Loba

It's not worth the risk of getting hurt again, I don't bounce back from stuff easily. I would be better off not having anyone at all, then to find people, have them inevitably abandon me and know that it's because I wasn't a good enough friend to them. People want value from their friendships, I don't really have anything to offer. We live in a conditional world. That's life, and I'm fine with it, I get it, I understand it and I'll eventually get over these feelings in a few days and bounce right back. I'd bounce back sooner, just filling myself up with distractions, than I would come back from losing a friend. I do think friendship is a need, but I also think people can adapt to all sorts of circumstances - and at the end of the day, we are all connected anyways, I'm just blind to it at the moment, if I could find a way to tap into that again then I would be fulfilled for the rest of my life, tangible humans or no.

Sometimes I feel lonely, like, I think people are supposed to develop connections. Without them our lives don't have as much meaning. When I was younger I had some very close friendships and I miss those, but it's hard to develop the same level of bonding that you get when you meet someone as a teen and then grow up with them. It's just not the same, I have too much history, too much shit has gone down and I don't feel like having to go through the whole rigmarole again just so someone "gets" me. But it's hard, you know. I don't need like, a bunch of friends, but having people to hang out with sometimes would be nice. I guess I kind of feel like I don't deserve friends, that I'm too much of a loser and a fuck up and I wouldn't want to spread my pointless life and lack of fortitude onto anyone else. I feel lowkey evil, like spoiled and ruined on the inside and I don't think if I was my true self that anyone would really want to be around me. When people try to get close I get confused and avoid them, even though that's not really what I want - so I end up causing this loneliness for myself. Despite it "sometimes" hurting me, that's only on an off day, usually I just stuff those emotions aside and go on with my day. Peruse this website and YouTube, pay extra attention to my pets, stuff like that. Boring introvert stuff. For the past few days this loneliness has been kind of gnawing at me a bit, and I spent some time looking at my old friends to see what they were up to, and some of them have families, they've done stuff with their lives, you know? I just don't wanna bother them. It reminded me that no matter where you are, life goes on, and there's nothing you can really do about it other than try your best to cope with what you've got. I think a lot of people in the world could use some deep friends, but I just don't think that humans really know how to be friends to one another. I think that it's kind of an unobtainable dream, like perfect romance, or staying beautiful for the rest of your life. Friendships are easy and fun when you're a child, but with the responsibilities of adult life, it's not so easy to find and or maintain them. At this point, I don't even know that I want to. I think with more repression and work I can cut off that need like a gangrenous limb and will fare okay, but it's not ideal. I don't think being on one's own in this world is ideal for anyone and if you feel that it is, you're probably just lying to yourself. I'm not friendship material. I get it, and I'm almost over it. And at the end of the day, most other people aren't either. We don't live in a connected world, it's displaced, it's an epidemic. Humans will eventually be little islands to themselves, in a sea of other little islands, surrounded by one another, but never truly seeing each other. That's our destiny.

I think we're all a little greedy deep down inside. If someone offered to donate to me 8k for spewing general spiritual knowledge, I'd fucking accept that shit. Pay off some bills, you know?

@Gesundheit2 Hmmn, let's see, my species likes to live in little gilded cages, away from the troubles of the world. All we need is a corner with a box full of highly absorbent litter, a mat with a blanket, a snack pack full of junk food and one of those water bottles that they use for hamsters. Bonus points if you have a laptop, and an exercise wheel is optional.

@Devin Hi Devin! I don't know what I like. I think I like being around different people, but I also enjoy having some similarities. Like maybe just different enough, but not too different or there's nothing to really bond over, you know? Maybe I would, it's hard to know. I tend to just avoid things instead of addressing them head on, maybe I will someday when life forces me to. Anyways, I feel like I inadvertently took over this guy's thread and feel bad about it, so if anyone has anything else to say please direct it to the OP.

@Jacob Morres Well the next time I turn on the Discovery Channel I'll be sure to tune into Bad Boy Development : A Wild and Personal Documentary Spanning Several Lines of Development. That's a long television title. No, but seriously, generalizations aren't the end of the world, you have to make them in order to get through life - you can't literally sit through every judgement and try to predict how the line of development is going to go, the best you can do is make predictions based on what has happened to the majority of people, including yourself, in the past.

