Hulia

Today I dreamed about you. Just a short episode. I was in the school, in which you were a pupil. I didn´t quite understand in what role I was in the school - a pupil too or as somebody´s parent? Anyways we spoke the whole time about organisational stuff. Something about volunteering on coming weekend and a big construction. Shit, - I thought, - I am at the wrong place at wrong time, always this volunteering stuff on weekends. Then we were discussing a concert. It turns out that you ´ll take part and sing with a solovey, they told. Solovey means nightingale. What? - I thought- you will sing with a bird? And then I thought, - Aaaah, it´s probably not a bird but that girl with a nickname Solovey. Good, with her you will sing. That´s all what I remember.

Right now we´ve got a new director corporate controlling. This is what I have been doing basically in the shadow of redbeard. But well I am not sure if I wanna be a director. I don´t have the same type of logic as a new CFO. I would hate to have to implement his stupid ideas. Anyways the woman is terrible. She wants me to create different reports - what I basically do - I link ALL the cells to a central software + some calculation in Excel - EVERYTHING is done automatically. The only thing you need to enter is a date. Refresh. Ready! But behind is a MOUNTAIN of data - on different levels, different layers, different structures. For different purposes. Normal stuff. This woman: "How long do you need to create this report? For something like that I needed in my old company not more than 10 minutes" Me: "Ehm.. I don´t know, if the complexity of what is behind is comparible. One hour? Maybe two. It´s diffucult to say upfront". She: "One hour??? Jesus! Well do it. But don´t change the format! I hate it when one column is wider than the other one for no reason" I swear, this is what she told! Not thank you, not great, that it will be ready by tomorrow. But that she will hate me if I change the width of her damned columns. I needed yesterday 2 hours in the evening and today another 4 hours. Stupid me - didn´t hit 10 minutes. It was actually not one report but series of reports - not the bad ones, I have to say for the benefit of terrible woman. But what can I say? I like this kind of work. I would rather do something like that without appreciation and being manipulated, so that I don´t even dare to tell the real time it takes, than do some shitty boring work and get a lot of thanks.

@roopepa No, it´s not that. I know 2 left-wing guys, who don´t know each other, and they both deny covid and climate change. They also are convinced that there no democracy any more in Germany, elite has stolen it from them. But! At the same time they deeply sympathize with Putin and even a little with China and hate German government that thramples their rights under foot.. Oh, these noble democracy fighters ? I completely agree with @Gesundheit2 The both of them have something in common: In fact, when I am thinking about it, they probably would agree with their rights stolen from them, but not by those like Merkel or Bill Gates, rather by a tough guy like Putin. In fact all these guys want is security with rights or without rights. But even more than German government they hate America. Not Trump! Trump was ok.

haha I have entered the word "Elightenment" And YT spit out Leo´s bald head. I thought: "let´s give a try with a guy". I liked that he didn´t look charismatic like with a beard or many braids. But just normal. I didn´t last more than 3 minutes that I knew: He is great! What I liked about him is the ability to deliver complex content in a simple form. And without special effects like mysticysm or whatever. In fact if not for a bald head I could take him for another guy, I knew. At some point in this 1st video Leo said, tha the society convinces us that we shouldn´t be alone that it´s a shame to do something alone. Why, don´t you give a try and spend a holiday travelling alone?- asked Leo. And I thought: Brazil!

I´ll try. Release intention and release attention. It´s all about object... If I turn my attention away from the object, there will be also no intention. No attention - no intention. But then.. what shall I do with the attention? "turning towards the subject"? Who is the subject? Doesn´t subject predetermine object? Though attention without intention would be even nicer. I always get confused when I think in words.

@Mason Riggle But the question was not about being or not being myself. The question was about, when the effort is necessary and when we can do without it. The comparison is just wrong! People are not trees! Though even trees are working hard to survive among other trees, vermins, bad weather condition, poor earth quality... They make quite an effort, poor trees.

