Loba

Sure - I don't have much historical knowledge on this, but I do have some real world knowledge on this. We are somewhat close to the "end times", but I don't know how it is going to play out or exactly when this is going to happen, but I do understand the mechanism behind it. We are brought collectively in this world to learn how to strike a balance between right action and wrong action. When you go too far in the wrong direction, this activates a naturally occurring energy that purifies, or wipes out that culture/civilization. You could call it the balance between yin and yang. We need this inside as well as outside in order to progress as a species. When a society moves too far against Truth, it naturally begins to disintegrate from within as well as from outside. Humans have not only, on a massive collective scale gone against Truth, but we have damaged the Earth almost beyond repair. We are at the point where we need to make changes now, but these changes are not going to happen in time to mitigate the damage caused to the planet. If you look at humans across history, when disaster strikes, we are not often prepared for this. Even looking at how Covid was managed is a good sign. Such things can strike up out of "nowhere", and they go to show how fragile our society is. We all live in a collective bubble where we can keep doing the same things day after day without having to face the consequences, and when those finally come to a boiling point, society quite literally doesn't know what to do. I Know this, because I do it on an individual level, and I see people doing this in a larger scale. Humans are like people on a roller coaster. We go slowly up the tracks, but can't see the other side. We eventually get to the top and see what we have made for ourselves before plummeting back down at breakneck speed to face it all. This is how consequence works. It's not always right in your face. Natural forces have wiped people off the Earth time and time again, we are not an exception to this rule. If humans began to move towards right action, and began to follow with the flow of the universe instead of against it, we could neutralize the damages done, but this won't happen. There have been prophets who talk about this, spirits, deities, all throughout history, and the reason being is that at some point, humans pick up on this natural cause and effect mechanism. They give it all sorts of names. It is Alive, in a sense. Consciousness will keep cracking things open until it gives way, and there is something created from it that is balanced, that learns to witness the nature of life within all things at all times. There are codes, programs and certain ways into how to evolve into this that you can find within nature, but one needs to connect to this in order to do it properly. We are so far removed from the planet, as a living thing, and for the lessons that it has to teach us, that we pave our way over it - and think that this is sustainable. It's not. We would have to uproot our entire way of doing things and start over fresh in order to follow the guidance that natural law had planned. And... perhaps the only way to do that is to wipe the slate clean. It can be disheartening knowing and feeling the effects of these things, because you realize that humans are foolish and egotistical. They think that their culture, their society, their species, is the one that deserves to survive. And that might not be the case. We all think we can jerry-rig Truth. That we can step over it without consequence, never face it, and that's just not how things work on a macrocosmic level. Follow the natural Law, or get wrecked.

My interpretation of this is from my awakenings - you are both God and also an individual soul. God places "partitions" that don't even really exist, bubbles like in a soda pop almost, so that it can spread out and witness itself in as many different lenses as it possibly can. You are connected to everyone else through God's "energy". The higher up you go in your development, the more aware you become of the various aspects of this process. I liken the experience of souls to the image above. The bugs on the window look like little lace angels to me. They are all connected in unison to God's Light and sing it's praises. Those who are aware of their nature, they almost sing, you know? It's such a beautiful thing to be connected to everyone in this way. I chose the song here, because it sounds to me like a chorus of souls, and the little floating lights remind me of them ascending as well. I believe, that the more you learn, the more interconnected you become, until these partitions vanish and it all becomes one thing. That is the ultimate goal. The true nature of the soul is as follows - it is an imaginative quality to it - we are designed to break free from the constrains of this reality through introspection and self love - and we eventually let go of the need for physicality, and the soul "remembers" that it has this quality to it - that it can imagine anything, become anything. Sometimes I find a song can help, this offers a lot of visuals into the nature of the soul. Also, if you want more understanding - I recommend Sri Aurobindo and Jane Robert's Seth Material. Hope this helps somewhat. Break me in don’t break me down Swimming in these empty towns I wonder if it’s all some master plan Diving into sweeter bliss Fallin’ before we miss Taste the taste before it’s gone and you’re too late Won’t change what I am To find who you are Can’t stay in these lines When I’m bursting at the seams My body might collapse If I carry one more dream I could be anything

