something_else

More LordFall than you, to be fair. But “most green are ass at orange” conveys the same sentiment indirectly.

@LordFall @Ulax You’re both stereotyping green as activist hippies or like the stereotypical SJWs of old. Most people with a centre of gravity in stage green just come across as fairly normal well-educated people with careers, hobbies and goals like everyone else. The average left leaning westerner is firmly stage green, but most are not activists. Think of Scandinavian countries for example, they’re some of the most stage green places on earth yet it hardly makes sense to say “Scandinavian countries are useless at coming up with solutions to problems” because it’s simply not true. One look and you can see that they’re some of the most effectively run countries in the world, yet they would be classified as having a centre of gravity that’s firmly green. The way you’re applying spiral dynamics is quite flawed to be honest, you’re using it like a personality test instead of a developmental model.

I pretty much only ever bring up spiral dynamics when other people do. I like the model and I think it models human development well, but it’s often used more like a personality test than a development model

Sprezzatura The art of looking put together without looking like you're trying too hard

I think you're stereotyping green a bit. There are plenty of stage green people who try to find solutions for problems. Don't forget that in order to properly integrate green you have to go through orange, and orange is very solution oriented. Yes, some stereotypically stage green people resent orange, but most stage green people are not like that. Awareness, open discussion, and community are usually the mechanisms by which green tries to solve problems, and those are not terrible solutions for the problems green likes to grapple with. It's limited, but to say that green never provides solutions for problems is a touch strawmannish.

This is fair, but both men and women had incentives to have casual sex in the past too, and plenty did. Men to have as many children as possible, and women to get the best possible genes for her children.

What is coming?

Daddy in a sexual context just makes me laugh. I can't take it seriously. Calling a girl mommy as a joke is pretty funny though, I've done it.

As in it ignores the physical strength differential between a typical man and woman? Yea, perhaps I should have specified big burly bears I think it’s still one of the easiest things for most men to imagine that conveys roughly the kind of emotional state that women often experience with strange men approaching them, but yes it does miss out on the power differential.

It sucks to be born into a country where you have little control or freedom. I understand that, and the irony of how harsh I’m being about his lack of empathy is that I lack a degree of empathy for his situation myself. So you’re right in that I’m probably being too harsh. At the same time, it’s hard to excuse the amount of shit talking towards women. Calling them dumb animals and whatever else. Look dude, I know you’re frustrated and I’m being quite harsh on you, but nothing you’re thinking or doing right now is going to help your situation. It’s only making it worse. I know you want someone to tell you that you’re right, that all women are evil and dumb and that’s why they don’t want to date you. But that’s unfortunately not true, no matter how comforting it would be for you to hear that. And I’m not gaslighting you by telling you I enjoy talking to women. I have more female friends than male friends. Women are great company, but they are inherently distrustful of strange men for valid reasons. Denying that reality is only going to dig you into a deeper hole. Accept it and find ways to work with it. Pickup is sub-optimal dating strategy in many ways, even more so in a highly conservative country. If you don’t have a solid social circle of friends and a decent social life, I’d start by building that before focusing all of your effort into solo cold approach pickup. If you’re out with friends a few times per week in social places you’ll naturally meet women who will be far more trusting of you than the random girls you’re talking to when you’re on your own. Hopefully that will improve your view of women, which will in turn help you connect with them and date them much more easily.

I was asking you to imagine how you’d feel if they did violate your boundaries regularly, because that’s what many men do to women. I’m not saying gay men are actually like this 🙄 I find women very enjoyable to talk to, in fact often more than men on average. So this might be a you problem rather than a woman problem. And seeing how you’re talking about women here just makes me think it’s a you problem even more.

@Majed The bitterness is not helping you. Fix your life situation, build up your social circle, drop the bitterness surrounding women, and you’ll be doing much better in the dating department.

