fopylo

@Shin By resistance I mean the overall resistances I have in me. With vision - not seeing things as they are and tend to see mind-created grayish spots to mask on reality. With sound - I tend to muff the sounds a bit to avoid it. With feeling - I tend to not notice the sensations of my body exactly and there is a big delay. With thoughts - I suppress them sometimes. Basically resistance is delaying me and masking reality. Behind in the basic self help - I mean that my practical skills (social skills, hobbies, relationships, leadership, life purpose, etc.) are quite behind most people I see.

As I say in the title, I am starting to feel more like a child, and I'm starting to get this "feel" for what it means to become more conscious. It's like my field of awareness of experience has become wider. But it's not as if I'm more serious and focused hardcore on everything, but more like, I am recognizing better what is already here, and it has a feeling of knowing. I am learning more about myself and have this feeling that I'm going in a certain direction, like to goodness or something, hard to explain... It's as if consciousness is a magical thing that its purpose is to pull you out and move you into goodness, but like the true goodness that is true for you and deep down you want it but never knew the actual way of getting it. So I am still on the very beginning of this journey, but the growth I'm starting to experience is keeping me going. While practicing self acceptance and mindfulness, I feel that I'm slowly slowly breaking my ego, and it feels uncomfortably scary yet very excited and happy at the same time. It's as if I'm becoming a normal fricking human being. I used to think all of this was just some joke. I would really hesitate trying to describe my issue (which was feeling fragmented/not in touch with reality, and not integrated, which made it hard for me to feel and love) and now I'm getting a feeling of just being a few years younger. It's like, I see almost most of the world is capable of loving and being in touch with the present moment, and I just got to their level with a strong knowing. It also helped me realize that what I want to pursue is being authentic. Anyways, as I'm starting to feel younger, some memories of being a child came up, and I am sure I remember that I was way more competitive as a child. Like I used to be very competitive, mindful and very curious about life (maybe that's why I'm so excited to come back to it). But then I am stuck with the paradox of how come I've been more competitive as a child then now? I mean, my ego as a child was less developed... Could it just have been a different level of an ego's development?

@universe umm.. because this means comparing myself and bringing up the past.. don't know

I don't think we have it lol

@universe @Matt23 Then what is an example of good competition? What is the inner state of being in that competitive state? I'll need an example

@universe How? Then what is your drive for competition? To strengthen the ego and the image of yourself?

@kag101 Don't think so. I used to (and still to some degree) suffer from social anxiety. I might have had periods of light depression but I don't think it was very serious. It's kind of funny to think that being angry feels better than living in fear, and feeling lonely feels better than feeling envious. It was a huge shock for me

This has bothered me for quite a while. All the people I know don't do really self actualization work (I don't know 100 percent but it's an easy estimate). I, on the other hand, take this work more serious and have been practicing 30 minutes of mindfulness meditation for the past week and a half, ~30 minutes of the self acceptance exercise guided by one of Leo's videos for the last 2 weeks, and on top of that I've been doing regular meditation every morning for about 20 minutes for a bit over a year. All of that is nice, but I don't seem to have a much better life than just normal dudes who go out with their friends and have fun time. It also seems like many of the normal people I see aren't as much in their heads when engaging in a conversation or a different experience. It's as if they have practiced mindfulness meditation or something, but something just feels wrong... Don't get me wrong. I am feeling better on my own from all these benefits, but still, I don't yet feel the degree of love and flow and peace when engaging with other people, as much as they have. I still feel quite behind in terms of how much I'm resisting reality. Could it be that those people have a higher level of consciousness than me while they are not even aware of it? (lol) Or could it be that my resistance to reality was so bad that I haven't even realized how terrible it was, and now it's starting to just become normal level again? In any case, I feel like I'm missing some part of the equation, like maybe something that's getting me stuck. To give a better explanation of how this mindfulness and self acceptance have helped me: So I have always been sucked into youtube going through rabbit holes of self help (for mental masturbation, obviously), and pretty much spent my day thinking about improving, and believing I'm improving by hardly doing a thing. My mind was very very weak and I was literally not able to do almost any activity that required my input, it was just to threatening. I'm talking about even fear of playing a video game, which I still do (because it's an emerging into a new world and I might lose myself, if it makes more sense). But I have managed to play the piano a bit (it became easier for me to be present and to risk the dirty process of learning and making mistakes and becoming creative and committing). All of this is nice and great, but it feels for me like those things are very easy and natural to many other people. And yet, I am the one working on raising my consciousness! How could it be that I'm still behind?

