Hulia

I write something down. Because otherwise I lose this journal, And I don´t want to lose it, because I want to post more fotos of Ukrainian army.

You know what? I´ve got a feeling of my astral body since I exercise the playing back of my day before falling asleep. You said once, that I write it down. Such an absurd thought! Because what I really do - I just do the same what I´ve done with physical body but instead with an astral one. No words needed! And in this way I remember every single detail at least of the last 1/2 hour. I don´t need more, because I fall asleep. Another useful effect - no insomnia any more. Yeah, I know, my life is boring especially the last 1/2 hour before going to bed ? But still problems with remembering dreams, though I can always recall at least one smal episode.

Guys, your love is beautiful, overwhelming and awesome. Love you!

But hey.. why do you all write about the dreams. Do you really need to sleep, to send your astral body somewhere else? In my opinion not. Maybe it´s a question of definition? Maybe it´s not an astral body but some other kind of body, that they send elsewhere during waken stages?

I should have introduced you to Zero. You buy the houses in the dreams, and he sells them in the dreams. If you had joined your dreams, it would be a win-win-situation. Besides he once mentioned, that he would like to check, if he is a gay - but at first in a dream, and if everything goes well then in a waken state.

It´s interesting, how everyone is looking for something special for them before getting on the path of awakening. Some look for love, the others for happyness. For Leo it´s truth. Truth. What is truth? Something static and unchangeable. Never was ineterested in such a thing in a constantly changing world. Well you can apply truth on something like Nothingness/ Everything. Bit what is a point of it, if you can never embrace the truth? I knew this since I has been a kid and learned a concept of 0 and infinity. Like every child I wanted to be a math master by knowing the highest possible number. I can remember my mum not being able to answer this simple question. You can always add one and get the next number, even if there is no name for it , you can always add one. This is the moment when I lost interest in truth, philosophy, math.. Doesn´t make any sense - you can always add one.. I was also skeptical about love. What I knew from the books - love is blind. I wasn´t blind. Well I learned to understand the concept of love better when it got physical. It started to make sense for me. What I was always looking for was freedom. But I found love or let´s say a special kind of love. I met someone.. let´s say.. not the same understanding or development level, but.. the word "perception" would probably fit. With the same perception. I really had long dialogues with him sitting in his kitchen and drinking tea and me being elsewhere. Not sure if we were really speaking in astral or I sensed his nature so good that I knew all his responces. But anyways during our live meeting he repeated sometimes the whole passages of that conversations. It drove me crazy. Never experienced something like that - thi skind of closeness. I thought that it is it. The miracle of love. Fuck! He was my mirror but not of my chocolaty side. And then I met someone with whom I also shared a perception in the same miraculeous way but he was a mirror of my better side. I know, it´s a very simplified interpretation, but I have no other explanation at the moment. And you think you can experience something like that once in 10 lifes if at all, and then you have this shit just one after another. The other thing that I found was truth, or rather... lies. and illusions. Which I started to see more clearly. Not that I didn´t see them before. Just... the universe, in which you can always add one, needs to be filled with some shit, shouldn´t it? But what I started to see was, that it shouldn´t be necessarily filled with shit.. It is even stupid and absurd what we are doing.

House shopping? Is it a kind of fetiche?

I always found you.

Wow, guys... happy for you both And a little proud of myself, that I contributed a little by recommending you German guys, @Preety_India ?

I don´t know. I couldn´t sleep till the concert starts. I had to work!

But of course this all is not important. At all. Minor stuff. Compared to what is going on in Afghanistan ??? I read a lot about Afghanistan. I also knew some, because they studied in my univiersity in Ukraine. My daughter had a an afghan boy in her class, she had that special face, when she told me, she wished she had a brother like him. The boy changed schools every half a year, because his family constantly moved. A threat of deportation? They walked by foot to Pakistan lived there for half a year, then they walked by foot to Turkey, lived there for a year. Then Europe. By foot from Greece to Germany. The boy spoke all the possible languages, also pretty good German almost as good as Germans. He did for my daughter home works in Spanish, and she got only "excellent". Because he went also in Spain to school. I hope, they are still in Europe, otherwise it doesn´t look good for them. The afghans that I knew were peacefull, patient, quiet, intelligent.

