caspex

I am on my path to achieving Self-Mastery. But I just can't for the life of me figure out how to actually achieve discipline. I believe discipline to be some function of consistency, persistence and doing things imperfectly. I have been sitting for a few hours, can't get in a few hours of study. Some days I get in 8+ hours, and other days I cannot manage even a single one. I believe that Discipline on the outside should look like, for me, getting in 8+ hours of study everyday for at least a month or so (that's what I require to achieve my goal). At first, not being able to achieve this consistency, I went through a lot of emotional labor, but it only grew me more resilient to my own guilt. All the emotional nights didn't actually improve my discipline. I don't think, at this point, it's about 'caring' about your goal. I care a lot, but all that does is make me cry myself at night to witness my incompetency. I have now grown more emotionally mature, my failures and incompetency doesn't discourage me. Which is good for discipline, but I feel I still lack something, which is why I cannot get that consistency. I believe some part of self-mastery to be able to act despite your emotions. I am so far from that. If I could act and if i could focus despite my emotions, I should've been able to get those consistency hours in. Despite all the stake in the world, and I have tried putting in high stakes and pressure on my self, and I have also tried a very relaxing approach with little to no stakes at all, I cannot achieve that Discipline. What am I doing wrong?

Pretty much. This is why I say 'self-mastery' specifically. I think the one thing I want to master in life is myself. Yeah you're right. But neither positive nor negative motivation worked for me. I had strong positive motivation of going on a trip with friends once a subject was complete. Didn't make it. I also let many people down by procrastinating too. That negative motivation didn't work either. I am so confused man.

For me it's been the opposite. Ever since I was a kid my instinct has been to go to the root of the issue. Looking at the big picture never really occurred to me. If I see a tree, I wanna find out where its roots are, not where it stands in reference to all the other trees, i.e. the forest. Various people have said to me, and I have received this in multiple aptitude tests, that I would be a good researcher because I seem to get hung up on one thing until I can find its root cause. But instead of setting me back in terms of metaphysical thinking and open minded discussions, it really aided me. This tendency of mine to go to the very root is what enabled me to ultimately see I am not real, that my perspectives are relative and that we are all one. I don't explicitly look for big picture connections, but because I have gone to the root of many problems, they seem to automatically connect eventually, because at its root reality itself is connected. I think Scientists' problem isn't that they don't try to see the big picture, rather it is dogma and strictness. That would hinder anybody, even those who do think big picture.

I feel I contemplate too much and act too little. If I just do it, it feels like pain. The boredom is so painful. I thought it was my dopamine receptors being fried or something, so I refrained from social media, etc. and life felt really nice, but the discipline did not arrive. I always seem to be waiting for some 'state' of mind that'll allow me to study my target. That state is all too infrequent. I doubt people who are masters of themselves need to wait for a 'state' to do what they need. I think facing that emotional labor and pain is the only way forward. That is what I am seem to be running away from. That is why I procrastinate. I will never be ready to face that pain, and never not feel that pain unless I actually go do it and get the hang of it. Maybe what it means to achieve self-mastery is to develop one's capacity to tolerate and operate under this pain.

This is precisely where I have seen growth. I don't guilt myself nor stress over the fact of not achieving my daily targets. I realized sometime ago that stressing does not help. I have been relaxed the past few days, but that doesn't seem to help me at all in my consistency. I don't expect myself to work like a machine anymore, but I must at least achieve those targets to achieve my goal. I don't want to give up on my goal. All the people I admire had this one thing in common; They could control themselves. I believe it's my duty and also my right to achieve self-mastery. Yeah, I don't really identify myself as either a lazy person or an active one. I am who I am. But my issue seems very simple. For one, I know I am mentally and physically capable of studying my target. The problem for me seems to be the inner drive. I need certainty really badly. If things don't go according to plan I give up easily. That's too much emotional tension for me. I have seen some recent improvement in this aspect, but without a plan I can't have enough faith in myself that I am working at a good pace, after all I could be doing it really slowly and not realize it until it's too late. I have been doing this for the past two months. I have had many insights regarding my own inner workings. But I am afraid it'll be too late before I achieve enough understanding to attain that discipline I need.