I know this question sounds a bit silly lol. When I do my mindfulness practice (see, hear, feel) it took me a very short time to get the hang of shift my focus to a specific sensation. The same goes with sight and hearing. But feeling my emotions in the moment is something I still struggle with. Like, what sensation am I trying to reach? Am I trying to feel a though or am I trying to feel inner body sensations? Most of the time I don't feel anything because I'm focused on the practice itself. Another related question is how do I become mindful of my feelings when talking to people. Let's say I feel very anxious suddenly while in a conversation, will it really be effective to just focus on the feeling (without judgement), feel into it, allow myself to feel this way, observe it, keep allowing it, and then do nothing?? lol, it sounds kind of weird to do this while next to other people. I'll get lost focusing on the feeling that I'll lose touch with what the other person is saying. In addition, the other person is continuing to talk and so it stimulates my thinking and I can't focus on my feeling clearly. In fact I might get caught in the loop of thoughts feeding into the emotion

@StarStruck I do take notes It's just that I don't know if reading more will necessarily help me, at least with my current state (the book is insightful though). Like the book said, getting more knowledge is a trap. Building the habit is more important than building the skillset, it comes before. But I still get a little tensed when working on some music. I don't know if it has to do with the amount of time I give myself, or that I am still in a development stage where I'm still learning to cope with this tension (fear). Practicing 15 minutes a day without expectation might be a great thing to do but I don't know how much I'll really improve.

Hi, so I am busy reading a book about the mental game of music creation, and I would say it is good but I don't seem to take it seriously now. I've been thinking whether I should start reading a different book (money related). I've decided that I want to learn money management and a strong theory and investing since I want to feel this "hole" in Maslow's Pyramid. After I get a basic hang of it I want to go and pursue the tier of Love and Belonging (friends, family, intimate relations). I want to get those areas handled so that I won't get fucked up later in life. But at the same time this just might be an escape from actually creating music. One of the main ideas behind the book I'm currently reading is that building the habit of creating just 15 minutes a day in the music workspace will get me to become great. So habit is more important than knowledge, and that focusing on quantity rather than quality is better since you'll get shit done and we have a natural desire to become great. So I've done this for like 3-4 days and I do get a little nervous because I put importance on those 15 minutes. Anyways, I was just wondering what should I do in this situation. (by the way I've also took a break from the audiobook "unleash the power within" from Tony Robbins)

@Gili Trawangan Music Habits - The Mental Game Of Electronic Music Production

@Thought Art This is what I face sometimes. So like I'm busy reading this book and I am starting to not feel so interested but the interest might come later, and for now my attention got captured for a quick moment on personal finance because it is more practical for now and for advancing in Maslow's Pyramid. Not planning to go all in but just to have some strong theory and basic money management.

@Leo Gura Hi Leo, happy birthday man! I know that you lately don't really like to get pleasure from people praising you. You don't even need to reply if you feel that your worth isn't gonna change anyways, but hear me out if you can. I've just came across your channel in like September, started watching the spiral dynamic series and maybe some more. But is wasn't until like 2-3 months ago that I started to take your work more seriously - started visiting the website and took notes for your videos and practiced them. My god. Leo. Sometimes I get so emotional just thinking how FORTUNATE I am to stumble across your channel. You are probably the only person who really helped me change the way I view life and to live a better, more conscious, happy life. I've never been that honest when praising a teacher. It feels so true for me to say that you are helping me change my life. It's as though any praise I've given on a different teacher was a lie and not authentic. You are really going to the roots of it. You have such a profound understanding and a very real and concrete one, with lots of experience. You are helping me achieve what I've always dreamt unconsciously of wanting. You helped me feels more like a child and to remind me of what it means to connect with reality (mindfulness and self acceptance). I've always had an innate wisdom that my life will take such shifts, but never knew when and how... I couldn't know for a fact my long journey has begun and you are someone I look up to. Basically I can't really describe with words the way in which I feel about the existence of your channel and the amount of honest, real, deep and practical value you give us. You are truly a moving force here that helps reduce the suffering of the world and raise happiness and consciousness. Leo, I really don't know where I'd been without your channel. Probably still a victim, still being blind to the toxic unconsciousness which is binding me in my family. Probably still suffering and feeling fragmented and losing sense of reality. You are a true hero that I look up to. I am still studying the foundational videos you posted and already starting to feel big differences in my life. I hope one day I'll see you in real life and tell you how thankful I am for your work. Maybe when I'll reach self actualization or even enlightenment. So in conclusion, I want you to continue doing what you love and impacting the world since it's a great win-win for humanity! I can't wait to see my life to really transform with your help. Holy fuck, I don't ever remember when was the last time I ever felt so certain that a person has the power to change my life in the right way ... So have an amazing birthday, great human!

@Michael569 Hey I know this comment is not new, just came to check some older threads. I can tell you that I have 0 intentions of ever being a troll, and that my number 1 concern is to actualize and grow in life using this amazing forum. However, what you mentioned kinda describes me. Like I have no photo, a silly name (doesn't make sense), relatively low post count (gonna get higher soon), I do check not so new threads and sometimes use 'lol'. I think you were referring to the extreme ones, but I just wrote this out of instinct because I fee like on some level most of us want to stay here and are afraid of choosing a wrong word, or that people will take something you said out of context.

