mandyjw

What do you want to discover or achieve if not for the permission to relax? You are seeking what you already have. You are your own permission. You have so much freedom and permission to relax that you can color over it with a sense of urgency to do something. if you're going to do something, do what you enjoy, do what inspires you. Don't do something because you think if you do it, you'll finally get to relax. Cause you might as well just relax now. You can't seek understanding and find it while still in seeking mode because understanding is the end of asking or seeking. You ask and then allow the answer to come in, by dropping the question. Knowing and non-knowing are the same. You cannot learn anything that you believe you already know, the action of learning and the state of curiosity, is one of relaxation and heightened awareness. Rather than a need to know, it is the openness TO the wisdom itself, and therefore it is one and the same.

I live in a rural area, and real estate has been doing better here, but ever since the pandemic real estate here is on fire in comparison to what it was. Lots of younger people who moved away to bigger and better things in the city have moved back, other people saw low prices and jumped at the chance to get away. It will be interesting to see how things shake out after this ends. Just keep in mind that the pandemic may have changed prices and they might change again, soon. I'm sure it varies for each area. Don't just assume you don't have neighbors. There is a gated community in the works here and the way they have advertised it is so strange and exclusive sounding that the local people here are already trying very hard to make it fail. If you try to build a community in a rural area and see using the land as a resource only, you can attract some bad neighbor situations. In a rural area, you have more space to yourself, but neighbors are even MORE important to consider. What happened with Osho's community is a really good example of this oversight. In my opinion a community should be a blessing and one with to the entire area surrounding it, not just completely disconnected from it.

ENJOY it. Don't pay attention to the, "but if it doesn't work, I'll feel..." thoughts. This is good. if you just won the lottery, would you be mostly elated, or would you be thinking about the taxes and the jealous people you'll have to deal with? Something amazing is happening, so any thought that feels less than amazing about it feels awful.

Read the The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle?

My 8 year old son has a horrible fear of toilets flushing. I decided it's gotten to the point where either I need to either find a psychologist or work with him about it myself. I was thinking that bringing in humor and talking about it humorously would be the best approach, (or perhaps cost HIM more psychiatric bills when he's an adult, dunno), and then got the idea that someone MUST have a video on youtube of a toilet overflowing. That's his core fear about it, that it will overflow, and he associates the sound with that imagination. But he has no idea what it's like if it happens, and I tried to explain to him, it's a big mess, but not a big deal. So some miscreant went into McDonalds and made a youtube video of purposefully plugging a toilet. And I'm going to use this for therapeutic purposes. I mean this to be ironic, hilarious, honest and profound, but really... what a beautiful world we live in.

The basis for all change is the fact that you don't actually have a solid identity, our identity is a fragile thing, dependent on circumstances. Our true authentic nature is like a living screen, or a blank canvas, it is all potentiality, and that is the basis for any growth or change. Sometimes an intuition that one is not what they think they are is misinterpreted as "I am a fraud" which is very untrue, however it IS true that we are not what we think we are. When we sense a discrepancy or not measuring up, it points to the very fact that what we really are is alive, not a dead, fixed idea, we are change and aliveness itself.

There's a major split between rural America and more urban areas. They are like two different worlds trying to be governed as one, which only works if each side appreciates and listens to either perspective. Some Americans are more afraid of losing guns and live where there is limited law enforcement and there are rabid animals and guns are a much more legitimate means of protection. Beyond this reasoning, is the fear has spun out of control, they are terrified of losing their rights, and authoritarian government and have demonized certain politicians beyond what is rational. Politicians have to be extremely careful what they say about guns because one restriction is quickly seen as "coming for your guns, and all your other rights and your home as well." The other side, sees events like this and gets terrified, and so fear battling against fear is at a complete stalemate until the fear itself is dealt with.

When love gets too heavy, (in other words when I start attaching all kinds of weighty conditions on it) I like to use the word joy. Helps to make a list of things. Ice cream, art, babies and kids, pets, friends, hilarity, swimming in the ocean, sex, sex on the beach, color, creating, nature, blowing bubbles, flowers, etc. When I make love into a heavy thing by adding all kinds of my own weights to it, I start to be like "Really??? Joy, that's just like a distraction isn't it?" But it's NOT, it's Love without the weights.