Yeah it's true. Spirituality is not about shunning survival. It's about seeing through it's games, and still taking part in it anyways. The advantage over typical looksmaxxers for some awakened person would be that they don't feel insecure. Looksmaxxing is great for survival. The problem really starts when no matter how much you try, you cannot find yourself beautiful enough to love yourself. Your happiness is more important than your looks, and if you're happiness depends on your looks you need a lot of growing to do. Most looksmaxxers confuse looks with happiness. Looksmaxxing in the most healthy sense can only be achieved when you don't mind being ugly. Paradoxical, this is why nobody does it that way.

I mean it's not fixed that you visit those realms as a human. You could also visit it as a being that enjoys hell. In which case, hell would be heaven while heaven would seem like hell. Wait, so if what's hell is determined by how you absorb any experience, you'd have already experienced hell if you ever suffered deeply, right here on earth.

The Yellow Pipe-Dream

What do you guys think on Authenticity? Why does someone who is authentic attract so many people, good or bad? Are there any costs to authenticity? I know that being inauthentic comes with inner conflict and suffering. Your average person does not see that the benefits of authenticity outweigh the benefits of inauthenticity, why is that? What can cause that shift in clarity?

Just an update here that I am still going strong. Haven't missed a single day. Some stuff has happened but I'll detail everything here when something really significant happens.

My Upasanas are mainly based around Bhakti, which is what I'll be talking about in this journal. I am not here to argue whether the experiences and encounters generated by these practices is inside your head or there are actual beings contacting you. I think for these upasanas to work fast, it's important one is somewhat irrational, because Love is irrational. Bhakti is all about Love. My Practice Did my first upasana that lasted 40 days back in May. I practiced Bhakti towards Lord Hanumana. Read "Hanumana Chalisa" 7 times a day after lighting a diya, alongwith 108 times japa of "Rama", before and after the hanumana chalisa. Took around 30 minutes each day. That changed a lot within me, and it really opened up my emotions, my heart chakra is getting more powerful as I do these upasanas, and so is my third eye chakra. I'll talk about this in a bit. After gradually building up, I have started doing 100 Hanumana Chalisas with other mantras before and after the main upasana. Takes 3 hours if I am quick about it, 5 hours if I am relaxed about it. I do it at night, 9 PM - 1/2 AM. All of this is useless if you don't actually love the deity you are worshipping. If anyone reading this is seriously considering these practices, do not shy away from what you feel like is dogma. It's all based on faith. To truly appreciate the efficiency of these practices, you have to go balls deep into the religion. Don't be picking and choosing, do the practice as it is told. You have to really embody Spiral Dynamics Stage Blue, and that's important, because IT WORKS. My Anahata(Heart) and Agya(Third Eye) Chakra have received MASSIVE activation due to these practices. I can't tell you how much pleasure I feel in these centers 24/7 now. And if I think of Lord Hanumana or Lord Rama, I lose all sense of my sensory experience. It's THAT good. If you have problem with your expressing your emotions it'll fix that. If you have problems controlling your emotions it'll fix that. These practices simply work and it's amazing. My agya and anahata chakras are so active at all times that, if I let go of my control of them, tears will form instantly in my eyes, so much it'll cloud my vision. If I think of the deity I worship, I'll start crying. It feels like everything you do in life is just so you can have more time for Bhakti towards the deity you worship. You are not a slave to your deity, you do this willingly because nothing else feels as good. Not even sex, masturbation, food, exercise feel this good. Goal The goal of this journal is to promote interest regarding this amazing practice, and probably act as entertainment and motivation for those who do a similar practice. Motivation is really important at first, especially when you're devoting 3 - 8 hours every day just doing Japa.

@mmKay I live in Delhi, often a contender for the most polluted city on earth. Gotta save up to leave this place first .