Same, this takes years of practice - of determining what is genuine spiritual phenomenon and what is a product of the mind. One thing that helps me determine the two is the location of the insight - if it comes in through my chest - my heart, and there is a lot of information into the underlying nature of something that brings me a sense of resolution, I take it as truth. If it comes in through the mind, through thought and reflection, then I take it as an idea or if, I go too far with it, it will become a delusion. And that's okay, too. It's good for people to challenge these kinds of things because they are not seen by most. I mean, anyone can make any claim, and you do have to question what people say. A healthy thing to do for sure. A good way of determining who is authentic and who isn't is a few different ways - one, the authentic person will continue with their work regardless of what other people say, two, the authentic person will come to some sort of resolution about something that should indicate a higher force is working through them. You will see things like allegory, metaphor, and generally the energy that they are working with should be malleable - there should be a give and take with communication, just like with people. It won't be a fixed state. A way to tell if someone is fake/mentally ill is if they are reaching out to people to give them accolades or praise for their claims. They want to be seen with the image of the shaman/mystic - a common thing in spiritual circles, or if mentally ill, they will have insight that brings them nowhere, they end up coming apart at the seams and can't put themselves together again. Although, at times this can also be someone in the throws of shamanic sickness, or there could be a psychic attack on the person - a good way to tell if they are genuine is if they are integrating concepts of interconnectedness, love, basically coming to some sort of resolution within themselves. Mental illness/shamanism can be very tricky to separate because we have many people in the modern world who would be shamans, but there is no training to get them there and their gifts are lumped as mental illness, however, many people with mental illness also claim this title, and some have a mixture of both. You kind of just have to use your intuition. Another way to tell if someone is not "real" - is they affix an image onto the divine. The divine has no image that you can really use, all images are placeholders. When someone attaches to a divine being a list of set traits, or a picture or anything like this, and are not able to work with the underlying energy, then they are communicating with their own thought processes and nothing more. Which can also be a spiritual tool, if they know they are doing this - but many get the two confused, this happens a lot when "fake shamans" try to teach other people how to do journeys. They are basically just teaching them active imagination and other techniques, but are not connecting to anything genuine. Generally, over time, with real spirit communication - the spirit or deity will offer more and more detail into who they are - and the person should be able to come up with dozens of different ways of explaining what they are dealing with. It won't look like a tumblr grocery list. It will look more like a personal cosmology come to life, that has a general forward moving trajectory. True, and it is up to the person who encounters such people to be able to judge the true ones from the false ones. I don't mind being lumped into the same category to be honest. If someone doesn't believe in this stuff, or they think I am crazy - which sometimes I can be - that's okay. It isn't completely up to me to change their mind. From the things that I have seen, it is probably a safer position for a person to discredit me, than to see what I see. Yes, often and many. They come in through a few different ways. The first way was through a pathway that was seared into my mind that I continue to follow with each trance state that I go into. I was opened to them in late 2016 by God's energy coming through, after a prolonged period of sickness and facing death. So, I use a few different techniques to bring them to me - I face my death head on, while I inquire into my psychology to remove any blocks that prevent me from getting into this death state - it is called "hollow bone", and I go into a trance that feels very pleasant and I can maintain it for about 4-7 hours - with music. Sometimes a certain song, or certain psychological "unraveling" will bring to me something from the other side. Another way, is that I can actively See manifestation and energy in the outer environment, and when I do - I get a "ping" in my heart area that gives me a lot of information within a fraction of a second. It is almost like Seeing and feeling an electromagnetic wave of consciousness being manifested in the outer environment. These are portals, or sometimes the entity itself pushing itself through to create as much physicality as it can in the real world. When identifying these beings - they don't come in right away and say "I am this *insert name here*" - it comes in dribs and drabs of information into the nature of the being. Because these intelligences require that you understand certain aspects of how the other side works, they prep you with information pertaining to how that ecosystem is set up - once your mind is able to put together what you are dealing with, they will give you more information into what they are. It's a process of opening your mind and psychology to something that is almost alien in nature, and so you need to change the wiring of your system to allow them to come through. This training period takes years, sometimes decades. It doesn't feel like I am dealing with like, a certain God from a certain religion, it feels more like many religions have used various methods of explaining these things in their own way, but that these beings come with many names. What it feels like is an intelligent Will, combined with the feedback loops that contain evolutionary processes, followed by a library that holds records comingled with a sense of timelessness, that you step outside of time itself - you are no longer moving on the same track anymore, and they are there - just an onion peel away from it all. They don't let every human know about them, or come to understand their nature, the reason for this is some humans simply can't due to incompatibility, or they don't have the time in their life - but could have been a candidate, or these beings don't see them as someone who will do right by the information given. When they give you this information, it doesn't just unlock your discovery into them, but also into how the universe is structured, how to manifest certain things, how things will play out for mankind, and if a person gets too far up and takes that for granted, this can cause a lot of problems. To know these things is like to have a superpowered siddhi, that lets you play with the wires underneath it all. And of course, reality can't just let anyone do this. That isn't safe. This is why, even for people who don't believe in these things - when they obtain Godly status, they must do it through purification and learning to love and to be selfless.

