Wyeth

It's not for the most part. The separation is due to a variety of reasons.

After 22 years of life and over 3 years of spiritual work, I have finally made clear my Life Purpose: Raising Humanity’s Consciousness Through Storytelling. From a young age I have always had a knack for storytelling, as I have always been one to daydream in class and imagine countless fascinating fictional scenarios. When I was 5 years old I would create little pocket books with drawings and a caption at the bottom of page that told a story as you flipped through the pages. In elementary school I won multiple awards for stories I had written…my mom told me I could be a great writer one day and that idea has never left me. I wrote some more fiction in high school (never showed anybody, it’s cringe lol), and in this past year I have written a couple short stories that have received positive praise from the people I have shown it to, one of which was a creative writing major herself. I have also from a young age filmed random skits with my friends and even worked on a couple higher production level short films with one of my friends who is studying film. And through all of this, whichever medium it may be, I am just absolutely in love with the storytelling aspect. I want to create deeply moving, consciousness tickling work that makes the reader/viewer’s jaw drop, make them think about reality in a radically different way, and/or leave them inspired to improve their lives and raise their consciousness. Some movies that gave me these feelings are: Interstellar, Annihilation, Arrival, Blade Runner 2049 Some books that left me these feelings are: Beyond Azara by Martin Ball, The Solandarian Game by Martin Ball, Beneath a Scarlett Sky by Mark Sullivan, Way of the Peaceful Warrior by Dan Millman…and I’m sure there’s more I can’t remember right now. Phase 1 of the actualization of this Life Purpose is starting a new Youtube Channel. I have already created a Youtube channel before (search "The Curious Minds") and I had solid success, amassing over 35,000 subscribers and making more than $10,000 total on that project in a 2.5 year span…so I know the ins and outs of Youtube, how the algorithm works, how to keep the viewer engaged, how to build a community. I am going to take it next level with the content I am going to create. Not just next level…but world class. Given that I already have multiple years of experience creating topic, I have confidence I can reach world class level within 1-2 years of starting this project. I’ve saved several thousand dollars already so that I can purchase high quality computer, camera, microphone, etc. I am going to weave in storytelling into my videos…short skits that are about whatever topics the video is on. For example I have an idea for a video, with tentative title “Radical Honesty - How to Transform Your Life by Telling the Truth.” The video would start with a 4 or 5 minute skit depicting how a guy puts himself into a mental prison with the lies he tells…then when the skit reaches a stopping point I would come onto the screen in a sit-down setting and talk about the concept of Radical Honesty for several more minutes…and then then story would continue again, and then at a stopping point I would talk about Radical Honesty some more. I envision each video being somewhere between 20 and 40 minutes, maybe some even up to an hour…I keep having the deep feeling of trust that If I grind and put in the work, that this channel will grow a big and loyal following. It’s not just the channel either…it’s a whole ass business. I have spent probably over 100 hours now researching one-person business models and I think I am pretty clear now on how I am going to pull this off. I am going to funnel my audience to my community online, where I will have my own website, which will contain my newsletter…as well as 1-on-1 coaching…another thing on the coaching part…I have gained some experience with therapy skills and life coaching in the past year or so (I am a psychology major) and I have loved it. So if I could pull this off…make my creative content online and also have some coaching clients on the side…fuck that would be the dream come true. Eventually I want to sell other products on my website too, I already have dozens of ideas for products that I won’t say because I don’t want anyone to steal the idea…but I will say one of them could be a Self-Actualizaton journal that is filled with prompts and practices to help one find meaning in life and move one closer towards discovering/carrying out their Life Purpose. But yeah, that is the general plan outline for Phase 1. I imagine that building this business will take up most of my waking hours for the next couple years, so I need to get ready to grind and make sure I am in peak mental fitness each and every day. As soon as I am able, my plan is to buy a plot of land with a couple friends in relative close proximity to a national park (my two friends and I have “sworn” that we will do this) and build 6-10 yurts on the land and rent out on AirBnb. If this plan goes well, these two business projects will make me a very well off person financially and give me immense freedom in life. Once I am financially free is when Phase 2 begins (I am 22 right now and realistically I think this could happen before I am 30). Phase 2 is when I dive deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep into the spiritual work, hell maybe even Leo level deep…and then with my newfound level of consciousness and my mastery in the art of storytelling I will be able to tell the most profound stories humanity has ever heard…I don’t even know if that many people would read them because the level of consciousness of humanity is so low, but I wouldn’t even care because I woud be financially free and not trying to change my stories to make a buck. Also sidenote I have been writing streams of consciousness multiple times weekly on a single document for over 5 years and this document contains several hundreds of thousands of words. Near the end of my life I plan to release the entire writings from that document that contain my most wicked, fucked up thoughts that people would hate me for but also contain the thoughts that make me a vehicle of love for humanity and I will title it something like “The Raw Human” But anyways that is the outline for my LP. The vision has been getting clearer and clearer for some time, and now it is finally crystal clear now that a busy ass quarter of college (don’t even really know why i am in college anymore lol but I’m about to graduate this year so finishing it out) is over and now that I have separated from my gf who took up a lot of my time, giving me clarity of mind to think about my next step in life (thank god), Much love everyone, just wanted to share. See you at the top! Feedback is appreciated, as well as potential blindspots that people might be able to point out.

