caspex

Later on in the episode it is explained that since he was a naturally aggressive kid, as he was growing up, he was punished every time he did anything 'bad'. So over time he learned to repress his anger and eventually became unable to express it. So I think it's not that he likes feeling like a saint, but rather he only feels 'normal' when he is repressing his anger. He seems to be at the Conformist stage rather than the Expert stage.

tl;dr don't be wordy if they don't ask for it

Unreliable, Untrustworthy, Irresponsible Unwilling, Weak Determination Manipulative, Narcissistic, Insecure Denial, Ignorance Honestly, a shitty friend many times. Selfish, Scared of showing compassion to a stranger Bad Socially, Too Quite Afraid to Genuinely Smile in Public Scared of many things Blames outside circumstances Too Judgmental etc. etc. I don't hate myself for any of it, the reason I am able to think up all that is because I know I am working on them. And the reason I am able to do that is because I love myself enough to grow myself.

A true friend is another human, who you are one with, in a non-romantic non-familial way. To become a better friend. You have to be: More Humble, More Authentic, More Loving, More Caring, More Self-Sacrificing, More Healthily-Supportive, More Curious, More Independent, More Vulnerable, More Reliable, More Responsible, More Passionate, Funnier, More Relatable, More Punctual, More understanding, More conscious, More Present, More Available, Better Listener... and the list goes on. Less Narcissistic, Less Clingy, Less Jealous, Less Judgmental, Less Hateful, Less Selfish, Less Needy, Less Dependent, Less Shy, Less Overly-Selfless, Less I-Like-Talking-About-Myself, Less I-Hate-Talking-About-Myself, Less Conceited, Less Talkative, Less Quite... and the list goes on even further. In short, just be a more integrated human being.

I talk to myself a lot and sometimes at night in the mirror I do stuff that if others saw, I will be seen as insane. All this is to say that the entities and selves within you are multiple. You evolve through life as a personality by building new ones and shedding old ones. But that doesn't mean that the old selves are not still there. Maybe they are tucked away in some corner of your heart waiting to be noticed. Not only this, but you can also tap into archetypes that feel incredibly different from whatever you have experienced. The more you channel certain archetypes the easier it becomes to connect deeper with them later. In my experience, I never feel like I am someone else or anything like that, I just feel as if I am talking to myself. However one side is wildly different than the other. The most intense experience I have ever had related to this was on accident. I fell asleep in the afternoon by chance and managed to notice the 'fall' before you lose consciousness and fall asleep. Because of that I was still conscious but inside the 'dream world'. It wasn't visual at all. But auditory. I talked with someone else who felt like someone else. It's crazy. The mind is crazy. When Carl Jung said that exploring the unconscious and active imagining is like underwater diving into the seas of the unconscious, he wasn't kidding. When you're in that state it literally feels as if you're underwater and when you are waking back up it feels as if you are coming back up to the surface. The similarity is uncanny. That's all I have to say.

This practice is for those who have reached ego death sober and remember how to get back into that state. If that describes you it's likely your next goal is to permanently settle in this state or at least be able to induce it instantly and maintain it for as long as you want. For this there is a great practice. Join your hands in prayer and meditate until you reach back to that state of ego dissolution. BAM! As soon as you die throw a punch forward! Then come back in the position of prayer and mediate till you reach that state again. Each and every time throw a punch. Do this till you throw a 100 Punches and call it a day. It's important you do at least a 100 punches because if it takes you 1 min of meditating just to reach the ego dissolution state sober than that'd take you about 100 minutes. You'd certainly not appreciate the boredom and aim to reach dissolution faster! At some moments you'll accidently settle in ego dissolution long enough to throw 2 punches. It's great practice because eventually you'll get so fast at inducing ego dissolution you're practically dead. Because the more you go into that state the weaker your ego gets. This can be applied not just with ego death but with other states of consciousness you wish to embody. You should also increase the amount of punches per day if you get very fast at finishing the prayer or just want to practice longer. I tried this method today(5 hours ago) and it's really effective. I am still in a light state. Method inspired from Netero(from HxH series)

I think you need more sober awakenings and increase your baseline that way.