Well, in my personal lived experience, reality is made up of multiple layers of consciousness, and within these different layers, you find all sorts of various spiritual wildlife, natural energies flowing through you, even spirits, "deities" - which are those who oversee the laws that govern our reality and other realities. It isn't as straightforward as just, "All is me, I am God", there are other facets to consciousness. The shaman/mystic sees into these states while going through ecstatic trances. It is Felt, more than Seen with your eyes, but sometimes a person can See them as well. You Will feel it in your heart and will be granted a large portion of information in a short period of time. The problem isn't that these mystics were deluded, the problem is that people have forgotten the underlying structures and natural forces that come together to help create our consensus reality. These beings generally have no shape, and are strung together using allegory and metaphor to try and explain their natures. If such things were not factual, if people did not find these things while in higher states of being, then they would not be a reoccurring feature across almost every culture, with the exception of modern man, who is completely blind to these forces anyways. It is the hubris of human beings to think they can dawn a robe of "Godliness", take on a narrow and blind spiritual path that excludes the divine, and call themselves a creature made in the image of God. That isn't how it works. Sure, you can have an experience into the nature of that, but to be able to do anything with it, to have any merit at all, this takes practice, work and you have to be considered a "safe vessel" to harbor the creative intelligence that comes with this. Otherwise, you will just be trapped with a few awakenings, consider this the end point, and not have any real power or agency. And many people fall into this trap. The difference between modern man and ancient man, is that ancient man was connected to nature and to his death in a real way, that he had to face every day. This brings to you things within reality that you don't need to understand if you live in comfort. Such things are generally secrets. If they want you to know about them, they will make sure you know. If they don't, you won't get very far with it, because to know these things is to change destiny. It is, almost in some sense, better to not believe, than to be inundated with ancient knowledge, because once you have it - you have a responsibility to it. This is one reason why schools who teach people how to obtain this secret knowledge do so in private, and one reason why shamans and mystics are chosen from beyond - they have the natural capacity to make something of this, most people can barely even comprehend it, let alone follow it, let alone build anything from it. There is so much "out there", it would, could, drive a human being mad just to stare into it.

"I'm sorry that I did this The blood is on my hands I stare at my reflection I don't know who I am Practice my confession In case I take the stand I'll say I learned my lesson I'll be a better man I'm packing up my things And I'm wiping down the walls I'm rinsing off my clothes And I'm walking through the halls I did it all for her So I felt nothing at all I don't know what she'll say So I'll ask her when she calls Would you love me more (Would you love me more) If I killed someone for you? Would you hold my hand? (Would you hold my hand?) They're the same ones that I used When I killed someone for you Would you turn me in (Would you turn me in) When they say I'm on the loose? Would you hide me when (Would you hide me when) My face is on the news? 'Cause I killed someone for you I hear the sirens coming I see the flashing lights I'm driving through the suburbs Wearing my disguise I show up at her doorstep To look her in the eyes I tell her that it's me But she doesn't recognize Can't you see I'm running? Said I need a place to hide I've gotta ask you something Could you please let me inside? Just let me explain No, I wouldn't tell you lies I know you'll understand If you let me stay the night You have to understand that The one I killed is me Changing what I was For what you wanted me to be I followed your direction Did everything you asked I hope that makes you happy 'Cause there's just no turning back" "One hot summer day... I died...and then I saw the future of the planet as it faced it's death." "Life was created on this planet and countless species have appeared and disappeared. Even if human beings eventually become extinct, the Earth will continue to journey across the galaxy without a second thought. Human existence is only a mere flicker in a long history of Time..." Peter 3:7 - "But by the same word the heavens and earth that now exist are stored up for fire, being kept until the day of judgment and destruction of the ungodly."