Anything that feels like relief is a relief. If we start thinking, "I need to mediate every morning or I'll suffer all day or if something comes up and we don't have time for breathing techniques or whatever else and then believe that we'll feel bad, or won't get the enlightenment I want and need, then it feels like pressure, not relief. You use techniques to become more in-tune with your true Self, and how you feel which is the indicator of how in-tune or not in-tune with that you are. But you have to be in tune with how you feel about the techniques themselves in the moment, separating the actual experience of something from the concept of it. Sometimes the desire to feel better can be a true movement towards what is real and seeing through illusion but if thought grabs ahold of it and disregards feeling, it turns the broken self as a new identity. Ultimately, it's all good, it's all part of an exploration. If one can maintain an honest, authentic, attitude of fun and curiosity and humor about it all, they are a lot less likely to settle for contrivances.

Rather than ghosting or making plans to ghost just drop or become aware of your own overthinking and dramatizing of the situation. That's what you really want, peace of mind. Pick something else to focus on right now, or focus on taking care of yourself and clearing your mind.

Not saying people should repress emotions at all, but there's a valid point there though, cause if you let the shadow do shadow work on itself, all it wants to do is to color itself black. I takes some feeling into it to know the difference, to know when to drop a thought and when to express and dig deeper.

You gave birth to yourself. Are you at the level of a hamster, eating your own young cause the cage you're in isn't quite to your liking? You create that too.

Didn't give a shit about enlightenment, had an awesome time building up my life, starting a family, realized none of it "made" me happy, spent a short time thinking I'd made a huge mistake, but slowly realized my perspective of everything was the issue, not the stuff itself, or the lack of stuff. Even my perspective of my perspective was an issue. There is no material distraction, there is no material "price" of enlightenment. It's just realizing that the matter we think that makes up the material doesn't matter. And by doesn't matter, I mean, there's no value whatsoever to be gained by avoiding it, thinking if you do you'll get something better in return. This is not a marketplace.

So this is funny. I got the life dreamed of. This right here, is what I worked my ASS off for, and everything I ever expected, plus. Mortgage free, almost completed house (god, I'd hate it if there weren't any projects left, I love projects). A job I can do but don't have to do, but LOVE. The freedom to appreciate beauty and express it and sell it for money, or just do it for fun. The best dog ever. Told my husband I wanted a blue-eyed boy and brown eyed-girl. I knew this was shallow and stupid and I knew I'd love my kids no matter what. But strangely enough, that's what I got. A brilliantly smart, funny and sweet boy with red hair even, I always loved red heads, never even dreamed I'd have one for a kid. How strange? How amazing. I got my extroverted, right brained, creative, sweet, emotional fire ball daughter, the exact thing I thought would be the perfect balancing last addition to our family. A husband who is sweet and kind, and smart, and I always hated his sheer brilliance with puns until I got enlightened and now I love even that. I wanted to have all these things and then I wanted to be free to enjoy them. And here I am. This is it. I never expected the enlightenment thing. I was going in that direction, down that rabbit hole, not knowing where it led, but I never expected that it would be... totally and completely life changing and... everything is the same. Like everything I ever wanted but didn't believe, never dared to dream because it wasn't tangible. I wanted it badly, but as there was nothing to pursue, it feels like it just fell into my lap. The permission to drop all those tensions, all those walls, the hilarity in seeing through them, I couldn't dream up a better life adventure. How fucking lucky could I possibly be? The sheer depth everything has is stunning, and yet, when it's too much you can laugh it off as the very creator of depth and dimension itself. And at some point, I may have became the typical hedonically adapted lottery winner a year down the road, mad because someone scratched the metaphorical fancy sports car, forgetting my great fortune. Ah, well. It wouldn't be fun if I didn't have the right to be a selfish entitled asshole once in a while. I remember, I remember how fucking awesome this all is, and I know know that none of it needs to be secured, it's very essence, it's very desirability is in its sheer freedom. Could this get any better? THAT is the beauty of there being no levels. The answer is both YES and NO, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