I have also learned there a lot of Green women who talk Turquoise but are really just dogmatic new-age spiritualists. Be aware of this trap.

Interesting perspective. You might be right on this. I just dumped a Green/Yellow woman...sometimes I wonder if I will ever find anyone better. I have met a couple solidly Tier 2 women (with a good amount of Turquoise) over the past couple years and I got to say I want to have the attitude where I won't settle for anything less than someone like them. In both cases when I met these women they were already in a relationship and/or I was in one too, but I still remain friends with one of them and she is dating a yoga guy who is like 10 years older than her. But damn...love talking with these women, even if it is just sexually neutral friendly conversations. The Tier 2 women are out there, but yeah they rare as fuck.

@Pharion Glad to hear from you. Wow, it does sound like we have a lot of similarities with our creative minds. And good job on almost finishing your first novel! What is it about? Yeah, that was my main concern about going straight into writing novels...it is so hard to make a living off it. Most people don't realize how extraordinarily difficult it is to make it as an author. Making it as an author has got to be one of the lowest success rates of any other professional endeavor. The thing with my work is that I want to be able to write completely freely and not care if my work makes it to the New York Times Bestseller list or not. Two books that moved me extremely deeply (mentioned in original post) were Beyond Azara and The Solandarian Game by Martin Ball. I doubt those books have even sold 2,000 copies, and the everyday person would not understand its spiritual themes at all. But those books are fucking masterpieces, and I want to create work like that. I don't want to change my ideas and cater to the masses just so I can survive, which is why I believe this business is necessary for me to create first.