@Devin Well it's all about the effort to make an unbiased decision. But that's impossible to do because of survival. So we draw the line at survival. That the only bias we will have is towards survival and surviving only. That's why many might want to go live alone.

@Devin If you have a spiritual ego you likely feel superior to those who are of less spiritual nature. Which is, let's be honest, basically everyone. So because of that, it's often times the same as having a superiority complex. So you would often point out the faults of others but won't notice yours even though you like to think that you do. You'd have pride that you would deny possessing. Classic manipulation to eventually make the people you associate with your disciples and you the teacher. Basically being a narcissist to some degree. And of course, thinking you are humble. You'd also have a fear that someone who is less spiritual will point out your insecurities. You'd rather find them on your own. But ofcourse you'd deny having this fear, call it something else or say that this is how it should be.

@Devin Simply surround yourself with people who aren't spiritual, might even see spirituality as woo woo nonsense, but are nonetheless emotionally intelligent and honest. They will let you know when you're developing a superiority complex or a spiritual ego. Because when you are developing that it shows clearly to anyone who is emotionally intelligent and if that friend is honest to you they'll let you know how much manipulation you're doing without even realizing. Because that BS that you'll do would be annoying as hell. Don't trap yourself in a spiritual bubble. You can go live alone and experiment with that but trapping yourself in some spiritual bubble with spiritual friends and romantic interests is the recipe to falsehood. You need people who challenge your insecurities, tell you your faults, and oppose your views no matter how wrong they are. Because these are the people who will push you to higher understanding of what you believe, if you what you believe isn't false. Keep in mind loads of people who are emotionally intelligent will look emotionally dumb for the first few weeks of being friends. It's very hard to recognize contrary to what people might think. Someone who you might think is too asleep and ignorant may end up being the one who dissolves your spiritual ego. Don't underestimate people.

Both approaches require control over the mind. So it's just the same thing but different aspects are being emphasized. In no mind, you have control over the mind, so you can shut it down. In befriending your mind, you have control over the mind, so you can feel increased self-love and security, etc.

Maybe you're suffocating yourself when you're inside that state? Seems like a common problem when entering samadhi. Remember to breathe. If not then it's most likely some emotional blockage or mental blockage that prevents you from feeling the joy. I mean you are even feeling light in the chest. That's how samadhi feels at the start. Here's what you should do imo if it's not the breathing problem. Keep dipping into this state to find the blockages that prevent you from feeling the joy. Don't give up on it yet.

Transcending cringe requires understanding cringe. Cringe is just disgust but more physical in nature. Disgust is a type of hatred which specializes in avoidance. If you cringe at something, you want to avoid it at all costs. When it comes to cringing at behaviors of other humans, that happens because you are too self centered. When you see those actions, instead of compassion, you feel disgust as you'd never want to be like that. The same is true for cringing at behaviors of your past self. Since you never want to be like that, but you were like that, it connects you to being that person, you feel even more disgust and an urge to get away from that reality of you once being like that. This makes you cringe even harder. In reality, you don't need to, and shouldn't, cringe at your past self to signify your growth to yourself. You can easily see that you have grown without feeling any disgust. How this will happen is, when you look at your past behaviors you'll see the difference between you right now and you then. But that's about it. No cringe. Knowing all this, the method to transcending cringe is: 1: Be less self-centered by having more experiences that are humbling. 2: Whenever you catch yourself cringing, dissolve the hatred and attempt to love.

