vizual

I don't believe this works, you can't erase events. Even if you manage to erase a major event in your life, all the ripples will still be present. The only way to fix your traumatic events is by deep acceptance.

What did you expect? You post a personal situation on a public forum and I posted a reaction which i saw fit. I can see in your story that you have certain beliefs which will keep you from having a rewarding relationship, the only way to fix this problem is inside of you. You can play the blame game all you like--if the beliefs are still there they will return, again and again. I am not judging you, all guys have been there in a way. You can take this experience as a learning experience and realize they YOU have to change. You can call me the bad guy if you want, but again, it won't help you.

You have brought this on yourself. You are looking for a partner from a place of ego--and neediness--and not a place of genuine love. If you are trying to get with her for 2 months and you haven't even been out with her yet, forget it. Don't think things in your life would have changed, you would have been just as needy if she was your girlfriend. The relationship would have sucked. You made this image inside of your mind of you and your godlike princess living happily ever after in wonderland--an image of ego. You took the drug of illusion, and now you have to deal with the hangover from it. Learn to love yourself and your life before you want to commit yourself to a relationship.

It's way easier to get in deep meditation with your eyes closed since you won't be distracted by the attachments of the things in your sight. I think only advanced meditators can get in a really deep state with their eyes open. It's best to have as little sensual input as possible for beginners and intermediates.

Realize that by trying to imagine your bodily sensations as something else the imagination itself becomes the obstacle. The problem is that there is a fear inside of you to lose your bodily sensations--the fear of ego death, the fear of loss of identity. The attachment is still there.

Realize your thoughts are the effect of knowing. You don't know by thinking, you think by knowing. The thoughts that appear inside your head is simply a manifestation of the sensations you have come across. Your thoughts are not a thing in itself, and they definitely are not "you". Your thoughts cannot exist without the sensations your ego labels as the "outside" or "external" world. The outside and the inside world are on the same level. The separation is the mirage. So try to look at your thoughts not as "you", but simply as a reaction. Just like your entire body is made up of the food you have ingested, yet, you would never consider yourself as food.

This is what Walter Russell has to say on the subject: "GOD'S ONLY PURPOSE IN CREATING HIS WHOLE UNIVERSE OF BODIES IS TO EXPRESS HIS ONE IDEA OF LOVE, AS MANIFESTED BY HIM IN GIVING AND REGIVING BY EVERY OPPOSITE MATE IN NATURE TO EVERY OTHER OPPOSITE MATE. GOD IS ONE. God created countless pairs of oppositely conditioned ones in order that they should manifest ONENESS through interchange of giving and regiving to void their seeming separateness. GOD IS UNITY. God created countless disunited pairs of seemingly separate units in order that each disunited one of each seemingly separate pair could manifest its unity with the whole by equal interchange with the whole. Pairs of seemingly separated and disunited man-units will fulfill God's idea and purpose when these countless unit pairs know each other as the One Eternal Being beyond even that idea conveyed by the expression of UNIVERSAL BROTHERHOOD OF ALL MEN. When man finally knows of his unity with God as the One Universal Being, the One Presence in all this universe, he will have progressed beyond the idea of the brotherhood of the many, for the many will have become voided in their unity as ONE. GOD IS BALANCE. , God divided His IDEA of balance in His Self by creating pairs of unbalanced conditions--each of which is the opposite of the other. He commanded each of these unbalanced pairs to seek balance through each other by interchanging their unbalanced conditions. THAT COMMAND IS GOD'S ONE INVIOLATE LAW. IT IS GOD'S ONLY LAW. IT IS THE LAW OF BALANCED GIVING AND REGIVING. IT IS THE LAW OF LOVE." I guess you could say God is playing a game of chess against itself by convincing his left and right hand that they are separate from each other. Without the left hand, the right hand would have nobody to play with and the game would be over. And the game will keep going until both hands have realized they are the same, after that there is no point anymore. Your highest desires in life is the balancing of the poles, giving and regiving. You can only do this effectively from your center--which is love.

Yes, I was in the same boat, and a lot of people are. The most powerful endeavor I took--apart from interacting more with people--was taking up more creative hobby's. Painting, drawing and writing mainly, I had a fear to put something on a blank paper. Surely whatever I put on a blank paper could never be interesting or good? The same principle goes for conversations, a lot of people are afraid to express themselves on a blank canvas called conversation. A lot of people are used to fill in preconceived forms, answer questions which society has learned you the answer to, do the things you are told. From a young age we get learned that you are a good boy if you listen to your elders, in school we get rewarded if we are quiet and fill in the right answers to the exam papers. Real life does not work that way, that is just the illusion of society. Doing more creative stuff helped me to deeply realize that I am a creator and there are no wrong answers as long as it comes from a place of authenticity. If you are honest in your interactions people will hate you and people will like you, the people who like you will really like you for you and that is where the pay off lies. If you are really afraid of interaction one might start with using some techniques in the book How To Win Friends And Influence people, but only as a stepping stone to become comfortable for true genuine interaction and connection. As in all things, you start out with some techniques > you become proficient with those techniques > you become a master and forget all techniques.

For people interested in a scientific theory of duality/god/consciousness and the major flaws of modern day science look up the work of Walter Russell. He makes a very compelling argument for why our Universe can not be a dead and mechanistic universe as is the mainstream opinion.