@axiom Thank you for your response, Axiom. Your words do ground me a bit. It has been a theme in my life that I believe I can do too much in a too short period of time and then I get disappointed that I don't end up doing all the things I had planned. I don't want that theme to occur in my LP. I will contemplate more and listen to my intuition on what the heart feeling is, do I want to jump straight into storytelling? Or is this self-help/spiritual business (that does weave in storytelling heavily) a better way to go?...I've had success online in the past, really enjoyed doing it and was fulfilled by it, and know that I can be much higher quality than I was before...my initial feeling tells me this route will lead me to more freedom later on. The way I see it is that even if I don't start taking writing novels seriously until I am 35, I'll still have 40-50+ years to go all in on the craft. I don't view my current business plan as a type of fulfillment-avoidance...the prospect of jumping into it deeply excites me, but you're right in that it has a potential to become a prison that makes it hard to escape from. Don't want to get trapped. Will contemplate this more. As for the glamping site project, I don't view that as the means to become wealthy...perhaps I should have specified that more in my original post. I'm not trying to build an AirBnb empire here. I would expect to make far more money from the business. Like you said, that project is something I see as paying for the bulk of my living expenses. I live a fairly frugal lifestyle now and I don't expect that to really change all that much as I accumulate more $...I view it as the more money I make, the more money I can save and/or invest in my projects. I don't think it is unrealistic to expect that I would be occupied with glamping site maintenance (given that there are a couple other friends on the project as well) for about 8-10 hours per week, leaving lots and lots of time to work on the business. I am also glad you brought up other life events that would effect my ability to work on these projects. I know I definitely do not want kids until I am at least 35 or 40, and there's quite a good chance I decide to never have kids. But romantic relationships will be a factor along the path the entire time, as for the time being I see myself being single for awhile, but it is very likely the desire to have a partner there will come into play, which could change things. Lots to think about! Thank you for your thoughts Axiom

@Leo Gura Glad to hear from you Leo. Thank you My highest priority is being of service to humanity and helping people raise their consciousness…and I believe given my unique mind and skillset I can best do this through storytelling. The way I see it is that I need to have complete financial independence and freedom so that I can have the time to do the spiritual work that would yield the highest consciousness insights in the stories (most likely a book, maybe a film). Going straight into writing a book or creating short films and posting them on Youtube or even creating a business around storytelling (perhaps this is something I can ponder more) seems much more high risk than creating a Youtube Channel and business that blends storytelling into Self-Help Spirituality. I have already had success on Youtube before, and I know I can create wayyyy higher quality content than what I created before, and I really enjoyed doing it!…so this feels like the naturally thing to follow. Yes, I love storytelling and see that as my Grand Life Purpose, but I also love self-help/spirituality too, and in the experience I had with coaching in this past year, I really enjoyed it and the people I worked with made solid improvement and enjoyed me as a mentor…so I believe I can have the best of both worlds. Create the business that is already centered around things I enjoy that includes storytelling, which will eventually lead me to Phase 2 of my LP which will be my greatest life’s work.

Yeah I get that, I feel the same way. There's no way I'm going my whole life and not doing psychedelics with a romantic partner and experiencing levels of intimacy far beyond what you can experience in ordinary waking consciousness. Part of the reason for my decision to break up with this girl. And I would say trust your thoughts man, sober or edibles or psychedelics, but always give it time to think over. Weed played a role in helping me get back in touch with my emotions that ultimately lead me to the realization I need to end it with this girl. Busy life makes me emotionally numb, and it was weed that would help me sort out all the feelings and thoughts after a long and stressful stretch.

For a long-term girlfriend with the assumption that you very well may be get married and spend the rest of your life with the person, it definitely mattered for me. I was dating a girl who I would say is a good mix of Green/Yellow, at the beginning of the relationship it was great, I felt like I finally met a conscious woman and that I would have my "dream relationship"...1 year in and I was ready to push myself stronger into Turquoise. It was hard because she did not understand these advanced spiritual topics and even though I would talk to her about my spiritual path, she just does not really understand it nor express interest herself in doing meditation, yoga, psychedelics, or even reading much into these topics. I realized that if I am going to have another committed monogamous relationship again, I want the girl to be more strongly Turquoise, since that is the realm of consciousness I am gradually moving into. Due to this, I longer feel me and this girl are a good match and now the relationship is going to end (it is not officially over yet, we are taking a no contact break to think over things, but at this point I think my mind is made up and I will choose to no longer continue the relationship). I think this issue is also very dependent on where one is at in life too. I am 22 years old, fairly attractive, and know in my heart that if I stay true to my path that the right girl will come along if the universe deems it so. I don't feel like I have a lot to lose even though this girl is better than 99.8% of others out there. However, if I was 40 things might be a different story...if I was 40 my prime years would be behind me and it might be my best option to stay with this girl. Take with that what you will, but if you want to really use your intimate relationships as a way to alchemize your growth in life, it definitely matters that you share a similar level of consciousness!

