Loba

I knew you weren't, but didn't care. You'll get there someday, your heart is in the right place. Good luck.

I like to get a really pretty picture and look at it for ten minutes and send love and gratitude that such places exist and that right now, as I look at this picture, it is all for me. I am a witness to such magnificent beauty! When you do this, you start to see it in your environment as well. This is a strong pathway towards having awakenings and is a great tool to use. Sending gratitude and love outwards tends to your bubble of perception, it is like a salve for bad times, it brings better things into your life and you'll start to notice small things to be grateful for. Think like a photographer when looking for gratitude in the world. You are taking "snapshots of gratitude" wherever you can. Gratitude is one of the best ways to change your entire perception. ^ Grateful, loving faces.

Leo, if you say it is pathetic that the guy can't make a girl cum, then why do you break it off with the girl if she can't? I haven't had an orgasm with a guy before, but I can do it on my own. Most girls can give themselves orgasms. I dated a guy once who expected this from me and I broke it off with him because he expected that I should do it timed at the same time he did. Just the expectation was enough to turn me off 100 percent. There are so many things that make people valuable, not just the ability to cum. What if there is a girl out there who isn't perfect, but is perfect enough for you and you'll never know because your standards are too high? What if a little bit of pain and struggle is what makes it worth it? Why look for smooth sailing all the time?

@Leo Gura What if a girl was messed up but she like was talented? I'm not there yet, but I plan on being super talented in at least two years' time, with the ability to convey God in visual forms. Not looking to date actually, but I'm just kind of curious about the value of an artist's hand. I have ideas that within a few years I think I could make into really interesting works of art. Is it really for some people that a little thing like that would be a deal breaker?

This is something you will have to experience for yourself. If people give you ideas beforehand that could be detrimental. Go into the fear of death with appreciation for what is around you, the little things while also doing self inquiry and be as honest as possible. This will remove the layers of the ego and you can then experience awakenings that will give you personalized answers as to what happens after death. Memento mori, it is called, contemplating one's own death, a very good spiritual practice.

I would not because I do not know what would happen - butterfly effect - we at least know what happens with this timeline. My spiritual experiences nod towards there being a plan of some sort - and I don't know better than what that plan would be so I would not mess with it.

I'd say that flow created genuine happiness and this happiness is generated by having enough experience to feel confident in what you are doing. You need both, it can't be one or the other.

No, I don't feel deserving. I've opted not to date because I don't think I could give another person what they need. The whole point of a relationship is to put investments into a love bank, through actions, and to take little out. I can't do that. I require too much and the only thing I have to offer is art; I can make art out of my "feels" and do that, but you have to be a certain type of person to appreciate that sort of thing. I tend to need a lot of alone time and am shy about sex and need to work on my self esteem first by taking care of myself a little better; I am coming out of a years long psychotic episode as well. I did not put in the work in my younger years, either, due to being in a bad relationship and then getting sick with an autoimmune disease in my mid 20's - the dice just does not go in that direction. Plus, I act out due to trauma and I don't have the tools quite yet to remain objective when I should be. What I feel on the matter is that I know how I visualize myself being in a relationship is not the same as what I do or get. But what I imagine is closer to who I am; if I can't be who I am in a relationship, then the craving for one doesn't make sense, in that... what I will get or what will result will be something negative. But, if you have karma then you have multiple lives. You have to clear it in order to move on fully, and I have karma around this topic, so I think that if I just work on the karma in this life, then the next will be very loving. I don't think awareness goes down, I think it keep expanding, so I have taken many lessons and have a deep awareness of my problems that I can work on correcting - the next life will be what I want it to be and authentically as well. I am deserving of good friends, though, because I make a good friend. I need to work on reaching out and communicating more often and tend to space this out so people may not think I make a good friend initially because they have to put in more work to get to know me, but I am loyal and I don't lie and I have enough energy for the "friend bank" of interaction without it devolving into something negative. I have a natural empathy, I can really bond with people very deeply and I like to make gifts and do things for others. I just don't reach out enough or don't always know what to say. I am the type of friend that you can do projects with, where there is connection without a lot of need for talking all the time. I like friendships where there's music in the background and both people are working either together on a craft or their own thing, but in the same space. My friendships fizzled out when I got really sick in my mid-20's, but before then I had managed to keep them for more than a decade. But my behaviour got strange and I became a hermit and so they had moved on, understandably. But now that I am on the mend, my mind is coming back online, I have the extra energy for a few small, close friendships - not too many. Just a few. I will practice doing artwork for them. That way, if I am not talking all the time, then the artwork can demonstrate that they are on my mind and I am putting in the work. Even if I may have spaced out getting in touch, or got nervous and didn't get around to it. I want to invite crafty people into my life, crafts of all sorts, and to create the space to work on that. The feeling of doing something within another's space, without words or the need to entertain one another, music and some drinks, a bit of weed or coffee, depending on what one needs to get going. I thrive on input about my art, and I may not see something a certain way that another person sees that would change everything. Art is hard to do in a glass bubble. You need input and new ideas. And even how you see things, that has to morph around and change as you work on stuff.

