something_else

It's an unfortunate reality that there are way more men here than women. The advice is always gonna be tailored towards men no matter what. Finding a way to help men become stronger and better with women without being dehumanising towards women is a really difficult task, but it's extremely important advice given the percentage of incel-type men is skyrocketing. They can't even begin to think about deep and loving connection type advice that women find acceptable because they don't even have basic attraction or socialising down I've tried to avoid the pickup-type talk and stick to referring to it more as learning to socialise which I think is a better way to frame it that is less toxic Another point is that many women essentially dehumanise unattractive guys as well. Many are just trying to better themselves but you'll happily label them as creeps and weirdos for their efforts and not give it a 2nd thought. Which I think is actually totally fine. But it's just to point out that the dehumanisation goes both ways and almost every human being regardless of gender will do this to other human beings in some way

I'm trying to find a way to word this that doesn't make me sound like I'm denying your experience but I really would like examples of the dehumanisation. I don't pick up on it that often (besides in the super toxic incel posts), but I understand I'm totally not the target and so many things that are subtly cruel and dehumanising to you may pass over my head. What have you read on this subsection that's made you feel like total shit? Other than that, the only thing I have left to say is just that I got involved in this to make the point that taking a relaxed and casual approach to relationships is not worse than going actively in search of deep and intimate connection. Both are valid ways to approach relationships and both can be done healthily and unhealthily depending on context and situation. I don't think demonising either is correct, regardless of age. That's the only point I set out to make. I don't want to get dragged much further into a messy back and forth so I'll leave it at that. However I do actually agree with many of the points you made re-reading some of what you said again, but the nature of forum debates is that we both get angry and implicitly assume we disagree on everything which is not the case

There's a 42 year old chemical engineer dude who shows up at clubs near me and often ends up being the life and soul of the party Granted, most 42 year olds couldn't pull that off but different people are into different things and have different paths. Why be so judgemental? Again, different people have different paths. There's nothing inherently wrong with wanting to take a more casual approach towards relationships for your prime years until you find someone who really blows you away. Some people are really picky and won't find someone out of those 30 people who they feel they could settle down with, others will settle down with the first they meet and build a deep, loving and intimate connection that lasts the rest of their life. And some people are that middle aged dude dating 4 different college girls at one time and telling them all he really loves them. Yea, some people are just dicks That's not the same as taking a healthy but casual approach to relationships You are doing exactly this too, but flipped for your own perspective

It's a different perspective to your own which you quite clearly villainise Not everyone wants or needs 5-10+ year relationships and there's nothing inherently more mature about them other than some social conditioning Yes you will want to settle down with a committed partner in your later years. But better to experience all there is out there before you decide who you're gonna commit to for 20 years. Cos if you choose wrong dear god you're not getting that time back. Men especially enjoy freedom, especially in the prime of our lives, like 20-45 kinda age range. It's not immature, it's just a different way to approach life than your own

Ironically this is probably the most toxic post in the thread...

No, it's completely and utterly impossible

My opinion is that you should do whatever is quickest and smoothest when it's a small, cheap activity like coffee. You basically want as little thought as possible to go into it from both of you, it should be a non-issue. 'Say you'll pay then if she fights it let her pay' is my approach for cheap stuff because it's just smoother. If she takes issue at you wanting to her to pay for something cheap like a coffee then you probably don't want anything to do with her anyway

Brilliant

Well said. Men should embrace a lot of these feminine traits. Many men in the world express these negative masculine traits because of our fairly masculine-focused culture which accepts these negative traits far more than it should Though there are plenty of positive masculine traits as well. And plenty of negative feminine ones. It isn't so one sided

Baby I love you so much I need the government to force us to stay together forever <3

Sometimes groups of girls will heckle you on the street where I live if you stand out in some way or if you make strong eye contact and don't give off awful/scary/creepy vibes, especially on a night out when they're tipsy. But it's not a reliable way to meet women. And a girl on her own is probably never gonna do it

It's about fulfilling your potential as a man. It isn't really about the physical sensation, although that's obviously great as far as physical sensations go. It's about feeling powerful, masculine, and capable in the world

Being stressed isn't really an excuse for things like: These are clear red flags. Obviously we are only hearing one side of this, but I struggle to think of reasonable circumstances in which the above things are acceptable to say. Why would you stay in a relationship that's not working?

Time to say bye bye

Wut lol

That's borderline abusive kind of language. If it's a one off then maybe you can let it slide... but if she says these kinds of things to you on the regular get yourself the fuck out of there

Did she say this exact thing to you? That is a disgusting thing for either party to say in a relationship, and you should seriously consider walking away if she said that to you

The few times I've taken weed (edibles mostly, smoking a few times) it's made me feel like shit. All I can focus on is the sensation of the saliva moving down the back of my throat like sticky slime

Yea be polyamorous all you want when you're young, but do you really want to be going out looking for sex partners at 60? At some point you gotta settle down in some way. Just make sure you experience all the sexual variety you want before you do

Most girls prioritise emotional stimulation and vibes in the same way most guys prioritise looks. Just how it is. I'd actually argue men are the stupider ones there. They'll stay with the most vicious and manipulative girls just cos they're beautiful You're lying if you say looks aren't somewhere near the top of your priority list. Because if they weren't then dating would not be that hard for you

I've never really committed to affirmations long term, I always feel a bit pathetic doing them the few times I've tried if I'm honest If I was gonna do something like that I'd do visualisation

@Johnny Galt What exactly are the reasons you think early sex-ed is bad? In a few sentences. It was hard to tell from your rambly post but I'm curious to hear your viewpoint Asking 11 year olds about their sexual orientation is pretty bad, I agree. Educating them about what different kinds of sexual orientation there are so they can start to consider it themselves on the other hand is a great thing. I'm assuming that was the intention of that survey The best argument for early sexual education is that by the time a kid is 11-12, they start learning about sex stuff from their peers anyway, especially if they have older siblings or older friends. And then the question becomes whether you'd rather a trained professional sex-ed teacher taught them about sex or they learn it through the filter of their peers. Because one of those two things has to start happening first

The forum isn't that bad. Relationships/dating is frustrating as hell, especially if you're not getting your needs met. A heavy proportion of posts here are guys blowing off steam and frustration, which is somewhat toxic. But at the same time, totally understandable. Better here than some incel type forum

Shit, you've exposed me, reading these is one of my guilty pleasures

I had a tendency to do this when I was heavy into online dating It was because at any given time, I'd likely only be talking to one girl, maybe two. And it felt like a lot of work to move onto the next girl if for whatever reason it didn't work out or she ghosted me. So I was heavily invested in one girl I'd never met, only snapchatted, and barely knew. Which is bad. Ideally you should feel like it's not a huge deal if for whatever reason this doesn't work out because you know you can attract another girl, especially since you've never met in person