Natasha Tori Maru

No way man, you are erasing the truth of behind your own statement. It's staring you in the face: 'You built your life from scratch, you can do the same shit with your love life with that same attitude, and the skills you learnt from that process' It will 100% be about the life you are building - and bringing a woman into that. Showing her what you created. Showing her what you can share. But being clear about who you are and remaining true to all other commitments. That is your masculine power and what you might need to realize. You have that world you have created - now you just want to bring a woman into it and show her what you built from nothing on your own. Even just writing that above sparks my own feminine excitement. I tried online dating for a while. You touched on that. I am pretty mature now with good boundaries and healed attachment issues. And I had to get off dating websites. I found them to attract people who had unformed senses of self and really big attachment issues - either avoidant or anxious. People looking to me to fill some void or emptiness. That really took my energy and passion away. I need to be with someone who has a good sense of self and boundaries. Who is secure and won't fall to pieces without me, but wants to share and be able to give AND receive love. A lot of men are incapable of giving and receiving love. Just my 2c there but maybe this is an insight into the mindset of a woman who had a social circle when younger. I leveraged off that - got older. Healed. Found mates had all paired off, kids. The last 2 long term relationships I found - one during a dance class, the other in a writing workshop. Both exciting hobbies where I wasn't looking. Hookups were a byproduct of passion for experience. I am a strong visualizer (like I use it to visualize the building constructed and handed over to drive hard for deadlines/budget). Not sure if you ever try to think on how you envision a woman in your life, your space? What that might look like. How would you be? If you can do that and see you being as you are now, no changes - you are on the right path.

Absolutely - and it doesn't have to be your job. It can just be something like a hobby. A personal project that you are so totally into the passion draws others in. People are seduced by passion and creative force. Women (or men) or relationships in general come as a byproduct in my experience.

@Emotionalmosquito I do not know how I did it myself. I wish I had steps. All I can say is I had to totally let go. I had a huge realization one summer evening - a reframe 'by continuing to hold this grudge, what am I giving up?' because the thoughts were occupying my brainspace. I realized I was destroying my experience of the world. This narrative I was remembering from the past - it did not exist but in my mind. It wasn't happening in that moment. But it was stopping me from enjoying the warm breeze. Enjoying the swallows darting up and across my apartment balcony. Smelling the gentle spice from cooking below. Relaxing in the hammock. I was giving up so much just to be flooded with feelings that felt energizing, but profoundly draining. That day I realized forgiving the bastard that messed with me in the past wasn't about him. He wasn't winning by earning my forgiveness. He didn't earn shit by me forgiving. It was about me. Forgiving the other was about me and getting my quality of life, quality of experience, back. I didn't have to forget or let him into my life again. In fact, when I told him I forgave him but I was done and wanted no more - he was confused. He thought my forgiveness absolved him. No. I had a boundary now, and part of that healthy boundary was about letting all of it go FOR ME. That evening on the balcony - I let it all go. Because forgiveness was for me. I realized the past was a story about a woman that I was not any longer. And so, I became someone with good boundaries and firm choices by forgiving. I transformed.

I think the immediate thing that comes to mind me with is: purpose - drive. Where are to driving hard in life and what is your vision? Aside from a relationship. Most of the successful men I know who have women sort of running at them with their cooch out are so focused on their personal vision and purpose, the ladies sniff it out like dogs in heat. I suppose I view that (life purpose and actualizing) as a large part of masculinity. In addition - some of the overcompensate behavior I have witnessed on the forum leads me to believe you have some issues asserting yourself with stoicism and firm grace - rather than a sort of bulldozing force. That force can be great in masculine dynamics but isn't required, and is often a marker of masculinity that isn't quite comfortable - yet. Almost like you aren't as familiar with that energy so it is used with a little too much.. ah! Spice? I see a few times you have been so charged up with emotion and a need to defend it has led to assumptions that shoot one in the foot. Typically, integrated and healthy masculine is very calm. Normally one would see the assumptions before feeling so charged the compulsion to reply was unable to be resisted. I say this from a discerning eye - I mean no judgement as I am a total piece of shit in my own devilish ways... My view comes from working in commercial construction - I see all types and levels of integrated masculine. I have to work with them regardless of their stage of development. While this doesn't make me an expert in any way, the above is just after having observed men in a very male dominated environment - one of the last bastions of men. I look to how I respond from the feminine - if I am working with a man who is really integrated and strong in healthy masculinity I can be as out there flamboyant as a woman as I like and still get shit done. Still garner respect. And above all, feel safe working with them. So, when assessing someone else I look to my experience and contrast my state in reaction with theirs.