(P.S This is more of a rant from pent up annoyance of years but I genuinely don't know what to do in such a situation and would like some advice.) If it's some stranger asking me I'd just say either yes or no depending on the context since it wouldn't have any consequences. But if a friend asks me this, saying either yes or no comes with further assumptions and it's own set of questions. If I say I don't believe in God, they drown me in assumptions they have of Athiests, if I say Yes, they ask what's my religion. In reality I usually go with saying I am Agnostic but that has it's own set of problems as well, because it doesn't matter if they are Athiest or Religious, they try to 'convert' me because I haven't 'made up my mind'. They obviously realize not to force it and as good friends they don't want to force anything. But over years and months of talking and hanging out together you can notice how blatant it is that they wish you convert. This gets annoying. When someone asks this question they don't want a long answer. I have tried explaining my viewpoint but at the end it's all for nothing. "So.. you do believe in God". What's more unfortunate is that most religious types don't distinguish properly between belief and knowing, so explaining anything becomes convoluted. I'd rather not go through the hassle if I am honest, because even after the explanation, my viewpoint is just thought of as weird(It's blatant). And who knows what will happen if I told any of them "I am God, and so are you". Most my friends are either religious or Agnostic. And the agnostics are really the ones that are the most chill since they don't really care so they never ask. I would happily explain my viewpoint if my friend is willing to understand, but I don't really want to each time a friend asks as it takes times and comes with a lot of questions. What's a short answer? What's the best answer in your opinion?

Will has nothing do with the individual, but it exists

The things I have found online talking about this are usually biased towards Service to Others path. Is their any sources you can link me to or anyone who you think teaches this Polarity intentionally or unintentionally? I feel that this way it'd be easier to gain an understanding to what it truly feels like to advance on this path. I also appreciate any links to clips of shows or movies, songs, anime, manga, etc. that you think capture the negative polarity well. FYI, I don't mean just plain evil shit. It's more like someone who is awakened enough to know reality is one and nothing matters, but chooses to use that to do 'bad' stuff instead because they never go for opening their heart and instead block it off completely. Anything that is in service to their self. Anything that empowers their 'self'. Such as making someone submit to them.

@JuliusCaesar The usual roadmaps I see of spiritual progress are of Service to Others, you have any idea how one for Service to Self would go? Do you think the basis of the negative polarity is in feeling infinitely separate(same as unification, but this facet doesn't include any love)? What's your opinion on this: "For 3D beings to polarize negatively, the goal is to solidify the ego so much that it breaks and there is a recognition of absolute sovereignty/power/authority. In this, the phrase "I AM ME" or "I AM" has a different meaning than what it is on the positive polarity. Since such a being feels separate from everything, it has no sense of guilt, in fact it's seen as something to be transcended. Morality is realized to be relative and in this way one sees there is no reason to stop themselves from getting what they want. Impulses are not restrained unless out of fear of punishments. Although impulses could be a big part of their life, they are not controlled by them. One negatively polarizes by expanding their ego onto others and therewhich increasing power. The only way to do this is by making the other submit their free will, and their ego to you. In this way you expand your self, which is very different to how Service To Others does it, as there they merge with each other(dissolve away) instead. Fear is also seen as a major thing to transcend just like on Service To Others path. One who is consciously on the negative polarity path, can also transcend suffering by the recognition of absolute authority(God) and further negative polarization. It's not suffocating to be on this path as one can be in a constant state of bliss from one's own power if polarized enough. As the positive polarity finds bliss in otherselves(love), the negative polarity finds bliss in the self(power)."

The idea of sending and receiving, and the idea of alignment go hand in hand IME. When one particle being affected, quantumly entangled with another, somehow affects the other without any known means of transfer of information, would you call that communication or alignment? I could call it communication(sending and receiving) and you could call it alignment, it's the same thing. Though with what I mean, I also am saying that it can be controlled. The two of you could consciously align and essentially talk without needing to communicate in traditional means. That's what I mean by telepathy.

I mean Telepathy would be the ability to receive and send thoughts. Being able to predict thoughts of someone you know well has nothing to do with that. It's like knowing the pattern of a number series, guessing the next number, and calling it psychic intuition when really what you used was logic. I believe it's easier to do telepathy with people you know well but you should also know when you are really sending and receiving thoughts and when you are just doing guesswork. Try sending emotions to your friend without them looking at you or hearing you. Ask them what they felt and saw. Emotions are the easiest to send and receive. I am even below below average at telepathy but with what little practice I have done, it seems to me that the more objective the thing you are trying to send is, the harder it is to package. Sending specific numbers or names would be very hard compared subjective stuff like emotions. And what you send can manifest in various different ways to the receiver. We all wear a lens through which we send and receive, and the objective of getting better at Telepathy is to completely clear this lens of any distortions.

