Gianna

I kind of have a theory that going into a flow-state is going into a dissociated-state. When we go into God-mode we go into a dissociated state. Which is why we don't remember every detail of these states or the 'how', because we can only make associations from dissociations. Does anyone know any good books on this? On dissociations or MPD?

I love you too ooo good point! didn't think/remember it like that oh man. I see! I'm glad to hear you overcame that! Me too! Yes, my issue is with my knees. So sitting on a pillow and raising my hips to be above them like you mentioned will really help. Hopefully mine with magically resolve too after this I just tried this and it definitely allowed more breath. I did it with an in through the nose and out through the mouth.

@Waken Ah. I see. The memories of certain states are at a vibration you can tap into when you become that vibrational state yourself (you can only perceive what you are the vibration of). That makes sense according to the law of attraction! I can definitely see that. I am going to check in with my experience as well next time I can @SriSriJustinBieber

@hamedsf thank you for reminding me of this because I am definitely going hard, haha. Hm, yes. Homeostasis is a good point. And I think with the energy flowing through you and out of you (almost like a cleansing) elicits a lot of growth for the body that it feels it needs to push the brakes (resistance,anxiety,panic). Ooo yes! This is why I always confuse anxiety with overwhelming excitement or enthusiasm. They are both concepts, but how they feel in my body is the same. I think feelings trigger associated thoughts and thoughts trigger associated feelings– which hits first? I think it is a chicken and an egg problem. They are both intertwined and follow one another. But you're right, it very well could be starting in the mind in this instance (social responsibilities, rules, expectations), and then the body is following suit (complaining in sympathy). In other instances, you could walk into a coffee shop for instance and a scent could trigger trauma-related feelings, then you start to have accompanying thoughts that propel the feeling even more, etc. I think it all just depends on the person and the circumstance.

@Superfluo So it focuses a lot on trauma and conditioning. A lot. Like I am on chapter 10 and it hasn't gone much into relationship advice. It does have a chapter on the ego which would be self-image and awareness. But I am not entirely sure what she posts on Instagram because I do not follow her. Do you want me to send you a digital copy of the book?

Chaos is not random, it’s based entirely on what happens before it and then has free will. This means it is both determined and unpredictable because it’s free after what is already done. It's like what we experience as adults. We are determined by everything that has happened but free in our choice forward. What is determined is that we have choice but what is undetermined is how we are going to use it– or if we are going to use it at all which is also a choice. Most people don’t use it which is what convinces some people it is not there. But choice is always there just like how the Truth is. You can obscure it (i.e manipulation/deception), brainwash someone out of it (i.e conditioning), but you can never take it away. You can’t take it away because our plan from the beginning has always been choice because choice is how we get to know ourselves. We wanted to know ourself so we gave ourself choice to see what we would choose. Seeing what someone chooses is the best way to know someone. Actually, the best way to know someone is to know what they desire because what they desire will lead to what they will choose. Of course, this gets confusing because people let other people get in the way of what they desire— of what they truly, deeply, and genuinely want. This is why we need a movement toward authenticity and the inspiration of it. Because if you are looking at what’s authentic you are looking at yourself. What a beautiful world it would be if everywhere we looked we saw an authentic expression of ourself. This is what is already happening if you have the perspective to see it. Not everyone does but everyone should because it would benefit them immensely. It would benefit us all immensely because once you are looking we can look back at you. Our eyes will finally meet and we can tell each other so much more with our hearts than we ever could with our words. What we would tell ourselves is this— be whatever you want to be so we can all see it, marvel in it, learn from it, and grow from it. We grow from what we are and what we are is whatever we become from our choices. The possibilities are endless because our choices are infinite. Except our choices will always lead to the same place, ourselves. The recycling of our desires always leads back to ourself. -me. Chaos= Free Will + Determinism

It means you have found something immensely true! I'm glad to hear that you think that about yoga because I have really been loving it. how did you come to know this?! I'm so impressed. I am going to do this with the same intention. it reminds me of one of the meditations you sent me to help with my root chakra. it felt really amazing Love this! Okay, I have been having posture problems in my meditations! So crazy you mention this it's like you read my mind.

Good for you girl! You got this!!!

you are so me <3 this doesn't make me feel bad it makes me light up oh boy. I'm happy I said it then because this definitely has blocked me in the past but I haven't realized why until now; until you mentioning this. you create the absence by thinking of it so much while waiting– definitely a sneaky trap I have fallen into!

