fopylo

Ok I'll just pour it here before responding to other comments here. An update of today: So today in the late morning I decided to join 2 guys for a little excursion to a beach but basically just walking around for a bit and seeing some monkeys. I don't know if it was a mistake to go or not, because this one guy I was more friends with his problem is that he is ADHD and super extroverted just won't shut the fuck up talking about himself. So fricking draining, but for some reason I thought it might be a good idea and "always be open to offers because you don't know where they'll take you". So there this super high energy dude that I just couldn't match his energy, and the other guy we barely spoke. There were times when I was kinda left behind and then I was thinking about whether I should just do an approaching set. So here are some insights: Not to go with a group of extroverted people when intending to approach. The energy is just too much for me, and this in fact drains me and I just become like a follower dragging along them, and this brings down the mood for me to then do approaching. I must either do it alone, or with a buddy that has a vibe match like me. Manage mood - just brushing off the previous point. When feeling drained I don't feel the energy and general good feeling to even go and approach. Not saying I need to be super duper excited, but I just felt that this wasn't such a great experience. Maybe I should start fresh and do something to get myself in a good mood before doing a set and along the way something idk. So all in all I would say I did only 1 approach, for now at least. It's night right now, and I decided to relax and I might go and do a workout. There's a chance I might meet a 30 year old Thai from tinder that's about the "long term, open to short term" (she changed it just today from "wants to make new friends"). I'm not that into her to be honest but I kinda offered her to workout with me if she wants, but I might just ghost already idk, or at least inform her that I want to chill. Back to the approach. So I was at the beach after the guys kinda left me behind and I was slightly triggered but didn't let it stop me. I went to chill a bit in the sea, and then I saw this nice looking Indian mom trying to take selfies with the ocean. I then walked to her and offered if she wants me to take a photo of her. She said no and it's ok, but I just had to do something simple just to warm up a bit from this draining social experience with these guys I just had. Approach 1 - shortly after, I saw this Indian woman (I believe 40-50) walking and as she was starting to pass me I remember this moment - I just got out of my logical head and acted before I could start thinking and this is when I had no choice really but to flow with it. I asked her if she got her dress from Thailand because it's really nice. She told me that her mom (or grandma) made it for her. I then said it looks nice. She kinda nodded with a small smile and that's all it. Again, maybe my delivery isn't perfect, but I also might have some higher expectations of the response from the other person. I expect it to be more smiling, maybe a little laugh, maybe saying "oh, thank you! ☺️" - this is what I aim for but it doesn't happen that much. I'd like to mention another realization: It's very rare to just find a woman (especially a pretty one) just walking alone in a place with many people. Sometimes when I tried to find someone to approach they were usually with other girl friends, other guy friends, with her boyfriend (most cases here), or she is just fat/ugly and it's not worth approaching because I don't have something genuinely good to say. This is not an offensive statement. Many things which make a woman unattractive she can change. Sometimes she will not be a 10, but I believe every woman has the potential to be a 7 - good enough for most guys do drool over. Just a few words about that extroverted dude: So when I saw him at the hostel he was chilling outside with the other guy just talking to the two girls, and as he told me hello in excitement then the other two said hello as well. Then later there was this pretty woman that went to chill outside and the dude was just like "heyyyy, where do you come from? 😆" Just a confident extroverted dude. This dude, as much as I hated his constant talking about himself has some interesting stories to say. He said he has had already like 5 short term girlfriends in the span of 2 months. This dude is drugged the fuck up - doing so many things, he has some problems with the police back in England and owes 2,000,000 pound in debt and lost his phone and other problems, yet good experiences with locals. Basically a crazy dude. I am not like him, but it seems that his extroversion is really helping him though. But he was constantly drinking beer throughout the day and also now at night and smoking. So was the other guy, but he is less crazy. For the record, I haven't taken anything. I want to game sober.