Our new CFO seems to be an idiot. The readbeard could persuade him no to do some idiotic thing, which he wanted to enforce on us. The precious moments, when I loved a redbeard. He is not stupid, just very stiff and conservative. What the new CFO wanted was to divide our corporation into functions and calculate every month the profit/loss per function, like: Total profit: 100 - production: -10 - sales: 50 - R&D: 30 - management: 30 I have never heard something as crazy as that - completely artificial and absurd. The costs are ok. But there is no way to devide a revenue in a fair logical way. The implementation and complexity would take a lot of time and resources. For what? The potential conflicts - costs pushing and revenue pulling between the functions... Everyone was frustrated. But luckily readbeard could prevent this disaster.

@Preety_India Maybe you´ve stuck in a pattern? Abuse has been a form of interaction with the most closest, dearest and loved person from your early years - your mother. Maybe you are even subconsciuosly looking for abusers and attract them? Plus cultural frame of your country, where the abusive behavour towards women is more or less normal. I don´t know what to recommend. It´s difficult to break the pattern. Please don´t let anybody to behave towards you in this manner. It´s not normal, it´s not right. If we don´t resist, how shold they ever know, that it´s not acceptible? The change of cultural frame and leaving your mother woulf help, I think, to chage this pattern in your head, what is normal and what is not. We all have our patterns. My pattern is that I should be someone else to deserve love. Not that my mother didn´t love me. She did. But always in spite of. Good mother - bad daughter, never capable to become one of that sweet, jolly, talented princesses.

@Preety_India I see. I know this type of guys, behaving like assholes to make everyone insecure and dominate. Beleive me, there are enough of them also among german bosses. No direct sexual harassment in Germany but still these guys "fuck" everyone - females and males. I still beleive that they have as much power as people give to them. You gave to him the power, so that he felt confirmed in his shitty behavour and will use it again and again. These guys cannot fire everyone, somebody has to do the work, and even if, look, you have survived.

@Preety_India But Preety, why did you give him the power, which he didn´t have in the given situation? He wanted something from you and not vice versa. That´s why you felt humiliated, because you imagined he had power over you but he didn´t, you just imagined it. I was in similiar situations. My boss like: Let´s have a drive for an hour and have fun. And me so: Nice. But thank you, no. I was rather concerned no to let him feel too humiliated. Mabe you should stop to take people too seriously? Try to see people around you, how insecure and funny they are. That boss for example. He was small, but had always such an important appearance and it looked really funny. Sometimes I did him some compliments, like he is the best enterpreneur and the smartest businessman, and you could leterally see, how he blew up like a balloon. I just couldn´t take him seriously.

Today I dreamed about you. Just a short episode. I was in the school, in which you were a pupil. I didn´t quite understand in what role I was in the school - a pupil too or as somebody´s parent? Anyways we spoke the whole time about organisational stuff. Something about volunteering on coming weekend and a big construction. Shit, - I thought, - I am at the wrong place at wrong time, always this volunteering stuff on weekends. Then we were discussing a concert. It turns out that you ´ll take part and sing with a solovey, they told. Solovey means nightingale. What? - I thought- you will sing with a bird? And then I thought, - Aaaah, it´s probably not a bird but that girl with a nickname Solovey. Good, with her you will sing. That´s all what I remember.

Right now we´ve got a new director corporate controlling. This is what I have been doing basically in the shadow of redbeard. But well I am not sure if I wanna be a director. I don´t have the same type of logic as a new CFO. I would hate to have to implement his stupid ideas. Anyways the woman is terrible. She wants me to create different reports - what I basically do - I link ALL the cells to a central software + some calculation in Excel - EVERYTHING is done automatically. The only thing you need to enter is a date. Refresh. Ready! But behind is a MOUNTAIN of data - on different levels, different layers, different structures. For different purposes. Normal stuff. This woman: "How long do you need to create this report? For something like that I needed in my old company not more than 10 minutes" Me: "Ehm.. I don´t know, if the complexity of what is behind is comparible. One hour? Maybe two. It´s diffucult to say upfront". She: "One hour??? Jesus! Well do it. But don´t change the format! I hate it when one column is wider than the other one for no reason" I swear, this is what she told! Not thank you, not great, that it will be ready by tomorrow. But that she will hate me if I change the width of her damned columns. I needed yesterday 2 hours in the evening and today another 4 hours. Stupid me - didn´t hit 10 minutes. It was actually not one report but series of reports - not the bad ones, I have to say for the benefit of terrible woman. But what can I say? I like this kind of work. I would rather do something like that without appreciation and being manipulated, so that I don´t even dare to tell the real time it takes, than do some shitty boring work and get a lot of thanks.