I noticed you always go back to the body-centered practices– which just shows how important it is. I need to focus more of my meditations on the body and I'm happy you remind me of that. I think it will help a lot with what we're talking about here. but I have been doing a lot of yoga! Okay yes so, body-centered practices, allowing exercises. these will help. I bolded what you mentioned about relaxing into it because that is what both Leo and SriSriJustinBieber advised in another post. You are all pointing to the same thing– to relaxxx into the resistance. next time it happens this is what I am going to do. thank you for reminding me of this– patience. I can be disciplined but I underestimate the patience it takes. I am going to practice body-centered meditations. Is shamanic breathwork considered a body meditation? And which ones do you do? Ooo I didn't think about it no. But now that you mention it, I can see that being linked for sure .

@SriSriJustinBieber Okay, you're right. That was really difficult but I think I understand! Here is how I am interpreting this: 1. The resistance is an opportunity to deepen my faith by seeing it for what it really is. 2. What the resistance really is is the belief in "lack". So I feel bad about resistance because my feelings are trying to tell me that the resistance is causing me to believe something that is untrue: that there is such thing as lack. 3. Lack is not possible when you are infinite. So my feeling bad was an indication that I was thinking wrong. Except, I would say that I was not interpreting it as "lack" I was interpreting it as "holding me back from getting something I want or from being what I want." This felt bad because it was not true– I already am everything. Okay. So next time this happens I will just relax into it and wait.

Okay great!!! Thank you

YES!!! You have to put it towards something to create. But as far as other people 'getting it'... yeah I don't know. I struggle with that too. Maybe it's because we don't even get ourselves? Haha. I don't even understand myself sometimes which is why I wrote another thread about dissociation. But then you have forums like this one where similar people come together and 'get it'. Thank god for this forum I say that like every day haha.

sooo true. I feel like a lot of us have mystical experiences (like flow) without even realizing it is a mystical experience or the truth of any of it. It's not until you're awakened that everything shows itself (mind, body, you) and you can see clearly the dynamics at play between them. You realize that you are the mystical experience that is happening to your mind, or to your body.

Ohhh okay. That's it then. We don't remember because– like you said– it's out of our mind. We only remember what is in the mind and then we repeat it. The mind is nothing more than a repeating machine. But then it's like, "well, why can't we remember what we are?" and the answer is we do– we just can't articulate it because it's out of the mind and thus out of language. Because we remember it in our heart which is why our intuition guides us back to ourself.

I really don't think it's a self-worth thing for me. Like, "I don't think I am worthy of something so great so I resist it." I mean I could definitely see that and it probably is that to a degree. But because my experience of resistance is more somatic than it is psychological, I really think it's more of a nervous system thing. Like my entire nervous system is wired/conditioned to shut down god energy or something. And– granted– I could see how the shaming and 'shutting down' of this energy from others when we are kids creates a psychological block/desire to resist the energy. But once you work through that, you still have an entire nervous system working against you????? you know what I mean.. haha. It's so hard to overcome both the psychological and biological wiring we are conditioned with. Like SO fucking hard. idk how leo does it. I could hear him saying, "I just fucking do it!" haha. but you can't bulldoze the beast that is your nervous system. At least not without some serious backlash.

What a perfect quote. I think what scares me is the energy itself– it's completely overwhelming. Like this quote, it's so powerful beyond measure I can't help but resist it at least a little. This line below is exactly my experience with God's energy (life force energy, consciousness energy, whatever you want to call it): except, the only reason for this experience is because of the resistance. If I were to not resist (but allow the energy to flow through and out of me) I wouldn't feel these sensations. But I can't help but resist it because the energy itself is what is so scary. It's so big and so powerful. I remember @Leo Gura saying something like, "God's love is so great you can't handle it." Well, how do we handle it? haha. Because I want to CREATE!

@Esilda Introspecting does so much for us.

I gave a man a compliment and his entire body tensed up. It's like he wanted the interaction while simultaneously running away from it. Why are we so closed off to receiving each other's love? It's easy to give. People feel good about giving, it's why they do it. Because when we give, it makes us believe we are good. But when it comes to receiving, this goodness goes out the window. We cannot believe we are good when receiving, so we close ourselves. Suddenly, people do not want to believe they are good. They do not and will not think to themselves, "I am good. So I let myself receive this. I let myself receive this because I am good and I want to feel myself as good." Instead, they can only imagine themselves feeling and being good when they are giving to someone else. Why is this? It is because we are living in a world built on conditional love. The world that says, "I can only feel good when I give and I know I deserve it. If I do nothing, I cannot know I deserve anything. And so I cannot receive anything without knowing I deserve it." The world that sounds like, "if I receive and I do not give back, I am worthless. I am only worth what I can give. I don't deserve to receive while doing nothing, being nothing." We need to open ourselves up to unconditional love from one another. We need to feel our bodies. We need to let the feeling in our bodies manifest without resistance. We need to love deeply and let love fall deeply.

