Preetom

Hello, I'm actually a very beginner practitioner in consciousness work. I've been goofing around with all these teachings & stuff and applying some of these lessons here and there not that consistently over 2-3 years. I've had some random spiritual/psychological highs here and there. But that's it. Nothing really shifted the trajectory of my life radically. Still got tons of gross and subtle addictions to work through. Just reflecting back, I find the quality of my life deteriorating as years are going by when the opposite should be the case. Because age is supposed to bring strength, intelligent and maturity right? lol. That's how beginner I am. Now with that said, whenever I just stop and be mindful, nothing fancy, just get intimate with 'that' which is awake or ask "who is aware/who is searching/To whom does it arise? " and just stay still for a few seconds, an energy surge spikes straight up the head from my back. This is not a subtle/loving sensation but pretty rough and quick energy jerk. Sort of like a quick goosebump. And the odd thing is, it even happens dozens of time a day. The more I remind myself to self inquire, the more times this happen. Right now, I'm trying to make a 24/7 habit of very relaxed and deep breathing and getting intimate with the 'feel' of my body. Sort of like a constant, subtle flow state going on 24/7 no matter what I am doing. For that, I expect myself to be grounded. But everytime I slow down and try to do it, that energy spike burst up and distracts me. (It's like when a cat gets suddenly scared and jumps in shock) My question is, is this condition normal? Is it something everyone needs to go through when they are targeting for a fully mindful life 24/7? I'm asking this because I've read many spiritual books but never came across exactly this issue. Or it is all just a hormonal thing and I'm making a big fuss about it? please reply PS: Please don't give me a bunch of info dump on enlightenment. I would like to hear from someone who had these experiences personally. People who have actually grounded themselves and shifted their entire value and life trajectory. Don't feed me with some second hand knowledge unless it's your own experience. I know some pet theories on kundalini awakening. I doubt my case is relevant to that. if it is kundalini, that means I get enlightened 20 times a day? O_o Holy shit!

@cetus56 I myself have no idea if it is kundalini or not. but here are some honest observations: 1) I woke up at 5:30 am today and now its 11:10 am in Bangladesh. In between this 6 hours, I felt this energy at least 10 times. While morning walk, it hit me 3-4 time consecutively. 2) This is NOT directly related to my sex drive. My penis is not erected while these energy bursts. It feels like an electric shock lasting 1-2 seconds. There maybe some subtle sensations spreading through the body after every hit. 3) I've been feeling them as far as I can remember. Maybe more than 10 years. But never really paid any attention to them. I talked with my friends about it. They said I'm just excited/horny. But my experience tells otherwise. I feel this current when I'm relaxed, conscious/mindful or get intimate with 'that' which is alive and feel it without putting any label on it. 4) I've been very confused and frustrated especially for the last 4-5 years. During this time, I made the biggest mistake which is escaping and suppressing all the uncomfortable facts and feelings of my life with bunch of addictions. I used to desensitize myself for days (lets say upto a week) with food, entertainment, porn etc the list goes on. During these unconscious but exciting periods I never got the energy hits. Not even once a day. But once I recommitted to start a clean life from scratch, the energy hits would start again. And finally if you wanna learn and apply the genuine path of kundalini I recommend the book "Kundalini Tantra" by Satyananda Saraswati. This book contains all sorts of information and their implications. Lots of Kundalini yoga starting from cleansing and strengthening all the chakras and nadis of the body. A very well written guide from a legitimate master who observed tons of lay students in ashrams over decades. The author claims that full kundalini awakening awakens the human brain to its completion. A brain having 10 parts each chakra, nadi and the type of awakening opens up certain part of the brain. He claims that full kundalini awakening changes the dna structures, the scent, skin etc of the body. A transformation literally made from inside out. He says kundalini awakening is the evolution of consciousness through human body and taking kundalini to the perfect state is basically the ultimate life purpose of coming into existence with a human body.

the book 'I AM THAT" by Maharaj took my self inquiry game on a different level. I never particularly liked self inquiry. But now self inquiry happens spontaneously almost every hour.

This book is the best thing happening in my life right now. It's just awe inspiring. I found somewhere on the internet people talking about that this book is the ONLY book someone needs to study on spirituality and this book only comes to the aspirant when he is ready. The more I'm reading this book, the more I'm intuitively grasping the significance of the above statement

@Franz Thanks a lot! I won't get scared and confused with this energy anymore. Will keep doing the work. Lets see how things turn out.

I think it's normal. Nowadays we are surrounded by massive number of gadgets and electronic stuff. They have some sort of humming no matter how subtle they are. Even nature and your own body has a natural sound. you can almost listen to your heart beats sometimes when paying intimate attention in solitude

@Arkandeus Yeah that's exactly what I get scared of sometimes. In the back of my head, I'm like "if this keeps on happening every single hour, it must be creating some sort of lethal damage to my body". I never imagined such a subtle thing like truth/enlightenment which I thought of as inner/mental, could also have such a strong physical response.