I mean... if you're like... a legitimate genius, you'll probably think of creative ways to find sex, right? Otherwise you're kind of a lame genius. - Quote from a genius

@Jacob Morres True, there are many lines of development, but you can make assertations on what those will be based on past experiences and the experiences of other women. I mean, who the hell sits around ideating on every line of development another person can make? Your second sentence makes no sense. Because it's emotionally unintelligent, this is why women get attracted to it? No, young women who don't have a lot of life experience do. Immaturity attracts immaturity, but I wouldn't say that simply being dominant in an unintelligent way is what attracts a woman. "There are many lines of development."

I don't think people just merge back into God when they die, there's a lot of wiggle room with these various experiences. When I had my awakenings, I was lead to believe that I don't just merge back with the light. The awakening moments were really super vague and so there's a lot of room for various interpretation, but the underlying "anatomy" of them was a central point of all pervading love that was outside of time and space, and all living things past and present were connected to it in unison, that there was no death or birth, that everything was just Now. I was told that - more like I felt them - other souls all around me, everywhere, they felt "round" like - and that I was connected to them via a string from the center of my heart, they were like an extended family, or my "true" family. It was some place of my soul's origins, and I was always connected to them in this place, and always will be. And then I had another awakening where it felt like there was a masculine presence and it was actually there, preventing my soul from completely dissipating - and that presence felt "somewhat" familiar... kind of... it felt like it was a lot of people that all became one consciousness, that it had been many different things, hard to explain, but I'm supposed to return to it. I made a deal with it that it could keep my soul for safe keeping; it felt to be a strong leader and so I trusted it. It was all very intuitive and heart-centered. I've had a lot of these strange mystical experiences, mostly back in 2016-2018 and they kind of gradually became less pronounced, with a brief period in 2020 when I met the masculine personality. I've made my peace for the most part that I can't fully know what is going to happen when I pass away, but I know for sure that there is some being waiting to collect me, and that I have a family who oversees my soul's progress. I don't know how, or why, or what we are doing, but I know they're there. When you take the time to listen to many NDEs there are a lot of similarities, and some differences, but there seems to be a similar structure in how this is played out. I believe there is more, that we go on to other places to have more experiences and I feel it will be like Christmas day when I get back there, opening all my gifts.

I don't know how someone can be a "bad boy" and have also integrated their shadow before their peers. Usually bad boys are emotionally immature, distant men who want to keep people at arm's length and do so through a tough guy façade. It's such a typical trope. A dominant and a bad boy are two different things. A dominant actually needs to be emotionally present and available to lead his sub and he can't do that when he's playing an immature role. These two things are not synonymous. Bad boys perhaps wish they could be doms, perhaps the lifestyle of having a submissive might be interesting to them, but these are two very different types of people. A dom is a protector and leader first and foremost. Not an adult adolescent looking to "fuck sum bitches". I've noticed a lot of people gravitate towards that lifestyle who don't know what the hell they're doing and it ends up disastrous for all parties involved. I used to like the bad boy trope when I was a young woman who didn't understand the psychology of men. I didn't know the difference between a dominant and an aloof adult child, and assumed that their keeping me at a distance while stringing me along was because I wasn't doing my part, perhaps I wasn't good enough, yada yada, you know the story. It's a story as old as time itself. I genuinely don't think you can be a "bad boy" and also be an evolved human being. I think it's something that young men should seek to grow out of as soon as possible. A true dominant male is responsible, emotionally available, respectful, understanding, aware, evolved, and gentle. He just happens to have a natural proclivity for leading. if you don't have those qualities and you're just looking to find some subs to submit to you, then you have a butcher's mentality.