@meta_male Awesome! I've been letting this one cook a bit to try to properly formulate what I am picking up on I think your answer to @Xonas Pitfall might assist me as well. I tend to formulate proper observations based on how others interact when there is a bit at stake, which has its own downfalls. So straight answers can supplement. Having said that my advice may not be as actionable. Just due to me being a woman - and that gives me a limited perspective.

@Ishanga Would you consider karma to be 'consequences' - as a way to translate this into something more palatable for those who have aversion to the term? These consequences arising as a result of an action or habit - that can have either real world effects - or internal felt/perceived effects. I say this, knowing that some individuals are so out of touch with their internal state, they think they get away with acting out of integrity. But there is always a consequence to be had in our internal experience when our actions are not aligned with who we truly are. There isn't really an English word I can think of for this internal fracturing, other than karma...

If I was in your position - I would sit with that loneliness. Write out all that comes with it. There will be many things, I suspect. The ego, or self, is really sneaky. It doesn't want us to notice it. Sometimes that feeling of loneliness is coming up as a way for it to hide and never make you look in the lonely feeling. If you don't investigate that part - the ego can remain and be alive. If you would like a personal anecdote - I found more of my ego within boredom, loneliness and the mundane than anywhere else. I followed this path and it lead to big 'no self' realisations. AND THEN! There were more turds to be found - once I was fully cognizant of the illusory ego in lucid states - I begun attaching identity to the 'no self' ego. So my ego was fooling me it was gone by identifying with the thought I had no ego... It was simply hiding in a new place... 'Ha-HA! Tash! I can make you stop looking for me by fooling you into believing I am dead!' In my experience, it has been a constant little game of finding where the 'self' has gone and identified with something else. Because the moment I find a new piece, not only is it likely there is more - but more ego can form simultaneously. Learning to surrender might assist you - surrendering to loneliness. You might be suffering more simply fighting it. Anyway, just some of my weird experiences with this stuff

@AION Thinking Machines like in Dune:

@TheGod Have you had an ego death/no self type of experience? You touched on God consciousness above I can see, unless I am mistaken I am wondering what else is coming up when you feel alone. Normally when we try to be undistracted, a whole emotional soup comes up. In my experience, these feelings all usually revolve around the perceived needs and longings/desires of the self. The perceiving of separation. Aversion and desire - the left and right hands of the ego.

🎯

@Eskilon I used to watch a lot and read manga (my dad is half Japanese) when I was a kid. I was exposed to Neon Genesis back then! I recently rewatched it and was slightly taken aback regarding how adult it was - depression, shame, worthlessness, oneness, love, lots of nonduality etc. The overall story grabs me, less so single character (I can dislike a protagonist, and like a story). Shinji is a difficult character but a good one, IMO. He embodies shame - which is a very unique feeling as it is one of the only feelings that is also a belief. I haven't met one person who did not have some internalised shame. We just aren't aware of it. So at different stages of self awareness, we relate to Shinji more, or less. In my experience anyway

@UnbornTao Right - it makes me think some are answering in the two separate ways. Lonely is assumed inherent to the human condition? The series Neon Genesis: Evangelion is a great study on this concept. Not just a silly mecha anime at all. Deep concepts. I probably say this as I just finished rewatching it

It might be important to make a distinction here - do we mean 'alone' in the spiritual sense? Or literally 'there is no one else present' Because spiritually 'Alone' is not just solitude - it is pointing to oneness without otherness. When mystics or sages say you are 'alone' they don't normally mean lonely or isolated. It is typically meant: there is no second thing, no separate observer and observed. ALL-ONE - if we want to play with the hidden pun Spiritually I would say this 'being alone' means we stop needing validation from outside forms. That the 'other' is really you in disguise and you recognise awareness as self-sufficient: it no longer depends on company, time, or even a story. This is why this whole concept of loneliness is terrifying AND liberating. Terrifying because the ego dissolves in that aloneness: liberating because there is infinite peace and freedom in realizing there was never anything outside of us to begin with. This also touches on why many people get slightly triggered at the concept of being socially isolated. I do think you need to follow life's normal flow during adolescence and young adulthood of heavy socialization, experience, and contrast to get to the point made above. There is a reason most monks will reject you when you are young claiming 'I will give it all up, my life, for this' They know you aren't giving up shit! You need to go out and forge a life and actualize before you go to real solitude spiritually. Walk before you run. Crawl before you walk

Dr K seemed very held back in this one. I have listened to him quite a bit and he appears to know a decent amount of eastern type spirituality as well as western. He very much let Sadhguru speak at the expense of asking some more probing questions - I was disappointed. This interview is a better example of Dr. K's knowledge, in my opinion: I do have some issues with some of what he says - but I felt the Sadhguru interview fell flat.