You lack empathy for women. Imagine that throughout your life a total of 20 gay guys had come up to you randomly and started touching you. Or aggressively hitting on you, not taking no for an answer. Making you very uncomfortable, telling you they want to pound your ass after talking to you for 5 seconds. Are you going to trust the 21st gay guy? Probably not, you’d probably be understandably cautious. This is roughly what women experience. Women are bombarded with unwanted and unexpected sexual advances from men their entire lives, so the risk to reward ratio calculation her brain is doing when a random dude starts talking to her is not in your favour. To balance that out, you need to build trust and show that your reward is worth her risk.

Everybody is different. Some people like casual sex, some don’t. Sometimes people are for or against it for the wrong reasons, like repression. But many just have preferences one way or the other.

You don’t really. The vast majority of men will never approach 100 women in their life, let alone 1000. Yet the majority of men will still find a partner. Because most women don’t have any reason to trust a random man trying to talk to her on the street, but many reasons to fear him. You need to put yourself in women’s shoes to understand why they act the way they do instead of taking this bitter attitude and claiming they’re all wrong or rude or disrespectful. The exact inverse of your point here would be a woman saying something like….. “And honestly these days men are just so disrespectful. Like you’re just going about your day and they pester you and won’t leave you alone. Like just why?” Now notice the emotional reaction you have to that, and imagine a woman reading your comment. She is probably having almost exactly the same emotional reaction.

It's a systems thinking model, it's theoretical by nature. My point is very practical though, embodied Stage yellow understands why people act the way they do and realises that other stages are necessary for human development, hence feeling compulsive frustration towards them should start secede. If that isn't happening, someone claiming to be Tier 2 should reflect on why that is.

I'm just stating one of the defining characteristics of tier 2 under the spiral dynamics model. By its definition it's quite a flexible system and there are always exceptions to the rules. I'm sure stage yellow people still get frustrated with others sometimes, it's natural. But I think if you find yourself being constantly irritated by people you consider of lower development, it may be time to re-evaluate how Tier 2 you really are, and whether being Tier 2 is just something you identify with rather than something you actually embody. It's quite easy to look at a description of Stage Yellow and think "yes, I think this is correct and represents my values and ideals therefore I am tier 2" without actually doing the work to embody those values. If fully embodied, under the spiral dynamics model, you shouldn't really be feeling frustration towards those from stages further down the spiral, as the whole point of tier 2 is that you understand the whole model and why people of certain stages act the way they do. Frustration and anger become Stage Red tools you can call upon when necessary rather than something the world or those in it make you feel regularly.

One of the defining characteristics of being tier 2 is that people lower on the spiral don't trigger you that much, because you understand why they are acting the way they are. If you're being severely irritated by behaviour that's characteristic of lower stages, say stage green, it's possible that irritation is not coming from a Tier 2 place.

Talking fast can be engaging, but it can also come across as erratic, especially to someone random you just met. Conversely, talking slow can come across as confident and clam, but also boring. Its depends entirely on your energy and what you’re communicating, for some people talking fast works, for others talking slow. If anything I have an issue with talking too quickly to people.

12/50

There's plenty to say in a work setting. Chat with your colleagues, learn to small talk and connect with people. They don't have to become friends, but at least try to build some kind of connection. It benefits you too, you'll find your career advances much quicker when you build relationships with colleagues.

then don't start arguments on a forum lmao

This is basically saying "my arguments don't stand on their own, so I need charisma and manipulation to make people believe them"

Yes! I get those comfortable energy flows too, especially when combined with a cup of tea. Elvanse and a little caffeine create this serene state that doesn't feel like a high, just an ability to be fully present. I could be present before, but it always came with an underlying sense of fear. I'd developed this association between being present and making stupid mistakes, so being fully in the moment felt almost dangerous. Now I can experience that same feeling without making those mistakes. It also feels much easier to enter the flow state that, before medication, would strike randomly and inconsistently. Sometimes the flow is almost too powerful though, and I find myself stuck on something long after I know I should have moved on. I don't really notice the medication itself anymore. There's no obvious "Oh, it's kicking in" moment like there was during the first month. But the effects are still incredibly noticeable when I compare my life now to how it was before taking it.

Ehm, this is a bizarre take. Almost every argument is easier to express cleanly in written form than spoken form.