@roopepa No, it´s not that. I know 2 left-wing guys, who don´t know each other, and they both deny covid and climate change. They also are convinced that there no democracy any more in Germany, elite has stolen it from them. But! At the same time they deeply sympathize with Putin and even a little with China and hate German government that thramples their rights under foot.. Oh, these noble democracy fighters ? I completely agree with @Gesundheit2 The both of them have something in common: In fact, when I am thinking about it, they probably would agree with their rights stolen from them, but not by those like Merkel or Bill Gates, rather by a tough guy like Putin. In fact all these guys want is security with rights or without rights. But even more than German government they hate America. Not Trump! Trump was ok.

haha I have entered the word "Elightenment" And YT spit out Leo´s bald head. I thought: "let´s give a try with a guy". I liked that he didn´t look charismatic like with a beard or many braids. But just normal. I didn´t last more than 3 minutes that I knew: He is great! What I liked about him is the ability to deliver complex content in a simple form. And without special effects like mysticysm or whatever. In fact if not for a bald head I could take him for another guy, I knew. At some point in this 1st video Leo said, tha the society convinces us that we shouldn´t be alone that it´s a shame to do something alone. Why, don´t you give a try and spend a holiday travelling alone?- asked Leo. And I thought: Brazil!

Don´t you know why? To have a story to tell while smoking with other girls and being a little drunk. I bet, your serbian beauty is a smoking queen

Absurd and illogical. But the end brought me some contentment. You have no chance to watch it, since I forgot the title. Maybe I have never known it.

@ivankiss I watched a movie. There was a boy very popular in the school - good looking and funny. And a girl fell in love with him. On their last school party she had sex with him, because a guy was drunk. Normally he had sex only with the girls 10 of 10. But afterwards they went for a walk and talked and somehow a guy also enjoyed the company of that girl and even asked for her number. But got lost of course afterwards. Now and then they bumped into each other and it was enjoyable. They agreed to meet every year on that day when they had sex and talk to each other and tell how they were doing, and so they did. the guy has become a successful show-man on television, earned decent money, looked good. And he just wanted to live all these priveleges out. he was only after the girls 10 of 10. And she was his loyal enjoyable friend. The girl struggled a little through life but then she got her books published and arrived in the society more and more, since she has always been mature, which was not of much value in the younger years, but was gaining value with the age. This guy was genuinely happy for her (since he always liked her), though he himself was moving in the opposite direction. His shows stopped to be popular, because his audience has become adult, and the new young generation had no interest in him. The guy stayed the same- immature and funny. His blond tall wife, 10 of 10, has left him. wait, the best part will still come. Somehow they bumped into each again. And this time he genuinly wanted to live with her. She appologized him, all the suffering he caused her, and then they moved together. They both were very happy to have each other every day. The best part is still to come. And then the best part comes! Ta-ta! She is hit by a car and dies. The guy goes nutts completely. I enjoyed this part! Such a good ending! The revenge. It wouldn´t be the same, if they didn´t move together, because he wouldn´t even know, that she died and would contunue his life as usual without ever missing her or just a little. I know, it doesn´t make any sense. No idea how it works in guy´s heads! "0" logic. But since they were together and then she died he suffered. To my full contentment. Good movie. Forgot the title.

I was just worried that J might fall in love with you - after massage and all the talks about enlightenment - you know.. But she seems to be more mature than I thought. Good for her! Now I don´t force you into relationship any more.

Oh no! I don´t want to disappoint your fans. I just told that I am glad J. decided against you. It´s not exactly rooting you into a relationship Interesting observation