Rishabh R

@Someone here I am also struggling with the emotion of anger. What gets me out is acceptance of anger and also telling myself that it's ok to feel this way. As per toxic people the best thing is to distance yourself from them.

Is it better to accept the things out of one's control or stop paying attention to those things ? Example: In the future I have entrance exams for PhD. Is it better to accept that I might not qualify or focus on my preparation rather than the fact that weather I would qualify or not. Secondly, I find myself become reactive to mental imagination of the people in the past. How can I deal with that ? Finally , @Leo Gura you talk about confidence being a product of massive experience. I have experience approaching more than 100 girls, giving many exams, is looking at those experiences and reminding myself that I have overcame many hurdles ,adversities like them a way to build up confidence ? By the way I have noted down every challenges/obstacle/adversity I have overcame from big to small. The image is attached here. Thanks.

@Leo Gura How to get more experience with girls as I am out of college now and in public places cold approach is seen like stalking in India? My friends in college treated me inferiorly and bragged to me that they had girlfriends while telling me to study and not engage in these sort of things like dating etc since I am a child. Girls in college treated me poorly while interacting with them while and started dating other guys who were narcissistic . How about these situations ? I hurted me to the fact that I suffer till date when I think about my college experience. Apart from education the socialising experience of mind in college was extremely awful. And I observed that those guys who were younger or of my age despite being successful in dating girls and going from girlfriend to girlfriend they used to become very insecure as even when I talk to their girlfriends regarding some matter they threatened me or insulted me . Their relationships were built on dominance rather than mutual trust .

@Natasha Tori Maru Great wisdom.By the way how about reframing the situation in a more positive light such as - This failure is an opportunity for improvement, growth.

Thank you. By the way whenever I fail I reframe it in the light of growth mindset. I feel good afterwards. Few months back I was not able to crack multiple PhD entrance exams which were competitive (in India). In one of the government exams I scored pretty low but I felt awful after seeing the results for only half an hour. Regarding other ventures I was placed in a pharmaceutical company on campus but I left the opportunity since at the joining date I had my PhD entrance . People , I have a question is reframe important for confidence when you fail or mindlessly failing over and over again. I have noticed that reframe helps in most cases to improve in a situation. Also, regarding girls I have observed that atleast few of them respond warmly to my advances.

@Ontology A fellow 24 year old here who has graduated University now . Since you have already gone further into the self-improvement field , I would say that you must focus more on expanding your presence.

@OBEler I know that you know that but I am just telling you to consider the holistic nature of the gender.

@OBEler Let's take an example. All men are attracted to women which is common as we are biologically wired for it. But how come some men form relationships with women earlier in life while some men form it later in life. Some men have their career life handled but don't have their social life and personal life in place. Biologically men are same but personality and also upbringing ,past conditioning as well as psychological factors also play a role.

@OBEler Not all the men are the same. Some are introvert, some are extrovert while some are in the middle. Also, genetics play a role. Every woman is different. Not all are like that. I was hurt by few women in the past to the point where I have the pain till date but few other women liked me for who I am. It is possible that I am not looking the past in a holistic manner and not considering my full past but cherry picking events from the past. However, I writing this not to defend women as women can do awful things too just as men can do it.

I contemplated for 30 minutes - How do I overcome external negative events ? The answers : - By realising that they are temporary -By thinking long term effects of these events -By realising that external negative events impact diminishes over the course of 5,10 years -By thinking far ahead in into the future -By realising that my actions and words matter more to my life than what others say or do -By focussing on my actions and words Thank you.

I am also a member of other self-help community too. And I say that it is highly valuable as genuine self-help is rare.

@Sugarcoat I think that physical pain can be transcended sometimes while sometimes it results in death. Which is the end of pain in either case. Whereas emotional pain can be transcended with the right relationship to it. For example acceptance and embracing of distress. This may sound extremely counterintuitive but it's true. Reality is not all sunshine and rainbows but it's not all dark. However, to reach the heaven you need to go through hell( Metaphorically speaking). To get to the positive you need to go through the negative.

