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... and we have a winner. thank YOU! This song is the best, but the instrumental of "Darniere Danse" still reigns supreme, even over "Rameses B - Memoirs". Music really has a quick positive impact on my energy and happiness. Just like that I feel better even with lots of sugar and wheat inside.

Today, I was exhausted from my famiky member till later in the day. I didn't sleep well and I feel tired. It might be that I changed diets again, from keto to something in between. I wanted to fast again till 3PM, but it didn't work today. Maybe I should be on a keto diet after all and fast. I know it is not healthy or humane or safe to eat that meat. Karma will punish me. Animals on the plate were living beings. But I don't have the willpower and the lifestyle or maybe the sex that is required for my food cravings to go away and I will never have that. Lot's of fruits is real expensive, beans are difficult to make all the time, it's just, bread and junk food is there for a reason, to serve as a cheao replacement with no nitritious value and it is also harmful. Anyway, a keto diet might be better for me, but I might be wrong. I hate therapy to be honest. It is not therapy, it is just them intimidating me, trying to make me say something stupid so they can judge me and give me bad pills to drink, I think. Or worse! I must be so boring to you who is reading. But my loneliness is killing me. While being with people is also not a good idea since I don't feel good. What have they done to my brain, I will never know. It doesn't matter. My life is like this and that is that.

Does anyone from the first world have the guts to travel to a third world country with a chelator and carry back to their own a heavy netal test kit sealed cup with something disgusting inside to help me find out for certain if I'm poisoned? Or at least bring the chelator, but yeah, I'm afraid it might be falsified if I take the lab test here. Of course, you won't lose your head in the process, but you might lose one thing or another. Countries, banks of countries and so forth are kind of international. I know, this is a pipe dream, but it is worth asking just for the sake of it and since all other topics are exhausted. Of course, this is complicated because how do I know I can trust you? I wish I was more careful about who I reveale info about me ffrom the start. Cause...

But the Bible describes Yahweh as a sort of vindicative and angry God that punishes people and their offspring with stoning to death for minor offences. Some of his laws are good, others are not. Jesus also mentions hell while Yahweh maybe doesn't, I don't know, ai have to read the Bible better.

Hi, I am interested in ways we can improve our minds with diet and exercise or if we have schisophrenia or severe ADHD or some of us are just so stupid we can't sit down and put a puzzle together while others don't have that problem amd also have patience, which you cannot have if you suffer from some kind of an mental illness,or are well so traumatized and hurt deep inside that you lose your ability to read and even close your eyes while laying down and just relax (yes I lost my ability to relax so much that I can only close my eyes and sleep after enough tiredness sets in). Let's not even talk about meditation if the mind is so fucking screwed up it just cannot sit down and be still, the body as well. This was not thecase a couole of months ago. I was able to be still and relax a bit too. I know no one can help, but I am leaving stuff like books, money and resources I get here behind and it impacts other lives, helps others, so let's leave more amazing stuff behind. Maybe it pays off in another life, maybe not. I wish I left it to the right people though, but I left stuff in the wrong hands. Also, not related to this topic, I fear men and am angry at them. Women do stuff to me too. What is my problem? I guess I still wish I could die, euthanasia is still my desire, just so you know. Tomorrow I am going to deal with money, little money not worth anything I feel silly. Euthanasia, if people are so dysfunctional or as I would say it, obviously so fucking evil, they won't ever let me be happy on Earth, then yeah, what? I can't live and work and be happy. Let's just say I have a junk food addiction stemming somewhere from the four Cs: Craving it, Loss of Control or frequency of use, Compulsion (pressure by others) and use despite Consequences... Thank you for your time fellow readers, most of you. Some would be happy to be with me you know, as low as I am comoared to you, there are people having it even worse than me that need help on this planet. Good luck in finding them and saving a life.

@effortlesslumen I can't. If I was able to, I would. I can't even say that I need to do this. My family does not want to even consider this and just wants to label me as sick in my brain / crazy. It would be great if I could. You might be right here. I can't eat only meat and some salad. Can I? It is silly, but I might be diabetic or something and then when I take some sugar, I crave even more after that. I can't. I am tired and depressed now and yes, that is that. I don't think I can do much from where I am at. People just want to take all they can, like realy selfishly and mercilessly from me and I get scared. I'm also just not able to gather much info anymore, it is hard. Great!