I used to be afraid of rejection, too. When I was interested in someone it always really hurt me to find that they didn't feel the same way, but as I got older and look back on how some of them handled it, I feel kind of saved from ever having had to have dated them in the first place. Some of them flat out used me, and when I called them out on it, they lied to me about it or avoided the subject. Some of them were kind about it, and it just genuinely wasn't the right connection, and I respect those who treated me decently. I've also rejected some men in my lifetime, as most of them were super beta submissive worm-type guys and I felt disgusted by them. Some I rejected nicely, some not so nicely. So it goes both ways for me. The guy that I did keep a long term relationship with was never right for me and he wasn't a very kind person. He had been to jail, hit an ex with a hammer, stole my money and used it on drugs, things like that. Preyed on my self-esteem. I think after that relationship I closed down and realized that I never wanted to deal with another man in my life again. When I think back on my experiences with men, not just a few of them were like that, but many had a lot of red flags and so it leads me to believe that a lot of men out there are quite cruel in their approach and I'm too sensitive to put up with them. However, despite all of that, if everything didn't line up the way that it did, I would have still been an atheist, I never would have found God or known that there was a sense of connection on the other side that I could tap into in my time of need, I would have continued looking for that connection here on this planet, always feeling unfulfilled and lonely. Sometimes I still feel that way, but I remember that I am never alone and that someday I will go back to where I came from. Rejection is a good thing, it keeps bad people away from you. You genuinely don't want to have people around you who don't want you in their life. It's not a healthy feeling. I don't think my ex ever once really loved me. He never got to know me and I never felt like I could be myself around him. But at the end of the day, it all worked out for me. I found God. Truly. None of them did.

I'm an INFP, and I have found I get along best with NF and SF types, and don't do very well with thinking personalities. Anyone that I have been very super close to, as a friend or otherwise was an NF, usually ENFPs. I value emotions and the feeling of bonding that comes with sharing emotions and thinking types generally don't express or have very strong senses of emotion, and I get bored having to dig around for them, assuming they have any to begin with. And what's there is generally very juvenile and often not very well formed, and so I get embarrassed and turned off by their sloppy displays of feigned emotional depth. I like them when you want to do something exciting, or if you need an informative essay spewed at you - they're good for that, I suppose... But with other feeling types, you can just 'get' one another, without words needing to be said, if you feel the same thing, you can speak through the heart and there's something irreplicable and magical about that. I love being on the same page emotionally with people.

I'm female... well, in my personal experience, I have had crushes on guys from nearly every race. Everyone can be attractive, it doesn't matter what colour their skin is. For women, it is more about their personality. As a white woman, most of the guys who hit on me are black guys and they're actually much more respectful, charming and interesting than white men. I've had crushes on Asians, Indians, black, Hispanic, Middle Eastern, you name it. When I was a child, I had a book that had all the different cultures of the world and it was one of my favorite books and I would look through it almost every day. I grew up being more curious of people who are different than myself rather than wanting to stick to just one race. I think a lot of women are like that, that as long as you are a respectable person, then you're good to go. It also probably depends on where you are located, some areas of the US/world are more racist than other areas. I've always had the opportunity to live in melting pot areas where there are many different types of people. I've also, interestingly enough, never been abused or treated rudely by a minority - only fellow white people. Go fig.

If you're feeling genuine hatred, I would look into it. It isn't the healthiest emotion to hate things. Strong dislike, yeah okay, but hatred is a poison for the soul you know. I would really take the time to question why you are feeling these emotions, what lead up to them and if at all possible having a serious talk with your mother about what you are feeling. Sometimes parents don't listen, though and in that case, I would suggest journaling about these emotions and keep looking for advice on how to handle such strong surges of negative emotion. I know what that feels like, sometimes I tend to collapse into similar emotions when I feel like my boundaries are being intruded upon.

@Flint The thing is, I wouldn't forbid anyone of doing anything - that's not who I am. I would just leave. Like... you can't force people to change for you, that's not cool. I know my views aren't entirely realistic which is why I emphasized that some of these problems lie within myself. But a lot of women do have similar insecurities, and unless we can overcome our insecurities in the same way that men would have to overcome their lust, then there's bound to be problems between the two sexes. Personally, I don't feel ready for a relationship with anyone because I don't believe I can cure my insecurities, and I think I would see them in places where they don't exist and ultimately I would just run away, or find ways to sabotage the relationship so that I could feel better about leaving. For me, there is no bridge between the two sexes and I accept my fate, it is what it is. A man's psychology simply doesn't line up with my values and what I want for myself, but I also value allowing other people to make their own choices in life, so I do my best to avoid situations where I feel a relationship could cultivate. I don't want to put my unrealistic expectations on another person, and waste their time.

