Gianna

Communication Studies 100%. Not Communications (like broadcasting/journalism) but the actual study of communicative behavior. So much personal development there.

Hm, interesting! I don't think it's bad at all. Your hyper-awareness of the clingy/neediness will not allow you to become overly clingy and needy. In fact, it might cause resistance to it like what it is doing right now. It sounds like this resistance is really fear– not of becoming 'clingy' or 'needy'– but of becoming dependent. I would say to dig in to why you believe being dependent is wrong if this rings true for you. A lot of us in the personal development field view dependency as the enemy. But we often forget how dependent of a species we are in general. Giraffes can stand on their feet after 30 minutes of birth. We would die on the street after 30 minutes of birth if we were not attended to. We depend on each other. We depend on food, water, money, on plants and animals. It is okay to rely on each other for resources. We already do this. Let yourself go into the affection and passion without the fear of getting lost in it. I don't think it's weird to switch up like this. I think it's growth, openness, and more growth.

keep exploring <3

LOL!!

"Just relax, calm down, just listen to what I am saying– click the red X" Hahaha. "You have to explain every step like you are defusing a bomb" LOL!!

How are you in relationships? I know this seems like it has nothing to do with it but it does in certain ways.

I don't understand solipsism or the difference between being solipsistic and realizing you are God. Can someone help?

Hormones will never come off as 'reasonable' so you're probably right in that the fighting around this time is petty. But even though the reasoning is petty, the emotions are very real. Does she do body awareness exercises? It might be good for her to do some if not. Emotions get stored in the body, maybe she should try some shamanic breathwork to release some of that stuff out. I've also heard walking outside at night under the moon is very healing for girls when they are on their period. Maybe, when you guys find yourself fighting, you can take a midnight walk out under the moon. Maybe even barefoot. Some grounding might help when you feel so neurotic on your period. And yes, if a guy told me that I would be hurt. But I would also understand deep down. No one– not even the girl– wants to be going through such painful hormonal imbalances.

In another thread, some of us were having a conversation about why we resist our own creative energy; why we resist God Energy from flowing through us. It was inspired by some of the quotes below (for reference): So, I was contemplating all of this deeply. I figured, "Yeah, it's probably a self-worth thing. Like, 'this is so great and I don't think I am worthy of something so great so I resist it.' But, a lot of my experience with resisting this energy is somatic." And so, I realized in this contemplation that it is not so much my mind that is telling the energy no (psychological resistance) as it is my body (what I am making up as 'biological resistance' idk if that's a thing). Because it's like my body thinks the energy is going to kill it so it goes into flight or fight– the sympathetic nervous system (SNS). I start to feel panicky, shakey, anxiety, and like I am out of control and going to die. When the SNS is triggered but nothing is going on people reach for food, alcohol, drugs, sex, t.v., to stuff the feeling down. They are trying to self-soothe because they are subconsciously trying to get into "rest and digest"– the parasympathetic nervous system which counteracts the SNS. And so, at the mind-level, nothing is going on. Yet, the body is like, "we are under attack." The body is trying to get away from itself because it is feeling God– what it interprets as a 'void' but it is really just infinity. Long story short the body is threatened by God which is your own creative energy. But I don't think it was meant to be this way. I think it is trained this way because as kids we are trained out of our own creativity. We are shamed on our creative/authentic expressions and so we shame ourselves for this. Which means shutting it down– perceiving this energy as a threat. Everything is connected in our mind-body organism/system so if our creative expression is a threat psychologically it is a threat biologically. I don't know how to deal with this kind of resistance, body resistance. It's like the thing I want the most is the thing I am afraid is going to kill me– my own creative energy, potential, expression. I have worked through a lot of the psychological conditioning of shame, guilt, worth. But I have not yet learned how to rewired this biological reaction/conditioning I have of my own nervous system. It's a beast. Every time I feel the energy my body thinks it is going to die (anxiety, panic, fear, etc.) and so I reach for something to distract me. I can't build. Does anyone have any books or advice or something to say on this?