Sometimes I lose control of my speech with certain people that trigger me for some reason and I lose control of my tonality and what I say. I wish I was better to someone I love in communicating that love. I also lose control when I see bread, shit like cake, cookies and stuff that is like poison to the mind. I get hungry eithout that. How to think before we act impulsively and as a result lose interest easily in this? I heard that if you are gonna get angry and do sometging stupid, turn away from the person and breathe in deep ten times. I can't do that for sugar and flour made things. Feel free to skip answering, I'm gonna eat this sweet delicious thing anyway. White meat never makes me full. I don't know how to make a proper diet if I am back to eating a lot.

For all I know you could be one of them. Yes, I know a couple of people who work with them, but I don't know everyone, and some of the names I don't know. "They" are very psychopatic and some are mislead and ignorant. I don't know who I am and who my family is, let alone them.

Hey, I want to read something relaxing before bed tonight and over the day when I am stressed a lot. If you know anything, copy and paste. I don't know what exactly I want to read. Having listened to a lot of the Bible till book of Joshua,I lost interest and haven't had any concentration today, so yeah. I don't want to go read stuff above the mental health section, and I guess I exhausted my interest for reading stuff here as well. I amnot brave. I have very little courage unfortunately. Tomorrow is gonna be another terrible day on Earth. You know. I don't know how to be happy where I am. A pill I'm taking makes me not wanna sleep and I have a very loud sound in my ear like when something loud explodes and then you hear that shit in the ear. Well that noise doesn't stop for me. Can't sleep. But complaining here feels a bit better and comfier. Still, I'm ruined. I want to read something that makes me understand the world better. I want to read something easy, that is not too long and I don't know. Any ideas? Something about, I don't know, some love story, yeah, write that. Maybe some sad ending, but not that sad. Yup, this pill increases sex drive as a symptom as well. That's why I wanted to read a love story, maybe. I don't know what to do or read anymore. I never thought my life would come to this, that I'd be poisoned and traumatized and utterly ostracized.

@TheCloud Oh gosh, today I overindulged in meat. I found that I might like it more than cake! But meat is more expensive and I might get busted for eating this much today. I also ate some peas and there was a bit of sugar in the tomato sauce so that is the problem that caused my overindulgence, maybe. Ah, I could eat so much meat. If life was different, I'd grow into a tall bodybuilder or who knows what. I definitely think that with more meat and with basketball I'd grow very tall, so I don't blame my genes for not being taller.:) If people allowed me to kind of live, it would be great, but they won't. Torture with chemistry and so forth. But I feel better on meat, for now. I don't want to ruin the thread with more posts, are we gonna finish it here?

@hyruga What does Jesus want? Does he want us to realize our God nature and Yahweh is like the opposite? Don't tell me heaven and hell are real too and if I make stupid mistakes I go to hell where others who deserve to go there go? I'm sick of devilry.

@hyruga Was Jesus the light bringer like Lucifer? Coukd he be the fallen angel? Or is the Devil real too? Is God Yahweh or is God Jesuses father in the sky because Jesus was against what Yahweh ordered in the old Testament? I thought Jesus wasn't real.

First of all, lack of sleep I guess, a lot of stress, poisoning. Anyway, I wish I could let go of my goals to read, eat healthy, learn languages, travel, etc. It makes me stuck in this reality that is never gonna make it possible.

Yes, it is simple and doesn't trigger too many negative emotions. I am currently on Pimsleur. Anyway I look at it, I still feel I will never be able to achieve my goals.

How to find out what mental disease I have? Do I even have one? I wish I could type all day with anyone here, about anything almost, depending on who you are.

What about the importance of the old Testament?

@hyruga Okay... May I ask if Jesus actually existed? How do we know? Why believe that he did? Is it okay to believe in something that might be false? Is Jesus God or is God seoarate from him, his father in the sky in Christianity?

Azzurro, L'Esercito del Selfie, Le parole lontante & l'altra dimensione by Måneskin, Tu vuo fa l'americano, L'Italiano

I'm not sure I want to order 'No Boundary' right now... I woukd love the books so much I would not like to leave it behind me. This is the summary, feel free to add what is missing, I would be glad to read about this book here! I need to watch this video multiple times though.