I don't see why you can't have compassion for yourself, but I get it, as I have little for myself. I don't know if that is a cultural problem or an individual problem. I don't agree with this, though, I think men are allowed to be weak. Society is changing, humans in general are allowed to be more weak, from both ends of the coin, just in differing ways. I think, in order to change the game, that we need some form of culture put back into place - where people have some set guidance to grow from, instead of this pick-up artistry that is taking place. I don't knock pick-up, but I see it as a symptom of a problem. Humans should strive to be above this. We kind of have to at this point. I get it, it's nature. And it is messy, but it's also damaging the planet and society. You see these men who gain so much power and they just stomp all over people. In big ways and small ways - they do this to people who are weak and vulnerable as well. If you have a weak man, and you put him with a weaker woman, often times he will resort to abusive behaviour in order to mitigate his insecurities. I'm glad you can admit that, and I appreciate your level headed response to me. I do see fault in men, however, and generally when expressing my views it's cemented with a semblance of truth when I look over their reactions. Look below at what I'm about to write, it is exactly as I said it would be - silenced experience in order to "talk over" my own story. "Well fuck you, I have problems, too." When really, the energy I put into this entire conversation was not at that level. I don't think women are innocent, exactly, but I don't think they aren't either. I think their issues are related to needing to survive in a male dominated world. It's certainly more inert. Women's harm is easily mitigated by a well structured society that men pave the way for. Well, to be fair when you come at me with a single sentence that completely looks over my lived experience, I'm not sure what you expect. There's generally only so much a person can surmise from that. It automatically makes a person less likely to empathize, there is no "irony" there - you tried to paste over my experience with your own pain - you didn't bother to meet me in the middle or to see my side of things. And now you expect me to offer that to you. That isn't irony, that is your expectations of my person not being met and now you're getting pissy with me about it. Instead of seeing it as someone who holds two conflicting views on how they should respond to a person's nonsense, you take the easy way out. Honestly, if you had come to me with your story, and met me in the middle here, you would have gotten a different response, and to be fair, there wasn't much emotional charge in what I am writing. I hope you can see that. I don't hold onto what I write with much bitterness, just some sense of lingering sadness about it. It amazes me, where someone can explain in great detail why they feel what they do, just to have someone shoot that down, and to add expectations on top of that. You have empathy here - take a look. You've shot down what I went through, twisted it around and made it your own. Hope you're happy with yourself.

@Axiomatic Women generally don't become incels. That was never a problem that I had. I had a problem with attracting men who were good people. People care about my pain, but I also care about theirs. It is mutual. You can't expect people to care about your pain and not give a shit about theirs. There are support networks in place, some good, many toxic, for men in incel situations. Normally, I would have, in the past had more understanding - but I feel numb to the problems of men for the most part. If you are an incel, then I feel bad for you - I do care on some level - but I also see it as something necessary. A collective retribution for the damage done to women over countless generations. Eventually, communication will fall apart, people won't be able to hold it together anymore. It is what it is. A natural disaster. I am personally not to blame for how things panned out. I did my best with what I was given. One thing I have noticed, is that generally, when speaking about these things and offering my perspective - it gets downed out with a "well at least it's not this" or some form of abuse thrown right back at me, which really only proves my point - that not only are men abusers, but they don't fucking listen. I'm trying to explain deep, archaic things, structural problems in how human society has been formed - things that are no longer natural, that those who create us look on and say "this isn't right" - and you've overlooked that and reduced it, turning it into something more reflective of a male problem. I'm talking about abuse, manipulation, and harming a human being's perspective on life and you reduce this to something not really... the same thing. I would have actually preferred to be an incel over what I delt with, that would have been an easier situation. I bring things into my awareness from other spaces within reality that tell me flat out, that what happened was not normal, not condoned. That I am not to blame. That I am forgiven. That I am loved. Return me to my previous state, let me roll around in inceldom, I would love to trade.

