Natasha Tori Maru

@Leo Gura 🦘

@AION this blog post from Leo would be great for you to contemplate. I think there is a great growth and learning opportunity there for you; I have noticed a lot of reductionism in your thinking. This is just how it comes across as a pattern in your posts. Might help 🙂 https://www.actualized.org/insights/reductionism-is-wrong

I feel this symbiosis in the way you describe. I think I like jazz for this reason, I feel more rhythm in it (although, this could be more perception). The swing-feel, unique articulation and syncopation really capture me. While I enjoy the melodic improvisation essential to the genre, I really feel it is the rhythmic approach that dictates how that melody is interpreted and phrased 😃 I love music!

Yeah, but this is just a projection. And a reductionist attitude. Notice that this has nothing to do with me 💩

@Miguel1 @nerdspeak I do not have anything to add, but I thought it prudent to note; I always enjoy your discussions and contributions regarding conscious relationships. I haven't come across any literature or great speakers who were able to speak on the topic, especially as it relates to modern social dating norms. I am sure they exist, I just haven't heard anyone expound upon the topic in a way that really illuminated it. These discussions, especially the ones around the male side of pickup, always have my mind munching away at new ideas, ways of looking at things, and ways I can improve as a woman. We can all get closer to conscious romantic relating and embodiment through them. Trailblazers. So, thanks!

The root cause of this sort of behaviour is a lack of self worth, and self respect. If you notice yourself needlessly apologising; either just for existing, or taking responsibility for things you had no cause in, it harkens back to self worth. Somewhere along the line, we would have transitioned through some set of life experiences, and taken a false meaning away. This is cognitive bias. Meaning making is a tricky thing; existentially there is no meaning. Humans manifest their own meaning. And we love to do it! But it is important to see the truth of the situation; if we approach someone as a child and they tell us to 'Fuck off', it is too scary to face that the world might be bad or hard. It is much easier to internalize and conclude 'I am bad' so we can deal with the load. The beginnings of internalised shame. And then guilt. And then the guilt/shame spiral. Leading to low self worth AND, you guessed it, needlessly apologising. Like we may needlessly apologise to the person we approached who told us to 'fuck off'. We think we were a burden. The reality of the situation is, we cannot take that meaning away. They could be having a bad day. They could be focusing. They could dislike others on principle. None of which have anything to do with us. Only them. We only become traumatised when we are unable to resolve responsibility. Understanding is key. Forgiveness is the way out. Forgiveness is about YOU letting go. It is not about letting your oppressor into your life. Not about them. It is not about making them feel absolved; it is the purge of negativity and the resolving of responsibility. You discern they are not for you, freeing yourself of judging them. No hard feelings. Boundaries. Powerful process of emptying to make way for genuine self-love, respect and worth. 🙏

You are allowed to not agree - but you aren't allowed to do so on a manner that is offensive/mean spirited, directed at others users. Let's be clear. Check the guidelines mate. Accurate.

Maybe not, but there is undeniable condescension and nastiness going on. And a lack of humour: 'what Nasha calls aura is just puffed up confidence with no ability. That is enough to get girls. Emptiness' - AION (Can't quote on mobile)

I think the subforum context flew over some heads. I cannot stop laughing!

@Joseph Maynor me too.

Probably because historically marriage was about survival? What is valued in relationship and marriage has changed a lot.

This is very true. I am always wary of leading questions that are loaded with some form of premise. Normally I will choose not to answer or engage because of the insidious ways this can alter perception.

I think the above is why we have trained medical professionals in mental health - so sufferers do not end up in scenarios where their pathology runs amok, hurting those around them. And themselves. There is a massive gap in the medical field for treatment & help. Issues with non-compliance and even simply the fact that mental issues are nebulous and incorporeal in nature contribute to stigma. We can try, personally, to help, as much as we are able. But at the end of the day, it is okay to admit these issues are way beyond our scope of ability to deal with. Even if we are educated well. Knowledge may help us to collectively steer these individuals to receive help sooner - which is where your point regarding education early on dovetails. You sound like you have been intimately involved with someone with a cluster B type pathology. I do not mean necessarily romantic either. The only option is you for to know yourself, be so connected with your needs, that you understand what you can tolerate within intimate relationships. Many people choose to not associate with pathological sufferers on principal. Hard boundaries. I grew up with someone very close to me who suffered from cluster B borderline personality disorder. This: is the cycle. Repeated. Their internal experience is just as terrible for them, as it is for those around them; you end up as collateral damage. It is very, very difficult to deal with. And it operates as a second layer to the 'self'. Like a double cataract / lens overlay. Obscuring reality, AND the small self. Well, this is how I conceive of it. Because it isn't the person, it is a pathology confusing the matrix of the base personality. I think I frame it this way to be able to remain in a position of compassion toward suffers. I had to do a lot of healing after the damage close association with BPD caused me. I could not maintain my own sense of self under that sort of pressure. Hugz

While I agree we all have personal subjective perspectives and needs - and these evolve through our lives as we change - the title was 'objectively' I mean, I like Australia mostly for quality of life & balance. But I was born and raised here - so I suffer from SIGNIFICANT bias. Which makes this totally subjective for me also lol What would be your pick of best country/s, objectively?