You can't just tell yourself to stop caring what other people think, the key is to realize what you want more than that. The key is to tap into the kind of inspiration that so completely consumes you that you don't give a thought to what anyone is thinking. You fall in love with that kind of living so much that nothing else will do. It's like when you fall in love with someone and hell or high water couldn't keep you apart. Before there were all kinds of thoughts about doing things right, and pleasing other people, but you get so swept off your feet in your intense focus on this one person that there's no doubt, no question. That's the sort of feeling, the sort of inloveness with life in general, regardless of specific people or conditions that you're here for.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Primarily_obsessional_obsessive_compulsive_disorder "They will understand that these fears are unlikely or even impossible but the anxiety felt will make the obsession seem real and meaningful. While those without primarily obsessional OCD might instinctively respond to bizarre, intrusive thoughts or impulses as insignificant and part of a normal variance in the human mind, someone with Pure-O will respond with profound alarm followed by an intense attempt to neutralize the thought or avoid having the thought again. The person begins to ask themselves constantly, "Am I really capable of something like that?" or "Could that really happen?" or "Is that really me?" (even though they usually realize that their fear is irrational, which causes them further distress)[7] and puts tremendous effort into escaping or resolving the unwanted thought. They then end up in a vicious cycle of mentally searching for reassurance and trying to get a definitive answer.[3][8]" For someone who is telling themselves to "stop thinking that, I'm bad for thinking that" all their life, certain spiritual teachings or interpretations/interpretations of them are gasoline on the fire. Even if it IS the solution, in experience "stop thinking that" is another thought. They already know fully that they are lost in illusion and that they want to get out. The only solution is to pay attention to the guidance of feeling over thought, then any thought can pop up, thought or no thought, all is welcomed. Law of attraction, you cannot push against thought, you get more of them. You have to turn the other cheek. Probably why I find journaling so helpful, it embraces thought, and focuses it. Ok, so, I've been hating myself for my thoughts all my life. Thinking I'm bad for having the thoughts, not realizing I am a thought, and that is a thought. The main way I'm suffering for this now is with social anxiety, and relating to people. I get so concerned I'll hurt someone's feelings and so obsessive in going over what I say afterwards that I avoid some conversations and play roles in others. I can get along in life perfectly fine, but when it comes to conversations I really want to have, sometimes it feels debilitating. It is actually fear of my own thoughts in the future of hating myself for what I said. The fear is a thought, of a thought. It's like getting up in front of a crowd and saying something stupid like orgasm instead of organism, everyone else is perfectly fine, laughs and you probably made their day, but it's the thoughts I think about myself for saying it, that are terrifying and even cause the unfocused state that makes a person mix up words. I know this fully, all too well, but again, "knowing" is the problem. "Responsibility: with an excessive concern over someone's well-being marked specifically by guilt over believing they have harmed or might harm someone, either on purpose or inadvertently." It's actually selfishness. What Mandy? What have we learned from George Ezra today? "Blame it on Me" Too tired to think anymore tonight.

Angel Old English engel, ultimately via ecclesiastical Latin from Greek angelos ‘messenger’; Alright, that's enough of THAT energy for tonight. Not sure where that came from anyway. Where does anything come from?

I decided to test my mother with some covert questioning to see if she was still in love with that particular weather man. YES. It was the most hilarious thing ever, and I never let on that I knew. Come to find out, he's very spiritually inclined and now no longer the weatherman, but the Pastor of a church. It's always just a passion for God.

So if you wanted to program someone to see through the matrix of thought, wouldn't you make them so that something was wrong with their thinking process, so they'd have to look back upon it and question it? You don't look under the hood of a car when everything is running perfectly. What if you made someone who thinks incredibly fast, powerfully, is a strong thinker, refuses to think what they are told, but of all angels, (angles, Miss Speller) and the nature of thought is like a moth flying into a flame, and thought is the strength and speed of its wings. I say... fuck this slow and stop and no thought thing. I ain't interested in the brakes, baby, hit the gas. Just blow the fuckin' motor.

