mandyjw

@Someone here You said it was like chasing a mirage.

The point is, I can't explain myself. I'm a miracle.

It was only because of Rupert Spira's English accent saying "Mirror, Mirage" accent that I got the link between the words mirage and mirror. Told my husband this and he was like, yup, like the Spanish word "mirar" to look, to see. Look in the mirror. What you think you perceive is not actual. The reflection in your mind of yourself is not actual. A thought of yourself is not actual. The mirage is seen as a mirage and no longer believed as actual. Mirage doesn't go away. Nothing changes but everything changes. It's a miracle.

If it can appear within consciousness, you can say it has a beginning. If it can disappear within consciousness, you can say it has an end. For things that have beginnings and ends to appear and disappear they must appear and disappear within something that has no beginning or end. That something is what you really are.

Search youtube for yoga and stretches for lower back pain. It takes a while to find the right stretches that work for you. The problem may be in your hips. Sometimes just strengthening your abs can solve the problem. Be patient and open-minded because this part takes a lot of research and experimenting. Also if you're doing high impact exercise, check into stuff like your shoes, or changing how you exercise. If you sit a long time in a chair, consider getting a better one or maybe a standing desk. Stuff like that can make a big difference.

@Forestluv

Your true nature isn't separate from you, so the fear of you doing that, is actually you trying to do just that. Funny, right? Your true nature is not a thought.

Jim Newman makes all these dismissing statements so patiently, (or not sometimes, which is even funnier), and then every now and then he drops some huge new insight or refers to something so deep, you're like "what just happened?". When people focus on one teacher (or a few similar teachers), they often are tempted to turn the teaching into dogma and criticize and reject other different teachings. Naturally this seems to happen with simpler teachings more because they are so clear cut. So even though they are simple and direct the opportunity for us to complicate and misconstrue them ourselves is bigger. Fun. I get the hero's journey confused with Don Quixote sometimes.

What is it that's aware of the self doubts? If you are not an object why are you still thinking of yourself as one, and one that has to "get" that it's not an object. Funny, right? That's all you are outside of your direct Awareness right now. A thought. I highly recommend Rupert Spira, his videos are very good, but I especially love his books. Read them little by little, let them really sink in. He explains the subject/object Awareness thing so clearly. It also helps to make the connection that this is what performers are doing when they are in a flow state, doing something they really love with no one trying to look back and judge it. They are pure flow, no thought of themselves. So go for the things that scare you a little bit but also light you up, practice that flow state in whatever way you're drawn to. It's like downhill skiing down a challenging hill, all thoughts of self doubt and images of crashing have to go in order to focus on the exact maneuver and adjustment that needs to be done in the moment. It's automatic. This way of becoming present by dropping the self referential doubts sort of takes over your life, even when you're doing something much more mundane.

@Forestluv I don't assume that I can know, rate, measure, compare or have the ability to properly categorize or label anyone's experience or trauma. Especially since I can't do it for myself. The way I look at things depends entirely on my own connection with me in the moment. I can and do tell the same story in a multitude of ways. This isn't about telling a story of dismissing trauma. It's about realizing that you're always creating your story new here and now, that it can go in any direction you want it to, but only if you're willing to overlook what you already know to be true.

Of course, you do often go through stages of blame and anger and blaming others, it's ok, but don't get stuck there. When your conscious intention is to feel better, you're much less likely to get stuck. But if you're truly not caring about other's judgement then you don't let what you perceive as "toxic positivity" get you down either. YOU and only YOU know by how you feel at any given moment. No one gets to decide what empowerment is for you. If something others find empowering is disempowering for you then don't do it. Don't shame other women (or minorities, or, etc) who do. If something is empowering for you do it, don't let others shame you and make you feel it's actually disempowering when it's not. If anger feels better than feeling powerless, be angry. If anger feels worse than hope, feel hope.

@Preety_India What do you actually want? Do you want to feel better and feel empowered? Or do you want to continue to feel ignored, insignificant and unappreciated? The power is yours. And trust me, all the other stuff you want to see actually happen in society, the equality, all of it, will happen all the same. Faster even. But why do you want those things, this real change and validation in the first place? Only because you want to feel better and feel empowered. There's only now honey. It's yours. It's your birthright. It's who you REALLY are. Take it.

Ironically it speeds things up and things start flying loose. They get dealt with but only when you're ready. This is how you become ready. Call it "faith" if you like.

