fopylo

It's been a long while since I wrote something. Hello again! I ask please not to judge me for this. For a very long time already I've had this plan in mind to: 1. Buy a certain course about social skills, and in order to do that I need to go open a new credit card (which means ordering the card through the nearest bank) and then paying for the course. Also to finish going over all the newsletters I've been getting from them. 2. To finish and be up to date with anime reaction videos (anime I've watched already on my own) of someone I am subscribed to on Patreon. He keeps releasing new videos that I just enjoy watching, but I realize that when I am excited watching him react to something that I found very cool I am basically wasting time I could have anything watched a new anime myself - which I really wanted to do and catch on already. So almost every day I check if he uploaded something. Now I'm making an effort to watch his reactions just to ONE anime. 3. Start investing money. I have FINALLY gotten the trading app for my phone, a comfy one. My goal for this year was to finish watching a playlist of like 70 videos of someone explaining about investing. I have stupidly rushed into buying some QQQ stocks because I think it might be good but mostly because of FOMO and that I am not managing to invest time to learn about investment. 4. Get back to watching anime. Boy oh boy, you don't have to understand this one much' but I haven't watched anime in such a long time, because instead I've been watching reactions to anime. I really want to get back to it once I make myself psychologically available from all the previous stuff. I know this is just a psychological problem. 5. Get back to music. This has been so long lost that it isn't something I think about anymore. I haven't touched the piano really for like a little over 2 years (basically when I started my job of serving the country). This has been a long lost dream, really. I don't have much emotion now writing this. The only reason I felt like writing it is because I really like to whistle and I know that I am musically gifted. Ok, so as you see, I believe I'm trapped in some sort of matrix. I have my focus in different places, not accomplishing anything, nothing useful about that. I keep having this fantasy of managing all of those together (like "once I finish this, then I'll finally be able to focus on getting on with the others"). I am really stuck. But you know? It's been a very long time since I've been here. I've ditched Leo and all this stuff behind thinking it is all delusional and mental masturbation. But after reading Yuval Noah Harari's first 2 books, and stumbling across Leo's video of Understanding Survival Part 1 it all started making more sense to me. Nothing fluffy about it. It was practical from the beginning to the end. And so I continued getting back to him, rewatching some stuff I saw a while back. I just don't want to fall into the mental masturbation and fantasy land making it a distraction for my problems. I am also thinking of planning the episodes I'll watch. Too information overload. With all that I can still proudly say that I'm satisfied with where I am in terms of workout (calisthenics), and that I can understand some basic Japanese from a podcast I'm listening to. Wow! Feels like a long time I haven't said anything. It has kind of a feeling to it... I hope to keep learning and growing. This whole awareness and survival game is really peaking my interest. I guess growth isn't linear after all, very far from what I thought.

@Eph75 Emotions? Bro you're very poetic (in a good way). So basically you're talking about "planning the direction of my life"? As long as I keep coming with a plan for how my life's layout will look like, a story basically (or painting as you out it), I'm gonna keep arriving to this dead end. This might explain why I've been feeling stuck throughout my life. Yes... The brain's skewed way of defining yourself and to preserve it. It's in the DNA. I don't think it's so intuitive though that it's the script that is the problem. Without hearing about it from someone, I don't think I'd ever guess it's the story of myself that causes problems. Yeah, had a strong feeling you won't say something like "let go of the story". As humans, we always give meaning to things. It's like a psychological need. So this is the how awareness leads to a better experience of life? Those insights actually create shifts in the neurological level of the brain? Isn't it also because we resist change because of homeo stasis (from a survival point of view)? Seems like you're saying trying to change the situation with logic from a bad script vs changing the script via observation. Holy shit dude, your writing is so heavy for my understanding😂. It's quite hurting the brain lol. A new paradigm thinking in terms of scripts... What do you mean by "but it may be a compulsory thought generated by something in your internal script"? It was quite hard for me to understand what you wrote... I'll try introspecting more into it Dude how can I remember those details? I don't remember. Oh, ok, for hours, maybe then I'll remember lol. But what if I'm wrong about the answer, and believe it to be something else than the true answer? I could invent/pull up a story without noticing. Ok all this is a little new to me so I didn't quite understand everything that you said, but it's ok, I got a lot. Gives me vibes of Psycho-Cybernetics (a books I didn't even read lol). Thanks a lot

@Chadders I'm not planning on doing trading (at least not now), but rather long term investments.

@RendHeaven For real. He shows honest appreciation to anime. I really loved watching the hxh, aot, bluelock, and now it's my hero academia.