Add in health, food, respect, a loving community, sex, accomplishments, energy and free time, Blend them all together into one and freeze them in an ice cube tray. Once frozen, take out and sprinkle some money and reputation on top. To compliment that, add a little bit of humbleness to the mix. And it's done! Don't forget to dip it into God before eating! It's all tasteless without it!

it's coming from nowhere just like existence right here right now even the thoughts that feel like you

Strong ego = Authentic to oneself Weak ego = Lies, to others, but most importantly to itself Build a strong ego first. There's no contemplation if you constantly lie to yourself.

It may feel like "Should I go back to into the matrix?". Look at the tenth picture in the ox herding series. The person ends up back in the marketplace anyways. He is not living his life among unknowing dumb entities, him being superior. He is living among fellow Gods, among himself. This is true equality. There is no matrix to escape. I am not telling you to magically become like that, I am telling you to keep in mind that's the end goal, at least for now. Open your heart more before delving deep into developing wisdom. You'll see the wisdom slowly starts making sense as you open your heart more. Leo talks about contemplating, but he doesn't state that contemplation doesn't work if your heart is closed off. The more opened your heart, the more fun you'll have in life. Intend to feel more love and peace, developing your capacity to encompass things and extend your heart to them. The way many respond here will throw you deeper into thought loops. Instead of thinking start feeling.

Your source of feeling safe, your foundation, your source of feeling like an immovable object. It let's you access and feel the bottom of your brain inside your skull. You can even feel where the brain connects with the spine. Getting access to that feeling makes you feel like you have become as sturdy and unmoving as a mountain. Great way to stay still. It makes you the most calm no matter the situation. You are collected within yourself and nothing can disturb you anymore. The degree of how hard you are to disturb is proportional to the degree of which you are able to access this feeling and develop your root.

Thing is, I have tried this with a Muslim friend. I finally figured out that the fundamental reason he can't be broken out of it is because he doesn't want to be broken out of it. In his own words, "Man I don't care about being open-minded, all I care about is my family and friends." "What about your religion?" "That goes without saying." Thing is, no matter how foolproof your logic is, as soon as it will start making sense, their core defense mechanisms will kick in, coupled with ignorance, it forms the best shield against any realization. The religion has also evolved in a way, through natural selection of those who couldn't grow out of it, which blocks your from thinking too outside the box. So what you must do is help them see the value of truth. They think they value truth, but they don't. You can see this by pointing out problems in their worldview, you'll see they will refuse to understand your point out of fear. Their worldview is a house of cards, but the cards are too heavily guarded to even blow wind at. They don't see that what's true is what will bring them happiness. For them, happiness comes from stability of relationships and finance. When they reach that stability, they busy themselves in distraction until death. For them to understand the value of truth it's important they open themselves up to you. If you are some religious figure that they will respect, it will be easy to help them value truth. If you could do miracles, that's another way of having them open up to you. The point is that they start believing you, instead of their authority. Which is hard to achieve. But if you do achieve it, from their on you can teach them the difference between knowing and believing and so on. Point is that they open up to you. Just using logic is like trying to force your way through a closed door. Once the door is open, the logic can enter easily. You can also systematically grow them up the spiral. Instilling an idea, not contradicting their worldview, that will eventually lead them to the next stage. But this process is so slow that it will take years. The best way to grow a stage blue would be to show them you can do miracles lol. Once they see you as an authority, it's easy to make them realize the value of truth. That's how Yogies and Gurus in India managed it. Thing is you gotta be insanely advanced to perform miracles, and at that point you wouldn't even care about growing others. Which brings us to an important point. Why would you want to help someone grow? Is the reason egoistic or out of love? Either reason doesn't matter. Because if you truly loved them, you'd respect them enough to not want to change them. They are you, there is nothing wrong with what they are. Unless of course they want to change themselves, in which case you honor their free will and help them grow.