Rishabh R

@Princess Arabia Yeah the relationship with the identity matters but all identity is fluid and temporary so why not build a good one. And also the goal of therapy is to see the situation objectively.

During therapy I came to a conclusion that suffering due to behaviour of girls (girls who rejected me in past and treated me badly) useless and is also pointless. Why ?(I asked myself) Because it does not matter

Integrity.

Yeah but eventually joyful experience and experience come together hand in hand because life is a combination of positive and negative.

Consciousness. By that definition it doesn't matter wether girl rejects me or not because it will still be temporary. And also suffering is temporary too.

@Princess Arabia I don't think that it's a delusion because I asked myself - Why while writing the post. Yes things in life are temporary such as heartbreak, rejection etc.

@mmKay situations like people hurted me in the past, abused me,girls hurting me etc.

Insight --- The situation for which I was suffering is not happening to me right now. I was applying Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and all of a sudden this insight hit me. And as of the future I looked the evidence that I don't know. @Leo Gura Was your avoidance of truth episode based on a therapy to improve one's life? When a person is suffering then is that person is avoiding truth ? Thank you.

I am facing immense sadness, anger due to the fact that this girl treated me badly and then started dating another guy. I am a 23 year old college student in India. I am suffering due to it. Am I unattractive, she abused me, her friend gave me a threat that you have come to college so study and don't do these things. When I asked her why she hurted me she told that I deserve it all the time. time. She said me to study, abused me called by a cry baby , weak. I have never been in a romantic relationship with a girl in my entire life till now. I don't know but I have a huge amount of hatred piling up against girls and especially girls with a boyfriend. I seriously hate them. I am on antidepressants because girls treated me badly before also. I am having immense anger and hatred towards couples. Nobody loved me and nobody loves me. I feel extremely bad when I sit to study cuz tommorow is my internal tests also. I abuse her in my mind. I abuse the girls who rejected me in my mind.Sorry everyone for the low quality post.😭😭🥺

Guys I have come to the conclusion that that girl is not in my life. And this truth is liberating to me.

@Leo Gura so I must I focus on my efforts which is talking to girls for years which I am doing despite getting rejected. And also is it true for exams also ( tommorow I have an exam) that I must focus on my preparation not the marks cause they are out of my control?

@Leo Gura How to be confident when I have never dated before ? Is it authenticity which means being true to yourself and then others ?

Recently I saw the response sheet of a competitive exam and I didn't score good. But it didn't made me feel bad that much. Cuz I was comfortable with failure. I know it's an obstacle/problem but does negative leads to the positive .Like - this situation is negative and it will lead to something positive if I take action and create positive or realistic narratives. Is this a good reframe ? Also I have another problem , I curse the girls who rejected me in the past and went to someone else. But the reframe that I will have better opportunities with better girls is realistic ? @Leo Gura and people could you give me a realistic answers on this?

@Buck Edwards If she would have said me no rather than giving me a rude reply then I would have happily backed off. However, I am still moving on. And -Is abusing other not hurting ? Is insulting other person not hurting ?

@Princess Arabia thank you. I am trying to move on. Btw that's a good reframe.

@Buck Edwards yeah I know she doesn't like me but there is also a socially calibrated way of telling that.I am trying to move on I feel ok around people but at night I feel miserable. And also it's not about me, it's her narcissism. This is temporary and this too shall pass away. I don't think that it's a good idea to be happy for those who hurt you badly. I no longer like her but I have anger towards her.

People of actualized.org (post it in following format) What are the 3 failures that you all have faced in previous three months ? What can be learned from them ? For me , Failures : 1# Not scoring good marks in 2 of my semester exams. Lesson: Be prepared early on before the exam and don't do anything new in the last moment. 2# Suffering due to lack of an intimate relationship. Lesson: Either take action or move on. People in relationships suffer too. 3# Missing the morning classes from 8:30 am. Lesson : Decide wether classes are important or sleeping.

@Thought Art yeah I bought Obstacle is the way and I am reading it the 2nd or 3rd time.

Hey all the mods including @Thought Art , @UnbornTao could we create a thread -Learning from failures. Like we can post that what are our failures from past 3 months and what can we learn from it and how we can implement the lesson learned ?

@Yimpa thank you.

Accord to me she must declare her feelings or move on. The more she will wait harder it will be for her to move on if the teacher rejects her.

@Leo Gura Without those girls who went into relationships with other guys ? Yeah that's what I am doing focussing on girls who respond goodly to me but I am also suffering due to anger due to past rejections from girls. Regarding my perception of myself I contemplated -What is truth ? Answer - I am attractive. How can I make my perception of myself more grounded . Is it wise enough to see through both negative and positive parts of myself ?

@Leo Gura I think fantasy is avoidance of truth . I have a question that Is neediness being invested in other's perception of you rather than your perception of yourself? Yes we must value others perception of us but we must value our perception of ourself more ? Like my perception of myself- I am attractive, beautiful, doing good in career. Also Is it ok and attractive to think wether you will like that girl or not rather than she liking me or not? The guys in my college who are getting girlfriends are insecure, possesive and have a habit of smoking. Is it true hey have low standards cause they choose girls who smoke too and cheat in exams, abuse,have previously been in relationships? So am I better off without them ?

I have been in this situation before but the same is happening with me in college. I talked to a girl , gave her a compliment she said thank you and laughed. I tried to made an eye contact with her but she turned her face away on( other day). Then I again talked to her but this time a boy came to me and started talking to me - he said that you like her ? I said yes. But later he told that ask her if she has a boyfriend and if she does then you have to move on. I later found out that the boy who said me this is dating her. One day in lab I saw that when another guy was talking to her , the boy who manipulated me was carefully looking at her from a little away and to the another boy who was talking to her. I fear that tomorrow I will see them again and again feel jealous that the guy achieved in getting a girlfriend whereas I failed. I applied Cognitive Behavioural Therapy to the situation and my anger and got a reframe that - She had a poor choice of a guy, I have never done this with anyone so I am more attractive than that guy. I am currently moving on and I must stop thinking about her. Another reframe- I will have better oppurtunities with better/secure girls in the future. Is this a good reframe ?

@meta_male sorry I didn't understand . 😂