@RickyFitts Not in the intervening weeks, but you did just give me an idea! I will write something up and post it to this thread

Week 10 Recovering a Sense of Self-Protection "creativity is God's energy flowing through us, shaped by us like the light flowing through a crystal prism." when we are clear about who we are and what we are doing, the energy flows freely and we experience no strain when we resist this energy we often experience a shaky, out-of-control feeling. we want to shut it down and regain control the shaky feeling comes over them and feels as if they are going too fast and god knows where every creative person has myriad ways to block their creative energy– food, drugs, distraction, other people, workaholism, love obsession, etc. the second a creative thought arises is it lopped off by obsession with one of these blocks. knowing yourself as an artist is knowing your creative block/blocks if creativity is like a burst of the universe's breath through a straw (us), we pinch that straw whenever we block; we shut down our flow we do this on purpose because as we start to feel our real potential, we get scared. we try to slow our own growth the block that is the most toxic to you is the block you get defensive about or are in denial over. mixing and matching your blocks is a strategy for not noticing you are blocking. so is using the excuse of 'coincidence' "she happened to call, the ice cream was there right as I was hungry, etc." blocks alleviate fear "we turn to our drug of choice to block whenever we experience the anxiety of our inner emptiness." Creative U-Turns a creative u-turn is the choice to block. a creative u-turn is turning back on yourself blocking is essentially an issue of faith rather than trusting our intuition, talent, skill, desire, we fear where our creator is taking us. it feels too good. happy is terrifying, unfamiliar, out of control, too risky! when you become aware of your blocking device you can feel your creative u-turn as you make it. the trick is to use the anxiety as your fuel Workaholism workaholism is avoiding yourself see workaholism as a block instead of a building block abusing your inner child leads to cinderella complex– always dreaming of the ball and always experiencing the ball and chain there is a difference between zestful work and workaholism– the difference lies in the emotional quality. for a workaholic, work is synonymous with worth, and so we are hesitant to jettison any part of it. workaholism is a process addiction (an addiction to a behavior rather than a substance) so it is hard to tell when we are indulging in it. a workaholic gets sober by abstaining from overwork but you need to define overwork and identify it in yourself. to combat rationalization use a bottom line. be specific, not vague. with workaholism and creative u-turns, you need outside help when it is severe (don't as another workaholic for help with your workaholism) there are workaholism anonymous meetings springing up in some areas Droughts in any creative life there are dry seasons. "they appear out of nowhere and stretch to the horizon like a death valley vista" your work feels mechanical, empty, forced. lost its sweetness. these are the times where the morning pages are most difficult (they seem painful and foolish) and yet this is when they are most valuable. during a drought, showing up is difficult. a drought tells you that it will last forever. during a drought– and during doubt– we are fighting with God. we lost faith in the great creator, in our creative selves. during a drought, emotions are tried up. it is a tealess time of grief. we are between dreams, we do our pages out of habit instead of hope. droughts end because we keep writing our pages. in a creative life, droughts are necessary; they bring us clarity and charity. When you are in a drought, know that it is for a purpose. to write is to right things and things will become right. a path will present itself. an insight will emerge to show us the way out. the morning pages are both your wilderness and your trail. Fame ... Competition ... Tasks ...

@Esilda & @Loba : Thank you both so much. It means a lot to hear this.

So with dualities, you cannot have one without creating the other, right? In the moment you create a "left" you simultaneously create a "right". In the moment you create a notion of "beautiful" you create a notion of "not beautiful" or "ugly", and so on. (up, down; north, south) So my question is with the nonphysical and the physical. At the moment of nonphysical, there was the physical. In other words, we have never had the nonphysical without the physical because duality gives birth to both simultaneously. We have never had the pre-manifested without the manifested because the duality gives rise to each other, and so on. Is this right? When I ask myself my answer is this: God is everything and everything/infinity always was. There is no end because there was no beginning. Whether 'physical' or 'nonphysical' it has always been both. It has always been one.

Okay, I watched this because it was posted in this thread and caught my eye. Oh my gosh, brilliant is an understatement. Such an incredible piece of art. Thank you for sharing!

Oh, I feel what you mean. I think you are right because although it wasn't my work/my words it was still something I was doing that was being condemned. So, at a subconscious level, this probably was the dynamic at play. ooo anger demanding empathy. You're right, I don't believe I would lack empathy towards others because I am an empath (for better or for worse) but maybe I was lacking it toward myself at that moment... Well, what you said yesterday was so brilliant and profound it hits on so many levels probably for everyone in existence. haha. Because we are all meant to be authentic expressions of ourselves. Yet, we are conditioned out of it. And so if we get shamed out of our authentic nature of course we are going to feel like victims of other's perceptions of us! To quote you, "I can be a victim of how others perceive me"– this is inevitably true. But your reframe was great because it is also true– "I can never be the victim of how others perceive me, for I am freedom itself and there are no others". Just brilliance. I can tell you have a very deep intuitive understanding.