@Superfluo YW

I am only on chapter 5 of this book right now, but I would highly recommend chapters 1-5 for those interested in how trauma manifests in the body, and thus, later behavior (because of the body's reactions/survival mechanism). Super interesting the way this book ties everything together if you have been studying spirituality and psychology for a while. Its basis in 'Holistic Psychology' really summarizes the nature of the book– holistic.

Yes. But if it's happening in the subconscious mind (which is where a lot of trauma resides) the conscious mind does not recognize/register it. Everything seems normal. For instance, a smell you come across at the store could trigger something subconsciously that creates an emotional reaction. Yet– at the conscious level of mind– the source is not apparent. Yes I agree! Sometimes it's why the body even reacts in the first place– because it is following suit of the mind. You cannot treat them as separate when one causes the other. Cause and effects are linked. But your conscious mind (ego) likes to believe it is separate. So it tries to cut itself off from feeling the body. But you can never cut yourself off from feeling the body– you can only misinterpret or deceive yourself from what's really happening (just like it does with the Truth). This is such an interesting idea. I've never really realized I can cure my mental reactions from my body; because I've only ever tried to cure my bodily reactions from my mind. But if they are linked (which they are) I guess you can go both ways! I never really thought of that. Great point! So useful!! I agree so I am going to focus more on the body because I lean towards cognitive practices. Hm, I never thought of emotional-practices. Does this just look like emotional awareness or emotional regulation in the moment of emotions? Thank you SO MUCH for these!! I'll definitely be using this list.

Okay, this literally made me laugh out loud! Haha!! So funny because it's true. That's exactly what it would feel like.

I'm so happy and blown away that I came across this. This is absolutely perfect, thank you for resharing! So ironic because I have been curious about awakening on the level of the gut. Because I've heard (I think it was Matt Kahn) that awakening on the level of the gut is integrating the awakening of the mind and the awakening of the heart into one– into the gut!

@StripedGiraffe Is it the chapter about the heart? Or Love? The Untethered Soul also came to me in a very magical way but then I randomly only read a chapter in the middle and then forget about it! Maybe I should go back and read the whole thing.

Or praise!! Okay, THIS!! Perfectly said. It's so hurtful and infuriating but it is only coming from a place of love– of them wanting to protect us from what they think will hurt us. Except they are the only ones hurting us by giving us the idea that people will not accept who we are.

That's a big gap!! I could see how this would be an admirable mission. My mom is stage blue.. which is probably why it helps her. That makes soo much sense! I didn't think about it like that. YES! This is probably exactly what it is. I am honestly not used to anything below green. Which is probably why content that is centered below this stage comes off as disingenuine and 'emptyish' to me– like it's missing the heart of it. I love this perspective and it makes me feel so much better. Thank you for making this connection! Because this goes for all of the content my mom listens too not just Oprah. And I never understood why it was so annoying to me. But having this perspective now, I actually have gratitude towards Oprah because who the hell wants to teach stage blue content!? haha! Sounds miserable to me.

Me too, seriously me too. Sometimes I think my inner child just has a lot of built-up resentment towards some things. I feel bad because– for me too– it's like the most innocent stuff I'm like seriously.. haha!! superrr unconscious/inauthentic behavior from them only (not from other people) makes me annoyed and angry and it should really just make me laugh. Like this: this is how I look at Oprah... LOL. I really have nothing against Oprah honestly. This is image is just the representation of a life before realizing no self.

Interesting!! Okay, so I'm glad to hear your experience/feelings/perspective on it. Yeah, my mom was telling me that Oprah said her purpose is, "To teach other people how to live their best life by living my best life." And I get that, to an extent. But coming from her it sounds like this to me, "Oh, I teach people how to be great because I am just so great." Haha. It comes off super disingenuine and egotistical to me. Like– I think to myself– would Leo ever fucking say something like that? No. But he actually does teach people how to meet themselves. So it just bothers me. And I get the "leading by example" thing but you don't say that kind of stuff when you have true humility. Like Teal, Rupert Spira, Matt Kahn, or other teachers of this nature. They would neverrrr say something so shallow and empty.