I am attached to a software. In fact I don´t need a cat I have my software instead At first a redbeard complains, there are too many options (and I gave him authorusation only the third of them!). I should delete all of them and leave only "standard", "standard", "standard". Though he was the one who called me constantly: can you please let calculate that, and then that and that and that, under condition that-- blah-blah and I want another view hier and another view there. And then he complains, there are too many selections. Idiot. Today a new director, who just has been for 3 day in our company, calls me and says it´s too rigid- too liitle options and selections. She wants have columns instead of lines and lines instead of colums. In her old company there was another software, in which she could swith columns with lines. Really??? Is she really aware of what this software does before she sees her damned columns and lines which are just the tops of iceberg. Of course not. The director. Beside I explained her she can create of all the possible reports in circles and lines and columns and whatever in excel with links to software and automatic data updating every time she presses 2 damn keys. She told - too complicated. I told - I´ll do it for her. Just say what you want. She told , she wanna do it herself but not too complicated. I hate them all because they show little appreciation for my software. They see just a top of iceberg. And I am not able to explain them, what this software does before their fucking high level reports popp out of it. Every single figure is tracable and explinable. They get tired of too many details. The directors.

@Preety_India Well a cat is cuter, but a software is smarter. And both are in danger. A cat can be eaten by fox. And a software can be abandoned by a director.

@Mason Riggle Don´t you see , that your theory is leaking? No effort for hair growing You made quite a lot of effort in an elementary school to read the sentence effortlessly today.

Really. I just need to let it go. They should take new director´s old company´s software. And apply it for our 30 companies. Split, aggregate, consolidate - geografically or on business units or functions or whatsoever. Report the costs by nature, by function. Build the groups and subgroups of companies, of cost centers, of profit centers on all the possible and impossible levels. But they shouldn´t expect me to bring motivation and effort into the new shit. Till some new director comes and decides it´s a shit, he wants columns and lines like in his old company. Besided I worked in so many companies with so many softwares. I am pretty sure this one is awesome. I deeply respect the people who developed it. It´s exactly my type of logic.

?? Yes. I don´t like alcohol but I like fruits. My daughter put all the fruits we have into champaign. I want fruits and I don´t have options.

@Preety_India I just try to avoid people who ask me for money. In friendship and in relationship. Because it´s not normal. I myslef have never asked other people for money, though there was time when I was extremely poor. So I have the right to expect from my friends and lovers the same. My husband, when he had tough times, scammed me a lot for his own entertainment mostly. Sometimes I just learned from shop assistant that my account is empty with a basket full of goods. But I don´t feel used. Since he himself is extremely generous person. When he had money he spent it on a grand scale without counting and regreting. So he probably expected the same from others. As long as reciprocity is provided everything is ok, I think.

not from Serbia? not from Slovakia? Now you are talking like zero ?

hahaha I have just put fruites in champaign into fridge But now I´m working actually - month closing. Maybe in the evening? When my fruites have soaked enough champaign. But somehow it is also not so funny without guys? Whom should we hate and lough at?

@Preety_India I think it´s a wrong moment to make an effort to forgive her. Forget the fogiveness. Your highest priority is to get independent of your mother - emotionally and financially. And only after that you can start to think about fogiveness. Probably it would come naturally on you. Your problem is not that you are a bad person, cannot forgive your mum, blah-blah-blah..., but that you are not confident. You´ll become confident after you dare to to do dangerous and difficult things, on your own. Do everything you can to get out of your parent´s house.

Please don´t mix me up with this moron. He is a fat guy typing from his mum´s basement. I am a successful woman.

What? You spoke to Waggoner?? Cool! Ehm.. in a dream?

I love my books and hate you I also know what I want. But you think, it´s not what I want, what I want. Not going to please you. Bye

No! She doesn´t! You can´t always have someone you want. BUT! You definitely CAN not to have someone you don´t want!

@Gesundheit2 Why do you guys think, that women want only one thing from you? ??‍♀️It´s not true.

@Preety_India Dear Preety. It´s always difficult to live with the parents, when you are adult, everywhere in the world. If I had lived with my mother in my twenties we´d probably end up by killing each other. You should bundle all your efforts and strength to leave your parent´s house. No matter what. I don´t see any other solution. Fianancial independance should be your priority number 1. I know that it´s difficult in India compared to the West. Here you can be financialy independant even with small jobs or even without jobs (social welfare). But you have what you have. With a little bit luck and much effort you´ll escape your family´s house. And better time will come. It won´t be always this way, everything changes. Maybe you could move to a smaller city where you can afford a rent? For the time being I wish you strength, patience, luck. Don´t waste your energy on trying to change your family. They are on the lower development stage and run their survival programm.

@Zeroguy I don´t understand, why you don´t like @Vzdoh She is so much you! Your perfect female reflection.

Did you scratch them on keyboard? What friends? We are enemies.

hahaha! He cannot answer. His gentle hands are busy now. Grabbing money. ?

Where does he have six-pack??? On the typing fingers? ?