Incoming onslaught of everyone here telling you the exact same fucking thing, but having little understanding of it themselves, deriving it not from genuine spiritual work, but from the videos of an internet guru, and expecting you to take on those beliefs as your own without coming to your own personal understanding of what God and spirituality mean for you as the individual. Nothing ruffles feathers here more than going against the grain of the commonly touted cultish nomenclature. Cheers.

Wow yeah, that is a bold faced lie for sure. It's always disconcerting when someone does something wrong like that and everyone around them just ignores it and brushes the issue under the rug. They're acting like Lester, who is honestly being completely reasonable in questioning Nahm, is doing something wrong by confronting their spiritual leader. When you put yourself in a position of leading and guiding other people, you're going to get questioned and you have to abide by a certain set frame of tolerable behaviours, if you're suspicious, then no one wants to deal with that. So rather than accepting that he did something shady towards one of his clients, they're glossing it over and gaslighting you for your life choices as a reason as to why it was an acceptable thing to do, or to use to convince themselves that you're the liar and not the person that they glorify as some kind of mentor.

@Carl-Richard I suppose all aspects of the relationship. I don't like other women creeping around, I'm not into my dude watching porn, and I especially don't like the idea of exes as "friends". But I'm also not into forcing people to change themselves, either, I just kind of expect that if they're right for me that our values will line up and if they don't I can detach and disengage pretty easily. Personally, I'm not super controlling about things - except I expect them to just "know" these things, which is probably a problem on my end, but it is what it is. I expect that my partner will be perfect for me in every way, or I just don't want to deal with it. Porn just happens to be one of those things. I think most women are like this, they don't trust that a guy who can't control himself in that regard is going to be trustworthy. I have a lot of trust issues. I don't really trust men, I don't find their inner psychology to be a safe place to be myself in and I feel on guard most of the time around them and look for reasons to peace out. But this isn't about me, this is about this dude and his particular girl and she sounds more open - sans the ultimatums, I just thought I would offer my opinion on it because over the years I have noticed a lot of women feel this way.

When I was a little girl, I wished I could turn into a bird a fly away. Why didn't that happen? Was I just not attracting enough magic into my life? The world may never know... Winx Club but you transform into a horse instead of a fairy Believix, You're magical. All you gotta do is believe in yourself. And everything will change. You got the power! Believix, so wonderful. Feel the magic coming out from your heart. Everything is possible. It's a higher energy!

I don't know, I think it kind of goes against the natural order of things. I think men that get into that sort of stuff have issues with being fully male, and the women who are into dominating are more often than not sadistic control freaks who end up being borderline stalkers when their subs don't want to deal with them anymore. I don't think it's natural for a female to want to dominate a male, unless she's messed up mentally and emotionally, or is just temporarily faking the role for a porno. I think that in this day and age, with men becoming more like women and women becoming more like men that we will see more of this kind of stuff, and I guess like with anything else, society will adjust to men being more feminine and women being more butch, but for the deeply genuine feminine and masculine energies, it will never fully satisfy. Very few things turn me off as much as a male sub. I can't respect them, I know that they won't know what to do when an action needs to be taken, and I start thinking of them as wormy and weak. It's kind of a shame that society is turning on it's head like this, where men desire to acquiesce to the demands of borderline psychopathic overly controlling women, but whatever, in the name of sex positivity, you like what you like and it's ultimately none of my bizz.

