Loba

I hold a lot of judgements towards God as well, and can't understand why there is so much suffering in the world. And not just a little bit of suffering, but widespread, horrible, disgusting, absolutely terrible things can happen to its creations. I can't understand why, if it loves its creations so much, why it would allow them to die miserable deaths. I can understand natural disasters, that's just the earth moving, shifting, living, breathing, it's massive and so its movements are massive as well, and we are so small and fragile that there are bound to be casualties, but what I can't understand is a human being doing something so catastrophically awful to another human being, looking at them in the eyes, and being able to go through with whatever they're doing. Like, how can you not feel something for another person before you torture them, or rape them or murder them? How did so many soldiers in WWII just walk by the sick, starving Jews every single day and not question if what they were doing was wrong? And where is God during times like these? What purpose does the ego serve when it ends up doing things like this? I understand that God is trying to evolve itself so that it can witness itself as itself in all of its creations, but this method seems to be backfiring, we might not even make it as a species if we keep going down the road that we are now. For something that is supposed to be made of nothing but love, why would it create animals intelligent enough to understand certain things, but not smart enough to override their animalistic instincts to harm and destroy one another and the planet that they live on? And no one here really offers up any decent explanations for it. Just repeated garbage like, "Oh it's all love, you'll understand one day, you're just not conscious enough." Literally the only thing that makes sense to me is that this world is like a training ground and that God makes it up to us in another place after we die. That this isn't our real, true home, that it's just a temporary pitstop to teach us lessons that at this point in time, don't make any sense to me. Why not just show us all, and give us all the love that we all crave, that every human being spends its whole life trying to obtain in some form, only to turn up empty handed when the thing they thought would give them love ends up short? Why all the extra, seemingly nonsensical steps?

The way I see it, I don't really like most people either, so why should I expect them to like me? Being liked, unliked, it's all the same to me. I used to worry about it when I was a young girl, but I found that most of the reasons that people didn't like me for didn't really have to do with me or they were superficial judgements that I couldn't change or didn't feel the need to change. I've learned that the world is full of selfish egocentric assholes who think that life revolves around them, and I find the human race to be somewhat hideous in their approach to how they deal with one another, so I do myself and the world a favour and just avoid most of them and it works out well for me. You can't be liked by everyone. In fact, you can't be liked by most people. The reality is, most people don't give two fucks and that's life. The nice thing is that as long as you don't cause a scene, you can blend in with most of them and they'll treat you pretty neutrally.

Hi, I have terrible habits but the one thing that I can do is wake up early. I get up around 6-7 every morning. Part of the reason why this is so easy is because I go to bed around 9-10 every evening and can get a decent amount of rest. Just go to bed earlier, at the same time every day and your body will naturally wake up around the same time. Give it a few weeks to adjust, and it should become pretty automatic.

@Someone here A woman was found dead, fused to her couch, covered in bed sores, urine, feces, maggots and had died from starvation. She had locked in syndrome and her parents had left her on the couch for 12 years. 12 years of walking by her day in and day out, no one caring for her. They found couch material in her stomach because she was so hungry. They had left to go on a vacation for the weekend. She hadn't been seen by a doctor in 12 years. 12 fucking years. A man was humanely euthanized after his ex girlfriend poured acid all over his face, abdomen and legs. He was put into a coma for four months and had a leg amputated. His face was so severely disfigured that when the father went to the hospital, he didn't recognize his son and thought they had made a mistake. He decided he didn't want to live like this anymore and opted to die in the loving presence of his elderly father. A woman's two brothers had stolen money from drug dealers and when they went to collect the money, they found her instead. They broke into the house, took her captive, raped her, then hit her over the head with a shovel and buried her alive. There is no magic. There are no special circumstances for people. These are coping mechanisms that people have to try to come to terms with the fact that we are random snowflakes being shaken in a snowglobe by a God that is infinitely more powerful and intelligent than us to ease its boredom. We have no control over our lives, that control is a complete illusion. Where you were born, who you ended up becoming, it's all random. The only thing magical about life is that we don't have to live in it forever, that there is some reprieve from the day-in day-out monotony of human existence, that suffering isn't forever - but until then we are all stuck on the same random ride. Have you ever noticed that people who claim to be able to influence the universe, they never factor death into the equation? They never take into account the absolute brutality that happens every day to normal, good people, and narcissistically believe that everything will change just for them if they just "wish" hard enough. It doesn't take into account that there are people in the world who have no control over their lives, they're starving, dying from disease, being mutilated and murdered and there is nothing and no one out there intervening on their behalf. And the reason why is because there is no special mechanism of which to allow an intervention to happen. It's an illusion concocted by people who can't handle reality.