This is such great action advice to assert personal boundaries in a compassionate way. Many people struggle asserting their boundaries in a clear, even tempered and stoic way in an attempt to teach others the behaviour they are willing to accept, to maintain respect in the relationship. Often aggression and overcompensation arises when we are unfamiliar with healthy attachment style communication methods. This style of boundary communication is key to prevent the union dissolving into resentment due to unspoken needs. A+

@Joshe 100% And this is really prescient - maybe we are much to quick to slap labels on what could be perceived as 'natural inherent behaviour' of a given sex. When in actual fact, it is simply growing pains; an artificial reaction to an unknown, changing environment that has nothing to do with inherent nature, and everything to do with circumstance. Harkening right back to the old nature vs nurture. It is a powerful message to not make any grand claims attributing behaviour to sex.

For me it seemed the purpose was to simply see through it for the illusion it is; it's not going anywhere. It never existed in the existential sense. Just a bunch of conditioning. Can't kill something that never existed to begin with. So it is there - and not there. It's both. Always both with these things. It cannot be transcended, and to even think this is possible, is bypassing, and actually enhances the contraction/conditioning of the ego itself. If we are to think we can transcend the ego - this just becomes another ground. Just like spirituality becomes another ground we must eventually do away with. Groundlessness is the aim. The purpose of seeing the illusion is to lesson its grip. Only then was I able to create distance between my conditioned reactions and observations. Within that gap I have breathing space to witness my acuminated conditioning from life experience, and work on dissolving that conditioning. The process of letting awareness sweep through in this way, cleans up anything that puts me out of equanimity. Which brings a feeling of integration and understanding of my true nature to the forefront. Being. Presence. Feelings are felt in a more genuine way, unobstructed by contractions of the ego. Preferences all remain. Judging experience as good/bad falls away. But the centralized 'doer' feels less present, and as a result, I feel I simply ride the flow of life. No claim to any outcome. No claim at all. It all just becomes awe and wonder. Great insight @Davino

Hello @Leo Gura Do you experience a 'flow' state when you engage in long bouts of writing? I ask because I write a lot - not the sorts of topics you endeavour to outline - but often ideas I am fleshing out that have been germinating for a while. When this happens to me, it almost feels as if it is a channelled state. Like the writing is coming through me. Like there is no centre to my experience, no do-er. No writer. Just the hands moving as I act as a conduit for messages to flow out. Do you experience this? It is a timeless state for me.

I'd never heard of this piece of scum, Vitaly, prior to this.

The whole topic is sort of fascinating to look at in depth. The above caught me. I think knowledge =/= wisdom. And it is very, very easy for us to conflate the two when we are young. We are full of 'knowing' before we mature and realise we were... full of shit. So to speak A similar conflation often arises with pleasure being conflated with happiness. I think the flood of information is empowering, no doubt. Experience is the greater teacher. It is rare someone can actually have the self control to avoid making mistakes and heed advice; most of us need to fuck up and find out. For these reasons I suspect there could be the delusion of youth operating as a factor in there. Possibly, also, too much information, too soon. Sort of like trying to teach a student algebra when they do not know simple BODMAS or basic rules; that person is going to dislike maths and walk away with a negative experience due to the struggle. Paralyzed by algebra and unable to proceed in their schooling. This could be a metaphor for information saturation and inundation people endure. I digress a bit. I sound very disparaging of younger people - I do not wish to convey judgement with the above passage. My comments are more a statement of my own experience, stupidity, hubris and pure ignorance I had to work through. All needed. All warranted. But I was a MESS. A stupid arrogant little girl.

The topic makes me wonder if technology / social is retarding maturity.

Do you think this is true of people, not just one sex?

Haha, you got me - the touristy aspect does turn me off. But someone recommended Bali to me, as a first destination for a solo woman traveller 😃

My pleasure 🤍 You are an absolute sweety btw, beautiful gentle energy on the forum

Great point. You don't know yourself as well. You cannot yet communicate your needs (or know them) with clarity. You mistake the heady thrill of lust for love. You can be afraid of being hurt, lacking the confidence to know you will recover from anything. Sometimes something feels wrong in a relationship, or a need isn't being met. And we aren't clear enough to enunciate it, or even know what is wrong. So naturally people look outside themselves to find what is wrong. Which can lead to cheating or immature behaviour. I wonder how much the comparitive nature of social media feeds into the 'grass is always greener' mentality that creeps in. Past generations simply would not have been swamped with images of perfection and finely curated lives in current volumes. I am 40 this year. I grew up without social media - then with. I saw both sides in a way. But I can never be sure that anything is directly causative. I can see trends and changes in behaviour, though.