Miguel1

I understand how you feel. I used to be very similar. I tried very hard. I tried 3 months of purely meditation and limited human contact. But eventually I had to come back. I then just came to accept it as necessity part of the adventure of human life, which includes the need for food, sleep etc. as well. I’m sure there are a rare few who can actually skip or limit socialization very much. But I would also argue that some people who supposedly ”dont need socialization at all / need just a bit”, are just very unskilled at it and it’s easier to accept it than go through the pain of learning the skill. And the same case was with me. I had periods where I was very against socialization but looking back, mostly it was simply because I didn’t know how to have fun, be charismatic and make friends. And so, perhaps if you also had a ton of fun (it’s a skill to let go of our seriousness, and tap into the fooling around part of ourselves - especially since we are so serious and logical on actualized), while socializing - maybe you would also enjoy it much more 😊

Sure, of course. Feel free to talk with me privately if talking here feels too public.

You need to take the pressure off of you by approaching everyone in general. Don't be so judgemental as to who you are approaching. Approach the guys and the girls you don't find sexually attractive as well. Just be social and nice to them. This will build good social flow and momentum with which it is much easier to then go approach the girls you find attractive and want to have a more sexual interaction with.

It's a matter of balance and finding the sweet spot. Being spoiled also stunts development.

I change dramatically every year. I barely recognize myself looking back a year ago.

What are you trying to say with this? That is great! Good to hear.

Then you are doing things wrong Carry it only in the first minutes but then you gotta also know how to prompt and encourage them to engage back with you. My interactions usually ends up with them talking like 70% of the time or even 80%, after the initial phase of me carrying the convo. Also, there are some girls who simply are not interested and you gotta also know signs of these girls and stop wasting time with them.

Second this. I have also gone out on and off for 10+ years, approached too many thousands of girls to count - all sober. I remember like one occasion I bought a drink for me and my cousin.

I'm not denying that it would work. But there certainly is more risk at play vs just going out to meet girls outside your work. Especially if you are not yet very charming and skillful, you may end up doing some really uncalibrated stuff, which can get you into serious trouble with your income. When it comes to bars, working in bars is more sexual by default so it's more easier and natural to end up hooking up vs as a barber. ---- ... Wait a minute... I just realized that OP was about BARTENDER - and not BARBER. Silly me, sorry. English is not my first language. Hahaha I'm laughing at myself. --- Okay in that case it's probably a good idea, lol. Because it probably doesn't take nearly as much time to train to become a bartender vs a barber. The downside is that you don't have free nights to actually go out and approach girls and more importantly, practice the skill. All that being said, I still do think this should just be a temporary solution. 1. Your work and life purpose should not be optimized to get girls. 2. It's good for you to eventually learn how to Cold approach girls as a man, without being dependent on crutches.

It's not so black and white. Mashlow's hierarcy of needs. Personally, I believe I am getting better results socially and dating wise, precisely because I have some sort of a connection to Presence and Source. But if you had told the young version of me to go hard into connecting with Source, he wouldnt have done it, simply because he had other things (dating) that were so much more interesting.

Why don't you go out to the nightlife to meet girls instead? Sounds like a huge hassle to get a career just to meet girls. And just overall your work and life purpose should not be optimized to get girls... Also, there is the whole wisdom of not shitting you where you eat.

1. Dating coaches can only do so much. Most of the change must come from you. 2. For you to even be open-minded for dating coaches, you would have to do some quite painful acceptances of your own short-comings. It is much easier to keep blaming and complaining to get the cheap dopamine 3. A lot of dating coaches either teach unhealthy stuff and / or are untrustworthy.

This whole thing would require me to dive much deeper into contemplation, which I don't have time for now. But where my first intuition and thoughts are: there are lots of manipulative people out there. They would sneak their way into all sorts of abusive stuff. Also, this whole system rewards the majority of guys who are way too weak and low in character development to deserve something like this. Sex is an exchange of value. It is a matter of survival. We shouldnt go rewarding all these incels, black pillers and red pillers for their behaviour. Finally, frankly I dont think that the majority of girls (especially on the top half in quality) would even be attracted to majority of the guys so this wouldn't even work. Probably would shove into these guys' face even more as to how unwanted they are - which can lead to all sorts of resentment, hatred, rebellions and violence.

I would say that they are more on the introverted, shy, and closed-off side, compared to the rest of the world. But the good thing is that so are the guys here so there is not much competition at all. You need to generally carry the conversation more in the beginning (compared to the rest of the world) but after that, things are much easier due to the fact that there is not much competition. But they are really beautiful girls, white-skinned blondes everywhere. Where are you from and how are the girls there? And welcome to the community!

Sit with the pain, cry it out. Feel it. Then let it move through your body and out of your body. It's good to know that it's just an imbalanced chemical reaction and will eventually balance out if you just allow it and won't make it worse. And give yourself time. It may take weeks, may take months. And once you feel ready, definitely start taking action in going out and meeting new women to remind yourself that there are amazing women out there for you in abundance!

''If only the top 20% of men are attractive to women, what are the 80% doing?'' Making excuses not to develop the skill required of course.

This is not a black or white thing. You can definitely interrupt. But it has to be calibrated and mostly done in a subtle way.

You can definitely have sex with a new person, that is utterly shallow. I've had plenty of those sex and frankly, they bore me to death nowadays. --- Free sex is not a good thing in my opinion in the big picture - at least not in the age we live in. It would be abused way too much by fucked up people.

Lol. Go look at our spirituality subforum. There are levels, layers & facets of awakening. What gets you here won't get you there. Half or more of the members here used to disagree with Leo's current teachings of his highest spirituality. I dont know if it's as bad nowadays. But anyways, don't go lecturing and teaching people when you are socializing with them. Goddamit.

Good! Keep us updated. How did the party go?

Why the hell would anyone even think that attacking someones ego is going to get them friendly responses??

The biggest lie of the ego is using all this crap and rationalizations to not go out there and do the hard work.

Part of becoming good at this is taking care of your base finances first. Don't put the cart before the horse.

Good post overall. Freedom that is responsible - this is the key. There is also freedom that is irresponsible - and this is not good.

No. Intimacy requires a deep connection. You cannot have a deep connection if you don't deepen it. And if you are having sex and orgies with 10s of people at a time, how do you deepen a connection?