So I'm currently traveling Thailand, and I really want to improve my dating/sex life. I've never approached really a woman in my life trying to get her number, forget about approaching to sleep. I'll exclude one recent time I lost my virginity to a Thai woman who was somewhat of a prostitute but eventually wanted to see me of her own will, so I guess this is pretty much the only "practice" I had running game, but it was easy because like I said she was more into me, it was in a club, and I was somewhat drunk. So I've watched Leo Gura's part 1 and part 2 of how to get laid, and he said some very insightful things, which I've tried using, such as to make some playful statements/observational assumptions, creating attraction through eye contact and bouncing her around to feel comfortable following me. So I want to practice more of it, and the issue is that I don't know how to actually "practice". Leo gave some crazy exercises of going out 3 nights a week and approaching 30 women a week, like bro, let me start with something very small. I don't even know yet really how to do 1 approach. Aside from not knowing how to open the approach, I don't know how appropriate the situation is for approaching. Walking around alone in the afternoon on some busy walking paths, seeing a girl in the crowd for 1.5 seconds and then quickly turning around and saying loudly "hey, I really liked your vibe and wanting to come and say hi. My name is Fopylo, what is yours?" doesn't sound like something people actually do. It seems a bit weird. And how do I practice approaching in a pragmatic measurable way that makes sense?

@CARDOZZO Ok, so I'll tell you what - I promise I'll try out this kind of adventurous move maybe after I get a little more experience 😅

@Leo Gura Important is relative to the current stage I'm at. What's important for me now is to just approach them and then maybe ask a question (or just very light conversion). Of course also holding a conversation is important (might be like 80% of the time what we do, so yes), but then I could say that doing moves on her is more important than conversation.

https://www.actualized.org/insights/adventures-in-vegas-part-4 Love seeing that series again 😂. I think most of the series just sums up to Leo going to clubs sober and alone to enjoy his time here and it kinda inspires me to do the same thing for new year's. I don't drink that often, but I still try to not really drink nowadays, probably since I've started this journey. Just like Leo said, to do it sober. All my approaches here have been done sober. I think quitting alcohol for the rest of my life is quite extreme. The only thing I'm willing to promise is whenever I am on a set then to do it sober. But when I'm off the set then I might as well enjoy myself a little bit every here and there.

@CARDOZZO You must be kidding me saying that and thinking it working well. The only way I could imagine it working out ok is if the delivery is very great + she has been giving you looks before. Honestly, have you ever done this yourself? Be honest man 😅

@Schizophonia Had to make sure you add in the humble quality 😉. Yes, I can relate, and at some point it really confused me but you gotta know what attracts the feminine bro. There can be intensity in the cold approach. Intensity = intensely attracted to her sexually. Don't know how it was for you, but personally when girls used to approach me in social situations I just didn't know what to do, and the anxiety and nervousness was probably sensed and then I used to feel like my value all of a sudden went down. That's why it's important for me to go on this journey now and practice the approaching and being good with women. I want to be smooth when they come at me with something, want to be confident speaking to them, all in all get better with them so that even if a girl does approach me in some social situation then I could be good at it. But of course I don't want to rely on that because in the cold approach domain it is me who'll have to do the first scary step, and also the step that will require me to become a better man.

@Zenterus Ok, but still even if you are somewhat attractive (in terms of looks) you still need to build attraction with the woman before rapport, I believe you'd agree. She would say you're handsome but not feel this juicy attraction to you...

@CARDOZZO Thanks dude, really appreciate it! Sometimes I feel a little slow on this, and it's nice hearing this. Yeah today I felt slightly more mindful than the first time. Mindful in the sense of listening to when I'm overdoing it/pushing myself, and when I'm feeling more comfortable in the field. Not planning on asking for the number yet. Want to practice just approaching still. Want to get good and confident enough to feel comfortable genuinely complimenting/teasing hot women. I must say that the hardest is when there are other people around.

@Inliytened1 For sure. And also without necessarily having to do with women, I don't understand people who just think it's a good idea to start talking about traumas and "deep" things when we just met not long ago. I mean, we get you don't like shallow talk, but ever heard about building some basic level of comfort first? It always kinda kills the vibe a bit, and you see how the rest of the people are trying to look for the person who will lighten back up the mood.