Was wondering what love-making looks like to people on this forum, or people into tantra, or some other way of having sex that is more high consciousness and is not simply focused on obtaining pleasure. I am curious because most of my life since I have hit puberty I have been addicted to PMO which makes it much harder for me to have these deeper spiritual love-making experiences. I have had a few moments with my girlfriend where it truly did feel like we were making love and I felt One one with her and the main focus during the sex was our connection, rather than me getting my ejaculation, those moments are rare and probably 95% of the time or more the main focus is on the pleasure aspect.

Title. Just let my thoughts run here and they are kind of jumbled. Responses are appreciated. Much love everyone. Got into a relationship with my current gf about a year ago. She seemed like the perfect person for me at the time, very intelligent, feminine, cares strongly about the world, perhaps I might have even put her on a pedestal because I thought she was Spiral Dynamics Tier 2 and people like that are so rare. After being in a relationship with her for over a year, I want out. I have realized she is very codependent. This has been very emotionally draining for me. She cries when I don’t spend enough time with her (I am an extremely busy person and spend time with her as much as I can, we still see each other in some capacity every day even if it just sleeping over) and she also says she feels guilty that she feels this way because I am busy and she knows she is not entitled to my attention all the time, but still nonetheless it plays a major role in our relationship. I just feel like I am constantly attending to her and her emotions that I have become so emotionally numb and can barely feel any emotions anymore unless I use weed. My extremely busy schedule is also contributing to my emotional numbness, not just her, but still it sucks to feel this way. She definitely has a diagnosable anxiety disorder, sometimes it gets to the point where she gets sick and throws up…all of it just so much to attend to and I feel drained. But more than anything she does not value spirituality and awakening as much as I do. I tell her about my spirituality and awakenings and she understands them as best as she can on a conceptual level, and does not seem very interested in the subject as a whole. I don’t think she truly understands how serious this stuff is to me, my entire Life Purpose revolves around this spirituality, and my partner does not even really understand it? That does not feel good. I tried to get her into meditation but she is not really interested, and her body is extremely sensitive to any substances so doing psychedelics for her is off the table. She literally gets sick for 3 days from having one shot of alcohol, and literally throws up if she has even a 5mg weed edible. I just wish she was more low maintenance and less codependent and we shared more of a similar spirituality. I don’t want to act like there are not positives to the relationship. I’m just spewing the negative things off the top of my head. I first fell in love with her because of her radical honesty and beauty and intelligence. She studied religious studies, psychology, and ethnic studies and I have learned quite a bit from her about those topics that I have grown from and incorporated into my worldview. She also values honesty extremely highly which was a value I deemed most important to a relationship, but I later realized there was baggage to this value because her anxiety and guilt complex are so strong that she will literally get sick if she lies too much. Like something about that doesn’t seem right to me, it’s like she isn’t honest for the sake of honesty, but rather to keep the guilt away? Idk I’ve always been confused on my thoughts about it. But at the end of the day obviously I am grateful that she is extremely honest, it has resulted in our relationship having A+ communication, at least it has been A+ up to the point now where I want to break up with her but can’t bring myself to do it. We also want to live similar lifestyles when we are older, we want to buy land and live in a foresty area and be really creative with what we build on the land, we have several page long ideas of what we want to do on the land (I won’t get into it much here, but the point is we have similar visions for where we want to be and how we want to live in the future). Oh, and our sexual chemistry is good as well…lots of positives to the relationship but I feel the negatives are starting to outweigh. For context I am in my final year of college and she graduated last year. She stayed in town so we could continue to be together (we do not live together) but now I just feel so insanely terrible to break her heart and end things. She cares so strongly about me, I know she sees me as the one she will be with for the rest of her life, and to just end all that and hurt her pains me so deeply, but it’s also slowly eating away at me to stay in a relationship my heart tells me is not right. I have nothing but respect and love for her, I wish her the best. But man I am hurting right now thinking about how she will be hurt. Fuck. I don’t know if I have the capacity to make someone suffer like that. In my head it seems impossible to do.