@Kalki Avatar Exactly! This is what I've been trying to say. It's sort of like using superficial spirituality in order to support foundational self help which then supports deep spirituality, if that makes sense. You see, the reason I even got started with spiritual practices is because I was so numb and could barely do a thing, like I had literally no power to move my body and use my mind which were bound by resistances. I HAD to free myself just a little so I could get going. Basic meditation was a start to unwire myself (but wasn't enough). I experienced dissociation for a long time and took me a long time to realize it (like 4 years). I could barely pursue success in this state. Recently I've started incorporating mindfulness and self acceptance meditations into my life, and OMG. I feel more in touch with reality and more grounded, almost like a child. This feeling of integration and not resisting what is, are very necessary and help me move and live normally. But yeah, trying not to overdue it. Only using this much to get things going. People here tell me not to overdue it and become a hippy and spiritually bypass and all this. I just feel that I might need more of it as a foundational (not to escape). Nice way of thinking. So basically most people go through life feeling this fake sense of security because they are numbed down and have a concrete identity given to them by society which makes them quite secretly fearful. And on the other hand we are putting ourselves vulnerably out there with the risk of being easily attacked, for that we will become stronger and achieve the real security which is not motivated by fear but by love. (If I got you right). lmao

Hi, so I've been watching for 4 days Leo's video on Self Acceptance, in which there's a nice exercise to love your neurotic aspects of yourself so that you feel whole and one and connected with yourself. The first day I felt very great and conscious of my body and feelings. However, the exercise starts with you having to stir up a strong feeling of love in your body (by remembering a time in the past), for then spreading it all through your aspects. This 'stirring up a feeling of love' is getting very hard for me and it is hurting the results. There's a limit to how much I can force my mind to think of a positive experience in which I felt love. It is hard for me to constantly remember and keep this feeling alive! I don't want this process to feel like hell to me because I can just see how beneficial it can be to me. So what is a good way to stir up this feeling?

@Reciprocality I've read what you wrote a few times. Very brilliant. So basically the reason they are more mindful is because they literally have less thinking going on because they feel this sense of security in their mind, because they've already set in stone a constructed identity by how people perceive them? And on the other hand, I am aware of that, not set in stone but rather contemplating and having many questions that most people don't ask themselves - and because of that I have more thinking going on and that's why it's harder for me to be more mindful? While that might be true, could it be said that in the long term I'll catch up to the level of mindfulness I see regular people have, and beyond that, and still be the contemplative person? Leo seems to be fitting there

@SamC Lol, well said. To do what makes me feel good is a good way to see it. The thing is that even though I might approach meditation with fear (which doesn't happen that much), I then enjoy it in the moment and it feels good and I forget about the fear. I guess you're trying to say not to be attached to meditation as a way for me to escape, which is an escape in itself. However, I'm trying to build the habit, you see. And also I'm meditating not usually because I'm feeling a strong sense of fear in the moment, but because I know that if I take a lot of action of meditation then it will help me in the future deal with fear better, which is in itself a very light form of fear. But I mean, I need some kind of drive for the moment. I've been proven how powerful this method is for helping me deal with fear, and now, part of the reason why I do it is because I like it. But yeah, most of the times after finishing a mindfulness session I tend to expect for the results and to see how my life is changing and how I'm more mindful, but this is actually becoming self conscious and neurotic, the opposite of mindfulness lmao. So after I finished my mindfulness session today I just got up, got on my bike, and started riding back home as if nothing happened and was thinking about my schoolwork and about my finances.

@SamC Oh damn.. You actually have a point there now that I'm looking closer... It is true that I might do it to avoid fear... But at the same time, isn't it supposed to help dissolve the fear? In many of Leo's videos he talks about how raising your consciousness can literally cure you of all your suffering. More like - if I don't do this I won't be able to love myself and to feel whole within myself, which is a foundational position to be in if I want to truly create success. At the beginning I used to pursue awareness in order to solely peel off the fear and mental blockages. It is still true to some extent but there is also some part in me that got inspires from it because it just feels fricking good and I want to see how far it can take me. But yeah, I need to start somewhere even if it means avoiding fear, don't I? Basically you're saying I was doing ok as I was doing? lmao

@SamC It's bad to be fucked because I suffer from it. Raising my awareness helps me dissolve my neurosis - which then helps me to pursue practical success not out of a place of neurosis. I think this is what I was trying to get to with my words. I know that practical success won't cure my neurosis, and in fact, it will be hard for me to pursue success when I have all this neurosis going on

@SamC I mean, I am practicing self acceptance in order to unfuck myself. I do have a desire to raise my awareness.

@Nahm Please. I don't know what you mean by trolling but I can tell you I certainly didn't come here to troll. A usage of a different word other than "trolling" will better clarify what you mean.

@Michal__ hmm.. don't know if I'd necessarily go with the concentration and affirmation practices, but I'll try at the time that I'm not doing awareness practice to focus on material stuff. I just don't have exactly a road map and don't know myself too well

@Nahm What do you mean?