I don't know what to tell you, this is a problem with the times. Men have gotten less socialized, but to be fair, so have women. I used to dislike men. I don't anymore, I feel completely neutral in most instances - but to be honest, I don't fully trust them in a relationship setting, and this is something that I have carried with me for as long as I have been a little girl. I have a lot of karma in relation to how my family raised me and how they treated one another, and I learned that men don't protect you when you need it. My mother was often violent and emotionally corrupt and my dad left me when I was five, only to come back in my teens and they both ganged up on me. Now that he is older, he can see the game for what it is. But I realized that men tend to either submit to the demands of bitchy women, or they will leave you. This created in my life a repeated pattern that has played out where I am mishandled. I'm the one that gets used as something to toss around, manhandled for a while, and then left - often lied to, or having had my reality distorted so that they never have to really look at themselves in the face. Or I am the middle girl in between breakups. Or I attract abusers who use my bad self esteem to keep me down - if I love them, I'll give them anything. Not a good thing. I used to think this wasn't a common problem with men, but I realized that it is much more so than I realized. Especially after having spent some time here, I really could never see myself bringing a human masculine presence into my life ever again. It's too late anyways, I'm nearly done for. But it has been something that was on my mind a few months ago when working on these issues in coming to understand the collective dissolution of human connection - what would it have been like to have gotten what I held dearly as a little girl - the love of a man? Truly, to be seen. I think, if I had it in my early 20's, before everything went downhill, that it would have literally saved my life. I wouldn't have become mentally ill, or physically ill. I think my body wouldn't have produced so much stress, I would have had some stability. I wouldn't have hid from the world. I would have filled myself up with love. I would have known that I was worth something. I would have been saved. But I wasn't good enough in the eyes of human men. I was just a toy to be used for pleasure, and so what could have bloomed into a happy, healthy person was sluffed away and damaged - and I was told that I had to be held accountable for their actions for not knowing any better. Abusive people don't just damage your self esteem, they corrode your mental health and people have literally died from health complications being around the stress they induce. There is a term for it. Boiled frog. So... in some sense, I view human men as the attempted murderers of my soul - if it weren't for some sense of divine retribution reaching out to comfort me, I would probably be floating around, aimless. That said, I have made good friends with men. I love them as friends, but the dynamic is different in that setting. None of my childhood programming is activated, and so it's usually carefree and innocent. But if the dynamic were to change and they were to catch whiff of that programming, the whole thing would be turned upside down. Men can't help themselves. They're savage, if you strip them away from everything else that makes up the human shell. For the most part, though, a good portion of men I have met and dated have been shallow, selfish, manipulative bullies who have done everything in their power to rob me of my personal divinity. To keep me from being who I was meant to be. Creatures from the bottom of the sinkholes with no other purpose than to take my sense of purpose, love and health. I had to seek within, so fucking far within to find some sense of it in my own person. And I am never letting go of it for anything. The human Adams of the world, who were supposed to serve and protect the innocent and vulnerable failed. Completely. A repeated lesson time and time again that could have been mitigated. Well... now I have a sense of personal power. I won't misuse it, but I can't speak for the thing that created me, designed me to be loved, cherished - and watched as this experiment failed. I'm not really much of a feminist, but I can understand the pain that women go through. I went through it, too. A lot of guys want to push these problems on women, but to be fair, we are designed to be loved and adored, and shown how to bloom, to follow in your footsteps. Most of you lot aren't worth any of it. Not really, anyways. It doesn't make me feel bitter anymore. I found what I was looking for... but... it does make me sad. I think that human connection, which could be something so marvelous and something that could create miracles, will never, ever get to the level that it was intended. And... well... that is the fault of man. I used to take that into me, and to feel that I deserved it. That it was my fault - but the divine came to me, and told me that none of it was - that the things that happened to me were a mistake, that the world had gotten it all wrong. I was told that I could be kept safe somewhere after death - away from all of this, forever. I'm grateful. I went into this world with such innocent expectations of men, only for them to be shattered, only to see that this is collective problem. Men are broken. To be fair, I don't have a lot of hope for the human race. I feel like just one small tendril out of billions of actions. We are all so fragile. No one really wants to accept this. Just one... tiny little wave... and the whole thing comes crashing down. What a damned shame...