The Giver by Lois Lowry and what Rilles said. Perhaps a gift basket with all the things in it that you remember that he likes?

I don't believe that is true, and that has not been true in my direct experience.

I don't believe we've ever spoken, but sorry to see you go. Sometimes people on the spiritual journey can view mental illness as a path gone wrong, rather than a unique path unto itself so I understand your feelings as someone with bipolar as well. Your journey is valid; but perhaps people here are placing limits on you not to hurt you, but to help you. Sometimes containment is a good thing, you know? I think there is probably a middle ground here, that your feelings are valid, but that posts here also have to have a certain amount of information/quality to them to maintain integrity of the forum as this is a place of sharing knowledge and mutual growth. What I am trying to say is, I feel that sometimes people get the wrong impression of those with mental illness on the path, but also, that the threads probably didn't need to be there - I don't think they were up to par with what this forum is trying to go for. They felt to me more like journal posts. There is the option of making a journal, too and you can share anything you would like; so it isn't like you are being barred from posting - just that certain posts go in certain places and that you'll have to use your intuition to decide in the future which goes where a little better. It's really no big deal and nothing that you would need to leave this place over. You're totally welcome here. I love that this place has people who are on all sorts of different journeys. Don't peace out just 'cause of one thread - I've had people put limits on my threads before, too. It can feel really annoying in the moment, but there is always an alternative. Come journal with us! Muahahah.

I found it helpful to get a diagnosis because I kept getting sick, and couldn't understand why, and when I got my bipolar diagnosis this made sense to me; the mood issues, the sleep cycle problems, memory issues, delusions and whatnot, spiritual episodes in between. So this helped me get on the right medication and once I did, my mind has been slowly coming back online again, like from a long, long sleep. I kept internalizing my lack of progress as something against me, and didn't know that I was so sick until it all blew up in my face and I had to go to the hospital, twice, and there, under observation they were able to give me the right diagnosis. Different things require different measures in order to heal from them, and it is important to get it right. It can take a long time. I trust the diagnosis from the hospital because they had a month and a half to see my behaviour and monitor it as opposed to a quick visit or two and taking a test or something like that. It is better to know what is going on than to not know and self diagnose anyways. But make sure it comes from somewhere where they have a chance to get to know you first because if not, it's just like crossing off a check list for them. Before I got my bipolar 1 diagnosis they gave me: OCD, Anxiety Disorder, Depression, ADD, BPD...blahblahblahdisorder, ect, ect... Each person had a new diagnosis. But the hospitals both had the time to see over a period of time what it was. Psychology is tricky like that because it is not an exact science.

I had an NDE back in '16, after going through the fear of death and finding God, I was alone and sick for a long time, and my experience indicated more like a carbonation. All one thing, but playing infinite ways, different souls all singing together, past, present and future, all at once and always was. It is a profound connection. I don't think it is solipsism, I think there is more and to get to it involves dealing with shamanic perspectives and digging into death in a very real way rather than psychedelics. I think death is another path that can provide you with a lot of answers and should not be overlooked. I have a feeling that just the path of substances is simply not enough, it's a profound unison that is choral in nature almost, vibratory, singing, it's a unity that isn't lonely because it is filled with itself, and it seeks to know itself through the perceptions of all its creations. Listen to this song, this is how I learned about choral unity. It was like, a bunch of angels all singing their praises to the Light, but it was all of us, everything in perfect order, perfectly planned. All connected. Like a good song.