It doesn't matter. Whatever you feel like. You can try hundreds of openers. The best openers are the ones that are most natural to you. I posted a list of openers on my blog a year back. Look it over for ideas. @Leo Gura Ok so I assume that the opener can be playful, teasing or actual complimenting something about her - all depending by what feels more natural in the moment. Seems like you say in other words that the opener is literally just saying something about this person which feels authentic.

@Zen LaCroix You got it right 😅. This probably has to do with the "not to push myself" I've been enforcing. Yes I am gonna go out of my comfort zone, it is not easy and a bit exhausting nonetheless. But probably it is the trauma that's holding back from being more at ease, so I should probably be more easy on myself yet consistent.

Ok, so update from today: It was mostly a day of transporting to a different island and I was dead tired so I slept at the hostel for like an hour and then ate. Before I left to do my set I decided to scroll a bit on tinder to see how things are going and just scroll for fun. But the problem is that it's comfortable and giving me pleasure feelings demotivating me to go out and do some hard work. Like eating some chocolate and then to decide to eat a salad. So I left at like 19:00 to start my set. Here are the approaches and the insights: I should avoid doomscrolling tinder before I do my set. Doing so beforehand brings me to my horny state and less social. Saying "you have a nice vibe/smile" rather than texting it - this is the real training. I should first do the hard work, and then after the "workout" I could please myself with some tinder/jerking off/ maybe even a special massage (although could be risky). Mood/State management is important. I mentioned it in the previous set, but I gotta emphasize that getting into the mood can be difficult. Going out solo into the night market and seeing many people already grouped together (friends, family, couples) and trying to bring out a fun side can be a little hard when the feeling is of slight anxiousness. Ok, onto the approaches: So I went to the night market near my hostel, and it was a good choice because it was sort of the busy place around here. A place that families, guy friends, girl friends and couples are walking from all ages. I found it difficult to approach a random person walking, so I did it a little easier and approached the workers at the shops. Approach 1 - I was looking at those big Pokemon plushies and asked her the price. Then I expressed frustration that it would be nice to buy but just don't have enough room in the bag. And then before I left I told this elderly worker that her little plushy connected to her bag is cute. Delivery might not have been the best but it could also be that they don't understand English the best. Approach 2 - I went to a necklace shop and the pretty woman (I believe 30-40) helped put on me some necklaces. Wasn't really planning on buying, just find a way to approach. After I told her I'm not planning on buying today and before leaving I told her "these (her earrings) by the way, suit you very well", and added In case she didn't fully understand "very good". I think it landed ok, but again can't really tell. I then went to sit at some table. The free tables were basically all occupied, and so I decided fuck that and just went to the table where one guy was sitting and then just sat in front of him. Awkward? Maybe for him a little, but completely appropriate. Before leaving the place I sort of approached the Japanese couple sitting beside me and did slight small talk in Japanese since I try to maintain it a bit, but still a relative approach. Approach 3 - after discussing with the worker a bit about the nose cream and buying it, before leaving I said: "By the way, you have a nice smile. Have a good night". She just smiled and was like "ok". Pretty much all the approaches were to relatively older women and that are working in the shops. I still feel kinda good because it still felt that it required some effort and to step a bit out of my comfort zone. And about the whole mood management - didn't mention it but I did try to make some very light small talk with people here and there to keep the flow. It's not super easy. I need to rest a bit after it. And also it's a little hard to tell how they landed. But you know, I'm still glad I went out of my comfort zone.