One bit of advice here, something I have learned while working through my own sexuality, owning it, seeing it for what it is - once you do this, you start to judge other people and their preferences much less. If you are concerned about how this guy is managing his relationships, then there is some inner work to be done. Once you open yourself up to who you are in that manner, literally no one else's preferences, barred harming others, is a problem for you. People should feel free to express themselves how their personal natures intended within reason - i.e. nothing non-consensual. You unique sexuality can bring you closer to God - don't judge people, causing them to throw away a part of who they are. I'm still letting go of judgements, but I found just through the processes of opening myself up to who I am, that these just washed away very quickly - like, within a month or two. Focus on yourself, is what I am trying to say. No one else's preferences, unless they are damaging, should ever really be your buisiness.

Here's some alien knowledge, for anyone who is interested... My Mr. Wolf showed me how to do this because he is one of these beings. They are highly complex social memory complexes, and they start as a single point in awareness, just like you, from their side, and they draw consciousness/the light/the feminine portion into them, and they completely immerse themselves within it, bathe in it, and carry it throughout their entire being. Every portion carries an equal amount of this within them. This consciousness/light is love and is similar to how the first material creates life within it - prima materia - Adam and Eve. They say that humans need to get closer to Love and that we would dance in this manner if we could do this, that we would automatically start to move in natural patterns, that we would have more of a collective hive mind. They work together in a unit, but are entire worlds into themselves, moving in complete harmony, everyone knows their place in the dance - they share this with me, before descending back into themselves as one singular point. You can find these beings within yourself, within allegory, within metaphor, "out there", they are everywhere, trying to share this message of self-love to get back to God. I fail at this, but this one time, when I really did allow myself to love who I was - I was given this message. Hope you can take something from it. This entire thread has reinvigorated my sense of agency on my path - I might take a break for a few days after today - but this whole thing was just what I needed to feel sure of myself again. I was so worried I was doing it all wrong, and then literally right after discussing with myself a much needed break to collect my thoughts, Leo comes out with this - like a sign, that we are all getting closer into understanding this strange and crazy existence. I love it so much. I am thrilled. I'll be back in a few days... good luck understanding/integrating your experience Leo!

+ =

I've experienced aliens, hyper intelligences and stuff, but never became one - I was told I "was" one, incarnated here, but I don't really feel it in my normal day to day. I have one that I work with as a spiritual guide, and partner, I call him Mr. Wolf. He's an emanation of the purification of collective wrong actions made right, of entropy, Adam, an emanation of the first substance and so forth. Sounds scary, but it isn't for me. At least not until I die, but then it's just going to be a quick in and out and then I'm done here and I can go "home" - which is within his own hyper consciousness. It's like tapping into a divine library. I just have to put the intention out there to find something and eventually I get that back. Maybe you hit upon your true form in a "higher dimension"? I try to use media and metaphor to glean some understanding into the experience, but nothing I say really rings true to what it's like. I'm glad to hear you are getting into some of the more paranormal stuff, because this shit goes deep, yo. Y'know? I was just about to peace out for a few weeks and then you drop this, I just had to comment with my own experience. I like this, it will allow for people who have alternative understandings to have a voice for their experiences. Hope you have a good one.

