy completely ignores different stages of socio-economic development in the world and therefore cannot be applied to all women everywhere in the world. Great post! Thanks!

Hello everyone, This is probably more a question for guys. My BF is very successful and works quite a bit. Lately he has been working pretty much around the clock. Having full day conf calls even on Saturdays and Sundays. He tells me that he doesn't like his company culture and the workload, but yet does very little to change the situation. He is very responsible person, so I guess partially he works so much because he thinks if he doesn't, things gonna fail under his watch. I tried to be supportive and encouraging to let him move into a realisation that he needs to do something about this over working situation. As he barely has time for himself - like basic needs like sleep, sports, self care. I also feel super bad when he carves out time to see me because I understand that later on he will need to work over the weekend and I took away his "me" time. I feel awful about it and of course it makes me super sad and takes all the joy out from interacting with each other. Cause I am thinking that he could have used this time to do something for himself - like sleep in, go cycling or see his friends. I think this is some kind of avoidance programming playing out. But I feel I have no right to diagnose him or hold the mirror for him to look at the situation honestly. I feel like he needs to arrive atthis realisation by himself. And obviously as a result of all of this, I feel bad about continuing the relationship and I don't want to become nagging to ask for more time or to advice him that he needs to cut down on work. That's just not what I feel is the right thing to do. So I am kinda lost as to what to do. He treats me well, calls me every other day, texts me every day, brought me bags and bags of food when i was in quarantine for 2 weeks and supported me whilst I had a health crisis with my mom. So it seems he cares for me deeply, but at the same time he is probably using work excuse to not go deeper into true intimacy and closeness and I feel like without that I won't be able to continue this relationship. I don't want to drop him. He is really a great guy! So I am kinda at a loss here about what to do? And if I can do anything at all? Its impossible to change the person. I don't have rosy glasses about that. What do you think? How would you approach things if you were in my shoes? Just sharing my thoughts outloud here.

Question is when exactly do you tell these women that u r in an open relationship? Right off the bat? Or later in the process? There's nothing wrong for you to want to have an open relationship if this is what you desire and what makes you truly happy. Likewise for most women, nothing wrong with wanting a monogamous relationship with a guy and de selecting you as you are not going to give them that. In my case, as I am interested in a long term relationship with a man, I forgo guys in open relationships immediately. Why? Because I see them already in a relationship with someone, open or not. So where is my place in this dynamic? To be a sex provider? I value and respect myself highly and I am not interested to be just sex for a guy with whom a prospect of a true loving relationship is quite slim, considering he already has a relationship. So NEXT

I see Karpmam triangle in action right there!

Agree. Surprised its not obvious to you. Women want a relationship, not just sex. Lying about your status when she eventually finds out, will only lead her to leave u anyways. I am against being dishonest like this because u r tricking a person into something they don't want to be part of. Respect their right to know and make informed decision for themselves.

Suicidal people need professional help and they are in no position to be a loving, caring, and giving person in relationship. In this condition they are mostly positioned to take, not to give. And this will quickly escalate into all sorts of boundaries violations. I don't even date depressed men let along full on suicidal. Find another guy!

@Parththakkar12 @Farnaby Well! Update. It didn't last very long. Got cancelled on last minute because of work excuse. ??? I guess that's my answer. Gonna end it. Thank you guys nonetheless for your support and opinions in the matter. Really appreciate it! ❤️?

Ok. Some perspective here. I have achieved a lot in my life. I am completely independent financially and have a good career and earn quite a bit. Probably higher than 60-80% of men. Do I use this achievement to be more bitchy and become a leader in a relationship? NO. I want a guy who I can surrender to. Who is strong and a leader and has my respect above all. Preferably he needs to be more financially capable than me too, to truly earn my respect. I am happy the most in a relationship where the man assumes a role of a leader and I follow, but it doesn't mean I would allow him to destroy my boundaries or I will be a slave to all his desires and wants. It also does not mean I will allow him to be a dictator in a relationship. That wouldn't work for me. It's respect from both sides. I respect him for being strong, assertive, protective and successful. And he respects me for being my own woman, gentle, supportive, caring, and submissive to him. Submission/surrender is a choice I am making, not something I absolutely must do. When it is a choice, not something forced onto me, I feel happy because my feminine energy is satisfied and as per Teal Swan, I feel like a pearl in a masculine shell - protected, cared for, even celebrated ❤️?

And don't forget, same day lay for a woman who values and treats herself very well and wants a relationship, not just a fuck, is almost impossible task! In my case, no cute guy got there - same day sex - EVER! ???

Yesterday we had a chat. I opened with the story about my mom and how difficult I felt and expressed gratitude for how he supported me through that crisis. Then went into things I had issues/emotional reactions to. He apologised and promised to be more open and direct in his communication. And lastly, touched upon how I felt about my basic need for more regular physical intimacy not being met fully. I didn't say anything about his overwork or how he needs to manage his time or anything. Just talked about how I felt and how certain things made me deeply unhappy and unfulfilled. He responded with asking what needs to be done for me not to feel this way or what I need for this to work for me. I mentioned more physical closeness, more regular sex, and like waking up together. And we agreed to make Sunday our day, no conf calls or other work, starting this weekend. Let's see how it goes. I am happy for now ?❤️? Thank you guys for all your inputs! Love and light! ❤️?

@Nahm @Parththakkar12 @Farnaby What do you mean?

I have experienced masculine and feminine polarity first hand at Tony Robbins DWD event in Florida. For ladies, what we did, we were dancing to this semi shamanic/witchy music - absolutely stunning soft movement of the ladies in the audience. For men, it was a clip from Die Hard movie with Mel Gibson, where he assembles his men to fight for freedom! And then all men in the audience were screaming: Freedom! Freedom! Freedom! At that point I was at awe with masculine energy - the protector, warrior, a sheer strength and fearlessness! In this polarity of soft and hard, freedom and coziness, strength and gentle weakness, protection and care taking, I FELT extreme pull to the masculine energy from my feminine state. This is when my libido has changed too, I actually started liking more those qualities in men and realised that a truly masculine man exhibits all these qualities. And sexual polarity for me is the highest for these men. My libido drops and I simply stop wanting the guy if he lacks these qualities or genuinely believes that men and women are equal. Equality of genders removes all polarity from the interaction and at that stage I don't want to jump the guy, I feel him as a neutral person - a friend.

@Parththakkar12 @Farnaby Thank you guys for advice! I will retrospect in the hope of really distilling in a raw form how I feel and why but without blaming him for what he does. At the end of the day, we are responsible for how and what we choose to feel regardless of actions of the other person. It's difficult no doubt! But I will try. Lucky for me, I don't have an issue with vulnerability and authenticity when it comes to being myself. My issue normally is I am too direct without as much empathy as I could have expressed while being direct at the same time. Still learning how to combine the two. ❤️?

Yeah! I see the point. But question is how to communicate my needs and their importance to me and to the relationship success without attaching any "you r not good enough" messages. Any ideas?

Communication is no issue. Its just I prefer to communicate such serious relationship stuff in person and due to my trip abroad and quarantine after, I haven't had a chance to see him yet. Seeing him soon though and hope to address most of the stuff that bothers me. He is a good guy, that's why i don't just drop him, but trying to understand what can be done and if hears me out. but he does need to look harder at himself in terms of avoiding himself and how he communicates too if he really wants to build something lasting with me.