Woahh....... Down the rabbit hole we go, hoppity hoppity, ARRRGghhhhhhhh!!!!! Pure O, a form of OCD, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Primarily_obsessional_obsessive_compulsive_disorder Common intrusive thoughts/obsessions include themes of: Responsibility: with an excessive concern over someone's well-being marked specifically by guilt over believing they have harmed or might harm someone, either on purpose or inadvertently.[9] HUGE CHECK MARK. Still dealing with this. Fear of driving and social anxiety related. Sexuality: including recurrent doubt over one's sexual orientation (also called HOCD or "homosexual OCD"). People with this theme display a very different set of symptoms than those actually experiencing an actual crisis in sexuality. One major difference is that people who have HOCD report being attracted sexually towards the opposite sex prior to the onset of HOCD, while homosexual people whether in the closet or repressed have always had such same-sex attractions.[10] The question "Am I gay?"[11] takes on a pathological form. Many people with this type of obsession are in healthy and fulfilling romantic relationships, either with members of the opposite sex, or the same sex (in which case their fear would be "Am I straight?").[6][12][13][14][15][16][17] Not really in that description, repression, other milder forms, mostly healed. Pedophilia: Sexual themes in OCD can also involve the fear that one is a pedophile. This is typically accompanied by significant distress and fear that one might actually act on pedophilic urges.[18] No. Violence: which involves a constant fear of harming oneself or loved ones.[12][19] No. Religiosity: manifesting as intrusive thoughts or impulses revolving around blasphemous and sacrilegious themes.[19][20] HUGE check mark. TOTALLY healed with nonduality and this existential shit. 666 all the way, baby. Also, I still love Jesus. Health: including consistent fears of having or contracting a disease (different from hypochondriasis) through seemingly impossible means (for example, touching an object that has just been touched by someone with a disease) or mistrust of a diagnostic test.[19][20] CHECK Mostly healed. Relationship obsessions (ROCD): in which someone in a romantic relationship endlessly tries to ascertain the justification for being or remaining in that relationship. It includes obsessive thoughts to the tune of "How do I know this is real love?", "How do I know he/she is the one?", "Am I attracted enough to this person?", "Am I in love with this person, or is it just lust?", "Does he/she really love me?", and/or obsessive preoccupation with the perceived flaws of the intimate partner.[21][22] The agony of attempting to arrive at certainty leads to an intense and endless cycle of anxiety because it is impossible to arrive at a definite answer.[23] The partner will have seriously troubling thoughts about what their significant other could be doing, especially in the possible and usual form of cheating. Although these thoughts are not triggered by the sufferer, and are indeed spontaneous, the partner will put them self down for thinking in such a way that makes the other look bad.[1] There is uncontrollable constant guilt, fear, and distressing thoughts of what will happen.[21] In most cases, the significant other will become irritated and part ways. This leads to suicidal rumination and regret by the sufferer, even when it wasn't their fault, because the emotions, thoughts, and impulses were not in their control. Maybe but not how it's described. Some revelation may smack me upside the head from this one, I'm open to that. Existential: involving persistent and obsessive questioning of the nature of self, reality, the universe, and/or other philosophical topics.[24] Oh psychology, this is where you disappoint me. Such a disappointment. Really. Cancel the men in white coats, I don't want them, even if they are really super hot. If I need some excitement in my life while my husband is away, I'm sure I too can find a weatherman (on some channel somewhere, maybe in Arizona, or something, I don't care) that strikes my particular fancy. Or there's always Blippi. This existential questioning is how we attempt to heal, and DO heal, but yes, you may call it the last obsession. And that's why mental illness is a super power. Healing power sometimes looks like vulnerability, doesn't it? (That's Claire from Heroes, by the way.)

If it feels right, I think celebrations are perfect times for stuff like that. Often I only get into trouble if I keep the leftover celebration food around after and get in the habit of eating it. After a couple days of eating too much sugar and I often get hit with this horrible mood. If it's just a treat, it doesn't happen and I have no regrets whatsoever.

I would start an IRA with some of it if you don't have one, and bank the rest in a money market account until you get hit with some real inspiration. Just sit with the feeling of having it and imagine what you COULD buy with it for a while. That in itself would be really fun.

https://www.bbc.com/news/entertainment-arts-53950320 Oh COME ONE! Can't I still fall in love with some famous musician like a 14 year old girl INSTEAD OF it just being some sort of weird nondual impersonal, yet intensely personal thing. My mother was so modest, but she totally had the hots for the weatherman for like a solid decade, I could see it in her eyes, and every time she said his name. It was really just her love of predictability, I KNOW it. I'm too fucking smart for my own good. Haha, yeah that's what God said when he decided to scatter all his intelligence all over the place like Humpty Dumpty or the Tower of Babel, except it's all right here and never even left. Sigh. It's too perfect. It's even more perfect than that, but I wanted it to be LESS PERFECT! I think. DAMN IT! Edit: Did I just misspell "come on" as come one". JESUS! This is getting creepy. And also quite delightful. You know my dog who is the best dog I ever had and absolutely loves me more than anyone has ever loved me and is delightful and the most handsome thing I've ever seen also has eyebrows JUST LIKE PENNYWISE the clown? Oh! Spell, like cast a spell! Bahahaha. I just hope the men in white coats are hot.