No. It's honestly better not to assume that you'll come across miracles, or materialize things or any of that magickal nonsense that gets spewed online that people then fall for. What they do is pick apart their reality based on small things they pay special attention to and think that it has significance in their lives. Even if that were true, it's a fast track towards psychosis and delusional thinking, trust me on this. It's better for everyone just not to get involved with believing in such things. All of it can be thrown out the window and you'll be a much happier, much saner person. Have you ever actually met or delt with someone who thinks certain things mean something that they don't? It looks totally nuts from the outside, but they cherry pick certain events in their lives to force themselves to believe that something special is happening to them. I used to have that line of mentality and it lead me to a very dark place. It's not worth it. If you want something you have to work for it, it's a very rare circumstance indeed that you get what you want without putting in the work. No one is coming to save you, nothing in your life will change unless you make it happen with tangible action. But... I do believe that many of these things happen after death, when we return home, I think that the laws that are put in place here change significantly and that the rare instances of people having paranormal experiences come from tapping into that. But I don't think it happens to most people, and I don't think we are supposed to mess around with it while we are here we are meant to be limited. I like to save my magical thinking for a place where it makes sense and then stick to what is concrete while I am here on this earth so I don't make the same mistakes again, the assumption that anything extraordinary would happen to me. It won't. And it doesn't. And the people who pretend that it does, either they have been to the other side and brought something with them, or they're delusional liars, fooling you and everyone else around them and they're to be avoided. Just my 2c. I mean seriously, try noticing that the people who follow that sort of stuff, synchronicity, materializing things, miracles, soul mates, twin flames, aliens, entities, occult, magick - all that stupid shit, that most of them are weird and off their rocker. Please don't fall into that sickly concoction of magical thinking, it doesn't do anyone any good, it will waste your time and it can be a pain to have to re-correct the thoughts that magical thinking can cause.

Honestly, you'd be better off meeting people in the real world over online. Most people that meet online do so because they're problematic in the real world, myself included. I haven't actually come across anyone that I've met online that I eventually took the time to get to know that didn't turn out to be a bad person in the short or long run. Not one. They all sucked. That's probably why they were trying to meet people online. Your chances of running into bad, creepy, evil people go up significantly when you interact with them online. You can't gauge as accurately who you're dealing with. If you're having trouble finding the right people in your country, why not just move to a different country and then find real, tangible friends in the new country?

I don't think there are qualifications or not, from my experience we are all connected to this light and return to it. Everyone, good and bad, is a child in the eyes of the creator and so there is no playing favourites. I don't think that a loving God would put people on earth, make them suffer and mold their personality into something completely inaccurate to who the person really is, then give other people a lucky break where nothing goes wrong for them, and condemn the person who is unlucky. If anything, God owes it to those who suffer - we don't get instructions when it comes to life, we're left here to figure it out on our own mostly with whatever we've been given - I think that as long as you try to do better and to try to be a decent person then you'll get in. We don't have to live in a loving haze, that sounds completely inhuman and unrealistic, that in order to be "eligible" to something that I am already connected to, I would have to put blinders on and throw out the other spectrum of human emotion in favour of just love. I think people are more dynamic than that and I don't think that all these books out there, all these teachers, they don't trump my personal experiences. I don't think that people who commit suicide are ineligible for heaven. I think that they go back to their groups, those who oversee their lives and they are given a chance to feel loved, and safe and are healed there. A loving God wouldn't make heaven into something exclusive. It would make earth a polarizing place, so that when we return we know what we want to create for ourselves when we are put back together again. These lives are here so that we can appreciate what we have, with the polarity of what we don't have, so that when we return we understand what a gift it is.

