Blackhawk

There's a high risk that I will write stupid crazy delusional stuff here during the trip. Sorry in advance about that. It's not really something which I can control when my mind is fucked up.

Okay. About 5 hours left until I trip. I'm nervous.

But.. I want to know the Truth. I'm willing to suffer for Truth. I can't let anything come before Truth. But if this trip will be bad, then maybe I can trip again, but then with the intention that I just want to be more happy.

Okay thanks. I don't know. But I might never be more stable than this. I have naturally bad nerves and are afraid+nervous about everything. Maybe scented candle also helps with improving the mood? But of course it will be on a safe place and not right next to me.

My intention will be: the Truth about reality. My plan is to put a sugar cube on my tongue, let it melt, and then swallow it. Is that the optimal way to do it?

Well, I will probably trip in my loneliness tomorrow. Thanks for all the support guys, not. Any music recommendations?

I don't know if what you say is true.

I don't think that anyone really knows. And even if someone knows, we wouldn't know that the person knows. Or maybe it's just me who don't know, I don't know.

So why should I be alive if I'm aren't hot? My gf would try to accept that I'm not hot, and only like my personality, just because she fails to get "the whole package" (someone who is hot both inside and out). So I would just be a half-assed thing for her because she can't get anything better. Why would I be content with half-assed stuff? Can someone explain this to me? Why shouldn't I just kill myself? My logic says that I should kill myself. But fear of death and survival instinct will lead to various stuff like wishful thinking and denial of truth, which will prevent me from killing myself.

Even if my personality would be loved by a girl.. why would I be content with her loving only my personality? I want her to love my physical body too. Thanks. I will read it.

If I could choose between having arms and being unloved, and have no arms and be loved, I would choose the latter.

@Loba Okay, that's different then. I'm sorry for you.

I kinda have a gf who told me that. If you are hot then you would of course be alive because you are desperately wanted by everyone of the opposite sex. My subjective meaning of life is that I must be loved and desired by girls/women in every single way, both inside and out. Do you have a problem with my personal meaning of life? You don't need to be healthy at all. All you need is to be desired by the opposite sex (or the same sex if you are gay or whatever). And since you are a girl, you are automatically desired by almost all guys. So you are all good.

Of course it's the meaning of life, at least for me. The meaning of life is individual and subjective.

They are problematic from a survival perspective. Because they could lead to death. So several defense mechanisms gets activated to prevent that shit. You seem to suggest that those thoughts should be swept under the rug, I understand, that's a pretty common defense mechanism to prevent one from death.

If she wouldn't be hot? Yes then I would feel those things too. But of course I wouldn't tell that to her, because she would leave me if I would.

@Roy I kinda already explained why it's important. It's important because it would be some "meh" "half-assed" stuff, because she can't get any better. And she would never be truly content with me, she would always desire something better, and probably one day she would find something better.

A bit like Jehova's witnesses.. If you want to get hated, then try to force your beliefs on people.

In the latest video, in "The power of not-knowing", @Leo Gura says how bad pizza is for your health. But have you ever thought about what a pizza actually contains? It contains bread, tomato sauce, cheese, and stuff like shrimp, beef tenderloin, tomato, onion, banana, chicken, mushroom, asparagus, etc. The same thing pretty much applies to hamburgers too. Just think it through a bit before you get this emotional reaction: "It's bad for your health!"

@Someone here I'm pretty much in the same boat.

The only 4 enjoyable things in life: Eat pizza. Eat hamburger. Masturbate to porn/hot girls. Get drunk. The rest is suffering. And no I'm not fat. These are honestly the things in my life which gives me some pleasure. So don't accuse me for low-quality post.. Edit: I now noticed that this topic is located in the "Spirituality, Consciousness, Awakening, Mysticism, Meditation, God" section... Maybe it should be moved..

I think death (non existence) is waaaaay better than life. Life is just suffering and a constant struggle.

They don't know. There's many different hypotheses. I guess I like Conformal cyclic cosmology (CCC) more.

Great, you can buy pizzas with all those nutritious things on it.

No it's not. "Pizza is too much food" doesn't make any sense, because you can eat one pizza, and then don't eat any more calories for a while after that. How come I eat pizza all the time (and have done so for many years) but I'm healthy and not even a tiny bit fat? Because it's healthy in reasonable amounts, easy, fast, and tasty. I defend it because I don't like myths, no matter what myth it is.