Ok, so yeah, it's insensitive wording, but since you don't have male authority figure trauma, and you're the one I'm speaking with here, you'll forgive me, right? I have the power to believe my thoughts and the power to choose a thought that feels better or is more empowering. Total empowerment is also total surrender. It hurts to keep thinking about a subject that limits me. It feels amazing to own my own expansion and think creatively, in ways I've never thought before. My dad used to get drunk and verbally abuse me, and try to control the most ridiculous aspects of my life. We have an amazing relationship now. That would not be possible if I kept on thinking "my dad is an alcoholic and I've suffered A LOT for it." Have I forgotten? No. Have I learned not to make myself a target for it by carefully choosing my focus? Yes. Do I think it was my fault that it happened at the time when I did not know this? No. There's a difference between avoiding, blocking out and choosing a better perspective that enables healing. If your identity becomes that of someone who has a broken leg, when the cast comes off, you'll feel as if you've lost something, even though in reality, you've gained your freedom. Yes, I can decrease production of insulin in its pancreas, and "I" can discover a way to treat it. Of course. If you tell me not to do something, you just planted the thought in my mind AND the desire to do it. It's pink elephants up the yin-yang. What I CAN do, with my astonishing amazing, inherent power of Love and Awareness that I am, is pick a thought that feels better. On a completely different subject, or I can start feeling amazing and come back to this subject that currently feels crappy to think about and see it in a whole new light. And that is how trauma is released. You realize that everything you're arguing here for is to maintain identification with body, and essentially the maintenance of your own psychological suffering. You've got scientific reasons. Brains. You've got gender reasons, "I'm a man and you're a woman, woo hoo, how exciting, all the problems we'll cause each other!" You've got color of your skin issues, "Goddamnit, there's a brown crayon for black skin, but not an appropriate color for white skin in the 16 color box, I totally just thought of this, but I'm pretty sure my self esteem issues stemmed from this when I was a child, I think someone did that on PURPOSE, and I'm WRITING AN ANGRY LETTER TO CRAYOLA RIGHT FUCKING NOW." I really don't mean to belittle or ignore racism, but the truth is, when it happens you often don't actually know what someone's intentions or reasoning is. If you're willing and open-minded to investigate far enough, you realize either A. it was unintentional or B. It was born out of the person's own suffering and past abuse or their ignorance, which is none other than the fact that they never had the gift of someone to teach them better. If we're too quick to jump on the racism or sexism or whateverism blame bandwagon, we actually really, really hurt the very real cause we're fighting for. This isn't about ignoring the problem. This is about clarifying and having the focus to implement the most effective way to address it. You've got, "other people are suffering and I care about them, ie empathy" reasons. In your direct experience, you are thinking a thought of them suffering (your own thought) and suffering for them. You cannot get sick enough or suffer enough for someone to make them well. Why not think of them as well? Question, do you actually enjoy the direct experience of love and loving people as they are, or do you prefer to think of yourself as an empathetic person? If you believe that you're a body, you are susceptible to all kinds of judgments, pretty ugly, strong weak, young old, dead, alive. It's a lose lose situation. The thing I don't get is how we so readily separate the "enlightenment" perspective from the "science and politics and REAL WORLD OUT THERE" perspective. You don't actually get to do that. This is really fucking radical. There's no real problem of gaslighting or avoiding or forgetting. That's all just excuses to continue identifying. Take the plunge. Nothing is lost, no one is dismissed, no one is left behind. Everything to discover.

@How to be wise As long as it takes to relax about it? It doesn't sound like it's a decision that requires an immediate answer like a job offer or something like that. There's no way any of us are know what's right for this person, especially going off three paragraphs of information and likely not having firsthand experience living in either of these countries. It sounds like the more immediate problem is how stressed the OP is about the option. Think about it, having options is a good thing. But we often don't have that attitude about it. Stressing yourself out about it doesn't make sense. It's like if all you get to have for lunch everyday is peanut butter and jelly and then someone gives you the option of choosing something different and instead of being happy about having choices now, you react like "Oh no, how will I EVER decide now!" It's not until you chill out that you can even determine what it is that you really want, what really lights you up, inspires you and makes you feel expansive. Choice is a privilege and it's simply the possibility of expansion, it's not an obligation to "get it right or else."

@Gesundheit Well, you're still just rejecting Yourself then. It's all just fun and games until someone loses an I. Or shit and games, as @tsuki so eloquently expressed.

The Universe IS full of things it seemingly digests and then rejects about itself and endless arrangements of ways that it can have fun with Itself. Isn't it wonderful?

Before I somewhat ruthlessly flip the perspective of this, please know that I really like and appreciate you and your posts. I also really appreciate this conversation. If I decide that I have PTSD of male authority figures, I am taking a memory (albeit, perhaps VERY true, legitimate and very traumatic) and projecting it into the future as fear and expectation. Now I am fearful and suspicious of all male authority figures, so much so I can't even attend class in person. How is this, (except for the fact that women are seen as weak and vulnerable, and therefore garner your sympathy and trigger your hero response more readily) different from a police officer who had an incredibly close call with a past incident early on in his career with a black man, becoming very suspicious and fearful of black men in the future? The real difference is that instead of putting others in society at harm and perpetuating racism because of the newly formed bias and fear, she is the only one suffering. The suffering is internalized for the most part because of her situation. As a society, we are fine with letting people suffer with their own traumas and fears and prejudice and projections as long as they don't endanger or offend anyone else. The sad thing is, the squeaky wheel gets the grease. The real cause is the suffering and false identification with the mind creating the notion of itself as the common link between past events and future events. "I" creates time, creates past and future, creates desire and fear, creates good and bad, creates biases and prejudices. All this victim/ offender stuff completely covers over the real cause, and THEREFORE the real potential for healing. I.

