Steven

In one of your videos you mentioned that you wanted to help your mum buy a house. Just wondering if you are on the track?

I just wrote about a technique that uses visualization as part of the exercise

When I was about five, I remember not being able to fall asleep one night. Something was bothering me. For the first time, my five year old mind was grasping the concept of finality, the end of life, death. I still remember the inner feeling I had that night. At first it started off as a mild anxiety, kind of when you lose a job, and the economy is in a bad shape, and there is this fear of the unknown and all the problems lurking if a job doesn’t come up soon. Except, my fears were more ‘serious and real’, and multiplying, and kept growing every minute. Soon, I was in agony. Questions kept arising -‘ How will it feel when I’m dying? How will they know that I’m dead? What if I look dead to everyone but I’m still alive?’ Then the inner voice would provide the answer –‘Relax, you are only five! There is plenty to go. Humans live a hundred years.’ But then another less assuring thought would pop up – ‘Even after 1000 years the day will come.’ My mum was asleep, and I was afraid to wake her up. She would get pissed if I woke her up. She had to go to work early. ‘She probably wouldn’t understand’- I thought. I could not sleep. I don’t remember That was my worst fear/agony I have experienced while growing up. In fact after this night, I know I changed. I don’t think I smiled for weeks. I remember being so worried. I remember going on the weekend with mum to visit grandma on her farm, on the outskirts of a small town. She had a cow, chickens and cats. I remember looking at the cow, about 100 meters from the house, carelessly grazing in the field, swinging the tail, probably swatting at flies. Then I’d go alone to see the kittens, a few weeks old. They looked careless even more. I remember my tears welling up, watching those kittens playing in a cardboard box. I was worried that someone would see me cry. In those days, I was afraid of being seen crying. I don’t know why, maybe I was worried that I would be punished, but I don’t remember. I had this rule to make sure it stayed secret. I could not handle it, I was about to cry. I remember putting my head in the shallow box with the kittens, and my tears started flowing. Confused kittens were moving around in the box, while their tiny warm fluffy bodies were wiping my tears. I felt better after this cry with the kittens, but milder emotions about my own end followed me for quite some time. I know that a lot of us go through very similar stages when growing up. The fact is that I could not grasp the end of consciousness. It was not a simple fear of death. It was a combination of fear that consciousnesses can not die, but also fear of process of dying, or basically facing death. I’m wondering if anyone had a similar experience? If so, how long did it last? What did you do?

I've just copied this and created a label in my phone alarm? I was looking for something like this but only came up with "What is the best use of your time right NOW? Hint: Awareness "

...everything else is basically like layers of sediment covering the essence ... I am not enlightened but sometimes I feel like a baloon that is about to explode and leave all these perceptions and learned way of looking

@Vlad Ropotica '' i am doing meditation properly'' Thoughts are NOT reality. You can easily check this. Even from conventional point of view. Wherever you are right now, if you look around, you don’t get a screen in your mind with a stream of thoughts with name of all the objects present, like some kind of robot. If you focus on a object a thought may arise with the name of the object, purely out of habit, but after seeing the object... ie experience. You only have thoughts about PAST and FUTURE... Try thinking of now. You can’t. You can not scan your presence with thoughts. Thoughts only appear in your consciousness, and consciousness does not need thoughts in order to exist. You can not experience past and the future... your experience can only take place in the NOW. Consciousness and mind are not the same thing – and in some languages it is not clearly separated. A lot of people think about the concepts of being aware and consciousness as presence of thinking process. Wrong. It is just a state. In fact thinking can be compared to dreaming. One way of think of meditation sessions is the time you allocate in order to immerse yourself into reality fully (or at least to give it a chance to happen). Making it a habbit helps to tear down all this conditioning we acquired over our lives plus all the beliefs we tend to develop with our thinking. Check out this section of Shinzen Young explaining what to do if you start thinking '' i am doing meditation properly'': https://youtu.be/cZ6cdIaUZCA?t=245

I was like wow ... the whole thing dedicated to narcissism must have had a big impact on her life... and now she fights back!

@Natasha nice video! yours?

@Emerald Wilkins Hey Emerald, what camera do you use to record the videos? have you experimented with neutral backgrounds? ... cool videos

This is a good point. The sooner realized the better, because it does make it harder to let go and they keep reinforcing themselfs.

Exploration Geophysics (lots of Physics) and Computer Science Then Geology as I found it irresistable to combine

Notice the emphasis on STRONG and DETERMINATION.

Highschool prepares you for university

I really doubt this if done with appropriate attitude and without imposing it. For example if Canadian gets a question in conversation like "...and how many girlfriends did you go out with?" or anything that leads to conversations about relationships/sex world, then I would certainly let the truth flow: Of course if he just walks up to her and says that out of blue, well that would be concerning. Now, it is probably wise to look back at the goal of "20-30 girls" and ask the questions - why and pros/cons of that goal when achieved? Frankly, I think it is a pointless goal and has more downside than upside.

...then be homest and tell her that ...maybe she is after the same thing.

Try talking to older women... tell them you are 10 years older or something... I did this when I was 13 and my aunty was really worried though when I started getting home late or in the morning after a night with this 25 year old chick I was dating - I told her I was 17 and took me time to convince her but it was worth it...Now looking back my aunty was worried for no reason at all.. hey I was practicing. The chick by the way had a kid...but was super hot - she found out later my real age when she saw my school books... well the rest is obvious ...

Just imagine that you are Donald Trump! Does he get nervous around women? ..or anyone? Joking... Practice... practice... practice... until you get numb to these thoughts. Theory is ok just like everyone else mentions here, but I would say even before theory get into it, until you fail many times. Than when you get to theory you will have stronger aha moments. But then your question will be "how do I find the right girl to talk to?"...

why?

Here is a quick poll for ya

I need to quit smoking too... I quit drinking completely five years ago... thought it would be hard and it actually wasn't ... but my friends couldn't do it. I've been meditating close to 2 hours every morning in the past month without a miss. (start at 5 am)... ...It does feel like smoking has to go.

same here

Yes When you meditate do thoughts arise in English or Russian?

Having said that what do you think is best way to wean off of coffee and stimulants?

An idea popped into my head this morning “Hey wouldn’t it be cool if your head was shaven?” A moment later, while ruffling my hair in front of the mirror, another thought sprung “This is going to be a bit of work.” This thought left me indecisive, so I came to conclusion “Wouldn’t it be cool if I put up a random poll that will determine this and then I will proceed or not proceed?” So here it is The poll closes in 24 hours after this post.

For some reason every time I look at the mirror I have this comic expression on my face