Rishabh R

@SimpleGuy No it's not normal for you to have negative emotions. Instead having negative emotions indicate that one is a healthy and functional adult . The positivity culture is guilty of promoting unhealthy pursuits of never having negative emotions, or never feeling bad. I have been guilty myself for this as years ago I used to "Eliminate suffering" rather than accepting or dealing with suffering which I do it since more than an year ago. And life has improved due to it. Negative emotions are necessary to be acknowledged and processed of you want to create rock solid, real happiness .

@Something Funny All the best.

@Schizophonia Ok I saw it now.

@Sincerity Accepting negative emotions are the key to emotional regulation and living a happy life.I have learned this the hard way. Earlier I used to number my negative emotions by thinking positive but when I started accepting them, my suffering reduced.

Your post resonates with me as I was once a believer of victim mindset but later , I mean recently (for 1 year) I adopted the growth mindset by reframing each failure, setbacks, adversity and I can say honestly that it is better than having a victim mindset be it in case of resilience, success and tranquility.

@Schizophonia 👍. But I have discovered that reading actual books has improved my life. Even though it might not be a necessity.

That is why most people want a quick fix to their problems and improve their lives without actually doing the work. But reading is far more valuable than consuming what algorithm tells you to. I really love reading - Read approximately 16 or so books in almost 2 years( hard copy and Amazon Kindle combined ). Recently ordered my 17th book. By experience I would say that reading is worth it.

@Majed Good job.

@Schizophonia No there is a lot of wisdom in the books.

@Natasha Tori Maru Yeah , I re read the book related to my subject or even self-help/philosophy books.I remember that when I read the first time I don't remember the information but 2nd time a little bit then with third time a bit more and so on. Thanks.

@Zenterus It just reaffirms my belief that getting into a relationship doesn't make a person happy. Even though I never had a girlfriend but there were many receptive women whom I encountered as well as unreceptive girls. I think personal development/self-help is better than pickup even though other people's view vary . I have been consuming and applying self-help since 8 years , 10 months ( still counting by the way) which started from Leo's video on negative thoughts. Fast forward to this day I don't try to eliminate negative thoughts but rather reframe the situation. I had a few romantic rejections along the way but later realised that I didn't like those girls.You present a counterargument to most guys who chase girls and a lot of them told me that I am not capable of attracting a girl , pay attention to your/career instead of chasing girls. You are not a hypocrite and even you encouraging us to pursue relationships shoes your emotional growth and maturity. Thanks for this nuanced post.

@jacknine119 Focus on absorbing the information through repetition. Read over and over again. I also forget things that I read but I discovered that the more times I iterate the information in other words re reading the same thing more I remember it.

@SimpleGuy It's called limerence or fantasizing about situations with don't happen. It happens with me a lot. What I have discovered that questioning those images even though it can be painful to realize that one's imagined world is different from actual world is the key. In fact I would say it's necessary to question them so that one doesn't end up suffering unnecessarily. It's not a mental illness by the way.

@Leo Gura What about Programming the Subconscious mind course. Will it be affordable ? Just wanted to know when it will come out ?

@Leo Gura Why it is that questioning others is easy while questioning oneself is tough ? Also I have found that questioning oneself is the cause of a better life as it opens you up to surprises in life . So is it better to ask yourself questions or asking others question ?

@Yimpa Great quote. To add to it I would say- Rejection is a saviour from wrong people in life.( Making this quote based on my experience)

@Yimpa Thanks.

I contemplated for 30 minutes - How do I be more confident ? Insights : 1. By developing more competence 2.By being optimistic that I can overcome failure 3.By releasing that even if I would fail I would be ok 4.By realising externally whatever happens confidence is an internal attitude 5.By realising that no matter what happens externally I can improve 6.By realising that even if negative stuff happens it's ok 7.By realising that my confidence will grow with time 8.By realising that failing is ok and normal Do let me know your thoughts .

@trenton 👍

@TheGod I have also been chasing illusion by thinking that getting a relationship would fulfill me but the reality is that it won't. Even though I never had a relationship but there have been many receptive women in my life. Btw , great post.

@Schizophonia I disagree with you as this forum can be seen from a different perspective such as growth fostering forum. There is a reason that this forum is called Actualized.org self-improvement forum. Even though there are certain limited negative stuff in the forum but majority of advice exchanged here is good. As per @Leo Gura how could you know that he is not sociable and neurotic despite not knowing him as a person. You are making assumptions about him. That proves his point that nobody cares about truth but rather we care about our assumptions about truth. The point is to question those assumptions and before that we must ground ourselves in not-knowing.

How to approach a girl whom you genuinely like and how to know weather she is single without asking explicitly? Otherwise you would land in trouble by approaching a girl who is already in a relationship. Is scanning for pre-approach signals the solution ?

I watched this video and it is based on a lesson from Mark Manson's book Subtle Art of not giving a ----. When I tried to accept the message while reading the book it felt bad at first but later it felt good as stated by Mark. From my perspective -The video is very accurate description of human condition.

I also learned that romantic rejection is saviour from a wrong person in life. I used to be jealous of my batchmates dating beautiful girls but when I saw that they broke up frequently and the girls move on to other guys I realised the above lesson. I saw it happening with multiple people.

Yeah absolutely.