Instead of having a focus on needing to have the right answer, I'd instead make my focus to relax instead. Take the pressure off yourself. When we really relax but are aware sometimes the strangest signs and guidance come to us. You've asked the question, now you just need to allow the answer.

I don't think you're an asshole, I think we're all very self absorbed. But it's interesting that you just responded arguing for your current self concept of yourself. Isn't it funny how these concepts change all the time in reaction to different people and situations and what we believe their views are of us? I just meant to point out that openness and positive expectation is more fun than assuming that we already know. You don't have to watch "yourself", just watch. You are pure awareness. You are not a thought of yourself.

Part of self actualization and enlightenment is learning to use the tool of the mind (the tool of separating and connecting again) in a constructive manner. We do have contradictory elements, we do have flaws. When we use the mind constructively, we see things that we desire to change, like a painter who is looking at their painting and sees a tree in the horizon that looks off. The constructive mind goes right to coming up with a solution to changing it. The destructive mind says "this painting is trash", walks away, leaves it the same and doesn't paint again. Taping into the constructive mind means tapping into endless creativity, and endless power to change things, it also means fully appreciating the process. This is self love. The counterintuitive way to change anything about yourself is to have complete self love, which means the disappearance of the borders of "you" and the sense of failing at something. There is no failure, no rules, but in the process of creating, we see a lot that we'd like to change. For example, If I yell at my kids a lot and I'm guilting myself for losing my temper and in turn guilting them, it is the same vicious cycle of destructive separation, wrong use of the mind, ie, suffering. If I instead use my mind creatively to focus on things that I would like to do with my kids, and focus on my own self care, and choose to take care of myself and my own mood first, I naturally create an environment where the change I desired to make is automatically the result. The key to all of this is to not have a self concept, and in the flow of creativity or appreciation, you naturally don't. We cannot think ourselves, we cannot judge ourselves. When we judge ourselves and find ourselves lacking, it feels bad because that's not how Source or the greater creation, and creating power we really are, sees us. Wrong use of mind. I suspect that you're using beliefs in animal instincts and childhood conditioning, in order to keep in place a habit of self-judgment. I do and have done, the same thing. It becomes especially painful to live with when you grew up in a repressed judgmental culture. We internalize the judegment and turn it into self judgement. No one told us we didn't have to do that. No one told us that the reason shame and self-judgement feels awful is because that's not what we're here to create. No one told us that there's no real "us" outside of the concept of judgement and its assumed subject that could actually ever be held responsible. When you pay attention to the guidance of feeling, you're for the first time, finally free to create, which is the only real force of change that there is. You aren't the poster child that you think you are, you're the childlike wonder-filled artist creating the poster. It's a work in progress, and it's already a masterpiece.

It does when I find the whole situation funny, like I do now. It was a circular joke, get it?

Men are more comfortable when women just shut up and look pretty, so they'll come up with any answer to justify this bias. Don't trust or listen to anything they have to say on the subject.

Some of us here talk about them all the time. Check out this https://www.actualityofbeing.com/tools

That's an incredible insight, I've a been thinking about that a lot recently how we avoid feeling envy because we judge ourselves as bad when we feel it, and thus suppress emotion, feeling and avoid admitting to ourselves, and discovering what it is that we really want. That way of thinking is disempowering. Everyone has the power to pick a better feeling perspective no matter what their situation. Viktor Frankl's Man's Search for Meaning is an extreme, yet extremely powerful example. As a woman, overcoming the feeling of anger and disempowerment and realizing that I always have within me the power to find a thought that feels better than what I'm currently focusing on has been incredibly key in all situations when I have forgotten who I really am, for example if I'm focusing on some disempowering, misogynist comment for example. I'm responding to the basic notion of several of the comments on this first page, which in my opinion, are very shaming and perpetuate a sense that "these people are not worth our time to get to know or understand". Sorry if I lumped you in with that general consensus here that I was sensing. Because TRUE power is already yours, it's inherent in your very being and essence and it's nothing that you need to wait around for anyone to give you. Anything anyone gives you will mean nothing to you unless you can find and line up with your own feeling of worthiness. I'm not saying that things shouldn't change to empower women or minorities in MANY ways, but I'm saying that everyone, no matter what, deserves to feel worthy of love. When we line up with that, the other changes we wish to seek will fall in line, they have to. We've had a black President. We've had a President who talked about having the right to grab pussies just cause you're famous and got elected anyway. No women yet though. Should I focus on this shitty, awful feeling, yet objectively very TRUE perspective? Or should I find one that feels better and focus on all the amazing powerful women who inspire me? What would you suggest to me?