@ThermalTide Thank you. I do think having an open conversation about how I've been feeling is the course of best action, especially considering our relationship was founded upon honesty and open communication.

@LordFall It's my first real adult relationship, I guess. I had a couple relationships in high school but I was just a dumb teenager at the time, but still did learn quite a bit about relationships. In both of those high school relationships I was the one that got my heart broken, so that makes it all the more difficult for me to break it off with her because I know how terrible heartbreak feels. It completely broke me for months after, although it was one of the most defining experiences of my life that I am grateful for. But putting someone through that immense suffering is a lot, it's so hard to do.

@integral Maybe that is the issue. I'm not sure. I don't have a problem attending to her when I have the time. It's when school and work get extremely busy (which happens a lot) that I just want to relax at the end of the day and not deal with her anxiety and negative emotions. And given that my near future and LP will require me to be extremely busy for the next several years I don't envision myself always having the energy do deal with this all the time. We've had conversations before about her codependency and she kind of realizes that she is a little codependent and has said she is trying to center herself more in life. It's been all talk and not really any action on her part so far though. Maybe I should get more serious about it

@King Merk Thank you for your response. How did you go deal with your similar situation?

I'm in my final year of pursuing a ba in psychology. It'll be useful if you want to go into a career related to psychology. If your interest is to solely learn about the mind, don't pursue it. You will learn way more on your own.