Ooo amazing!!! <3 Also, unconditional love to something else is not very loving to yourself. Especially when that other thing is hurting you but "it's okay" because it's "unconditional love". Pfff!!!!

Ah, thank you!!!

Well, okay. So I've read Teal's Anatomy of Loneliness and The Completion Process. These books are life-changing in regard to trauma although they talk a lot about what is already on her YouTube channel. I would say that Teal's books are more practical/applicable in regard to trauma than Nicole's book. (I've also read Teal's The Sculptor in the Sky but this one is not about trauma.) Anyway, what I would say what Nicole LePera's book did for me is connect how trauma coincides with your body. Specifically, your nervous system. It really helped me to understand why I had certain biological reactions towards things (like how binge eating– for example– relates to trauma). Whereas, Teal's books on trauma is more about healing on the level of the psyche. Also, I've finished all of Teal's books yet Nicole's book I stopped at chapter 11 because I feel like I took everything I needed away from what I read and became disinterested in the rest. Maybe I'll finish it. But Teal's books? It's not something I lost interest in but– granted– I did do it audio style so it was very easy and soothing listening to her voice. haha

Like all dualities, the duality of autonomy vs connection collapses into itself. In this case, it collapses into connection because you are always connected to your autonomy. Awareness is both aware of being aware and aware of everything it is aware of– and these things are connected! Except, to truly be connected is to be ONE with it. This is very autonomous. So which is it? It's both. Because either of anything is always true in its own respect.

@Bazooka Jesus Hehehe. Yes! PM me your email or wherever I should send it because the file format is not accessible here (actualized.org).

Week 11 Recovering a Sense of Autonomy Acceptance As an artist, your credibility lies with you, God, and the work. Not money or fame or other people. If you have a poem to write, you need to write it whether it will sell or not, whether other people will like it or not. I need to create what wants to be created. I cannot plan a career to unfold in a sensible direction dictated by cash flow and marketing strategies. Those things are fine but too much attention to them can scare or anger the child within who doesn't like to be put off. Children, as we know, don't like "Later, not now." Since my artist is a child, I must make some concessions to its sense of timing. Some concessions does not mean total irresponsibility. It means to let your child have quality time, knowing that if you let it do what it wants to do it will cooperate with you in doing what you need to do. Spoiling my artist means it will let me type a business letter. Ignoring my artist means a grinding depression. Sometimes you create bad work, that is okay in order for you to get to the other side. Creativity is its own reward. As an artist, be careful to surround yourself with people who nurture your work. Your life is your art to a large degree, when it gets dull so does your work. If you let your emotional or intellectual like stagnate your work will show it, your life will show it, your temperament will show it. As an artist, I write whether I think it's any good or not. I may hit a dead-end or I may make a hit. I make create something great that other people hate. As an artist, my self-respect comes from doing the work. ****There is a positive correlation between self-nurturing and self-respect. If I allow myself to be bullied and cowed by other people's urges for me to be more normal and more nice, I sell myself out. They may like me better, but I will hate myself. Subconsciously hating myself will lead to me lashing out at either myself or others. ***** Your inner artist (inner child) needs to be supported. If I sabotage my artist, I can well expect an eating binge, a sex binge, or a temper binge. *** Creativity is oxygen for our souls. Cutting it off makes us savage. We react as if we are being choked. There is a real rage that surfaces when we are interfered with *********************** on a level that involves "picking lint off of us and fixing us up." If I don't create, I get crabby. *** Your inner artist can literally die of boredom. I kill myself when I do not nurture my artist child. To be an artist is to recognize the particular. To appreciate the peculiar– "the job of the artist is always to deepen the mystery." -Francis Bacon To be an artist is to ask "why?" and to allow a sense of play in your relationship to accepted standards. if you are happier writing than not writing, painting than not painting, let yourself do it. the creator (you,God) made us creative. Our creativity is our gift from god and our gift to God. Accepting this bargain is the beginning of true self-acceptance. "What moves men of genius, or rather what inspires their work, is not new ideas, but their obsession with the idea that what hap already been said is still not enought" ********* -Eugene Delacroix "The function of the creative artist consists of making laws, not in following laws already made" -Ferruccio Busoni