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Sorry, I won't go do that. I have fears I can't just share my email with them and stuff.

I feel weird after eating cheap cake that is shit, a cool chocolate that is nore for kids, and yes, after seeing the person that loves me, the only one in this world, I mean there are probably nore women out there who have empathy and wish me the best, but yeah. I felt better until I didn't put cake in my mouth. I just went on and on emotionally about my issue that I can't stop thinking about and so yup, I made things even worse for myself by talking in public about them. I'm very afraid, but I think I also lost a part of myself now that makes me unable to live without, i am crazy without it, crazy but good, literally lost and able to be controlled easily. But more about the person that loves me... I love her too, so much. I will never be able to stop loving her until I die. I will regret so much as a kid I did and did not do with this person and it is just too late. We are separated from now on until death. Is there, there must be another time we will be together again, is there? @integral i will read your post again tomorrow, I can't now, my head is on fire from crying and a lot of stuff I saw that leads me to believe people just gossip about me and create my destiny tgat is not good.

@Michael569No, I can't exercise when ny stomach is not working okay and stuff. I try to walk as much as I can get the opportunity to.

If I don't solve my problem with constipation, I will start goimg insane from the pain. So I'm taking Mendilex, Tegretol and Risset now and am not sure what is causing this at all. I just eat more and more because I am told to do so and I am being gaslighted. I cannot stop taking these medications because I MUST if I want to be free. Can anyone give advice to help me solve my problem with constipation? I take a lot of fibre and I also took yogurt. Cornbread too and other bad food for the stomach a bit too. I drink water that might be intentionally done with something and so forth... Please help me solve this problem. Edit: The pills have heavy metals and oxides too.

Movement helps a lot I think. Maybe Biperiden is another extra burden as well. I feel a bit better now, knowing that I will not feel so much worse later from eating. Life can't get worse than mine, but it can of course. 'Help' is a word that feels right here, but it is useless, so..

I'm also afraid of losing my body parts, quite a lot.

I don't feel happy anymore at all. It was something else that made that one morning feel good, maybe the weather and temperature or something else. Anyways, I don't want to be tortured. Any advice on how to go through people torturing you and taking away your sanity for life?

It is not the one causing complete blockage and constipation. I eat a lot of food that used to be processed many tines a day, even when I ate w little I didn't have constipation. This is my first time ever. It can turn into torture from inside.

@kavaris thank you for your advice. now I have more problems with sleep and urinating too. side effects are certain to happen from my experience, it is like they are what the pill is designed for.

I felt a sense of peace, yes, but that will not be possible with the side effects. Like alcohol and drugs, I guess this too has hangovers and so forth. But yeah, I'll try it without this ridiculous high amount of food, junk food I started eating.

I'm not suicidal, just afraid of torture and pain l am expecting any time soon. The treatment is not working out, which is why they have many more such ideas planned for me if I object. Of course they will not stop and will just make it worse for me if I resist. I'm stuck like an animal in a trap, in a catch 22.

This morning I felt happy on it because I didn't eat a bunch of junk food alongside it that can't get digested and excreted from it, but it has many side effects that make it not ideal, like my apetite just keeps growing and I can't control myself. I crave stuff sweet food. No, they don't use so much time and resources, I didn't say that all doctors have hidden motives, but they are easily persuaded to believe incorrect things about me and everything. Sometimes I think they just want the side effects, one more than the other. Thing is, you don't have a clue how corrupt people can be in the country I live in. It is scary often, cause you see these people eager to lie, scam and hurt you like there is no God or morals or humanity in them, and most of those have positions in the police and so forth. What do I do that is fun to go through time faster? How do I stop eating wheat, sugar and other junk stuff? I am clean on sex, but not on food and water anymore. How do I survive torture and poisoning that tortures? How do I go to rest in peace and get out of my miserable life that contributes to nothing good in this world? Sorry for a delayed and negative response.