Long read, juicier stuff is towards the end. But I hope some of you can at least read from start to finish. In sixth grade, so around the age of 11, I first stumbled upon pornography. I must have typed “boobs” or “naked girls” or something simple like that into Safari on my Ipod Touch, but eventually this led me to full videos of people having sex. I will never forget the first time I saw a man cum in a porn video. At that point in my life, I had not had an ejaculation yet, so I really didn’t know much about it other than its how a man passes on his sperm to a woman When I first saw a man release a load onto a woman’s face, I was honestly terrified. I became overwhelmed with fear and closed out the video and did not watch videos like that again for several months, maybe even a year or longer. The video I had seen was rather hardcore, and I wondered why people did that shit with each other. It scared me that people did. Over the next several months, I thought about the video quite often, but I never viewed anything beyond simple pictures of boobs and naked women. As I began to go through puberty and sexually mature, I decided to watch those videos again, and this time I really enjoyed them. I soon discovered the pleasure of masturbation, and for years I would watch and jerk off to porn basically everyday without a second thought about it. It was pleasurable, so why not do it? I first stumbled upon the NoFap community in my sophomore year of high school. The community seemed to hold that by not watching porn and retaining your semen that you would gain some sort of superpowers, those powers being increased confidence, increased attractiveness, more “alpha”, more energy, more focus, less brain fog, and so on. To my 15-16 year old self at the time, it seemed like the perfect thing since I wanted to have more confidence and be more attractive to women (I felt terrible about my looks and was depressed as shit at the time). The inner turmoil increased as I could not keep a streak longer than 14-18 days. Every time I would get about 2 weeks into a streak, the desire to ejaculate become so strong that literally I could not think about anything else. If somehow I managed to keep a streak longer than 2 weeks, I usually would have a nocturnal emission, which would make me feel bad about myself, making me think I would lose all my NoFap benefits. It even made me dabble into Lucid dreaming so that I could become lucid in my dreams and prevent a wet dream, and thus keep my NoFap benefits. It didn’t work. I would hear people doing 90 days of NoFap, some people even a year or longer and I felt so terrible about myself that I could never go longer than 2 weeks. I labeled myself an addict, I had such a strong desire to go on this long NoFap streak and I had visions of becoming this beautiful handsome strong masculine man that women flocked to, but I always believed I could never be that because I was an addict and couldn’t retain my seed, that I would never have the discipline or self control to actualize that vision. Around the time of high school graduation, maybe a few months before, I made a clear distinction between porn and masturbation. I found a community less gung-ho than NoFap that did not demonize masturbation/orgasm, but viewed porn as the sole enemy. Still, I had the same problems, I could not stop viewing porn, which continued to make me feel bad about myself. I continued to think I was just a hopeless addict. Keep in mind that at the time of high school graduation, I felt like I had a major chip on my shoulder in that I was still a virgin. A number of my friends had lost their virginities but I was still a virgin, and I felt bad about myself for that, maybe I even felt less of a “man”. I was also jealous of some of my friends who were leaving home after high school and going off to 4-year universities, where they would have so much more freedom than I, who was staying at home and going to the local community college for the next 2 years. In my first semester of community college, I tried hard to meet women, I made it a priority to have sex and prove myself a capable, masculine man. I met an attractive girl who I went on a couple dates with, but I ultimately botched it and nothing ever came of it. Then covid hit and this made me miserable because I knew I would not be hanging with any girls soon. I was quite literally an involuntary celibate at this point. The narrative I told myself continued. I was an addict. I wasn’t attractive. I can never be fully happy because I am addict. If only I could stop watching porn maybe I could achieve the things I want in life. I berated myself for not being disciplined, for having no self-control. I further and further lost trust in myself and my abilities. The continued existence of this narrative is even more noteworthy considering in these 2 years at community college I was undergoing powerful spiritual awakenings with both psychedelics and meditation. I became conscious of the illusory nature of the ego and was becoming aware of all its mechanisms it employs to persist, survive, and thrive. I knew the narrative I was telling myself about my porn addiction and state of being a virgin were ultimately illusory and could be dropped and/or changed with enough practice, but I was simply too attached to the narrative that I continued to tell myself the same things. The narrative took a radical shift once I completed community college and left home to attend another university. I moved in a couple months before the school year began for the purpose of meetings lots and lots of women, and losing my v-card. In just a 2-month period, I went on dates with 8 or 9 different girls and had sex with 5 of them. I proved myself capable, I no longer berated myself for being a virgin or thinking I was incapable. For the first time in my life, I really saw myself as attractive, capable, and confident. I can thank spirituality in a large part for my success in this time period. I had greater goals in life, at the deepest level I wanted to, and still do, seek to pursue and spread Truth/Love within humanity (My goals careerwise are to become a therapist/life-coach and write Spiritual/Unitive fiction)...but anyways I viewed this overcoming of my sexual inadequacies as just