Ok, so I went for like an hour walk from the restaurant to the beach, and tried to practice approaching people and women until I got there. Then later tonight I tried approaching lightly. So here are the analysis and and insights: Warm ups are necessary. As I was starting to walk I've felt that there's no way I could compliment a woman now. Had to accept that things would get easier with progressive exposure. Momentum matters. The space between each approach can't be too long or else I feel like I'm losing state and this mood to interact with people. Personally, this momentum is quite short since I'm more of an introvert and in general have some anxiety when it has to do with talking to people in general. Ok so now to the actual approaches: Started off with some warm ups like making eye contact with guys mostly and giving a slight head nod, and later a slight "hey" with a smile. Then started asking basic question of "do you know how to get to X?" First approach - saw a woman laying on the beach reading her kindle. I turned to her and said "hey, this is a random question but I see you're reading a kindle and I was thinking of getting one as well. How much was it?" I was smiling and she seemed good about the interaction. As she's explaining it seemed like I was the one more in the mood to head off and she was more ok talking, but she just explained it and that's all. I told her thank you and have a good day. I felt like it was ok. Second "approach" - I basically wanted to go to the toilet, so I went to the nearby hotel to ask. There were 2 men at the reception on the right and 2 women on the left with a wide space between them. I could've gone to the men but decided to go ask the 2 hot Thai women where the toilet is. Tried making eye contact and it was alright. Not really an approach though. I was actually thinking of coming back just to say she/they have a nice smile, but didn't. As I was walking through some challenging terrain I gave like one sentences to the people passing me about like "challenging path isn't it?". Then when I was at the beach I was kinda scared just going to a hottie that's half naked and complimenting her. What can I say, it's more nerve racking people women are hotter at the beach. There was this Korean couple doing snorkeling and so I asked the guy what is there for him to see here because there's literally nothing here (kinda laughing with him), and then his girlfriend joined the conversation and then he offered me to try the goggles. As I was returning I saw 2 stunning Indian (I believe) hot women, and at that moment I had an insight: If it feels like too much to push myself then maybe I should go for something lighter. After all, it felt like a physically couldn't move myself to them, and it is probably ok to do something easier. When I came back from the beach I decided to go get a massage. At the end of the massage I realized the woman had a little Christmas tree painting on her cheek, and I mentioned it to her with a smile and said "good" with thumbs up. After some talking she asked me if I have WhatsApp and I was about to scan her WhatsApp code but then her other masseuse friends came for unrelated reasons so not good timing, and she started putting her phone away. I mean, she's probably twice my age and I'm not into her, but it was just kinda cool. Third approach - I was near a convenient store, and the 2 Thai cashiers/workers where wearing these cute headbands with Christmas decorations for the ears. I came up and said "hey, where did you get those? They are very cute". They smiled and seemed complimented, although not quite understanding that I asked a question. They told me where but obviously wasn't relevant. But here's the insight from this approach: Being energetic isn't necessary for approaching. This specific approach was done in a more relaxed and calm fashion. Wasn't showing high energy to meet them, just coming up and genuinely saying something. Made me question if I need to force myself to be in some high energy state when approaching someone, and whether a woman would also like a "low energy" approach. Later, as I went out to get something small to eat with someone we passed by a "special massage" place, and I was genuinely temped to go there and was really thinking I'd go there. One of the hardest things about Thailand is how easy it is to just find a massage place that will offer to give you a sexual service for like 40-60$, and some of them are quite hot. Eventually I didn't go, but it made me realize that I might be a little addicted, as I've gone already one time to one. I was thinking like, all these approaches but I could just get it easily here, in Thailand. I believe the reason why I didn't go there is purely because I went to a different environment. I just accepted later that I'll just jerk off later. So I went to the beach just to be with that guy I barely talked to from the hostel. He just wanted to sit quietly and drink. I came with him, but then I noticed like 60 meters away there was a party going on. I told him I'll just go to see what it is and come back. But here's where I realized that having someone with me makes it a little easier because then I can know I have somewhere to fall off to. But I really just wanted to go and see. Lots of drunk people just dancing in this tight space. Guys dancing with Thai girls as well. I saw there was a Thai chicken sitting on a beach chair beside some other guy (maybe European) and he put his hand on her back and she kinda didn't like it and shook him off and I was curious to see what the guy would do. He looked at her and maybe teased her or something and then they seemed good I believe. But yeah, anyway this has been the day. Not some crazy approaches. I don't want to fry my brain and I think I'll take those insights with me as I go. Maybe tomorrow I'll also do 3 approaches. But gosh, there is a difference between complimenting an old woman's shirt, and a hot woman's smile... Would like to hear what you guys think. I'm a newbie so please be easy on me 😅

@Zenterus Ok, I'm gonna go for a bit of a walk today. I'm gonna use what has been mentioned here regarding warm up approaches on the way - gotta get in state (woke up not too long ago and want to be in some flow). To be honest, it does scare me a bit to do it and I must warm up for saying such a line. I also don't want to push myself too hard but I do appreciate what you wrote. I'll have my lunch now and then head out and will update how it went.