@Judy2 you know, I slowed down and feel many times weaker while my apetite got big and I got agitated and restless, while my digestion doesn't work. These doctors are here not to help me tbh. I can't do anything, not even talk to people at a normal pace. I literally can't do stuff. Why do they want me fat, lazy and suicidal? Why do they want me unhappy and miserable all day until I can't no more? Sorry for ruining the thread, but I say the truth. My thoughts slowed down, I an being drugged. We can't have a normal talk. We will see tomorrow.

I wish I could work, but I can't do workouts, nor can I get employed or drive. Boring life so hard to go through time.

I wish I could travel and live almost like a rich person with freedom. I wish I could wake up on a beach and be happy to be alive, with somebody I lost that I loved. I wish that and I have the opposite.

Valuable things like freedom and health will never return again and I keep on dreaming of distant lands like a fool. Giving up on this site because honestly, I will only be a burden on it. Giving up on myself and allowing people to treat me inhumanely from tomorrow. I lost valuable stuff and I might never get it back again. Would you like me to leave? I would like to stay, but it is impossible now. I live in the worst conditions for growth and personal development. I have to accept that my health which is actually the most important part of life and peace too, these things I will lack for fifty more years. So if possible, tell me how do I accept the loss of freedom, health and peace of mind and body? Also, would it be wise to leave this site and stop making posts for the time being, maybe until I get my health and freedom and peace back? if I get them back. I lost my family too from the loss of health and peace and freedom. Almost lost them all entirely. What do you think? Can I be here without some basic stuff like foundational health, peace and freedom? I think no. I think I would just be trouble here.

I had weaknesses, kind of like things I was ignorant of, two things and now I am a different person, but I changed too late, I realized too late. I lost home and belonging and safety and so forth. Internet was my big enemy to a large extent, online communication with strangers on dating sites was a big issue. Not sleeping another one... I was basically foolishly wasting time and being so bad at real life interactions and communication with people I guess. Now I am literally weak, very weak, physically and mentally. So I have my weak spots. I wanted to edit that thing about science I wrote and say that there are a lot of corrupt people using science to harm others. That was my initial thought. Science is amazing otherwise and math and science is the best we have. We just have to use it to improve lives, not destroy. And science can be so badly abused.

I think staying is better for me because I became less suicidal to an extent. But that is not important anymore. I still deeply desire my End to life which now I can't get because of a lot of reasons. The day of my death will be the greattest day of all and the biggest gift to me. I wish I got it earlier, a lot earlier than most, but I am not that lucky. I will live in great pain for a very, very long time. I wish I didn't. But I have to. That is my destiny. I am trying to run away from it, but it just keeps returning stronger. I wish I didn't have to see and go througs all this, but hey. I hate science. It has corruption in it to the core.

That threat thing is kind of what is happening to me, and I ate more pasteries and bread because of my misery, sorry. By for now too. I am back to seeking sui help please. I am such a stupid person. I don't want to stay fighting anymore, yet I have to, cause I am forced to live. Forcing someone to do something is not gonna work well. I would rather drown, but I can't. Please forgive me if I cause someone else to do something to themselves, I behave like a stupid fool because I am very sick and can't even see well or feel good and I am also in a threatening situation to the core. I feel scared.

Okay, but I can't. We'll see. Not dying any time soon, unfortunately. Thank you for your attempt at helping me realize something.

Because I would love to die asap and get out of my life.

I have a terminal illness and my life came to a pretty bad stop. Tgere are more reasons, but this is it. I'm basically trapped for good. People will never accept me and will gossip about me for an indefinite amount of time. No job opportunities, no fun, no freedom, no money, etc..

No, not at all.

Stupid of me to share this, but I am really losing my life here and it drives me nuts or kind of makes me so weak and able to succumb to everything people want me to succumb to. I kind of wish someone in this world cared for me enough to help me die, but hardly anyone can help me do that. It is so hard to be trapped and locked away for so much time.

I feel a bit weird you quoting what my heart desires. . . If you don't mind to unquote if not, okay. I do nit want to reject Gods gift out of grumpiness, no. I just don't see the gift except maybe if I pay with cash and stay for a while, but even that seems a bit not so wise to do, yet it would be wise one last time. But I want to live and fie in the North, not just live for a while.