@Ayham As per the third one. It meant that that girl was receptive to you and this alone is a proof that there will be girls who will be receptive you. I also considered myself as unattractive to girls at University but later I realised that I wasn't focussing on the fact that there were few girls who were receptive to me and there will be in the future. I was just jealous of my friends having beautiful girlfriends but they were the wrong girls for me. As per the 1st one there is a realisation that I have experienced a little bit but heard from Mark Manson. Most relationships in our life will end (by the way sorry for your relative). With time your needs will be met even though that sounds impossible right now due to your environment. Just trying to let you know my thoughts regarding this. Best of luck.

My meditation duration is typically 12 to 20 minutes. But today I meditated more than 20 minutes which is basically 22 minutes and 35 seconds. At the last phase of meditation I noticed something about mental activity. While I was meditating a Hindu worship song was being played nearby in the colony beside my flat . My mind was focussed or say attentive on that song and when that song stopped my mind focussed on something else. I came to realise that attention is the root cause of attachment. Our minds pay attention to something and gets attached to it. By the way I was trying to meditate for 30 minutes but I failed.😂

@CARDOZZO To embrace not-knowing we must question our thoughts ,beliefs and assumptions about other's as well as ourselves. By the way the point of self-actualisation was great. Engineering is a great field which I studied in the past. Especially Biotechnology engineering.

That is more of a biological and survival question than a philosophical or psychological one.

@Salvijus Yeah but that was something which I observed and I will leave your question to contemplation.

@Ulax Thanks. I hope that I will keep posting.

I contemplated for 30 minutes- How do I achieve more in my life ? These were the answers that came to me. - By moving forward no matter what -By realising that I am capable of it -By looking in the future in a hopeful way no matter how much I fail -By acting on my hope -By moving forward with my life force -By realise that all failures will fall apart due to forward moving force of life - By realising with time I can achieve me -By balancing action with hope -By accepting failure and then again acting with hope -By realising that even problems outside my control are temporary and will be gone -By focussing first on what I have achieved and then then moving forward I then typed these answers in Claude and asked - Rate each insight out of 100% for accuracy. Here was the answer from the side of Claude.

Even if one achieved these ideals they will feel empty inside once these things become normal part of their life. Yeah absolutely but most people don't do self help which is even worse as they fall into the trap of self-indulgence instead of self discipline which makes them unhappy. Regarding ways to become more beautiful, stronger ,spiritual and intellectual it is life experiences that makes us grow not chasing ideal of perfection. The best thing to do is to pick up one self-help practice and do it over a long period of time without getting distracted by fluffy promises that almost every self halp tactics gives you. This is the best way I know how to get results from self-help. One would never achieved perfection but would make progress.

@CARDOZZO Self acceptance is the way out of this delusion of hedonic treadmill created by self help.

I contemplated for 35 minutes - How to follow my intuition in life ? The answers that I got . - By following my strong thoughts -By first thinking through the consequences of my intuition -By only following my strong feelings -By acting according to strong internal anticipation -By moving according to my internal compass -By realising that my internal compass is better predictor of success than external forces - By realising that intuition is different from being lost in thinking

@Emerald and @CARDOZZO what are your all views on Mark Manson's book Models.

I contemplated for 45 minutes- What are the lessons from my failures in life ? Here are the answers. -That more I avoid failure the worst it will hit me -That I will always have the chances to succeed -They more I avoid hard work more I will fail - I care too much about girl's action -That random actions are inefficient in succeeding -Being 100% honest about my hardwork and then taking action to fill the gap can improve my chances of succeeding -That my actions are far more important to my life than other's actions -That of I don't accept failure then I will be constantly reactive to it which will make success less likely -That it doesn't matter how much I fail but weather I try again after each failure -That putting consistent effort in right direction is far more important than directionless effort -That failures are better test of succeeding in life than success themselves -That failures are not a negative thing but unsuccessful attempts -That I overgenralize and catastrophize negative events

@Davino While focusing on connection is good but also the acceptance of rejection is another great thing which reduces the pressure on the people to find someone.