a step in the path. To put into a spiral dynamics perspective, it was integrating the lower stages. A couple months later I entered into a relationship with my current gf (we’ve been together almost a year now). When I entered this relationship, I really wanted to stop watching porn once and for all. I felt that I owed it to her not watch porn in the relationship. And I did stay away, for awhile. And even though my woman is beautiful and I enjoy our sex very much, I eventually started watching porn again, and I fucking berated myself for it. The same narrative of me calling myself an addict again came up, and once again I felt terrible about myself. I believed that if I could not stop watching porn then I would never be disciplined or self-controlled enough to do the things I want to do in life. I told my gf about my addiction and she said I have her full support and she is willing to help me in any way she can regarding the addiction. I told her about my relapses for awhile, it was always hard confessing because she is a very sensitive and emotional person (cries like everyday multiple times) and usually she would cry and get sad, making the whole situation even more sad and making me feel like even more shit because I was letting her down on top of letting myself down. I decided to stop telling her about my relapses because it was honestly just too much. In the past few months I have continued to watch porn but as I have progressed further and further on my spiritual path, the love for porn/sex/women has become increasingly metaphysical. The narrative of being an addict (although I watch it regularly) has gradually been dropping away. I’ve honestly just gotten exhausted of feeling terrible about my porn use. I’ve meditated, aware of as many sensations as I can be, many times from start to finish during a porn session. Automatically, out of nowhere, I tell myself I should not be doing this, that I’m weak for watching women on a screen, that I’m letting my gf down, that I’m letting myself down, but now I just kind of laugh at this conditioned response my ego has. It’s all just a narrative, all just a story I tell myself, a story I’ve clung to strongly for years. This narrative I’ve believed has prevented me from being fully happy for years, this narrative has put me into a prison. The reality is that sex is so fucking beautiful. There is no denying that. Sex is one of the most, if not the most beautiful thing in the universe. It’s creation. What could possibly be more beautiful than that? Of course I love watching porn lol. No matter where this journey of life takes me I must never deny the profound beauty of women and sex. Recently I’ve found myself tearing up at the beauty of women and the act of sex. I’ve been noticing in my porn viewing lately that I’m much less fixated on the sexual body parts of women (tits, ass, etc…still love that don’t get me wrong), but what I’m fixated on, and rather obsessed with lately is the metaphysics of sex. Man entering woman, penis entering vagina, is so shockingly beautiful that it makes me tear up at times. It’s opposites coming together, two becoming one, yin and yang, dual becoming non-dual. THIS IS AN ART FORM OF THE SPIRITUAL PATH I AM ON AND IT IS SO FUCKING BEAUTIFUL. Two becoming one. It’s self and other merging. It doesn’t get more beautiful than this. This whole life we’re in is a love game with the universe, a divine orgy, and the less identified we are with ego the more we can see it. It literally makes me tear up, when I watch porn sometimes. I marvel at the beauty. It is the greatest thing ever. I don’t know how I could ever give this shit up honestly. I oscillate now between being identified with the narrative and wanting to stop, and not caring at all. I do watch porn less now, and my preferences have changed a lot. I don’t care for that stepbro stepmom, industry porn terrible acting shit. Sometimes I will watch that crap out of habit and regret afterwards because I’m totally unsatisfied. I typically only watch amateur couples now, the sex feels much more raw and closer to true divine union. There is still a part of me that wonders if I could gain a lot of benefits from a long abstinence from PMO, I haven’t seriously attempted a long streak form orgasm in over a couple years but I feel like the same shit would just happen again at the 2 week mark where I become overwhelmed and need to fucking cum (I’ve always had very high sex drive). Guess the only way to find out is through direct experience, but at the end of the day I too still have a strong fixation on PMO and it would be hard for me to even go a few days without sex. At the end of the day I know I have work to do, healing to do, and to be honest I don’t know how the fuck I’ll do it really. I still want to be more disciplined and have more self-control in life, but I have found freedom in being less identified with the narrative of being an addict. I have become increasingly attuned and aware and shocked by the beauty of the metaphysics of sex, and I know at this point I could not give up something I love so much. I sort of just felt like writing this on a whim, I’ll prob share on Actualized.org and see if anyone reads it and what they have to do say.

Anyone know of some good academic peer-reviewed journals about consciousness? Preferably whether science can ever adequately explain consciousness? Really wish I could use Leo's stuff for the essay I have to write lol, but nah gotta use peer-reviewed academic stuff.

if you go to even a half decent city/town in the US the crime and violence won't be a problem. Don't let the documentary scare you.

Couldn't have said it better. These are the only grievances I have as well.

@bazera I agree season 1 was way better. Zima Blue was absolutely fucking amazing. In season 2 the only episode that was really deep was Pop Squad. Ice was also fun to watch.

Confidence is deceiving. If you act like you know your shit, most people won't question you.

The options you listed are good to get started. Start now, improve later. I started with just a $50 mic and cheap camera and was able to have success.

I know people's whose have changed a lot, but I have been INFJ my whole life.

That is exactly what is supposed to be happening. Keep at it.