Yeah it's quite tricky to explain. People believe it's not even possible, but the mind is capable of imagining it. When you actually get it, it's a big recontextualization into how you perceive space. While thinking of the 4th axis as time is useful to get started, the real goal is to imagine 4 spatial dimensions and how an object- for example a sphere- might move through it. To test myself, I like to imagine a 4D plane and a 3D slice of it being perceived by a being much like humans. Then, I move a sphere- or other shapes- through the 4th dimension, and perceive how it might look within that 3D slice to that being. Then, I go to an actual 4D visualizer software to see whether I got it right, and 8/10 I do. I feel this is more than a simple exercise of the mind. The stark difference between 3D and 4D space actually mirrors quite well how in many aspects of life, we perceive things in a flat manner, when to see a truer picture, we need to add an extra axis. To me, that sudden recontexualization from 3D to 4D actually quite closely resembles that recontexualization you get moving from ego-self to no-self.

You wouldn't try to change your parents. The reason you get along with people when you're awakened is not because you have some otherworldly aura emanating from you that purifies people, rather, it's because your heart is open and you're able to receive everybody where they are at. If you're gonna get frustrated just because your parents don't share the same values as you then you have a long way to go. You're attached to them. Love is different from attachment. In Sanskrit, the words for unconditional love and conditional love are different, प्रेम (Prema) & मोह (Moha). When I look at my parents all I feel is love. I become like them, enjoy life in the way they live it. That's what it is about. It is not about locking yourself in a state that makes you feel like a saint or a monk. I don't rationalize their behaviors, their dysfunctions. There is no such thing as dysfunctions. If you can experience that cosmic love even with those who you were once very emotionally bonded to, you know what's up.

Common Leo W

Has a great series on visualizing 4D. It helped me do it. It's a game changer in the way you think about stuff.

I usually feel like I got forcefully pulled out of another dimension. I don't feel tired though. I think it's just really imaginative and immersive dreams most of the time.

This is just like having heavy metals in your brain except you can't do anything about it.

Hey so this is sort of a continuation of this post I made a year ago: I have now successfully internalized that state somewhat. I do not feel empty and lonely by being the only one, my heart feels full and complete. I am happy, I feel joy, but strangely I am still curious. A feeling that I can go further. The very fact I feel this way, that I need to make this post, means I am missing something, but I don't get it. I need help. Here's how my state is for context: I don't exist and my chest feels full. Existence including my body is filled with joy. We are all one, so there's no we. Existence is perfect and unfolding as it should. It's unfolding and absolutely still at the same time. I feel like a video game playing itself. I am God. Aham Brahmasmi. There's no doubt about it. This joy of being eternal and immortal brings immense joy, but since nobody experiences it, it only multiplies and increases. Here's the problem: This joy brings with itself satisfaction, but I push it away. That's because I once heard somebody talk about how satisfaction on the spiritual path will stagnate you from going further. Is the next step to just let that principle go and be satisfied? How can I then ensure I progress? I don't even know what's next. Do I just deepen this feeling as God?

I appreciate the replies. I have decided to integrate and go deeper with these current states instead of suspecting any further leaps of consciousness. I might make a similar post next year. @Someone hereThat's a good point. I forgot that model was a thing. I'll rewatch that video as well. Thank you.

@Karla That's why I asked you all

I appreciate the replies. But I feel like there is something more. @Leo Gura I'd appreciate it if you have anything to say. I don't know who else to tag... Should I start taking psychedelics? I still think it's too early for me. I am sure they would open a new dimension of depth for me but I'd have to invest time and money to get some which is relatively high for me right now. Plus after watching the dangers of psychedelics video I want to work on my shadow more. Or maybe I should stop being such a pussy about it and get some, I am confused.

It's in the phrase, you're making it up.

You're description seems the most accurate to me. This would explain why achieving enlightenment before physical death completely circumvents heaven and hell straight to moksha. But yeah you know, you're still gonna come back. This is why I like Bhakti yoga because if your version is right, that means those who do Bhakti might go to a made up world of their deity instead of heaven and hell, and before they eventually reincarnate, they might get to enjoy eternity with their favorite idol. I don't know.

From what I can gather, once you truly die you become pure potential, which is what nothingness is. But pure potential cannot help but become something eventually. This is why I think reincarnation is the most likely. But we must also consider whether there exists other layers of this living being that might continue after physical death. Either way, whatever happens after death would not be permanent, like everything else. I think you should rather be relieved to know your existence is eternal. What's terrifying is that you'd be eternal as well, which I don't see to be the case.