@Michael569 No. I mean, that's not true though. This isn't a major issue currently though. It's just that recently I want to start watching his videos and I'll want to plan it out and combine it somehow with all the above. I dunno. Not thinking much about it now. I like working out and to read. My dog, laughing, cool music, entertainment. Failing socially and feeling 'stuck' in life. Pretty much the body and feelings. Perhaps I don't remind myself too much about. I don't think about it during the day, just at night sometimes when I reflect a bit. Perhaps I need to raise more awareness on it? I dunno.

@RendHeaven whaaaaaatttttt??? Bro... Yes! I ain't gonna lie he is the best in terms of reactions. Nothing fake about his reactions lol, seems pretty genuine and gives good commentaries. His content is sometimes addictive

Brother, who did the land belong to like 3,500 years ago? Weren't the jews inhabiting the land from the start?

@Leo Gura They are really not rational in their minds. All they care about is killing and slaughtering Israelis, even by means of suicide, collective suicides, hurting their own people. It's like this is their moral.

You're either bored or frustrated, one is more dominant in your experience. If you feel bored then you obviously have thoughts arise that indicate that you're uninspired yet not resisting much, that you're quite open and that you recognize options do exists. Really allow this experience to be, and when you do allow yourself to experience it then you give the space for thoughts with similar emotion to rise (slightly better), and you'll naturally feel inclined to focus on them (better feeling not as an idea, but as how you actually feel: in some moment thinking about anime, revenging someone, a certain song, watching crazy prank videos - these might feel more relieving). Naturally you'll feel more connected, inspired and authentic when you really invite your emotion and then relief your way up by allowing yourself to focus on things that feel better. Probably not exactly the type of answer you were asking for, but I felt that it can be very valuable and not too long. My 2 cents

Gonna post here long and short poems by me Perhaps this is a stepping stone for me to get into writing songs, with the juiciness of the music, by me, for me Yeah, I know my poems might be terrible now But I still must keep with the flow It will always get somewhere With the power of expression

One will not become fitter in a day or even a week. Rather it take consistency, if gainz is what thee seeks. Wear thy hard work proudly as it's the total of the valleys and peaks. But become not vain of thy own reflection, nor fall into disdain of achieving perfection.

A head nod to thy gym brethren is a sign of respect For this is how we acknowledge a good set, and quickly connect It's also short for saying: "You're looking submissive and breedable bro" As we also admire each other's aesthetic, and the consistency it took to grow

Working out thy core should not feel like a tedious chore. For although it is 'mired by many who seek aesthetic abs, it carries over to stability and bracing more athletics, which are must haves.

Hopefully you aren't just coming here to spit comments and what sounds good

@Leo Gura What do you mean? You do gather us all under one roof, ahem, this forum... Where else do you gather your followers? You think it is not a cult, or at least really hoping it's not, trying to make sure it is not. Eventually it does become a cult, even if this wasn't the original plan, a very subtle tricky cult. I am not blaming you at all for this, but you gotta understand that people think differently than you and they are too much in their minds racing for success dependent on self imagery and "perceived value".

@Leo Gura Dude I would say it is exactly the same with your loyal followers. Take a moment to also see how your own followers are immature, mentally unstable and emotionally reactive. Your community is quite dangerous as well if I'm being honest

You reach insights and see things that you would not otherwise reach. Tons of spiritual work is achieved. @Leo Gura But even if you see things, they disappears after a while - because they aren't permanent. How is this exactly 'tons of spiritual work'?

@Leo Gura Do you believe psychedelics produce permanent realizations? If not, then what is the purpose of psychedelics for spiritual work?

@Chakra Lion Damn, you've been through a lot. Seems like a natural cause of all these changes

Hi, so since my parents are getting divorced they are taking action to sell the house, which I am not happy about. Today people came over to check the house if they want to buy it, and also tomorrow people will come. My father told me they are selling it for like 3x as much as they bought it for, which made me feel a little better. Back then when my parents purchased this house it was still quite expensive, but certainly not as if they'd purchase it now (prices are going up. And the small town that I'm from is considered a good place to live in). The house is quite comfortable, and I really like where it's located and how it looks like. I've been living in this house for more than 15 years (I'm 19), and since this small town (almost like a village) is small every age group kinda grew up together. From kindergarten until you finish highschool you're mostly gonna be the whole time here, which means I know people for more than a decade, 6 years minimum. Now you probably understand why I feel sad. From what I understand my mother isn't planning on staying here (which I don't really care since I anyways don't like her much), but my father however wants to live in this area (hopefully in this small town), but the problem is that an option for buying a house today isn't high likely, and that really worries me. I really really hope that my dad finds a place here, and honestly, I'm happier it's my dad rather than my mom. Those actions will probably come to play at the end of this month or so, and until my parents find houses we'll probably cram up with our cousins, which I don't have a good feeling about that. But the main reason I'm worried is because cutting ties with the small town = cutting ties with the people. I had a friend that his parents got divorced as well so he moved to a different city for highschool, and he did move on (he is a good guy, but those circumstances can make you overtime lose contact, and being "part of us" - I don't want this to happen to me). ----------------------------------------- Ok, about the dreamboard. I wrote down like a few months ago that I want to still have this house. Shit isn't working. Nice

@Leo Gura You claim you'll live forever?