@Inliytened1 Long term partner honestly seems great, but I'm currently traveling a bit and I know it isn't really sustainable. My goal now is to just try to have more experiences with women. After all I want to learn better what I like. I found I prefer darker skinned women (latina, brownish), a little short but not a dwarf, and cute (maybe I'm biased for being in Thailand now 😂). But I want to have somewhat of a sex life before, and even experience going out for dates

@Zen LaCroix I mean yes, it isn't a crazy number... If it is just simple approaches like asking for directions or complimenting her costume, shirt... But bro it does overwhelm me thinking of approaching 10, even 5 women at an outing trying to be playful with them. I'm just a newbie, be easy on me hahaha

@Leo Gura But your video was slightly confusing in the sense of the opening. You said there's the approach of coming up with they "Hey, I liked your vibe and wanted to come say hi" and then the opener of just saying whatever (observational assumption) like "you look like a waitress, are you?" Do I do both of them, only the first or the second? What is the most important here?

@Inliytened1 Yes of course and I think this is actually something important from the video. I want it to be congruent, to look at a girl and think "I would want to have sex with her", and not just "oh a woman, let's quickly approach". I would rather not sleep with a woman that I'll later tell myself that it was out of desperation and that I wasn't even that into her

@Leo Gura Bro this feels too much for me. I thought you said first to scan the girl and feel if you'd really sleep with her before approaching, and also I'm not that type of guy to joke in that manner. Yes I am for self deprecating humor, but not like that...

@Ulax Thank you. I'll try utilizing "warming up" before I go into a "set". Holy, just saying those words remind me I should start working out

@enzyme Yeah maybe I'll try something light. But really like when I came to sit in the circle ot was like Girl | friend | Me | Girl | Girl And the friend was talking to the girl and I was part listening to them part listening and slightly commenting on the two guys far in front of me and at some point I was already too scared to talk to these two women beside me. I just feel really nervous in group settings. It's like a combination of cold approach and warm approach because the group kinda warms up and dynamics seem to appear. If I am alone talking to girls it's different than when guys are around me - more scary and I tend to pretty much avoid female interaction and just focus on the guys. I might have been pushing myself a little for the last few days. Chatgpt suggested it as well because of the long fucked up sleeps and wake hours. And that my body is perhaps overstimulated. Even now I feel it a bit. I think I might be pushing myself a bit too much. This obviously doesn't feel super natural. People I don't know and I also made sure not to really drink. Maybe I'll go out with smaller groups. Clubs are nice when I feel like and when I know some people.

Ok so I decided it's time to be a bit more social. I attended some Christmas meeting at the beach at night through the nomadtable app (travelers create events and others join). So I met one of the guys before to have light supper and also to have at least one guy I know. We got to the beach and they were sitting in a large circle with about like 20 people. Problem was that they got some commotion going on because we kinda came late, but it seemed to affect me more than my friend. He right away started talking to the girl next to him which turned out to be kinda the center of attention. Crazy how a large group always splits afterwards into like 2-3 smaller groups and it's usually the girls are the ones to lead behavior. So like the guy that was more friendly with her became more of the center, and even if I tried speaking to some of the guys and it was ok, still I didn't get much attention like the guys that were closer to the girls. Everyone was kinda drunk and I made a decision not to drink, and so I only took a few sips if guys offered me a sip from a beer. Anyways, I left already. It was kinda hard and had no female interaction. The most I did is see a woman dancing with this glowing in the dark painting on her arm which is common here in Thailand, and I approached her while dancing (I knew she probably had a boyfriend and she was like in her 30's and just asked where she got it from. That's it. Lame. It was a bit tough and just cut away from the group. Don't even know these guys and couldn't care too much, but still

WORD. This is so true. That's also very cool hearing it from a woman.

What is not a construct... Look around you. Look. Sense. Feel. Appearance and sensation aren't constructs. Tall/short, hot/cold, loud/soft - constructs. A change in any of those appearances is a construct in itself. Direct experience = direct. Not a construct. Change = thought/construct.