Interesting you see OP having had issues integrating the feminine - I see more issues with integrating the masculine from past posts. IE unable to assert ones self without force. Or calmly approach arguments without a lot of heated assumptions and language That points to me that existing from the masculine frame is newer and less integrated.

@Joshe but you haven't seriously looked at the network of corroboration for UFOs. So this sort of falls flat, no? You keep doing this - coming at the topic with no real research. You just default back to 'lol why would you claim aliens as the explanation when I could have farted and it is a more logical claim!' Read the books. Look up US Nimitz. Watch the congressional hearings. Start with David Fraver. Do some justice to yourself! You seem to want to take the time to debunk all of this. So take the time to research. Arbitrary use of time to my eyes.

Are you wanting others - or simply distraction, entertainment? I have rarely felt lonely throughout my life. When I experience a situation as you describe: alone, walking in late evening - I never feel alone. I never feel empty or 'not good'. I feel completely immersed in the experience of reality. The warm spring air, the new grass and flowers. The colours of the sunset as beams stretch out to touch the horizon. The soft birdsong and tinkle of the river. There is so much in our experience - how rich it is. I don't want to miss it. I cannot feel alone with all of this beauty surrounding me. Nothing lasts, so I cherish the moment.... Are you distracted from noticing all within your experience?

I suspect this also. I have known a few individuals with bipolar disorder. A lot of how Jordan and his daughter behave in cycles, religiously looking for the thing that is 'the cause of it all' and then suffering from some nondescript illness? Eerily similar to the two people I know who go into mania for a couple of months and then deep depression. In addition Mikhaila married her current partner after 2 weeks of knowing him. Fits mania. I honestly think their minds are doing this. The depression and extreme fatigue a symptom of their bodies needing to halt everything due to flatlining energy after a period of mania/hypomania. Peterson never seems 100% emotionally stable. They appear to constantly be under 'threat' from something, and it is always outside themselves. Anyway this is just my observation - I don't have a complete picture. In addition - I find it so strange Mikhaila is so so so paranoid about health related stuff like black mould etc - then admits to cosmetic surgery (and I am by no means against any of that sort of thing, women can do as they please. I just personally don't invest so much self into appearance to ever undergo anything). The cognitive dissonance of that alone points to mental strain. Entertaining so much contradiction shows a slightly fractured mind...

I think it is a pointer used to highlight that what you are is not what you think - 'the self' - by calling attention to something being aware of thoughts, feelings, perceptions. I hear it from Rupert Spira frequently, in particular. I think it is just a teaching technique to change perspective and illustrate the lower case self. The 'vast' is probably a way to instil the thought that you are MORE than the body, the thoughts, the perceptions and its 'limitations'.

I think a lot of this sort of a descriptor 'vast' comes from the contemplation that we cannot find a beginning and an end to our awareness. I have heard this dialogue before 'let us try to find the beginning of awareness, or an end. Is there a border?' I take it the term 'vast' is said as 'immense' or 'great extent'

Especially for experiencers! We get shit carded at every opportunity. I do not bother even bringing the topic up or going in depth anymore due to how irrational people become trying to tell me what I experienced. I just shut the fuck up about it now. People come at you with pitchforks and everything they have because something we experienced challenges their entire worldview. What happened to me doesn't make me special. I didn't make it up. It was just some weird shit I cannot explain. Religious folks are probably the worst in this arena.

Well there's a something there!! I don't suppose you have done any additional research into UFOs either, since I raised the US Nimitz congressional stuff in the UFO mega-thread etc? I know its not crop circle related... but it COULD be !

That would be an assumption you are making - I am just having fun. Have you read Leo's books regarding UFO's on the booklist? Previously you have come at these topics touching on UFO/NHI etc with very little research done. It might be nice to ask yourself with regard to this topic: 'What is really at stake for me?' Because you certainly have a bee in your bonnet regarding it - your posts on this topic are very emotionally loaded compared to others

@Joshe Triggered? 🤪

... ...... .......... Reported Low quality post.