Ok so my father is settling on this house

Ok so there are 2 good news and 1 which is eh... Good new: The plan was to sell the house at 6 million NIS (which is super expensive and my father is well aware of that) in expectation to eventually sell it at 5.5 million after negotiation. Things are starting to settle and the new couple that'll move in are buying it for 5.8 million! (There was some demand for this house and so my father felt more comfortable asserting his demand). My father is most likely gonna buy an apartment with a garden (a garden apartment) in the same small town, which is great, even though it's quite far from the center, it is still better to live here and be close to the place I was raised. However, it is not 100% gonna happen but we really hope so. He seems to kinda like it but idk. Not so good news: My mother is planning to move somewhere quite far like an hour away. I actually don't really know if it is such bad news. I don't really plan to be with my mom that much anyways, especially for the fact that staying at my father's will probably be more valuable: The piano will be there, the dog, close to friends, a better place I believe. Thing is that the space will obviously be smaller and I'll have to get used to it and perhaps many issues will arise. That might be quite annoying

So I was just resting on my bed for a while feeling different areas of my body, and I realized something cool: Feeling = Accepting = Experiencing as it is. Up until now when I was doing body meditations I was focusing on trying to feel body parts. I tried intensifying the feeling, expect to feel the area warmer, with more energy when focused upon. I tried to make sure I feel it strongly, like I was focusing on an area in order to feel a sensation I was expecting to feel. This makes me neurotic. Feeling my hands doesn't mean I need to feel hot energy surrounding my hands. It simply means for the current experience of the hands, to be accepted, to experience it without judging, without wishing it to be any different (as I usually do). It makes me question whether this whole meditation game is ultimately all about accepting. Like body meditation = accepting (experiencing) the body, thought meditation = accepting (experiencing) thoughts, emotion meditation = accepting (experiencing) emotions. I will try not to think about it too much. Basically to experience all these facets the way they appear I'm starting to get what you said, @EmptyVase, in actuality rather than your long paragraphs lol, you could condense it so easily (as you also said yourself)

Thought is friend. Thought is a tool. Thought is for creation. After practicing some thought-awareness meditation I've come to realize better what is thought, the actuality of though - These exact images you see in your head when you read this, and the meaning and labels you give to things, this. Thought is not an enemy. Use thought. Listen to thought. Feel the thought. It is guidance. The goal isn't to "get rid of thoughts" - they appear all the time! And some of them you really like. Some even feel good! You want to think, don't lie... I believe the 'goal' is to align thought, to experience natural thoughts, thoughts that feel good to experience. That doesn't mean chasing "good" thoughts, or trying to change/fix the content of the thought. You don't control the content really, so forget about that. Thoughts arise, and you feel them: If it (the thought, the content) feels natural/aligned - then great! However, make sure you are true to yourself and be honest. You will learn the meaning of honesty deeper, simply by the innocent desire to feel good and prioritizing that over the "quality" of the content (The content may be absurd, weird sexual fantasies, unusual desires - If they honestly feel good, goof for you, keep the flow!) If the thought doesn't feel good, it simply means that it isn't aligned, isn't natural for you, and that you are still thinking about it. Here you also need to be honest with yourself about how it feels (good/not good, keep it simple). Usually we tend to get 'stuck' on thoughts that we believe are true, are real, sucked into them. Be honest with yourself (whenever you want, no rush) that you actually want to feel good (more like, to feel, which is amazing). Recognize the discord and let it go whenever you feel like - basically, focus on anything (your legs, the sound, a more aligned thought, your whole body sensation - These are examples of things that the natural flow will pull you towards, so no need to force yourself to focus on these thing. It will happen naturally, simply, because they feel better, it is more relaxing, calming - natural). This is something I found very important to know, however don't make it a dogma. You'll simply want to do that if you start listening to the quite innocent desire of wanting to feel better, aligned. This also doesn't mean to focus on thought to try to practice it. This means focus on feeling aligned, for your own sake. This means simply feel - your body sensations as they arise, thoughts, emotions, what not! You feel all of that stuff. Focus on listening to the feeling, to feel what's natural. Thoughts will still pass by. If you want to feel more aligned, thoughts will become more aligned, they will feel better - You'll see it! You'll feel it! Also, thoughts about what you want, desires, basically thoughts that make you feel "Ye, ye, this, give me this! I want this!" will feel great, since they are aligned with you. Those are your preferences - wants that feel aligned, to you. Awareness of thoughts meditation. (Thanks to Nahm) @Nahm