I've been thinking a lot about heaven. I've had a few experiences that give me some idea of what I am to expect on the other side. I don't know if it is the same for everyone. I plan to commit suicide after my parents and my dog pass away. I'll use the money from the house for a few years of enjoyment, just staying in a hotel, smoking weed and coasting for a while before going out on heart and or pain medications and alcohol. I've done my research, mental illness is treated as a terminal illness and as long as I am a good girl and can work on my attitude in this life then I'll hopefully be in a good spot for the next world... What I think happens is that we are grown in groups of souls. Bubbles floating around in a soup of consciousness, but I have no idea what that will look like or how it will be experienced from the other side. I just know that there is a group there and that we are all connected to one another. I don't know who I have met in this life that is a part of them or if they are all on the other side. I have also experienced a partner, when I was at my sickest he showed himself through intuition and told me that we have been playing a kind of game, like hide and seek, and to follow the pieces through the things that I love in life, that when the time comes he will catch me, like in a net of sorts and that my soul won't dissolve into nothingness. I don't know anything about him other than that this is a life where I am supposed to "feel" the absence of him, so that I know how it will feel when he is there, so that I will have a full appreciation. I think this life was meant to be one of lack and loss so that I know what I want, what I need and so that I am oriented in the right way when the time comes. I was born very feminine - I think this is because my partner will be very masculine and that it will even itself out. I think that I am supposed to wait until I die, and that I shouldn't make any friends or find any partners while I am alive or I will have more karmic ties to the wrong people. When I think about my heaven, I think about him. I think about not having the weight of human life to contend with, I think about being able to be young forever - I was a very beautiful young woman and so I will be in death - I think about snuggling up close and not having any walls or obstructions in the way preventing me from being able to show my love in the way that I was supposed to. I think about nuzzling my partner's cheek with my nose and nibbling on his earlobe like a bunny does on fresh grass. I think about how love and sex will feel like being perpetually high on MDMA. I feel that the afterlife will be enjoyable in the ways that we wish we could have here on earth, that lack and longing are just there to show us what we actually want for our own private little heavens. Mine will be the perfect INFP heaven, full of romance with my partner, learning about different things and getting to play in various landscapes. We will take turns being the ones to make new worlds to explore and play in and maybe sometimes we will come back down to earth as spirits to watch over humanity and marvel in the mysteries of nature. My heaven, with my family - my true family and my partner, my true partner. I just have another 15 years to wait. It's going to be a rough, lonely 15 years, but I'm a perfectionist and I only want to bring my best self to the table and that best self exists as a soul and not a human being. I don't believe in human love, I think the best stuff comes later. Heaven will be a great place. We will all be free and healed and happy. I can't wait to be Home, with someone who loves me, someone that I can love for eternity, without arguments or things getting stale. It will be a place of sweetness and goodness and no evil will ever touch us ever again. So, I guess I believe in more of the Muslim side of things, but more romantically. I don't think that everyone has someone waiting for them on the other side, I just know that I must be one of them because I need it so much and God is ideal and cares about its creations and wants to give us what our hearts crave. I think this need, that I have always followed since I was a little girl, was put in my soul's blueprint because I am so polarized as a feminine being, that to become one with another who is very masculine, that this has a balancing property to it. I am willing to fulfil my responsibilities to my pets and to my family, but once they are gone, then I am coming home. I was made to be limited, sad, lonely, so that when I come back I will know and understand what it truly means to be limitless, happy and free.

@Aleister Crowleyy I'm saving her from wasting precious time on something that will most likely fizzle out into some dumpster fire within a few years. You seem to think there are good men out there, and this forum is a prime example that the opposite is true. Let her figure it out on her own, I guess. It's interesting to me that you seem to think you fall into the category of a decent person when the energy you've brought to the table has been anything but. I don't really like your vibe. You've also commented rude things on my journal in the past and you have kind of an all around off vibe to you, so I'm leaving this conversation. Find someone else to argue with.

@Aleister Crowleyy What a healthy response. You must be such a good person.

Personally, I've had experience with men and I'm over it 100 percent. Most men are dogs, abusers, manipulators, the list goes on, but good generally isn't one of their qualities. You would be better off not worrying about men at all and just focus on being comfortable being alone. There's a reason why divorce rates are so high, why women are usually extremely unhappy with their partners, and in general this isn't a good era to be seeking out love. Focus on yourself and your own needs and forget this task.

I do appreciate God, the realization that there is so much out there to explore and that this life won't be bound up by constraint forever makes me feel giddy and playful. I want to play in all of it. Thanks God!

I don't know to be honest. We are attracted to what we are attracted to. I'm straight, but if I was to go gay I probably would for a really beautiful East Asian woman as well. They can be quite stunning aesthetically, I get it.

I think it's weird and kind of sad that some of you are shaming users here for being concerned about a person's wellbeing. If something was genuinely wrong you would be singing a different tune. Get over yourselves.

Well, whatever is going on I'm just glad you're alright. I liked the song you posted on your blog. It's very sweet and romantic.