@Martin123 Thanks a lot for your sincere help brother! I've been following your content for some months now. Some breathing techniques mentioned in your emotional healing guide greatly helped with my social anxiety. I'll definitely look into every single thing you've mentioned. I've also watched the interview of Rali and Jan. The way Jan keeps his cool over hours is just jaw dropping. While watching Jan, I immediately wished if I could have that level of groundedness and freedom <3

@Martin123 YES!! Most of them are even powerful than when I fap

@Patrique Hey man. I think the level of consciousness determines everything. This phenomenal world has no power in itself. But it appears to be all powerful and tantalizing. Only the Essence/Self exists. "to whom does it appear?" . THAT holds everything and is beyond everything. But our normal perception is literally the inverse of the truth. Unaware of the Self and lost in the appearance of phenomenal world. Such magnanimous is the illusion. A personal experience: When I'm in the monkey mode, driven by all the conditioned patterns and neurosis, no words of wisdom/love feels good. It feels like torture. I just wouldn't listen. But when the mind is still, all my pomp and folly have been exhausted, just a breath feels tremendously fulfilling. Literally everything in life (including art) falls into this category. In low consciousness, no shit can serve you. In high consciousness, even shit turns into diamond (just a figure of speech) So in a sense it's rather futile to analyze, conceptualize the infinite stuff of phenomenal world, their tastes, advantages, disadvantages etc. Because it all boils down to the level of consciousness with which you are perceiving that particular perception at that moment. That's why it's also futile to make art or trying to please for other people because it's all gonna be perceived by their level of consciousness. Art is in the phenomenal world. Same art is perceived in infinite ways according to the infinite expressions of consciousness. "To whom does it arise?" "Who is the perceiver?" Without the "I AM", there is no perception nor any quality of the phenomenal world.

I've wasted thousands of hours in tv, anime, porn, games, eating etc over decades now. One thing I know is that these are your input into your body and mind. 1) Food and drink 2) Any visual( tv, movie, porn, games etc) and informational (news, gossip, trivia etc) input 3) Your own thinking and how you capture others thinking from your surrounding + all your beliefs The harsh truth is, if you wanna be enlightened and/or have a clean, fulfilling, independent and highly conscious life (which can take decade to build) then you gotta limit all your input. Seriously man. Especially in this toxic modern culture over 99% of input is pure shit that keeps you stuck in the same rut. Then one day you find yourself losing decades in this mindless cycle. If you do hours of gaming and then sit for meditate, hell yeah all the gaming visions are gonna keep popping up. This shit is never gonna fly. Limit every single of your life's input. Just take the bare minimum and high quality inputs. The rest is all contemplation/being/mindfulness. No easy way out! But unfortunately, nobody wants to accept this...not until they are dead tired of their own rut. Good luck on your journey!

Give man a gift, he will turn it into a personal problem. Give man an ally, one day he will make an enemy out of him. Give man a paradise, he will turn it into hell (and then complain about it). Why is the default mode so dysfunctional and wired to backfire sooner or later? Is this the very nature of reality? If Reality contains everything then why a functional, healthy state of consciousness is not the default state? Or a healthy and dysfunctional default state rotate in a cyclic order over huge time boundary? Whenever I watch any nature/wildlife documentary it strikes me that nature has such balanced intelligence. There is no animal in wilderness that is "depressed" or has "social anxiety" The nature's default mode is self sustaining and balanced. Why human consciousness always make a mess out of stuff sooner or later? Please guide me through your answers and suggest me relevant books/blog/video etc which I can study/contemplate to get deeper wisdom on this issue. Lastly a quote from Eckhart tolle, " Look at a cat, a tree. Learn how to live and die from a tree and how not to make a problem out of living and dying."

@Wyatt Thank you for answering. I recently started studying Buddhism and yes I totally agree with you on how honestly they deal with these issues ( at least true buddhism. not the popular one). I will definitely look into it. And about nature, I've watched documentaries and realized how brutal and challenging life on wilderness is. Most species die or get killed prematurely. I used see wilderness as utopia. But now I see it as it is. But the thing is, not a single species has made a 'Problem' out of it and gone mad. There are species on earth who go through magnanimous hardship just to get through a day and have to do it everyday until death. Still no species on earth complain and have a mental breakdown. All "problems" of the world are just human problems.

@Adam M I heard a Buddhist teacher telling that there are total 52 stages of Enlightenment. And "Sankyamuni Buddha" or Shiddharta Gautama is the only person from whole humankind to touch upon the 52nd stage. I don't claim to know anything about these things. Just sharing what I heard directly. And about practice, I would say like anything else in life, there is a magic/breakthrough that happens only when you stick with a particular routine. There are tons of practice routines. They all are in the horizontal dimension. But You only get further and further access to the vertical dimension (DEPTH) when you select one method and stick with it. Hope that gives you some new ideas to make a decision. There is a great post regarding ten stages of meditation in this forum. It says basically the same thing. As for me, I've decided to acquire a good deal of mastery in four techniques separately. Concentration, True Meditation(Do Nothing), Inquiry and Contemplation. Then they can work on me harmoniously.