I think I am. Especially after exercise and when constipation sets in if I drink biperidol. I have no evidence of poisoning. Putting me in a state of duress to falsely confess which they lie I have said this and that. Online scammy theft, as well as malicious gossip. Taking my job and dignity. Preparing to take away everything from me, including my sanity and health, which I already experienced hard once. Putting me in physical pain and mental. Treating me wrongly. Scaring me and selling scammy products to scare me some more, to show power, replacing someething I picked with something similar but wrong. Scaring me more and more. Threatening me with torture and loss of freedom. Calling me names and spreading lies to make everyone hate me anywhere I go. Taking away friends and people. Making people close to me behave in evil ways towards me. Breaking into my phone and taking away evidence I recorded that I wanted to use in court. So much I can't even remember. Preparing to frame me for being unwell and not fit for duty for life. Then poisoning me and torturing me with poison some more. What can I say? Stage orange way of torture, but I can imagine there will be stage red as well. Lies, lies, lies just to hide the fact they have been discriminating, not discriminating, but making others discriminate against me, wrongly, while allowing others to be. I don't know why me. Why am I so important to be their target? I guess the past. What else? It is hard. Corruption on top of it all. I can't even be punished by law that is crazily wrong, for sonething they made me do. No, they want to use it to make it even worse for me. Life long, as much as possible and with torture added in there, kick that shit. Then I don't know anymore. I guess provocating me in a planned way when I was weak to show how I am bad and I yell or something and then they use it all against me, they add more and more. Framing me in ways they want to and causing me to be that way. Breaking into my home before, stalking me and hunting me in traps like I am a wild animal for hunting. They did not kill me or hit me, but that hurts less than the other stuff. Everywhere I go, they go after me,not after me sometimes, but literally after I visit a place, they go to that place to do something. I saw it once. They don't let me live without taking recordings in my home as well so that is a breach of privacy. I suppose they hear me when I shit if I take the phone into the bathroom. What do you want me to say? They are viciously crazy. They destroy peoples lives if their reputations are in perceived danger or because they just start gossip and don't have anything else to do, they need to keep the machine running and cut some weed as they would call me. What else? There is way more, but here. I gave you a bit of what you asked for. I might add more later. Don't tell me that I don't know what is going to happen. I know better than you. It is not my mind coming up with tricks, it is them leaving implicit signs and I really cannot go into that. It is intuitive, it triggers emotions and it leaves flashes that can't be explained later on. They want all power and control over my life and body, to destroy both with unbearable suffering. I get anxious from writing this. I lost all control. I can't fall into the hands of psychos and sociopaths in power! That would be not game over for me, but a torture game start. And people will never understand and know the truth. They will be deluded. That pains as well. Losing people and wealth and all basically. I don't know what to say. They aren't murderers probably, or they are when need be. Are they sadists? They probably are. Are they liars and people that set up stuff to destroy you unfairly? Fully and more than that. Do you have anything to say about this?

@Osaid I found "God is Nothingness" for free and "No Boundary" in my language that I could buy. What do you think, which is better?

@Osaid Thanks for the reply. I'd like to read a book about God, but I already read those two books, just forgot what they are about. I don't have access to them anymore. It's good for sleep I guess to read about God.

It's hard to believe in God, reincarnation, intelligence, heaven or something. Yet I believe, but when it comes to choosing between this world and taking a leap of faith and jumping into that, I can't. Yet I want to end this meaningless and painful existence that can only get worse from here. Asap. But it ain't working. I can't live and grow nor can I die. Is my additional suffering and years spent here on Earth going to contribute to a better afterlife or can I die any time and have the same good fortune in another life? It is hard to even believe in this sometimes. I read stuff on Quora, and Reddit, but hard to believe.

So anyway, I'm trying to save myself from the pain that has come my way and from even more that is coming. I have contradictory desires. One is to live and grow and be happy, the other stems from the knowledge that I lost all hope for that and so I want to die. It doesn't stop. Every day the same thing. I'm almost entirely lost. And then I kind of feel fear of pain from death as well, yet I need only the will and hope that death holds something better than life for me. But it is hard to believe in that.

Hello, anybody here now? I'd like to talk to a therapist if possible.