@Danioover9000 No, imo when people's behaviour changes in an obvious way for no discernable reason that is reason to be concerned and to at least watch over them as best as you can. He looks really, really out of it in some of these photos, like he isn't doing well and they are all quite random and this isn't normal behaviour for this person at all. He has gotten high many many times and has never acted this way, this is something new - there's probably a reason for it but we don't know what that is. I don't think he is just testing the waters, I think this is a drug induced manic episode.

I asked him on Instagram how he was doing and he said he is doing perfect. Do you guys believe it? Like maybe he just got a little too high or something?

TBH, the look in his eyes in the gun photo looks kind of eerie. He looks really, really out of it. I don't like the idea of someone being high as a kite on drugs and messing around with weapons, not a good combo. The pics and blog videos also seem very random, like there isn't much that is coherent about them. Even when I was manic and sick, my posts still had coherency to them. I wonder what's going on in his mind? I guess we'll have to wait and find out. Please take care of yourself Leo, we care about you.

Leo's always been a bit weird, this doesn't really shock me. Poor Smokey, though. I had a cat that loved me very much, too and when I got sick I neglected her and she got a disease and had to be put down, so I get it. Life happens. We do the best we can. Ice cream looks good, cheers.

@Someone here I don't believe the nomenclature touted on this forum for the most part, I had my awakenings independently from this forum and prefer to follow them over what Leo talks about. That fact of the matter is, when someone dies prematurely, the people around them suffer for it. Haven't you ever had a person close to you die? You didn't go with them, you're still here.

I feel the same way. When I got sick, I lost my looks and my health. I'm fine with letting the looks go, if I could just feel normal again and it makes motivation and changing things in my life more difficult. I've also spent some time thinking about the ways I could leave this reality, and to see if maybe there is something better for me on the other side. Something more reflective of who I feel on the inside that I can't express in this world. What I learned is that this life is like a training ground. We are building ourselves up and we have to take what we're given and do the best we can. If you exit your life, you would hurt those who are close to you for something as unimportant in the grand scheme of things as vanity. I understand health concerns, but why worry about looks when souls are beautiful, perfect expressions? Try to learn as much as you can in this world, heal as much as you are able to, and when you are ready to leave this world in an authentic way, you'll be in a better place, you'll have accomplished what you came here to do, and I believe that the universe rewards its creations for pushing through and doing the best they can. I think that we are given human lives full of limitation and decay so that when we return to where we come from, we can appreciate what we have.

I relate to feelings of paranoia, there was a time when I let it take control of my life. I would think people were thinking bad things about me and talking about me behind my back and I felt bullied and ostracized. What helped me the most was starting a journal and writing about these experiences to see them in a clearer light. Just putting awareness on where you are feeling paranoid can help you unravel why it is happening. I am sorry you are going through this, it can be a very painful and miserable thing to go through, but don't lose hope!

I used to believe that kind of shit, too and it landed me in a bad spot. I quit it altogether. The synchronicity, the thinking I had special spiritual abilities, entities, the whole thing and my mental health improved. If I were in your shoes, I would let it go for a few months just to see how that goes. I had a bunch of stuff line up for me in really weird ways, where I also thought I had some sort of curse or something but no, I was just batshit crazy. Gl.

Sometimes I think I want a relationship, too, but then I remember how hard it was to be in one. You can't guarantee that the person you fall for is going to be good to you, or that it will even last. You might end up alone anyways. Relationships are often a shot in the dark, you can become connected to someone who doesn't value you, who doesn't have your best interests at heart. I was in an on again off again relationship for about 9 or so years, most of my 20's and it was very stressful, emotionally taxing and personally I would rather be alone forever then ever have go to through that again. Be careful what you wish for. Sometimes the sweetest thing in the world is being free, instead of being tied down to someone's emotional and physical needs. A relationship, on paper, sounds nice, but people can be really awful to one another, especially the closer they get to each other. It's hard to hide your flaws and save face in a relationship, everything comes to the surface. Imo, risking my peace of mind for dealing with someone else's nonsense will never be worth it. On top of that, when we die we all connect with our soul family anyways, we become unified and in tandem. We're never alone, even if it may feel that way while here on earth, the separation is a lie. Try being happy just being with yourself and don't worry so much about these things. Being alone is quite a blessing, don't let the lack of another human being cause you to suffer, it isn't fair to you. As a woman, I can tell you, we aren't all we're cracked up to be, and the love of another human is ultimately inadequate compared to the love of God. What will you do if you find what you're looking for and you're still lonely, still suffering?