@Adodd I would just keep at it, do your best, ignore comments here that don't resonate and keep chipping away at it as best you can. I have a few people in my life I need to forgive, too, it takes time. Child abuse is one of those things though that even I still have a hard time with; I can forgive a lot, but children have fragile psyches and need to be treated with care at all times and it is hard to forgive someone when they damage that, intentionally or not, because of the work it takes to undo, and the lack of really solid explanation you can give at that age. The good thing is they have a mother figure in their lives right now that does the role properly, and a lot can be undone by having that genuine motherly presence. Just keep doing your best and know you're on the right track. Good luck, I'm really sorry to hear that happened to your little ones. Not cool.

"Dead" nonlocalized personalities that have learned that material is mind and all is Love and seek to spread this message with humans. "Machine elves" "spirits" "deities" - they are all the same thing, different consciousnesses that have evolved in different ways, but have no body except what is made of light and love. We are that, too when we die, depending on how much we know. You might get sent back or you will grow closer to the center, or depending on karma, end up farther away. Different religions talk about this, how consciousness is like a gradation from that centre, with infinite variation - it is in those variations that you find different spiritual wildlife as I call it. You do it through contemplation, absolute honesty, the "hollow bone" state, expect nothing, and give love outwards, feel it in your body, and you are more likely to channel things/find angels. Keep an open mind and look for clues that can lead you closer towards them, they always give out clues in your environment. If you do not know how to look for clues, check out Jung, his active imagination technique is pretty good.. "Be not afraid..."

Fave here.

Call me whatever, I don't care just as long as it isn't a rude slur.

This does not mean that the play is not real, or that it should not be taken seriously. It does mean playing a role - an important one. Each actor must of himself realize, however, the nature of the production and his part in it. He must actualize himself out of the three-dimensional confines of the play's setting. - Seth

I know... I don't get it. This is getting into weird territory. Sometimes I'm scrolling through and dislikes helps me chose a video to watch, it's vague now and I don't like that so much. Fortunately I have my algorithms trained for only high consciousness material. If I didn't have a taste for what I was looking for already, though, not having this option doesn't help. I don't care about the rare instances of trolling the dislike feature. Content creators should have the option to remove the button individually.

I think it is, I like to use it to channel, to stay on task, to learn something new - it does all these things - I'd like to be less attached to it though and in the future will only use it three days a week and that should solve the time-wasting, unhealthy aspect that comes with all social media.

I'm sorry you and your kids went through that, if I were in your shoes I would feel anger, too. That's totally natural. Kudos to you for trying to do something about it, that's really proactive. It does show that you are a mature adult. TBH I would never even be able to get that far if I had kids and found out the ex did something to them. That's a hard one to forgive. You have to be a really big person to handle that kind of forgiveness.

I'm sorry to hear that, I know how it feels to be lonely, even amongst a crowd of people. I think it is because people in this day and age lack connection.

I was just having this insight into depression and here this thread is. I agree with you, I follow you, it makes perfect sense to me. That probably is the cure to depression, so... working on hobbies must fix it; things that put you in a state of flow, that feel good and over time can produce a positive result i.e. improvement. With a hobby, you are doing an action just for the sake of enjoyment, and that is the opposite of depression, and it cures the self esteem issues as well. Those were my thoughts, but you worded it much better. I need to stop thinking of myself as so bad, and being so negative towards who I am all the time because this is not the truthful orientation. It is just one that I happened to adopt by accident growing up. Of course I'd be depressed, I treat my inner self so unkindly and there's no need for it. Good insights, it helped to word something that I was feeling strongly about.

Try the Perception Trainers on youtube, her entire channel is based off of starting with self love first.