*timestamped*

I've been feeling this way for the past few days as well. I'm trying to stave it off with observing my feelings, with writing things I am grateful for - but the truth is, I was on a path for a while and I felt good about it, but now I am riddled with doubt, with a lack of faith in myself, and I absolutely hate myself, my circumstances, and my body. I hate that I am sick, that I've lost so much, and I hate that I can't bounce back and make something out of it like so many other people are able to do. They've been through worse and are so brave and admirable and I'm... not. I'm just me. Some silly, pointless woman. What am I here for? Why do I exist? I can't even be a decent enough person to see beyond my own problems, either. Like, the world is suffering and I get that, but I'm so "stuck" in myself and my own issues, and I feel very guilty for this. I feel like a burden. I feel like any expression of these emotions is just some way to complain. I don't see an end in sight. I don't want to end up being one of those people who spend their whole day starving for something that they can't fill within themselves. I just want... to feel like I do when I am sleeping, or dreaming, where everything is spread out and it's so pure and pristine and in those moments I can really see what I am made of. And I think... this is real. This is it. If I could just stay here. But then I wake up, and I am back with all of you mutually miserable, sick people, just trying to make it through the day - and I wonder why life is so beautiful and so horrible at the same time. I am inundated with guilt for my existence. I don't think I deserve to be here. And yet, I'm too cowardly to just off myself. Maybe there is that glimmer of hope that things will get better, but I know myself too well at this point. It all hinges on this over-attachment to the spiritual world, and once I lose touch with it, like I have for the past few days, I feel lost and distraught. Like blinded and cut off from my food source almost. I think the pros of suicide would be that you would get a chance to heal, to see what you should have been doing in life and your purpose, which isn't so easy to understand - but the downside would be that you would know you failed in that purpose. And even though you'll be put together for a time, you still need to come back to finish what you started. If I had to come back into this world, like this, and I had even less than I do now to make something out of this life that I am responsible for, I might get caught in a cycle of killing myself, over and over. When I read these threads, I feel a strong sense of understanding towards people who have these feelings. It is really hard to get out of the cycle of wanting to harm yourself. Sometimes I will sit with these feelings for months, just to have a break for a time, only for them to come up again in some form completely unexpected.

Keep from us heartless tides of time: the currents that will wreck you. On the continental shelf the water's warm the harbour walls protect you. After the levee breaks the dead man's fingers hold you. All the mermaids sing they want you for their own, their drowning arms enfold you Gimme streets of lights and wine Gimme better thorts than mine My scratch-card god, vouchsafe our souls to keep from these periscopic sorrows and the Horrors of the Deep Sex on the beach is fine All up for stimulation But down at full fathom five -just to survive- you need some inhalation. What does a poor boy do when they all drag your name round town? What the old men and the sea all said to me was quite enough to drag me down. Take it like a man or like the little bitch I am I feel it now I lay me down to sleep: suspect morals in the corals and the Horrors of the Deep Sumptuously poised here in the foam a watery quintessence later pitifully trailing home alone my bio-luminescence. Beached on the Kentish Knock -so very far from Camden Town and while Kraken dreams the Little Mermaid sings her song of legs and sound. Out there in the bay where the salt will burn away your landlocked pride -out there such thought is cheap. Watch me holler in the squalor with the Horrors of the Deep.

Sometimes I don't always see it right away, but I view this life as the perfect one. At times, due to circumstance, I feel a profound sense of lack and of having to give up certain things - but for the most part, if I look at everything properly - this life is a gift. Personally, I would like to die in my late 30's to early 40's - just enough time to map out my death in a proper fashion. Not a lot of people are given the time and the space in order to come to understand their own death in a very personal way. It comes on too quickly, or they avoid it until the very end. I can build from it, I can create from it and make it something new and good. I have a strong intuition that my purpose, that the reason I was sent here was to die properly - so that I could unravel just right, at just the right moment and come to understand my personal mythology. To bring it to life, in a sense, to remember things that perhaps I lost along the way. I wasn't meant to do great things in the traditional sense or to waste time on frivolous endeavors, to get sucked into the illusion of culture and society - I was meant to bloom right at the time of my disintegration. I am deeply loved by the divine. Someday I hope to feel it and to appreciate it a little more. I am humble, happy, grateful and honoured to be chosen for this particular process. I feel as though, no matter what we are given in life that if it isn't too horrible, we should try to see why this is the perfect one. Even if we don't get what we want, we get what we need.

Everybody's on the run So satisfy your hungry heart Give me something to hold on Here today, tomorrow's gone We're just children (La-la-la-la-la) Rolling where we don't belong We're just children (La-la-la-la-la) Waiting for the future to come We're just children (La-la-la-la-la) Rolling where we don't belong We're just children (La-la-la-la-la) Going nowhere, forever young Spin in circles around the sun Take nothing, going numb Standing on the tip of your tongue Don't give up now, it's not too late Go and give yourself a break So let it out, don't be afraid If you want love, you gotta give it away 'Cause we're just children Don't give up now, don't give up now

Death Magic - Hurt Yourself Whoever you want To want you back You never let go What you don't have I never wouldn't want A nervous touch Another bond Another cut Like water Inside us Before long It dries up Whoever you want Whoever you want to want you back They'll never let go They'll never let go what you don't have Whatever you want Whoever you want someone else You'll never let go You learn to love to hurt yourself