@Carl-Richard I guess my motivations on this could be summed up as simply as, "My things are my things and if my thing belongs to other things then I don't want thing." *pushes off to the side with a resounding "Feh!"*

I wouldn't understand how it doesn't. He's getting off on someone who isn't me, putting forth precious sexual energy towards something that is loveless and purely based on visuals. I guess, being a female and not a man, I don't really understand the desire for sex without a connection involved with it. I don't understand why it's so important that a person would be willing to throw away a decent relationship just to watch people who are not you getting it on on a computer screen. I would feel better for a time, but my insecurities would rise up again and I would lose interest in him, even if I initially trusted him and would just do my best to fade into the background of his life. I don't believe in forcing people to stop what they're doing. Like, I wouldn't give someone an ultimatum "this or me", I would just accept that we have different values and do my best to move on with my life.

I would be kind of annoyed if a guy I was dating was watching porn as well, it would make me feel insecure, unloved and that he still had desire for sexual intercourse with other women who are not me. I would probably abstain from sex with him if the behaviour continued. I wouldn't even give him an ultimatum, "Porn or me," I'd just kind of gradually cut him out of my life until one day I'd disappear forever and he could be left alone, just him and his blessed computer screen. As it should be, for people who can't even control their base instincts. Porn is so animalistic, devoid of love and any genuine human connection, you're feeding your brain garbage and training it to view women from an unhealthy lens. No wonder she doesn't like it. Most women don't. Some of them put up with it, but no self respecting woman is going to really be okay with her partner watching and getting off on other women. I guess, I am surprised she hasn't just dumped you for it. I would, that's a big confliction of values.

I have heard of fully functional psychopaths, apparently they do well as soldiers and surgeons and stuff like that. The thing is, most of them aren't good people, it's an exception to the rule that one of them becomes fully functioning and is able to understand their limitations, and even then they still cause problems for the people that they are close to. I mean, if they're able to function and to do their best to be decent people, that's great, but if I know someone is a sociopath, narcissist or psychopath then I'm not going to allow them to get close to me. Many of the worlds problems could be mitigated if people like this didn't exist, they're relics from a time that we don't need anymore to move forward and evolve. I've just had way too many self admitted sociopaths and psychopaths in my life and I was in a relationship with one on and off for nine years and it really wore me out. Everything that normal human beings are able to give one another, they aren't able to do this. Even a fully functioning one is going to have a trail of distressed people that they have preyed upon or shoved under the rug. You can't rely on them to be there when you need them, they just don't care. No amount of effort, for the most part, except for extremely rare instances like the guy mentioned, is going to get them to see that they need to treat people decently, that they need not dissect people's weak points for an entryway in. If I had never met a psychopath, my life probably would have taken a very different turn. They like to stick to me like glue, I don't know why but I'm psychopath bait. I think it's because they secretly gravitate towards what they don't have, which is humanity, empathy and love. They're like scientists in how they dissect their subjects of interest, it's creepy. I'd like to not judge them, but most of them are snakes. If someone hints at you that they think they are a narcissist or psychopath, then they should be avoided for your own sanity and safety. And they will, too. They like to test you with little clues into who they really are just to see if they'll get a reaction, they're not difficult to spot. Maybe someday I'll get to the point where I don't judge them, but that will be from the walls of a tall fortress to keep them all out. Maybe from there, away from the ramifications of their senseless actions, I won't feel the need to have such dislike. I wouldn't say hatred, I don't hate people, but I do have a dislike for the way certain people function pertaining to how they go about treating and viewing other people. Kudos to the guy for trying to be a nicer person. I do feel bad for them. They'll never know what a genuine attachment, what empathy and true love feels like. The best they can do is a predator-like obsession.

@Kksd74628 Yeah, I can see that and I agree. I used to be less of a fighter when I was younger as well, but if someone oversteps my boundaries, I have grown up enough to let them know. It's not my strong suit, I mean, I'm much more vocal about myself online as it's easier to do behind a screen, but in the real world I'll usually give people chances, I won't step out of line for the most part and try my best to get along with others. But I have had people step on my boundaries before, and granted, I've done it to them as well, it's a learning curve to know when and where to speak up at the right time. I've spoken up before not knowing it wasn't my place to speak because I thought that my values and opinions were more important than social harmony and have been learning as I am getting older that sometimes social harmony is indeed more important than always sticking true to who you are. It's a bit of both.