Mine goes like this: maybe 3-4 years ago I saw a poor little boy from slum walking and crying without any limit while trying to hide the fact he is crying. I too was passing by on a vehicle. Right there I wished if it was possible to transfer that boy's sorrow in me so that I could bear it for him.

@pluto Beautiful! Educating others and helping them to realize truth/shift is in my opinion one of the greatest benevolent acts one can do. It can produce huge ripple effect that can spread all through a person's life and even beyond their lives into many many upcoming generations. Its something material things probably can never replace. I wish you all best on your journey

@Snick I think it all depends on situation. Sometimes only money can do the greatest good. At other times that very money brings their own demise and thus trouble others surrounding them.

@Nahm I had a constant big smile while reading your post. Thank you, Sir! Hope this life gives you infinitely more abundance and the ability to share it with all

@Max_V I can relate with this kind of experiences as well. Mindfulness practices wake me up from the 'auto pilot' mode everyday from time to time. And then I instantly recognize how rude I was to someone, eating like a monster, carrying heavy thought/emotion etc. I think to myself, "Man, when did I become such a ruthless animal? Without meta awareness I wonder how long I've been living like this"

@Outer Absolutely!! It's very eye opening when we glimpse that we are all into this together!

"The 21st century illiterate will be the one who can't learn, unlearn and relearn" This quote struck me big time. I guess with self actualization/enlightenment thing, we are doing exactly this. Becoming aware of conditioning then unwiring it and finally rewiring to learn to live basically the same life from the scratch...with baby steps...from a radical new place.

I've found sort of similar issues in me. 2 things: 1) When I feel good or have sexual arousal etc. I feel somewhat guilty and afraid of feeling good. It's probably due to my limiting belief that feeling good is somehow bad and I'll lose myself in that pleasure cycle followed by the vicious cycle of depression and lowest of lows (As I've indulged in pleasure and experienced it before many times! freaking story of my life in a nutshell ) 2) When I get excited about a work/vision/project, very quickly I sabotage myself with unrealistic fantasies, addiction to results and perfectionism. @arsha All these things including your problem are results of limiting beliefs, mis-perception and never actually questioning the default mode of reacting and seeing through whats actually true. On top of that there may be unhealthy diet, poor physical vitality, thinking, porn, other addictions, sleep pattern etc issues that are reinforcing and holding this pattern in your life. There is no temporary solution of anxiety. It feels like shit. You really have to re-examine your life and specifically work through the things that are responsible for your problem. No easy way out! All the best

1)Half assed nihilism/meaninglessness 2) Short-sightedness and not taking full responsibility 3) Setting no core values to live by (It's all meaningless anyway. lets just watch TV) 4) Unreal fantasies about awakening 5) Not engaging in human relationships (fear of rocking the boat). Avoiding life these are just a few to list.

@Random User Hey brother! I had and still occasionally have almost every setback you've listed and more. I highly recommend you to read the book "Shift Into Freedom" by Loch Kelly. The essence of this book is that all the uncomfortable feelings(thought, limiting beliefs, emotions, difficult situations, emotional outbreaks etc) that our identity comes accross, the only resourceful way to face and deal with them is at first shifting your state of consciousness. Then go deal with them. This book contains dozens of "glimpse practices" you can choose from that works for you best and do them multiple times a day. The cool thing is they produce that flick of light or a shift just like @S33K3R described in a few moments without meditating for hours. Then from that surrendered state you can deal with all your issues and distractions in a lot resourceful way. A second technique I wanna share is from Bentinho Massaro. Take one deep breath. Then as you release, you also intentionally release all your mental tension and thought. Just for 2 to 5 seconds. And that's it. You then return to whatever you were doing. Do this thing at least 12 times a day. Please understand that I'm not an expert. I am actually a beginner who found these techniques very helpful after couple of years of seeking and backsliding. And do Leo's concentration practice for 10 minutes and then immediately do 20 minutes meditation in the morning after waking up. You see, for newbies like us who are stuck in a rut for a long time, It's more important to take 1-2 minutes and intentionally shift, let go, see clearly for dozens of times a day rather than just meditating for hours. Our monkey mind has so much momentum that it needs to be stopped every half an hour through glimpse practices or else it takes over us and drives us nuts! I wish to hear from you about your progress. Remember that "the thing" in you that faces any uncomfortable situation can't really overcome it because that very thing is responsible for it in the first place. You must shift. A light is turned on. A new state of consciousness emerges and then you can open up/accept/practice/introspect/deal with it from a new perspective. All the best on your journey.

@ajasatya What motivates you to live every single day? Do you have a particular set of values? And about your transformation, is it something you feel totally complete or is it blooming into new territories as days go by? P.S: Can you please start a journal here in this forum where you will share your insights regularly?(1-3 times a week would be fine) Stuff like what was your previous perception of reality and how it has transformed now. Any tips, suggestion would be nice. As a fellow guy trying to go mindful 24/7, it would help a lot for me and others I'm sure. Just a few hours of mindfulness this morning revealed to me how gentle and soft our emotional health is. and how we abuse it unknowingly all the time and been probably doing it for decades