Was feeling really down today, but then I found this song and I'm all smiles. Dis iz mai bae. Today's just so wonderful I feel like chuckling I feel all fuzzy inside like a duckling Full of TARANTULAS And now that I'm here Tonight It's gonna get WEIRD Ah-ha-ha-ha! Look at these creatures Not enough features Cats should breath fire Bears should sing choir! (Hmm, very nice!) Look at this tower under my power Look at these people puny and feeble! Whooo-hooo! Look I'm just a triangle trying to save you From the delusions society gave you Gravity's a lie So is the sky Trust in the all seeing All knowing EYE Look at this money Who's that honey?! Look throughout history How could you miss me?! (Seriously, I am all over the place!) Look at this weather, I could do better! Mandlebrot rainbows, screaming tornadoes Look at this loser drinking coffee Now it's decaf! (Ha-ha-ha-ha!) Look at these people, calling me evil right back got you Now you're all statues! Now everything you know is disappeared It's gonna get... WEIRD.

I don't think most people know what this connection and process to find one even means. It can make you delusional, you can affix traits onto a person that are not there. I went through this back in 2017 and when I came out of it I vowed not to fall into that trap again. The reality is, there are many people that you can view as a soul mate or a twin flame. I don't think it is as simple as there being just this "one" for you - but moreso that there is an archetypal energy that runs through many different people that can activate something in you. It's a lot of pressure to put that title on someone. It means they have to live up to something, or that you have put them on an artificial pedestal. More often than not, it is just infatuation and commonality disguised as something deep. I've read the threads on this forum, and looked into different forums and websites on the nature of this divine connection, and the people who fall into this trap... they don't seem to really have a level of understanding over themselves or reality to really know. It's as if they did everything backwards and came at it from the outside. As if you had to look outside of yourself to find this. If you spent forever looking away from yourself, how would you know it when you had it? These things are inside of you. No where else. So you have to come to know this very deeply - to connect to it, so that it's with you even if you don't find it "out there". What if you spent your whole life looking around, but that your partner wasn't even incarnated into this reality? What if they were literally just outside the fabric of space and time itself? Maybe they "threw" you in this dog pit in order to learn some new things? Just throwing some ideas out there. I have no idea what your path will be with such a thing. But I do know it is an inwards process, and one that you might not like if you find it. You have to face your death head on. It isn't about beauty and love and sweet talk, it's about removing every obstacle that prevents you from experiencing your own soul. The "twin flames" are simply the wave of masculine and feminine. Everyone is on this wave, but depending on how close you get to your true self, you get elevated in front of other souls - pushed ahead - and this allows for you to create reality in a certain way that influences the whole system - this is why they talk about flames being able to change the world - because they are close to the first two. Adam and Eve. Genuine twin flames either bring about a brand new world, or bring everything to a close to start again, depending on the nature of how they unravel. Most people who claim to be in this kind of connection are absolutely full of shit and they have probably never connected to anything genuine within them in their lives. They mistake infatuation as some form of spiritual attainment. As for "soul mates" this is different. We have clusters that we are attached to, families in the aether that are always with us even though we might not feel them. You can look outwards for these connections. It depends on what you want to find. There's less responsibility with this type of connection. It's also easier. More fun. You might enjoy this one more, depending on your personality. Hope that helps somewhat.

I'm tired of being what you want me to be Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface Don't know what you're expecting of me Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes Every step that I take is another mistake to you (Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow) I've become so numb I can't feel you there Become so tired So much more aware I'm becoming this All I want to do Is be more like me And be less like you Can't you see that you're smothering me Holding too tightly, afraid to lose control? 'Cause everything that you thought I would be Has fallen apart right in front of you Every step that I take is another mistake to you (Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow) And every second I waste is more than I can take I've become so numb I can't feel you there Become so tired So much more aware I'm becoming this All I want to do Is be more like me And be less like you And I know I may end up failing too But I know You were just like me with someone disappointed in you I've become so numb I can't feel you there Become so tired So much more aware I'm becoming this All I want to do Is be more like me And be less like you I've become so numb I can't feel you there (I'm tired of being what you want me to be) I've become so numb I can't feel you there (I'm tired of being what you want me to be