fopylo

@mandyjw Yes, you got this totally right. But I didn't really understand the connection of this part: Also wasn't so clear how you linked social anxiety. By the way I'll check this video out

@mandyjw So basically for a very long time (about like 5 years) I've felt left out, but here's the thing: It was not always that obvious and it was mostly very much low in intensity not fully in my awareness. But it does come up once in a while when I see friendships, couples, groups of friends, great families, but it took for me a long time to realize that I was suppressing it. But that is because it doesn't feel that urgent (although in the long run it is slowly destroying me by feeling regret and a false hope for a better future). I don't know exactly when this feeling of being envious started, but it didn't really have to do with how many friends I have, because I've realized that all I really need is just like 2-3 good friends (max 5). However I do think that it was just a gradual feeling (with ups and downs) and took me time to realize it. I must also say I'm grateful for realizing that I'm disconnected from Being and from myself, and that I experience dissociation. At least I know it will not be like that for my whole life. Could you explain more on the feeling of resistance you explained? Also, I don't know how this is supposed to help me also overcome my social anxiety and also my feelings of loneliness (and some depressive thoughts about my life situation sometimes)

@mandyjw I've read what you wrote like a few times and I appreciate it. So basically I've been practicing being in solitude as a way to deal with this feeling of loneliness. However I wouldn't say that I'm really suffering from it or feeling it all the time. It comes once in awhile, sometimes in sneaky not obvious ways, and sometimes in very clear ways. It did help reduce a bit of my envy I have of other people. But social anxiety still remains an issue I've hid deep in my subconscious for a very long time because of this lockdown (like a year), and it doesn't feel that urgent. So basically you're saying to also be in solitude and also explore social situations? I mean, it is quite an 180 degree turn no? Like, I derive a sense of "feeling good" and improvement from being in solitude, but it also might be the ego's excuse for escaping social situations. And obviously going out there socializing can't be sustainable for me (now that I've realized it from my direct experience), since I feel dissociation and not in touch with myself and being collected